If there was one thing Alice wasn’t, it was stupid.
Besides, like Dawn had said, she could simply leave if she didn’t like it here. Because she was a grown-up. With a car of her own.
Feeling anything but grown up, Alice opened the driver’s-side door and got out. One foot in front of the other. She walked around the car, opened the passenger door. Grabbed her suitcase. Shut the door. Stopped to breathe, to steady her legs. To imagine the smiling woman again, this time as a friend. Someone with whom she could share a paddleboat.
Seduced by the thought, Alice defied her own expectations and went inside.
Chapter Three
Later that night, Rosa scanned the laughing, jovial faces around the roaring campfire in an effort to find Alice, the shy woman from the parking lot. She knew her name only because Marcia, the exceedingly bubbly head counselor, had forced everyone to introduce themselves during a get-to-know-each-other team trivia challenge they’d played following the opening ceremony. Poor Alice had been visibly stricken to be the center of attention for even a few seconds, barely murmuring her name loud enough for Rosa to hear. As the last camper to check in, Alice had joined them shortly after the ceremony began. Unfortunately, Rosa had been seated at the opposite side of the dining hall and so didn’t get the chance to introduce herself before they were placed on opposing teams for the trivia challenge. After the challenge ended, she watched Alice literally flee from the dining hall, but by the time she made it out the door behind her, she couldn’t see the woman anywhere.
Had she left already? Maybe one forced instance of public speaking had been too much for someone that shy to bear. Rosa’s writer mind whirled with possible explanations for where she’d gone and why she was at camp at all when she appeared far too reserved to enjoy the experience. Despite the handful of friendly interactions Rosa had already enjoyed with fellow campers, she was too intrigued by the mystery that was Alice to focus on anyone else.
Her newfound obsession with introverted Alice might simply be a convenient way to avoid throwing herself into camp social life, but she didn’t care. As far as she knew, Alice was still at camp, too terrified to speak to anyone unless forced and apparently determined to avoid group activities in favor of hiding out on the periphery. If she really was still in the vicinity, Rosa wanted to find and befriend her. Not only to learn her story, but to offer her a boost in confidence, the feeling that she wasn’t totally alone.
Truthfully, Rosa ached for her, knowing how unwelcome certain types of solitude could be.
Circling the bonfire, she drifted away from the raucous, tipsy, celebratory crowd as she fanned out her search. Glad for the big, bright full moon above, she made her way to the women’s cabin but found it empty. Then she walked to the dining hall, where a lone camp employee was sweeping the floor. After that, she made a tense journey to the parking lot, where she discovered, to her relief, Alice’s car still in its spot. So she hadn’t left. Not yet.
Back inside the campgrounds, Rosa walked the same path they’d followed during the orientation tour they’d been given after the trivia game. She’d ventured to the far side of the main campus, almost to the lakeshore, when a familiar smell wafted across her path. Pausing to inhale, Rosa suppressed a chuckle and scanned the dark trees surrounding the trail. If that was Alice, she definitely wanted to be her friend.
Unsure whether to call out and risk making Alice run or startle her by sneaking up, Rosa searched the moonlit trees for some sign of life. She followed her nose a few steps down the trail, then stepped off the path into the woods. A branch snapped beneath her foot, eliciting a startled gasp from behind a nearby tree. Going still, Rosa cursed under her breath, then said in a loud whisper, “Alice?”
She saw something move behind the tree, and then everything went still. It had to be Alice, right? Taking a step closer, Rosa decided to identify herself, only barely remembering to use her fake name. “It’s Lila. From the parking lot. I’m coming over there, so if you wouldn’t mind at least reassuring me that you’re not some B-movie sleep-away camp serial killer…”
“I’m not.” The quiet, shaky voice was unmistakably Alice’s. She said nothing else.
Approaching Alice’s hiding spot like she would a frightened animal, Rosa held up a hand as though preparing to stop her from escaping. “Good. I was hoping to find you. Engaged in my preferred method of social bonding, no less.” She came around the tree in time to see Alice’s mouth twitch into a reluctant smile. When Alice tentatively offered the better half of a smoldering joint, Rosa accepted with a grateful nod. “Thank you.” She attempted to take a hit, but the end had gone cold. Surprised and even a little impressed when Alice smoothly produced a lighter and sparked a flame in front of her face, Rosa grinned as she took a long, deep toke and held it in her lungs until they burned. Exhaling, she said, “Oh, that’s nice. I’m not much of a drinker, to be honest, but this hits the spot.”
Alice took the joint back with a shy half-smile, tipping her head to stare at the ground as she took her own lingering draw. Rosa sensed that she was trying to stall, unable to work up the courage to enter into full-fledged conversation. That was fine. Somehow, Alice’s lack of self-confidence bolstered her own.
“This is nice. Peaceful,” Rosa remarked mildly. She hoped Alice could detect the honesty in her words and understand that she wasn’t mocking her. Anything but. “No pressure to talk.” She took another two hits when Alice gave her the joint again, then a third when Alice waved at her to keep going.
Mid-inhale, Alice briefly caught her eyes and murmured, “You should catch up. Save me from myself.”
Rosa blew a lungful of smoke up to float among the branches of the majestic redwoods towering above. “Does that mean you’re already baked?”
Alice actually giggled. “A little.”
“Is it helping?”
For the first time, Alice looked directly into her eyes. “Apparently.”
Rosa chuckled and passed the joint. “I was a nervous wreck all last week. Nauseated every time I thought about coming here.” She didn’t intend to mention her biggest worry: the possibility of being recognized or, worse, harassed, during what was supposed to be a chance to escape her shitty existence for a few days. It didn’t really matter, the reason for her fears. Alice’s eyes lit up, evidence she’d made a connection. Eager to offer more, Rosa said, “I barely talked myself into checking in. If I hadn’t noticed you sitting in your car looking even more terrified than me, I’m not sure I would have. But I figured we might need each other on the inside, you know, for moral support. So…I’m glad I found you.”
Alice no longer seemed able to meet her gaze. “I’m glad, too.”
“I’m hoping this means I now have someone to sit with in the cafeteria. Because I totally had this nightmare the other day where I was carrying my lunch tray around the dining hall, but all the seats were taken and everyone was staring at me.” Rosa left out the part where they’d started to scream that she was a whore, a cunt, a feminist piece of shit who should go back to where she came from. She figured Alice would get the picture without that level of detail. “So…yeah. It would be a real relief to have a friend here. Someone to help me get through the next few days, to enjoy this experience I really do want to have.”
Alice nodded. “I’d like that.”
Rosa waited, wishing that Alice felt comfortable enough to share a little more. For whatever reason, there was so much she wanted to know about her mysterious new friend. Possibly there was nothing at all fascinating about Alice, but the fact that it was so difficult to find out only whetted Rosa’s appetite for details. When Alice didn’t offer anything, choosing instead to take another pull from the fast-dwindling joint, Rosa asked, “So what inspired you to sign up for camp in the first place? No offense, but you don’t seem to be enjoying any bit of this so far. While I’m really impressed that you followed through and actually came, it’s hard to imagine you choosing this experience for yourself unless you had a pretty
specific reason.”
When Alice looked at her, wide-eyed—presumably at the prospect of having to give an answer consisting of multiple sentences—Rosa attempted some damage control. “Or maybe I should mind my own business. Sorry.”
Alice handed over the cold roach, which Rosa accepted mostly so it couldn’t be used as a further distraction. Then, sighing, Alice shook her head. “No, I’m sorry.” She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Managing only sporadic eye contact, she said, “This was my therapist’s idea. I’ve been seeing her about a year now, and recently she’s decided to push me harder to challenge my social anxiety. She’s probably right. But I’m extraordinarily bad at this stuff. Like, beyond bad.” Sagging, Alice rested against the wide tree trunk and closed her eyes. “So bad that even though all I want is to meet someone this weekend, a friend, you know, or…” She shook her head. “I just want to meet someone and you’re really nice, but I still feel so awkward, even with you.”
Rosa couldn’t help but grin at the unexpected torrent of words from Alice’s beautiful lips. They were beautiful, she decided, around the same time she figured out that she was staring at Alice’s mouth. And that Alice was watching her do it. Rosa cleared her throat. “You’re not awkward.” Alice shot her a look that made it clear she wasn’t buying it. Rosa shrugged in concession, then amended, “Well, not inherently. You’re just…apprehensive. For whatever reason.”
“That I am.” Alice managed a genuinely friendly smile. “I appreciate you being so kind.”
“Same here.” Rosa returned the smile, warmed by the knowledge that a tentative friendship had indeed been formed. She couldn’t explain why meeting someone so gentle and unassuming meant so much to her right now, but Alice’s timid nature felt like a gift after too many fear-tinged, judgment-filled encounters with strangers whose motivations she couldn’t discern. “Want to walk back and check out the bonfire together?” When a look of dread passed across Alice’s face, she said, “Or we could…stay here awhile.”
Sheepish, Alice said, “Here works for me.”
“Yeah, me too.” A small, dark shape zipped past Rosa’s face, some type of nocturnal insect. She flinched and batted it away. The winged beast disappeared into the shadows enveloping them, gone in an instant. Then something buzzed near her ear, making her yelp. “Well, maybe not here.”
Alice politely hid her laughter behind her hand. “To be honest, my legs are feeling a little wobbly all of a sudden. Maybe we could find somewhere to sit down?”
“Yes!” Rosa leapt out from behind the tree, scurrying back to the relative safety of the path. “Want to check out the lake? We can leave if anyone else has beaten us there.”
Alice trailed behind. “Are we allowed to go down to the water at night?”
“Nobody said we couldn’t.” Feeling somewhat bolder now that they’d established a two-sided conversation, Rosa planted her hands on her hips so she could watch Alice’s approach. “And we’re adults, right? What’s the point of being a grown-up if not to do whatever we want?”
“I’ve always been more of a follow-the-rules, exercise-caution kind of grown-up.”
“I’m most likely here to corrupt you, then.” Rosa pretended to curtsey, silly from the joint they’d shared. “Sent by the universe is my guess.”
Alice giggled, then promptly stumbled over a tree branch in her path. Rosa moved forward quickly, reaching out to catch Alice’s wrist before she could fall. Her hand automatically slid down to entangle with Alice’s, like they’d done this hundreds of times before. Rosa held her breath, worried that she’d just blown it, that she’d scared Alice away.
But Alice didn’t run. Instead, she tightened her fingers on Rosa’s and, chest rising and falling rapidly, whispered, “You lead.”
Chapter Four
They were still holding hands when they reached the lake. Alice wondered whether she should let go—had been wondering from the moment their fingers linked together—but couldn’t bring herself to do it. Lila wasn’t letting go. Did that mean she liked what they were doing? Alice felt like a sixteen-year-old girl with a crush as she obsessed over every detail of what was happening, desperate to find the meaning in this improbable turn of events.
Perhaps Lila was simply happy to have found a fellow pot-smoker amidst a sea of drinkers. Perhaps tomorrow morning they’d wake up and her new friend would want nothing to do with her in the cold light of day. Or perhaps Lila really was as genuine as she seemed, and as sweet, focused as she was on making Alice feel better about being at camp. That last possibility almost seemed least likely of all, if only because Alice refused to believe that she’d managed to accomplish her one true wish so quickly and easily. That would mean Dawn had been right. She’d made a friend.
“Oh, look!” Lila pointed at three paddleboats tied to a long wooden dock that extended nearly twenty feet into the water. “Let’s go sit in one of those—and don’t worry. I won’t try to talk you into going for a moonlight cruise.” She squeezed Alice’s hand and tugged her forward. “We can save that for tomorrow night.” When Alice faltered, hesitant, Lila laughed. “Kidding. Come on. Let’s look out at the water while we talk.”
Alice felt drawn along by an invisible force, despite the mild tingle of anxiety still in her belly. The joint had softened the sharp edges of her nerves, allowing her a detached coolness that simply wasn’t possible most of the time. For that, she was eminently grateful. Despite her uncertainty over how this experience with Lila would ultimately play out, she’d accomplished more socially in the past fifteen minutes than she had during the previous year of therapy sessions. At this point she was committed to see where this experience led her. She would let the universe take its course.
The dock swayed gently as they stepped onto it, causing Lila to tighten her grip on Alice’s hand. Unperturbed by the need to adjust her center of gravity, Alice slipped from Lila’s grasp—a move that elicited a low noise of protest—to instead loop their arms together. “I’ve got you.”
Lila pressed closer to her side, cutting the slight chill of the night air. Alice felt her shiver. “Thanks.”
Surprised by the quaver in Lila’s voice, Alice asked, “Are you cold?”
“No.” They walked until they reached the farthest boat from shore, then stopped, still arm in arm. “For being so shy, you’re pretty damn smooth.” Lila stepped away, but not before giving Alice one last squeeze. “Here, let me get in first.”
With surprising grace, Lila climbed into the far seat before offering her hand so Alice could follow. Alice grabbed on without hesitation, already so comfortable in the other woman’s presence that she found it impossible to keep second-guessing Lila’s motives. She stepped into the boat carefully, pleased when she didn’t tumble onto her face. Though with Lila there to break her fall…
Alice shook her head, stunned by where her mind had chosen to wander. She’d found women attractive in the past, certainly. Since the divorce, she’d swapped a real sex life for a secret porn habit, with the girl-on-girl stuff her drug of choice. When she touched herself these days, women almost always played a starring role in her fantasies. Fear of disappointing her parents had kept her from considering such a possibility for herself when she was younger, but now that she was in her thirties, she frankly lacked the capacity to care what her aging parents thought about her romantic choices. She’d already disappointed them with the divorce, her social awkwardness, and her failure to produce grandchildren, among countless other minor failures. So why not follow her heart and explore whatever might actually make her happy?
“You okay?” Lila touched her hand. Now seated, she stared up at Alice with open curiosity.
Embarrassed by her thoughts, Alice nodded with a little too much vigor. “Just light-headed.”
Lila’s fingers caught hers and tugged. “Sit down, then. Relax.”
Relax. Alice nearly laughed out loud. That was impossible now that she’d pictured Lila lying beneath her…naked…moaning. She cleared her throa
t, unsettled by her increasingly dirty thoughts and the unchecked arousal that flooded her veins. At this point, she’d been celibate for nearly two years. That had to be the problem—that, and the fact that she was higher than she’d ever been before. Lowering herself into the boat’s seat, she moved with exaggerated care, afraid of revealing her lascivious thoughts through her body language.
Lila launched back into their conversation mid-stream, casual as ever, apparently oblivious to Alice’s out-of-control libido. “So, therapy, huh? I actually started going again last year. Same woman I used to see when I was in college. It’s nice to have someone objective to talk to about your shit.”
“It can be.” Unsure what to do with her hands now that she wasn’t touching Lila, Alice folded them in her lap. “My mother doesn’t believe in therapy. She thinks it’s shameful, even crude, to discuss your personal business with strangers.” She paused. “With anyone, actually.”
“That sounds healthy.” Lila’s voice was heavy with sarcasm yet tinged with concern. “I’m sorry.”
“As you can imagine, she’s one of the main topics of conversation during most of my sessions.” At the mercy of her upbringing, Alice cringed at the realization that here she was, unloading her personal business onto a complete stranger. What if this was inappropriate to discuss? “Anyway, I can’t imagine you want to hear me talk about my mother. That’s why I have a therapist, right? To spare everyone else.”
“I’m happy to talk about whatever you’re willing to share.” Lila reached across the center console of the boat and touched Alice’s arm, tentatively. “I want to get to know you. Overbearing mother and all.”
Alice stared at where Lila’s warm fingers rested on her skin. She wanted to ask, Why? Instead she said, “Careful. You can’t imagine how overbearing my mother actually is. I could spend the rest of the night counting the ways and boring you to death.”
Camp Rewind Page 3
