Beautifully Toxic (Toxic Love #1)

by L. M. Roberts

In all honesty, my tattoos should have been done by now. But this is the third week in a roll that I’ve been here. The main reason is, the first time I came into Get Inked, I saw Sin sitting in her booth tattooing a man's ass. Yes, a man's ass. The air was knocked out of me; it had been so long since I’d seen her. To see that she was still living here, looking as hot as ever, is what had me coming back week after week.

  I hear James’ gun turn off, nudging me back to reality. “You’re all done for tonight, my man. There are only so many times I can go over scars before they need a break.”

  I glance down at my shoulder to see the perfect little circles of raised flesh. I grimace and turn my head away. That’s what brought me to the shop that day three weeks ago; I sometimes forget until James brings them up. I can still remember the first time he saw them; he almost flipped his lid. But after I told him to shut it down, he never once asked me about them again. The most he would say was about tattooing over them.

  The scars were easily hidden underneath my shirt, but that wasn’t enough for me. Now that I’m almost thirty, I wanted them permanently out of sight. I didn’t want to continue waking up with a reminder of what my life used to be; I only wanted to focus on the future that I have planned. It was going to be hard to push all my demons into the back of my closet, but I was determined. I didn’t want the memories of my mother or her pimp to crowd my mind anymore. It's already made my life a living hell. I couldn’t go out without a shirt. I constantly felt like everyone was looking at them and wondering what the hell kind of disease I had.

  I clear my throat and pull my shirt over my head. “Well, I’ll see you next week, right?”

  I look up to see James nodding his head. I pull out my wallet and give him two hundreds and put a one-hundred-dollar bill in his tip jar. I smirk while he shakes his head. I glance around to see that Sin is no longer up front, so as I bypass her booth I inconspicuously drop three crisp one hundred dollar bills into her box. I hear a chuckle and turn to see that it’s James leaning up against the tattoo chair. I just shrug my shoulders as I push the door open.

  I walk to my car and turn around to take one more glance at the tattoo shop. I would never tell anyone this, but my schedules were shot to shit the first night I walked in there. Over the past three weeks, I’ve been putting off my training one night a week so that I could see Sin’s beautiful face. It’s always a night when she’s working. There are sometimes I believe that I know her schedule better than she does. She may be toxic for me, but there’s no way I can stay away from her.

  I catch a glimpse of her before I unlock my black Ford Raptor and see the smile on her face when she finds the money I’ve left for her. Even though she doesn’t realize it, just by smiling at something I did, she’s unknowingly given me a gift I will never forget.

  Chapter Three

  Sinclair

  “That man drives me absolutely insane,” I groan, lifting my glass from the bar to get a drink.

  After leaving the shop three hundred dollars richer, I decided to call up my mom to have drinks. A lot of people may think that’s weird, but in all actuality, it isn't. My mom is my best friend. I can pretty much tell her anything, and I know I will always get a straight answer out of her. I do have friends, don’t get me wrong, but no one is as close to me as my mom is. Plus, Triple-A is with my dad, so I know that he’s getting taken care of, and he knows I am as well. He gets that I have to unwind before I come home, so I won’t slip up and take out my frustrations on him after a long, trying day at the tattoo shop. I hate that he has to be so grown for his age, but there’s no helping it. Since it’s just him and me, we have to do a lot of things that we just don’t want to.

  “Just tell the man you want to jump his tatted bones, dear,” she giggles, taking a drag from her cigarette.

  I shake my head from side to side. “No, that just won't do Momma. I have Triple-A to think about. Plus, he’s not like us.”

  To this day, my mother doesn’t know who Triple-A’s father is. I know it’s a pretty shitty thing for me to do, but there was no way around it. At the time, I thought he was over age and since he’d disappeared there just didn’t seem like a reason to bring him up. It seemed like the better choice of two evils. I glance over at my mom and see that her eyes have a little shine to them, but there is menace in them as well.

  Oops… Ding, ding… Let the fight commence.

  “What do you mean, he's not like us? Sinclair Adams, stop that dirty talk. And why are you yet again saying something about Triple-A? The boy is thirteen now; it’s about time you get out and get some.”

  I sigh. Taking my finger, I rub it against the side of my glass and make trails through the condensation. “Mom, he’s a successful businessman; I’m just a lowly tattoo artist. The only thing we have in common is the ink gracing our skin. Besides that, there's nothing.”

  God, I wish it were that easy.

  The more I sit here, the more I didn’t want what I said to be true. I would hate myself in the long run, but Alex is the kind of man that I want in my bed night after night. He’s the type of man that I can feel safe with, and I wanted that—all of that. I didn’t want to grow old and be alone for the rest of my life with Triple-A looking after me. The more I thought about it, that was the reason I never talked to him besides to say hello, plus the fact that he’s Triple-A’s father. Just from the way he carries himself I knew that he was above someone like me. I had better luck adopting a hundred cats than I did getting laid by him. The sex that happened between us all those years ago was a thing of the past, and it wasn’t going to happen again. I should just chuck it up to a freak accident and get on with my life.

  It didn’t matter if he was the last person that I thought of when I went to sleep and the first person I thought of when I woke up the next morning. None of that mattered. It was the fact that nothing I did would ever be good enough to be with a man like him. It was depressing as hell, to say the least. I wish, for just one night, that I was enough. I didn’t want the reason he was with me to be because I had his kid. I wanted him to be with me simply because he wanted to be there. If he found out about Triple-A, I knew he wouldn’t be there because of me; he would be there because of his son.

  I felt delicate fingers touch my hand, and I look up and come face-to-face with a woman who looked like she was on a mission. I began shaking my head from side to side, but that did no good.

  “Boo, just hear me out, okay?” my mother asks, her face slowly morphing into that of a puppy dog—pouty bottom lip and all.

  “Mom,” I sigh, “I just can't go there with him.” Not again anyway.

  She chuckles. “Now that is not the Sinclair that your father and I raised. I want you to buck up buttercup and go get your man.”

  “Mom, you do realize that it’s like midnight, right? I have to pick up Triple-A and then go home.”

  She shrugs her shoulders and gets up, dropping a twenty on the table. When I went to give the money back to her, she gave me a stern look. I didn’t want to get my head chewed off, so I left it. We made our way outside, and I followed her to her car. When she was about to lower herself into it, she stops and then turns toward me.

  “I just want to tell you something before I go. Sin, don’t ever let someone tell you that you are not enough. The people that tell you that are going to burn in Hell, munchkin. At least, they will if your daddy finds out.” She points toward my chest— “I know what that means, and I know why you got it; but baby girl, you need to let it go. Just go for it and tell that Alex guy just how sexy you think he is. Trust me, I bet the feeling is mutual.”

  I laugh. “Mom, you know how crazy you sound right now? I mean, seriously.”

  She puts her hand on her hip and shoots a glare my way. “I’m telling you the truth; the next time that man is in the shop, I expect you to take him in the back and fuck him to your little heart’s content.”

  I threw my hands up as if to ward off an attacker. “Mom… I am really not going to talk to you abou
t my sex life. That’s just… God, that’s just wrong.”

  She smiles and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I will be at the shop every day until that piece of perfection comes in. You don’t say something? Momma Bear will.”

  Fuck!

  “Mom, you can’t do that,” I say, starting to freak out that my mom would be the crazy person to sit and stalk a man I was lusting over.

  She giggles. “I don’t see why not. I mean, you like this boy, right?”

  I sigh. “Yes, Mom. But I am not about to let any man get me. Triple-A and I made a pact.” She gave me a weird look, and I quickly added, “I’m not going to go after women either, sheesh.”

  She gives me a brief hug before getting into the car. I thought I was off the hook until she rolls down her window. Sticking her head out of the open space, she looks at me with a smile on her face. “I don’t give a shit about the pact you made with Triple-A; the boy will understand. You have to get over the fact he’s growing up. Oh, and darling, I want to hear all the juicy details about how that handsome lad flipped your lid.”

  “Our relationship is so screwed up,” I groan. “Mom, just go… Please. Alex Pierce is not about to flip anyone’s lid—least of all, mine.”

  I step away from the car as she speeds away. I let my head fall back and curse at the night sky. Did she think that I was going to allow that? It has taken me from the time I was sixteen to now just to be able to be around him without freaking the fuck out. My mom was seriously delusional if she thought that was going to happen. Even if Alex were interested in me, I just couldn’t go there with him. I was not in the market to get my heart broken; and with him, I just knew that’s what I would end up with. I can give him tattoos and piercings all day long, but my heart was a different story.

  “So… Sin.” My eyes bug out of my head when I hear his deep, gravelly voice from behind me.

  I turn around and almost fall over myself. “Alex!” I didn’t mean to shout, but the son of a bitch caught me off guard.

  I see that he is wearing his trademark cocky smirk on his face, and he has his arms crossed over his chest, stretching the pathetic excuse of a t-shirt even more. Just seeing him out here in the dark secluded parking lot of the local bar, I want to climb that motherfucker like my life depended on it, but I couldn’t. How the hell would someone explain that when they went to the hospital? Attempted death by raping? Yeah, that wouldn’t work out.

  “Who does your mom want you to get your lid flipped by?” He chuckles and drops his arms as he makes his way over to me.

  I gulp and start shifting from foot to foot, the blush already creeping over my cheeks. “No…” I choke on my words and have to clear my throat. “No one.”

  He shakes his head slowly with a pleased expression on his face as he steps closer. “Now, Sin. Are you really going to stand there and lie to me?”

  I narrow my eyes at him and widen my stance. “I’m not lying.”

  I could already feel my clit begin to pulsate, and my nipples harden with just him being near me. It’s not been that long since I’ve been with anyone, but I knew I would have to rectify that and soon. The only way I was able to get through the week knowing Alex was coming to the shop was through a wealthy flow of double-A batteries for my vibrator. It was hard enough getting some with a thirteen-year-old in the same house as you. Most of my quickies happened in the back of the tattoo shop or my car. To say I felt like a whore was an understatement, but I wasn’t about to let Triple-A know that his mom had gone back on her word. That would kill me.

  I have a feeling my poor littler vibrator was going to be on its last leg after tonight.

  I just hope and pray that that was the only thing that he heard. I would die if he found out about Triple-A like this. I know my life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I want to tell him when I’m ready to tell him and not a moment before. Hopefully, he was all male like I remember him being and the only thing he heard was the part my mom had said about him flipping my lid.

  Chapter Four

  Alex

  Please tell me that my eyes are failing. Are her nipples hard? Fuck me sideways. No way I was going to chance a groan even though one was clawing at my throat. There was just something about this little woman in front of me that brought out the beast, and damn did it want to devour this little truffle. The more time I spent with her, the more it chomped at the bit to be released from its cage. To be honest, I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep him at bay either. As we speak, I can already feel my body reacting to her, which meant that my resolve against fighting whatever this is was wearing thin.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath before responding. “Hmm, are you sure you’re not lying?” I open my eyes to see that she is fidgeting. “Because it sure seems to me you are.”

  “Yeah, right,” she scoffs, but I see her look around as if she is expecting the big bad wolf to jump out of the shrubs. “Why would I lie to you? I mean, it’s not like I get anything out of it.”

  The only thing I want to do right now is fill that little smart mouth of hers. She has no idea how close I am to just saying fuck it and taking her up against her car for the whole world to see. I’ve been called many things in my life. But being spontaneous wasn’t one of them. The last time I let myself get caught up in the now, I ended up balls deep in this sexy bitch. Maybe that’s what this is all about. She thinks that I don’t remember her. Could it be that she’s waiting for me to say something? Should I or should I keep her guessing?

  I click my tongue ring against my teeth and see her visibly tremble. Fuck… Me. “Then tell me something, okay? Why did your mom just say Alex, and then why did you say my name?”

  Got you now, firecracker.

  I saw the blush instantly assault her cheeks and neck. We were standing there looking at each other when the breeze began to pick up. Her perfume drifted through the air and I immediately felt light-headed from the exquisite fragrance. A groan that I tried to keep back escaped and my eyes closed.

  “Alex, let's just forget this happened,” she forces out and the only thing I can hear is the beat of my heart in my ears.

  I open my eyes and stare at her for the longest time. I don’t know what it is about this woman that constantly has me second-guessing myself. But ever since I walked into that tattoo shop, that’s what I’ve been doing. I can’t fucking stand this shit anymore. I want this woman more than my next breath; I’ve wanted her since the time when we were kids. I’m not gloating about the amount of woman that I’ve been with over the years, but there has been too many to count. Hell, it would take me close to a decade to account for all the woman I’ve been with.

  Except it didn’t matter how many women I’ve been with or how many years separated us—I always thought of Sin. It didn’t matter if I was balls deep in someone else or playing tonsil hockey. Sin was always motherfucking there. She was like a sickness that I just couldn’t heal from. I tried so fucking hard to cover up my true feelings for her and it was just wearing on me. I am supposed to be a hard-ass motherfucker that doesn’t take shit from anyone. How could I keep that reputation if a woman the size of a thumb could bring me to my knees? There was a simple answer to that, I couldn’t. Eventually, someone would call me out on my shit and that was a weakness that I just couldn’t afford.

  I peer through my lashes to see that she is fidgeting from side to side. I take the few seconds that I have and look her over. The years have been tremendously great to her. She is just like she was back when we were kids except now she has the body of a mature woman. Her breasts have doubled in size, and her skin has darkened over the years. All in all, she was my type through and through.

  That night many years ago, she handled my shit and handled it well. I had been surprised by that fact and I think that’s the reason I ran away as fast as I did. No woman, even now, could put up with the sick perversions that I wanted. I wasn’t an ordinary man. I needed it rough. I just couldn’t be satisfied with soft shit. I had to ha
ve rough, fast, and without restraint. During many of my encounters choking, whipping, and even handcuffing were involved. Up until Sin, no one had been able to take what I had to give. And the shitty part about that was she had been a virgin when we did that. I tried so many times to feel sorry for what I did, but I just couldn’t. I got what I wanted and it was so fucking good too. Call me a selfish bastard all you want to, but she got what she came for. Many times over.

  I feel the air shift around us and I’m pulled from my thoughts when she starts clearing her throat. I find that I am now standing up close to her and she is staring at my chest. I take a deep breath, feeling the affects she has on me. I needed to get out of here before I made a fool out of myself. That was the last thing that I needed. Hell, I made a fool out of myself enough when it came to her, I didn’t need to do it some more.

  “Sin… I, uh… I’ll see you later,” I breath out before turning around and began hot footing it to my Hummer.

  Was I a scared little shit for running off? Ha… Yeah, probably. Was it better to run off instead of ripping that woman’s clothes off and taking her against the hood of her car? Hell yes!

  Opening the door to my Raptor, I literally jump inside and slam the door shut behind me. I grip the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles began turning white. It was taking everything in me not to return to her and finish what the breeze started. Yes, I was blaming it on the breeze. If it wasn’t for that, I would still be out there talking to her. But no… I’m stuck in this damn truck with a hard on that could cut through a steel pipe.

  I look down to my crotch and see the traitorous appendage tenting my jeans. “You sick motherfucker. Why? Huh? Why do you pick the most inopportune time to make an appearance, you lousy bastard?!” I whisper-yell. As if it’s talking back to me, the son of a bitch twitches.

  I growl, looking back up to see that Sinclair is still looking in my direction. I watch as she looks down at her purse and then back up at me, contemplating what she should do next. It was so confusing when I wanted to do one thing but knew I needed to do another. A sigh fell from my lips as I started the vehicle. There was only one thing I needed to do and that was to go home and handle this the old-fashioned way.