Beautifully Toxic (Toxic Love #1)

by L. M. Roberts

  I have to stand on my tippy-toes in order to get the job done, but it works. When he leans away I can already tell this is going to be a short dance. Just from the look in his eyes, I knew he was going to get straight to the point of why he was dancing with me in the first place.

  “Mom, not going to beat around the bush here. I want to know my dad. I know what I said a few weeks ago, so don’t even come at me with that. I’m thirteen; I’m allowed to change my mind on things,” he rushes out, his eyes staring intently into mine. “I want to know him. And I can’t really do that if he doesn’t know that I exist. You have to tell him. I love you, and he will never take your place. But it’s time to stop running, Mom. That’s what you tell me all the time. ‘Don’t settle for less, and make your own future.’ Well, this is me making my future. Get ahold of him.”

  He stops dancing, walks off, and I’m left staring after him. Everyone is still dancing around me, none the wiser to the conversation I’d just had with my son. My heart was already beating from dancing, but now it was racing for an entirely different reason. I was about to change both Triple-A’s life and mine forever.

  I just hope that I’m not making the biggest mistake ever. And that Alex welcomes us with open arms. Living life on the edge is one thing when it only involves you. But when you add a kid to the mix, things can become complicated. You have to stop and think about their needs and wants instead of your own. Since Triple-A wanted to know his dad, that’s exactly what he was going to get. Even if it destroyed me in the process.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Alex

  I didn’t like the way they were looking at me right now. Dom looked like he could kill me, and Chase looked like he was about to bust a gut. Nothing has been said since they made the guys leave more than an hour ago. They just sit there and stare at me like I’m going to run away at any moment. In all honesty, I think that’s what Dom is waiting for. He wants to have a reason to beat the hell out of me. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. After my little run-in with the bed post, I wasn’t about to give them a reason to fuck my face up even more.

  I’m pacing over next to the window, eyeing them up and down as they sit on the couch and just stare at me. I can’t help it, but the silence is starting to get to me a little bit. I’ve never been one for keeping quiet for extended periods of time. I stop my pacing and just stare back at them. I see Chase’s lips pull into a smile. I narrow my eyes at him before turning my attention to a stoic faced Dom.

  “Why are you here?” I finally ask, leaning against the wall.

  Dom sat back against the couch and crossed his left leg over his right. “I would think that it was obvious.”

  I shrug my shoulders. “Well consider me a dumbass because I have no idea. If this is about your sister, I haven’t seen her since the tattoo shop, which I am sure she’s told you about.”

  “Hell yes she did,” Chase inserted. “Our sister tells us everything.”

  “Well, that’s what we thought anyway.” Dom’s snide remark caught me off guard.

  “What do you mean, that’s what you all thought?”

  He sighs, shifts on the couch, and stares me down. “Our sister has kept a fucking secret from us for the last fourteen years, and guess who was a part of that secret?”

  I immediately look away from him. In fact, right now I would rather look at anyone or anything but him. Back when Sin and I had sex in the back shed all those years ago, I was friends with Dom. He would come over all the time, and we would party like it was going out of style, and Chase would tag along too. So, after that happened with Sin, I wasn’t proud of it. I mean, I loved being with her, don’t get me wrong. It was purely the fact that I had sex with a friend’s younger sister. That in itself was an unwritten rule somewhere.

  “I can tell from your face that you know what secret I’m talking about, motherfucker.” Chase butts in. “You might as well come out with it.”

  I close my eyes and lean my head back against the wall. “I had sex with your sister when she was sixteen.”

  “That’s right, motherfucker. You know just as well as I do that’s grounds for an ass whooping,” Dom says in his low, gravelly voice.

  I cringe. “Don’t you think that I’ve dealt with enough? I mean, look at my face,” I say gesturing to my completely fucked up face.

  He has the gall to laugh at that and shakes his head. “Nah man, we didn’t do that. Plus, considering Chase is the fighter, I’m going to let him have this one.”

  Well, fuck.

  I push away from the wall and clench my hands beside me. If I was man enough to do it, then I was man enough to take the ass whooping. “Get it over with,” I force out.

  This shit was going to hurt. I was already fucked up from my bed and considering that Chase was even more of a badass than I was at his age. Yeah, I was about to be fucked up from the floor up. It’s then I hear my phone chime from down the hallway. My eyes jerk open, and I run down the hallway. I hear them both yelling after me, and I keep going.

  I find my phone without incident this time, and I see that it’s a text message from Sinclair. A rush of elation came over me when both Dom and Chase ran into the bedroom. Before I could read it, Dom grabbed it from my hands and read it. I tried to make an objection, but from the look on his face I was actually scared to know what the text said now.

  “What?” I gulp. “What did it say?”

  He chances a glance at Chase, and there was something in his eyes that told Chase all he needed to know. He closed his eyes and cursed. I furrowed my brows and cocked my head at him, then he put his hands in the air and backed out of the room. That confused me even more. Why the fuck was he leaving?

  “Where’s he going?”

  Dom bites his lip, and his eyes get big as he tips his head to the side. “Well, what’s in this text is way worse than us beating the shit out of you, Pierce. Fuck, man. I wouldn’t want this on my worst enemy.”

  Okay, now I was intrigued but scared at the same time. I took the cell phone that he held out to me. He gave me a worried look as I swiped the screen and began reading the text that she’d sent.

  Sinclair: I know this isn’t something that should be texted, but Triple-A wants to know his father. I’m so sorry, Alex. I should have told you a long time ago, but you disappeared on me. When you came back, Triple-A was already grown up. I just can’t tell you this to your face. I’m sorry again.

  I just stare down at the phone and then look up at Dom. I narrow my eyes at him and then look down to reread the text message, knowing I read that wrong somehow. I had a son? The fuck? It didn’t matter how many times I read it, the words always stayed the same. A murderous rage began flowing through me. I could feel my entire body begin trembling, sweat breaking out on my forehead, and my face turning beet red. It had been a long time since I’d been this fucking angry. I could feel my control shattering when I let all my anger flow from me and hit the first person I see, Dom.

  “What the fuck is wrong with her?!” I yell. “This is bullshit, Dom! Motherfuck, cocksucking bullshit! What kind of bitch keeps this shit away from someone?”

  “Hey,” he butts in. “That’s my sister you’re talking about.”

  I narrow my eyes on him and ball my hands into fists. “I don’t give a shit who she is to you, Dom! She fucking kept that boy a fucking secret from me! He’s my son; I should have known!”

  The more I stood there, the angrier I became. This was bullshit. “You know what, fuck this shit!” I bellowed. “She’s going to tell me this fucking shit to my motherfucking face!”

  I took off past Dom—who tried to stop me until he saw the look in my eyes—and I headed out the door, grabbing my keys along the way. I slammed the door behind me and saw Chase standing next to Dom’s charger, smoking a cigarette. He jumped up from where he was and started walking toward me. He held his hands out in front of him as if to stop me. I glared at him, and he instantly stood back just as the front door to my house opened and I heard Dom call
out to him.

  “Let him go, Chase. It was a pussy thing for Sin to do; now she has to settle with the consequences.”

  I don’t give a shit who it was in front of me at this point. I was furious, and Sin was going to wish that she’d never kept something like this from me. She could have found me if she tried. Over the course of thirteen years, she could have fucking told me that I had a son. That we conceived a child that night in the shed. Hell, now that I thought about it, everybody knew that he was my son, except me.

  “This is fucking bullshit!” I fume, jerking my car door open. I turn to glare at both of them before I get in. “Just so you know, I would call the others in advance. It’s not going to be a pretty sight when I get to her, and I don’t want my son seeing that.”

  Dom nods. “Just don’t lay a hand on her. If you do, then I would have to beat the fuck out of you.”

  “Deal.”

  I still can’t believe that I have a son. This whole freaking time, I had someone that was from my blood. It pisses me off more now that I think about it. How could she do this to me and think she could get away with it? Bullshit! She thought texting me something like that was the best approach? That was something I call bullshit on again. If she thought I was going to let her get by without telling me about him, she had another thing coming.

  She was now stuck with me for life. If she had anything to say about that, then I had the perfect solution, and it involves my hand and her ass. I will admit, it did work out to my advantage, considering having her with me is exactly where I want her to be. This sure wasn’t the way that I wanted it to happen; I wanted it to be just me and her. How was I supposed to take care of a kid? I could barely take care of myself, let alone a child. I’m so fucking screwed.

  I may have been alone since I was sixteen years old, and I was fucked up at that age. If this boy was my flesh and blood, I just hope and pray that he didn’t have my fucked up compulsions. Oh, to hell. I was already freaking out over someone I didn’t even know. The only thing I thought of on the entire drive to her parents’ house was the first and only time that I’d seen that boy. God, I’d been a complete douche. He probably already hated me. Just great.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Sinclair

  “What do you mean he’s on his way?!” I yell when I answer Dom’s call.

  I hear a snicker come over the line before he says anything else. “I suggest you get everyone out of there. Your pussy move of a text has the man in a rage. You—of all people—know you can’t break something like that to someone in a text and expect them to not go the hell overboard. What the fuck were you thinking, Sis?”

  I sigh into the phone. “I wasn’t, okay?”

  “You better bet your ass you weren’t thinking. I’m not one to condone a man hitting a woman, but if it were me you broke that shit to, I would fuck you up myself.”

  I hope that wasn’t the case with Alex. The second after I’d sent the text, I wanted to take it back, but I couldn’t.

  Over the years, I’ve thought of many ways to tell him about his son. And let me tell you, none of those ideas were breaking it through a text message. Hell, I can’t even blame it on the alcohol because I wasn’t even freaking drunk. The only thing I had at the time I sent, it was a few sips of beer.

  “What’s going on, Mom?”

  I turn around and see Triple-A in the doorway. I sigh and walk over to him. Hugging him around the waist, I push my face in his chest.

  “Your mom has done a very stupid thing, baby boy.” I release a pent-up sigh. “I texted your dad and told him you were his son.” At his sharp intake of breath, I rush on to say. “I know; it wasn’t one of my better decisions. But seriously, everyone needs to stay inside because he’s coming and he’s not too happy with me right now. I’m going to go out back and wait for him, okay?”

  I feel him shaking, and I pull away to see that he’s trying to hold back the laughter threatening to leave his lips. He looks down at me. “Well, you better hope dear ol’ dad doesn’t whip you, ha-ha.”

  I slap his chest and then take a deep breath of air and walk out of the house. I hear Triple-A tell everyone that they have to stay inside because Alex is on his way over. I hear my mom laugh, and soon my dad was laughing too. I can only guess that Triple-A told them the way I broke the news to Alex. If I was being honest, I deserved to have my ass busted. You don’t break news like that to someone. Especially if that someone is Alex. He was a hard-ass and quick to lose his temper. Doing what I did had just added fuel to the fire. I was such a fuck up.

  I was walking down the stairs when I see the green Beetle pull up to the curb and Alex got out. I’m frozen in place until I see the look on his face. His face was blood red, lips drawn into a thin line, and his fists were clenched at his sides. It was then my flight instinct hit, and I started running for the back of the house. I look over my shoulder and see that he’s now running for me. I hear people cackling on the porch and Triple-A yells, “Get her! She deserves an ass whooping!”

  Traitor!

  I was too busy trying to flee for my fucking life, or I would have told them all to go to hell. I hear Alex’s footfalls gain on me, and I know my shit is about to get fucked up. I look around to see if I can get somewhere he can’t get to. I see the shed in the backyard. In a moment of fucking insanity, I take off toward the shed. I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t be able to get me there, but I did. The moment my hand closes around the handle, I feel his hand on my shoulder. He jerks me around and pins me to the shed door, fury burning in his eyes.

  “You better fucking explain before I get really pissed off, Sin. As it is, I’m this close,” he says hold his fingers up in front of me in a pinching motion, “from busting that juicy ass of yours.”

  My chest is heaving against his from full out running for my fucking life. I’m trying to catch my breath, but having him this close is making it extremely hard for me to focus. I lick my lips, hear him growl, and I’m transported back in time. I can’t help it; my body starts responding to his close proximity, and I grow wet between my legs. Just seeing him pissed off, leaning over me with his arms and body caging me to the shed door are pushing me closer to insanity.

  “I thought—” I began, but his low, pissed off tone cut off my excuse.

  “No, Sin. There is no ‘I thought’ to this. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He lowers his head to mine, causing me to push my head back into the shed door. “How could you keep a secret like this from me?” he whispers. The pain is evident in his voice. “He is my fucking son, Sin. My. Fucking. Blood!” he ends with a shout.

  “I was afraid,” I whisper, because I truly was. I was afraid that he would take Triple-A away from me. It had been our first time being together, so I knew that he didn’t love me. He had just been having a good time.

  “Afraid of what?”

  “You.”

  He jerks his head back and looks in my eyes. “Me? Why?”

  The first tears slipped out of my eyes and made hot trails down my cheeks. “That you would take him away from me.”

  “The fuck?” He growls. “That is a motherfucking stupid reason, Sin. I am that boy’s father. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” I can see the tears forming in his eyes.

  “No, I—” I begin, but he cuts me off again.

  A tear slowly rolls down his cheek. “Sin, I will never—” he stops because he’s getting choked up with emotion and I see his chin quiver. “I will never… those years are lost for me.” And I see the tears rolling faster. “I will never be able to get them back.”

  He turns his head away from me, and a sob tears from his throat. I reach out to him, but he just shakes his head, and I stop. I put my arms down by my sides and wait for him to decide what comes next.

  “How could you?” He sobs more. “Do you have any idea what my younger years were like? What am I saying? Of course, you don’t.”

  “Alex,” I whisper. “What is it?”

  He lifts his
eyes from the ground and stares at me. “Sin, I have no family. None. I’ve been lost for so many years. I’ve been alone. The only people I have are my friends.” He stops to catch his breath, and his chin quivers again. His shoulders slump and start shaking from his sobs. “I watched my mother die right in front of me when I was sixteen. Do you have any idea what that did to me? It completely fucked me up. You have no idea what I went through. The time we had here in the shed was the best time of my fucking existence. I felt wanted. Needed. Like you couldn’t get enough of me.”

  “That’s because I couldn’t,” I whisper.

  He closes his eyes and continues like he hasn’t heard me. “That’s why I had to move away. I wanted to own you and keep you as mine.”

  God, I feel like such a bitch. Here this gorgeous, broken man wanted me. And the only thing I did was hurt him more. He was alone in this world, and I had something that would no longer make him have to face life alone. I had his son—his own flesh and blood. The tears started falling down my face harder.

  “I’m so sorry, Alex. I didn’t… I didn’t know.” I apologize but see that his head is already shaking. I raise my hands to wipe the tears away from his cheeks, and I’m thankful that he doesn’t pull away from me.

  “This hurts,” he closes his eyes and bites his lip. “It feels like my heart is breaking in a million pieces, Sin. If I had known you were pregnant, I would have stayed. I would have tried to be the man you’ve always wanted.”

  “Why did you leave?” I ask, sobbing when he just gazes down at me with a broken look.

  “Sin, I wanted to own you. No one has ever made me feel the things you did that night. No one. That’s why I had to leave. You made me feel like I could take over the world. Like there wasn’t anything that could keep me from owning it all. I’ve never had that. Ever. And I wanted to keep you.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “God, did I want to keep you.”

  I close my eyes and revel in the feel of him against me. “I wanted to keep you too. You were the first person I thought of when I woke up in the morning and the last person I thought of when I went to sleep at night. You invaded my dreams, my every waking thought… You invaded my soul. It was only you—always you.”