My Name Is Rose

by Sally Grindley

  She wrapped her arms round Griffin’s neck as tightly as she could, then willed him onward, her legs clamped to his sides. The hedge was getting closer and closer. Too late, Rose realised that it was too high. She felt Griffin’s fear as his head lurched back, his legs buckled and his body lunged to the left. She tried to hold on, but she wasn’t strong enough. As Griffin juddered to a halt, Rose lost her grip completely and was catapulted through the air like a rag doll.

  She hit the earth and lay there, her breath punched out of her. Moments later, a grey shadow appeared and hovered above her, before it spun away into nothingness.

  Chapter 28

  Soft white sheets. Dim lights. Rose tried to keep her eyes open, but they seemed so determined to close. She could sense movement to her right, but couldn’t turn her head. It felt as if someone had attached a heavy weight to it. Something stirred in her memory, something to do with waking up in a strange place and finding blood on the sheets. Something to do with an accident. She struggled to sit up. Someone restrained her. She tried to say something. No sound came.

  ‘You need to rest, Anna.’

  The voice was familiar. The name wasn’t.

  ‘You took a nasty bang on the head. Nothing serious that a few days in bed won’t cure, the doctor says. I don’t know what you were thinking of, taking a horse out without a saddle.’

  Rose started to recall what had happened.

  ‘You could have killed yourself, and the horse.’

  Killed yourself and the horse. Killed Nicu and Esme and Rani and the horse. Poor Philippos . . .

  Rose just managed to turn her head. Mrs Luca was sitting next to her. When she realised that this woman who had destroyed her family was holding her hand, Rose yanked it away and pulled the bedclothes around herself.

  ‘About what my husband said,’ Mrs Luca said quietly. ‘He had had some very bad news, and rather a lot to drink. We wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression. The accident wasn’t our fault, do you understand? It was just that – an accident – but ever since both of us have struggled to come to terms with it, believe me. And because such a terrible thing had happened to you, we wanted to make sure you had all the very best in life from that point onward. We didn’t want you to suffer.’

  She paused to let Rose take in the import of her words.

  ‘You’ve made it very difficult for us to make amends. Your behaviour has led us to deal with you harshly, yet we began with such good intentions. So many things have gone wrong since you arrived, and what you did to the doll’s house was unforgivable. I spent so much effort and money on it, only for you to repay me by wrecking it.’

  She paused again, watching for Rose’s reaction. Rose closed her eyes. There was no reaction she could give that would change anything. She heard Mrs Luca stand up and sigh.

  ‘I’ll leave you to rest now. I’ll leave you to think about how you can help us all move on.’ Mrs Luca walked to the door and said stiffly, ‘You know, you’re a very lucky girl, Anna. If it hadn’t been for Goran, you might still be lying outside in the cold and wet. He may have saved your life. You should be eternally grateful to him.’

  She closed the door behind her, leaving Rose to continue recalling the events that had led up to her taking the horse and what had occurred afterwards. Her mind flashed back to the shadowy figure hovering over her in the darkness like an angel of death. Goran was triumphant, untouchable. He could make her life hell and nobody would notice, just as they wouldn’t notice the muddy heel print on the playroom floor.

  A shockwave went through her when she suddenly remembered the bracelet hidden in the pocket of her trousers. Has it been discovered? Mrs Luca didn’t mention it. Rose struggled to get out of bed to check, but her head was thumping too hard, and she was fearful someone might catch her. She closed her eyes again.

  Sometime later, Mrs Luca came back into the bedroom, accompanied by the doctor. He examined Rose and pronounced that she was doing well and would be as right as rain in a couple of days. She had sustained a mild concussion, but there was nothing to be concerned about.

  ‘Better stay away from horses until you’re a bit bigger,’ he said. ‘They can be dangerous animals.’

  Rose didn’t understand all the words, but enough to know what he meant, especially when Mrs Luca said, ‘Don’t worry, doctor. We shan’t be letting Anna near a horse again. She’s far too precious to us.’

  A visit from Victoria followed. She slipped through the door and closed it silently behind her.

  ‘What the hell do you think you were doing taking Griffin?’ she hissed. ‘Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage without stealing my horse as well? You could have broken his legs trying to go over that hedge, and then we’d have had to have him put down. Do you think that’s all right? Do you?’

  Victoria tore the bedcovers out of Rose’s hands.

  ‘Don’t just lie there like some poor injured animal,’ she fumed. ‘What’s Daphne said about it? I suppose she’s told you that you’re a naughty little girl and not to do it again. Well, I think you’re an evil little girl and I wish you’d go away and stay away. I wish you’d just leave our house and never come back. But no. Daddy seems to think he can make some money out of you, so instead we’ve all got to tread softly, softly with you and not upset you too much. Ha! Nobody cares if I’m upset. Nobody cares that it was my horse you stole and my bracelet. And I don’t believe it was Daddy’s fault about your family’s accident. I bet it was all their fault.’

  Rose couldn’t take any more. She bolted out of bed and threw herself at Victoria, pushing her and pummelling her with her fists. Victoria was too strong. She caught hold of Rose’s arms and shoved her backwards.

  ‘Don’t you dare touch me,’ she hissed. ‘Don’t you ever touch me again. You’re not my sister and I hate you more than anything I’ve ever hated in my life!’

  Chapter 29

  As soon as Rose was well enough, she resumed her duties in the kitchen. She wasn’t allowed to go near the horses. That was considered too much of a risk, and she wasn’t trusted not to ‘do something silly’ again. She was made to practise the violin ever more frequently, sometimes up to six hours a day, until she began to loathe it.

  Rose gradually understood what Victoria had meant when she said that her father thought he could make money out of her. It seemed he was planning some sort of comeback tour for his wife, and that Rose was to be part of the tour.

  ‘Why anyone would pay good money to come and hear you, I don’t know,’ Victoria said more than once. ‘I wouldn’t go and watch some kid scratching away on a violin.’

  If Mrs Luca overheard, she scolded her. ‘The one thing we can say about Anna is that she has a very great talent.’

  ‘Which you’re going to exploit,’ Victoria retorted, changing her tune.

  ‘Which we’re going to show to the world,’ replied Mrs Luca. ‘And people will be paying their money to listen to me, not Anna.’

  ‘It’s good for Daddy, anyhow, that he’s found a way to get his money back.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy helping to spend it again,’ Mrs Luca said.

  ‘You’re the one who’s always taking me out shopping because it makes you feel better.’

  ‘Don’t be so unkind, darling. You know I just want you to be happy.’

  Rose couldn’t bear to listen to them. This wasn’t what families were supposed to be like. Families were supposed to love and support each other. They were supposed to stick together, not backbite and fight. Nicu wasn’t a confrontational man, but he wouldn’t have tolerated Victoria’s behaviour towards her parents. Equally, he and Esme always ensured that life for Rose and Rani was filled with laughter, even when they were cold, or short of money, or being asked to move on by the police. There was no such thing as fun in the Luca household. Rose doubted there was any such thing as love, either.

  It was only when Mrs Luca told her the tour they were planning was to take place in their home country that Rose began t
o feel excited at the prospect. Up until then, she had cringed at the very thought of it. She had never in her wildest dreams imagined she would see her home country again. Now, she convinced herself that somehow her family would discover her whereabouts once she was there. Uncle Aleksandar and Aunt Mirela or their Roma friends would find her, she was sure of it. In darker moments, though, she told herself there wasn’t even the slightest possibility of being reunited with them. Why would they come anywhere near a classical music concert given by a middle-aged gadje woman? Nevertheless, it cheered her to know that at some point in the near future she would be treading on home soil for the first time in many months. Every day Rose waited to be told that all the arrangements had been made for the trip and that they would be departing shortly.

  Mrs Luca had started allowing her into the piano room so that they could practise together. She had changed the room around. The walls were now covered with more certificates of achievement and newspaper articles about concerts she had given – perhaps to provide inspiration, Rose thought. The curtains were now kept open, but the room was still a dreary, soulless place.

  Mrs Luca would sit herself down at the piano and instruct Rose to stand to one side, facing her. She was fastidious about Rose’s posture, picking up on every slouch of the shoulders or drop of the head, even after the lengthiest practice session. The focus was entirely on two pieces of music, which Rose was to learn to play faultlessly, accompanied by Mrs Luca. One would be slotted in towards the end of Mrs Luca’s recital, the second would serve as an encore.

  ‘Two pieces will be enough for people to be impressed by what you’re capable of. That’s plenty for you to work on, and we wouldn’t want anyone to think we’re exploiting you,’ Mrs Luca asserted. ‘Besides, they’ll be there to see me.’

  Rose wondered what they planned to say about her. She was dismayed at the thought of an audience of people gawping at her just because she was a Gypsy girl playing classical music. The jumble of emotions she had to deal with kept her awake at night, leaving her exhausted during the day. She was permanently on edge over her household duties, which she never seemed to be able to complete to the family’s satisfaction.

  Victoria delighted in inventing tasks for her to do and making her wait on her hand and foot. Mr Luca was absent from the house more frequently, and when he returned he was invariably in a bad mood. Mrs Luca was stern and unsmiling, locked in her own thoughts.

  Just when Rose began to suspect that the talk about a tour had been nothing more than talk, Mr Luca called her into his study and announced that they would be leaving for Romania in four weeks’ time.

  ‘You’d better shape up,’ he told her. ‘My wife has a significant reputation to maintain. I would have liked to say that you’ll be the icing on the cake, the jewel in the crown, but I’ll never be able to think of you as anything other than the dirt beneath my shoe – which is where you’ll go back to once the tour is over. There’ll be no trying to outshine my wife, do you understand? You’ll deliver your piece, take your applause, then slip back into oblivion. This is all about the revival of my wife’s career as a concert pianist.’

  Rose nodded meekly. Inside, she was raging. It wasn’t about the revival of his wife’s career, but about saving this man from his financial ruin. This man who killed my family. This man who insults me time and time again, however much he claims to have suffered himself. This man who, with all his wealth and arrogance, was unworthy of sharing the same air as her family. She wished all his beloved fish would die. She wished he would lose his fortune and wind up having to sleep on the streets, wrapped up in cardboard against the freezing cold. Then she could enjoy passing him by in her own warm, toasty wagon and calling out, ‘I’ll never be able to think of you as anything other than the dirt beneath my shoe.’

  Rose was ashamed of herself for thinking such things. Were these the kinds of terrible thoughts that living with Mr Luca and his family had driven her to?

  Chapter 30

  The days began to fly past now that a departure date had been set. There seemed to be so much to do. They were going to be away for a month, and Mrs Luca insisted that everything should be scrubbed, polished, washed, ironed and aired before they left.

  ‘We don’t want to come back and have all the housework to do then,’ she said. ‘I only wish we had some proper help.’

  ‘If the tour is successful and my business meetings go well, then you shall,’ said Mr Luca.

  Victoria made herself scarce while there were chores to be done – not that she helped much anyway. ‘I have to catch up with my friends before we leave,’ she said. ‘I won’t be seeing them for ages.’

  Rose had hoped Victoria would be staying at home rather than accompanying them to Romania. She dreaded being closeted with her in hotels for a whole month.

  When the day finally came for them to leave, Rose could hardly contain her excitement and anxiety. I’m going home! She took Crumble for his walk as usual, but made a huge fuss of him, telling him with her hugs that she was sorry she would never see him again. She sneaked back via the stables and stroked the horses goodbye. In her head, she said farewell to her bedroom and to every other part of the house in turn, in order to convince herself that she was leaving them for ever.

  Mrs Luca hurried around, issuing instructions and making last-minute arrangements with Goran for the upkeep of the house and gardens. She invited him inside to take receipt of keys and go through a list of jobs that would need to be done in their absence. She left him in the kitchen while she rushed about, until a shout of dismay brought everyone running into the hall.

  ‘It’s my gold brooch, the one my mother gave me,’ Mrs Luca cried. ‘It’s gone!’

  Rose began to shake. Surely not today? Surely he can’t sabotage things just when I’m about to go home?

  ‘I never travel without it, and I never put it anywhere except in my jewellery box,’ Mrs Luca said, completely distraught.

  Goran’s eyes rested on Rose and a faint smirk licked at the corners of his lips.

  ‘Where is it, Anna?’ Victoria came straight to the point.

  ‘I must have it. It brings me good luck,’ Mrs Luca whimpered.

  ‘Good luck?’ Mr Luca scoffed. ‘Since when has it brought you or any of us good luck? It certainly didn’t bring us good luck last time we travelled.’

  All eyes were now on Rose. She shook her head over and over again. Tears began to spill down her cheeks. Why can’t they see that it’s not me? She turned to Goran and pointed at him accusingly, but knew immediately it was a mistake. Goran let out a howl of laughter.

  ‘Me?’ he said. ‘You think I had something to do with it? Now listen, miss, you can’t come here and start accusing people who’ve worked their butts off for this family for years and never caused a moment’s trouble. You’ll be accusing me of killing the koi carp next!’

  There was an awkward silence.

  Mr Luca stared hard at the gardener, his lips tightening. ‘We haven’t got time for this,’ he said firmly. ‘You’ll have to go without it, darling. We’ll deal with this when we return.’

  ‘Please, Anna,’ begged Mrs Luca, ‘if you’ve taken it, please let me have it.’

  ‘Shall I go and check her room?’ asked Victoria.

  ‘Haven’t I just said that we haven’t got time?’ Mr Luca flared. ‘If it’s in her room, it’ll still be there when we get back. At this rate, we’ll miss our flight, and then the whole tour will go pear-shaped.’

  He hurried them out of the house, Mrs Luca still arguing that she didn’t want to go without her brooch, and Victoria muttering to Rose about her thieving little fingers and the new upset she’d caused. Rose kept her head down and focused on thoughts of her home. She cast a glance at the Luca mansion with its daunting frontage as the car began to pull away.

  Goran was standing on the steps, looking for all the world as if he owned the place. When he saw her looking, he delved into his pocket, pulled out something shiny, dangled it briefly, then p
ut it away again. It was the bracelet, Rose was sure of it. Goran must have found it after she’d fallen from the horse. Now he had all the ‘proof’ he needed that she was the thief.

  The journey to the airport was full of silences. Rose stared out of the window at people going about their day-to-day lives. She had met so few of them in this country that wasn’t her own. She had seen so little of the countryside and the towns they were passing through now. She had lived as a virtual prisoner once Mrs Luca had tired of taking her out. Their home had been her home, yet she had lived there as an unwelcome stranger. Rose felt better just being away from it, and opened herself up to the call of freedom. She wouldn’t allow any doubts to settle in her mind. As long as I stay strong, something good will happen. She thought about Aunt Mirela and the way people queued to have their fortunes told. She remembered the crystal ball and wondered what she would see if she stared into its depths. As long as I stay strong, something good will happen, she repeated to herself.

  Her journey was going in reverse. Just as she had flown out of Romania, landed in England and been driven to Mr and Mrs Luca’s house, now she was being driven away from there to fly out of England and into Romania. If only I could reverse everything else, she thought wistfully, but she refused to dwell on it.

  At last, Rose saw signs for the airport and breathed a sigh of relief that soon she would be able to escape the oppressive atmosphere of the car. Mrs Luca had scarcely said a word apart from expressing her apprehension at flying without her brooch. Victoria had her eyes closed, though Rose doubted she was asleep. Mr Luca grunted occasionally and cursed at the amount of traffic, but otherwise said nothing.

  Arriving at the airport, the driver dropped them off outside the departure area and helped them unload their baggage. There were crowds of people everywhere. Rose was worried about getting lost and kept close to Mrs Luca, until they passed through into a special lounge for frequent flyers, where it was quieter and there was space to sit comfortably. Victoria clung on to her father, quickly persuading him to explore the shops. For once, she didn’t come back with anything, and while they waited Mr Luca grumbled about the state of his finances and the fact that they were being forced to travel economy class with the ‘great unwashed’.