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by Dawn Kimberly Johnson

  As he looked at them now, he noticed there was only one of Bennett: he sat on the beach, smiling up at the camera, looking perfect, and Alec was positive Eli was on the other side of the lens. There were no longer photos of Eli and Bennett together. That’s all there had been that first time. Now the other photos were of Eli and Alec at various activities: cooking dinner, working in the backyard, slow-dancing at a party—Alec smiled at that one. He’d had to hold Eli tight to his body to compensate for his weaker leg. There was even a copy of the photo Alec had on his desk at the university.

  He sighed. Here I am jumping through hoops again, not only trying to convince you I love you, but now I have to convince you that you deserve to be loved. He turned and looked at the bed, imagining Eli sleeping there. As he walked toward it, he paused to turn off the light, and then he crawled onto the bed and buried his face in Eli’s pillow.

  “God, Eli, I’m tired,” he said.

  “ALEC was here?” Eli asked, walking into the living room and carrying the note he’d found. Ilsa and Casey were curled up on the sofa about to watch a movie.

  Ilsa turned to Casey in surprise. “Was he?”

  “Yep. This morning after you left for work, he showed up looking for Eli,” Casey said.

  “What’s that?” Ilsa asked.

  Eli glanced at the note in his hand. “Just… he left me a note saying he wanted to talk.”

  “You going over there?”

  He shook his head. “I’m knackered.” He joined them on the sofa. “I had two clients today, stopped by to check on my certification, and then went to see about Brad.”

  “Did you?” Casey asked. “That’s so sweet. How is he?”

  “Good,” Eli said, digging a handful of popcorn out of the bowl on the coffee table. “His mum is up and about, and they’ll be staying with her parents until his father is well enough to travel.” Ilsa watched Eli fold up the note from Alec and stuff it in his pocket. “What are we watching?” he asked. “It’s not lesbian porn, is it?”

  Ilsa smiled and reached over to squeeze his knee. “Maybe,” she said with a wink.

  Casey leaned forward to look at Eli around Ilsa as the movie began. “Aren’t you going to call him, Eli?”

  “I might call him tomorrow.”

  “Might?” Ilsa asked.

  Eli sighed. “I’m still trying to work out what to say to him.”

  “That’s easy,” Ilsa said as Casey listened and smiled knowingly, munching happily on a fistful of popcorn. “I. Love. You. Alec. Ta-da!” Eli shook his head, but he couldn’t help smiling.

  About forty-five minutes into the movie and thirty minutes into Casey and Ilsa snogging, Eli excused himself, going to his room to call Alec. When he’d first returned home and entered his room, he felt there was something off. It took him several minutes to realize his bed was made and that it hadn’t been when he left that morning. He thought maybe Ilsa had made it, but she’d never done that before. Right after Bennett’s death, Lyle had taken to making Eli’s bed—when he wasn’t in it, of course, which was rare in those days. When Eli had spotted the note, he had understood it had been Alec who made the bed, and he had immediately felt a hollow ache in his gut.

  “I want to—I need to see you, Eli.”

  “Alec, let’s just take—”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “We don’t need time, Eli. I know what I want—”

  “I need time.” After several moments of silence, Eli said, “Alec?”

  “Take all the time you need.” Alec hung up.

  Eli couldn’t deny the fear that gripped him in that moment.

  Chapter 28

  “AS MUCH as I’ve wanted some time alone with you, Alec, I’ve never actually given you my number.”

  “I got it from Conley, Dray. Please, come in.” Alec stepped back from the doorway to allow Dray to saunter into the apartment. He carried a bottle of wine and wore a torso-hugging cream shirt and loose linen pants of the same shade. The outfit set off his rich, dark skin perfectly, and he knew it.

  “Where can I put this?” Dray asked, holding up the bottle.

  “Meet me on the sofa there. I’ll grab a couple of glasses and corkscrew.”

  Dray smiled that electric smile of his and walked over to the sofa, which was now against the massive windows on the far wall. They could sit, drink, and look out over London. It was a beautiful night.

  “The place looks different from the other morning.”

  “Ah, yes.” Alec walked over, set the glasses on the coffee table, and dropped down several feet away from Dray. “I had the table set up here for the view the other night.” He began working on the cork but paused for a moment. “It was more romantic.”

  “I understand.” Dray looked at him with phony sadness in his eyes. “Sorry about you and Eli, mate.”

  Alec smiled. “No you’re not, Dray.” He popped the cork with a flourish and filled Dray’s glass.

  “True,” he said, laughing as he picked up his glass of wine.

  Alec picked up his and faced him. “To getting to know you better,” he said. Dray nodded, and they tapped their glasses before taking a couple of long sips.

  Dray put his glass back down and scooted closer to Alec. “I’m all for that.” He put his hand on Alec’s thigh. Alec looked at it resting there, squeezing insistently. He met Dray’s gaze over the rim of his glass and took another long sip as Dray watched him, smiling.

  “I just have a couple of questions for you.”

  Dray looked at Alec lips hungrily. “My, but you’re fit,” he whispered, inching even closer.

  “Dray? Questions?”

  “Can’t those wait?” His hand slid higher on Alec’s thigh.

  “No, they can’t.” Alec grabbed Dray’s hand to still it. Their eyes locked, and Dray relented.

  “Fine, then… ask.” He settled back on the sofa and retrieved his glass, smiling as he sipped.

  “Will you tell me what happened between you and Eli?”

  Dray watched him for several heartbeats. “What exactly do you want to know?”

  “I want to know how… it happened,” Alec said evenly.

  Dray stared at him again, taking a deep breath before beginning.

  “Back then most of us hung out at Rocko’s.” Alec looked confused, and Dray shook his head. “It’s closed down since.” He sighed. “Anyway, I was there one night, dancing, having a glorious time, and in walks Eli. I perk up because I think Bennett’s right on his tail, as always. But no. He’s nowhere to be seen.

  “So I keep dancing but watching, and Eli proceeds to get pissed. Just sits at the bar drinking. After about an hour, he turns toward the dance floor and spots me, right? He walks out there, sweet as you please, and he starts dancing with me.” Dray pauses and smiles at Alec. “It was wicked sexy, I have to admit.”

  Alec didn’t say anything, but he could feel a tightness in his chest. He could imagine Eli and how he must have looked, how Dray must have looked—probably shirtless, all that shining dark muscle looming before Eli’s slight frame, the two of them sweating and grinding against each other. “We danced for another… oh, thirty minutes or so.”

  “And then?”

  Dray held his glass out to be refilled, and Alec obliged.

  “You have to understand, Alec,” Dray said, taking a sip, “I was baffled, but….”

  Alec sighed. “You danced for thirty minutes and then what?”

  “He kissed me. He slid his hands all up my front and pulled me down into a kiss. And this was not some friendly kiss; this was a ‘come fuck me’ snog.”

  “So, naturally, you….” Alec’s voice was strained.

  “You sure you want to hear—”

  “Tell me!”

  “We went into the gents’, found an empty stall, and went at it.”

  “And not once did you ask about Bennett? Where he was? You ignored the fact that Eli was obviously drunk, not himself.”

  Dray grinned wickedl
y and drained his glass. “No, Alec,” he said, glaring at him. “I locked the door, turned him to the wall, yanked his kit down, grabbed his cock, and fucked him.” Dray scooted close to Alec again. “I ask you, what healthy, young Englishman wouldn’t? The only time Bennett crossed my mind was me wondering how soon I’d have a crack at him once he found out Eli had cheated. He’s the one I wanted. Any more questions?” Dray’s hand landed on Alec’s thigh again.

  “Why do you continue to pursue me when you know I’m in love with Eli?”

  “You love him?” Dray appeared amused by the concept.

  “Yes, Dray.” Alec blinked at him a couple of times. “You were standing right there when I told him the other morning.”

  Dray sighed and allowed his eyes to roam over the room. “Sorry, I wasn’t really listening.”

  “You did the same with Bennett.”

  Dray ignored the statement. “If you loved Eli, you wouldn’t be here with me, would you?” He came so close to Alec that, any closer, and he would have been in Alec’s lap. Alec scooted back a bit, but Dray grabbed him suddenly, pulling him into a kiss. His tongue fought to get past Alec’s lips, his arms encircling him so tightly that Alec thought he might not be able to break free. He squirmed and turned his head, breaking the kiss, but Dray’s mouth simply found his neck.

  “Dray!” he shouted, trying to push him off. “Dray! I asked you over to get some answers, to understand your motivations. Not to fuck you!”

  Dray pulled back but didn’t release him completely. “I do the fucking, my friend.” He moved in to kiss him again, but Alec grimaced and turned away, and Dray froze. “Hang on.” He released Alec and sat back on the sofa, nearly to the other end. “My motivations?” he repeated quietly. “What does that mean?”

  It took a few moments for Alec to right himself and catch his breath. “It means… you’ve demonstrated a pattern. You pursued Bennett while he was with Eli, and you’re doing the same with me. Why?”

  Dray blinked at him. “Am I to understand that you invited me up to your flat to… analyze me?!” Alec didn’t say anything, and Dray chuckled, looking away. He grabbed his wine glass and grimaced when he saw it was empty. Then glaring at Alec, he said, “Let me ask you something, doctor. What is this hold Burke seems to have over you? Wait… no… you, I get. You’ve got some kind of wounded-bird kink, but his hold over Bennett made absolutely no sense to me.”

  “You mean it made no sense that Bennett would choose Eli over you?”

  “Bloody well right!” Dray spread his arms wide. “Look at me! Even after he found out about Eli cheating, he forgave him! But he came after me quick enough.”

  “What?”

  Dray grinned crookedly. “He. Came. After. Me.” Alec smiled then, openly amused, but Dray, massaging his temple, missed it. “Ask that artistic tosspot, Tony. He was there. Saw the whole thing.”

  Alec stared at Dray for a few moments, his mind working quickly. “I see.”

  “What?” Dray’s head came up sharply, his eyes narrowing. “What do you see?”

  Alec smiled. Dray frowned.

  “Bennett was the first one to turn you down, wasn’t he?” Dray said nothing, just stared at him. “You’re not attracted to me at all. This is payback for Eli ruining your record.”

  “Doc, before you pulled this analyzing shite, I would have fucked you blue!” Dray got up and headed for the door with Alec on his heels. “And understand this, Eli didn’t ruin my record. Those bloody skinheads did! If Bennett hadn’t died, I would’ve had him!” Dray yanked open the door. “I always get what I want!”

  The door slammed hard enough to rattle the glasses in the bar.

  “No, Dray,” Alec said softly. “Not always.”

  He stared at the door for a few moments and then warred with himself about calling Eli. Feeling certain they were free of Dray now, he eyed the phone. He wanted to tell Eli, but he had asked for time, and Alec was determined to give it to him. He turned and headed for the kitchen, but before he reached it, the phone rang.

  Chapter 29

  THE insistent pounding on the door pulled Ilsa from the sofa. After cutting Eli’s hair, she’d left him sitting on the deck, watching the sun sink in the sky and listening to the birds.

  More pounding. “I’m coming, goddamn it!” She opened the door and was unceremoniously shoved aside by Lyle, of all people.

  “Where’s Eli?” he asked. Tony entered right behind him, but at a much slower pace. He looked decidedly apologetic, a totally new look for him.

  “L-Lyle? What’s got your panties in a knot?”

  “Um… knickers in a twist, actually,” Tony offered.

  Lyle whirled on him. “Shush!” He turned back to Ilsa. “Where is he?” He continued deeper into the house, stopping at Eli’s door and swinging it open. He flicked on the light. The room was empty. Lyle then headed for the kitchen, but Ilsa caught up to him and blocked his path.

  “Hold it!” She wasn’t sure she wanted such an uncharacteristically agitated Lyle near Eli right now. “He’s out on the deck.” She placed a hand on Lyle’s chest. “He doesn’t need any more grief. He’s still upset about what happened with Dray and Alec.”

  Lyle froze, the intensity draining from his eyes. “He knows?” Ilsa saw Tony peek around Lyle in interest. He looked strangely relieved.

  “Knows what?” Ilsa asked.

  Lyle sighed, gathering his thoughts. “We’re sitting at dinner tonight, looking over the wine list, when this one,” he said, jerking his thumb back over his shoulder at Tony, “mentions he’d like to try the wine Dray had the other night.” Ilsa looked from Lyle to Tony and back again. “So I ask, ‘Where did you see Dray?’ And he says, ‘When I ran back in to get my mobile the other night. Met him in the lift. He was on his way up to Alec’s with the wine and a big smile’.” She could tell Lyle’s story was done from the “What the fuck do you think about that?” expression on his face.

  She removed her restraining hand from Lyle. “So? Dray’s been known to pop in, and he’s been after Alec since he met him at the Blast last year.”

  Tony shook his head and stepped around Lyle, taking the lead. “He said Alec had invited him over—called him and invited him.”

  “You see?!” Lyle said. “This was days ago and this one only brings it up because of the wine Dray had… as if that’s the most significant portion of the encounter!” Lyle glared at the back of Tony’s head. “Honestly!”

  “You look surprised, Ilsa,” Tony said, ignoring Lyle. “But you said Eli knew.”

  “Eli….” She stopped herself, shook her head. “Dray showed up at Alec’s the other morning. There was an argument….” She couldn’t go on. It had been torture for Eli to admit his infidelity to her, and she didn’t think he’d want Lyle and Tony to know.

  “We’re done.”

  All three reacted as if they’d been slapped at the sound of Eli’s voice. He stood behind them in the doorway leading to the deck—for how long, they didn’t know. His hair had been practically shorn. Ilsa had protested at first, but he’d insisted. Looking at him now, without his customary unruly mop of brown hair, she thought his bright, blue eyes looked even larger and, unfortunately, even more sad and soulful. She could see the aching struggle inside him.

  “Eli—”

  “It’s all good, Ilsa.” He came in, closing the door behind him and silently weaving through them on his way to his bedroom. “He knows what I did.” Eli kept walking, and they watched him go. “I think I finally got what I deserve, yeah?”

  “Sugar—”

  It was Lyle’s turn to place a restraining hand on her. “Let him be, love,” he said softly. Eli entered his room and closed the door. They waited but didn’t see the light come on under the door.

  “Hang on. Is this about Dray and Alec or about Eli cheating on Bennett?” Tony asked, looking from Ilsa to Lyle in confusion.

  Ilsa and Lyle turned stunned faces toward Tony.

  ELI sat in his room, in the dark, thin
king about Alec, thinking about Bennett, hating himself, and hating Dray. Someone knocked on his door.

  “Not now, Ilsa. I’m fine,” he said, kicking off his shoes and preparing to turn in early.

  The door opened anyway. “Can I have a minute, mate?”

  Though in silhouette, Eli could still identify him. “What is it, Tony?”

  The artist stepped into the room and shut the door as Eli switched on his bedside lamp. “I’ve just been told,” Tony said, approaching him, “that I lack a certain awareness of what facts are pertinent and important to be shared.” Eli watched him warily as he took a seat next to him on the bed. “I know what happened between you and Dray.”

  “What? But how could—”

  “I was at Rocko’s the night Bennett went after Dray. It wasn’t tough to figure out why.”

  Eli looked at Tony in disbelief. He had no idea Bennett had confronted Dray. “Tell me,” he said quietly.

  “You probably don’t remember, but I was out of town the night you and Dray hooked up. When I got back, I headed straight for the nearest collection of hardbodies, and that happened to be Rocko’s.”

  Eli nodded and waited anxiously for the rest of the story.

  “A few good mates were going on about the show you and Dray had put on the night before, and before I could question them further, Bennett stormed in.” Tony grinned. “I can smile about it now, but even thoroughly intoxicated, I could see the steam coming off him. He found Dray fairly quickly; he was on the dance floor, as always, the center of attention.”

  “I had confessed that morning.” Eli closed his eyes, remembering. “He walked out on me. Went to work. I called him so many times that day, but he wouldn’t take my calls, and he never came home that night.”

  “He was with me, getting drunk at the bar,” Tony said, covering Eli’s hand with his. “And talking about you.”

  “Huh?”

  Tony nodded. “After we pulled him off Dray and got that tosser some ice for his face, I took Bennett back to my table and bought him a drink.” Tony sighed. “One of many, actually. Considering Dray’s reputation, Bennett didn’t have to pay for a drink the rest of the night.”