Remember

by Karen Kingsbury; Karen Kingsbury

  “She misses Tim.”

  “And Ryan.” Elizabeth angled her head and gave John a knowing look. “She doesn’t fool me with all that talk about ‘learning to be on her own.’ ”

  “It’s an important part of the grieving process, don’t you think?” John shifted his jaw. “She’s got to come to terms with losing Tim.”

  “I know.” Elizabeth smiled. “But there’s still a place in her heart that beats for Ryan Taylor. Even if he’s a thousand miles away.”

  John studied his middle daughters. From the back they looked almost like twins. Ashley’s hair was shorter, of course, and even darker than Kari’s, but they had the same delicate features. And now that they were both single moms they had more in common than ever. “Wonder what she and Ashley are talking about.”

  “Landon Blake.”

  John chuckled. “You act as though you know.”

  Elizabeth grinned. “I do.”

  “Well . . .” John cocked his head for a moment. “Ashley and Landon have been together a lot lately.”

  “He’s back to work now, moving to New York—did Ashley tell you?” Elizabeth leaned forward in her seat and rested her elbows on her knees. “He wants to fight fires with a friend of his there.”

  John pursed his lips. “That’s too bad. I always thought he and Ashley might wind up together someday.”

  “He’ll be back.” Elizabeth stood and crossed in front of him. She stooped down and felt Maddie’s forehead. “She feels cooler. Poor dear probably just needed to rest.”

  John folded his arms. “What do you mean he’ll be back?”

  “My sweet love . . .” Elizabeth flashed him a knowing smile. “The boy’s been crazy about Ashley since the first day they met in middle school. Nothing could keep him away from her—certainly not a few New York City fires.”

  “Ashley said he might come by later.” John looked behind him at the parking lot. “They took off his cast last week.”

  “So I heard.”

  John shook his head. “The burns have healed well, too—much faster than I would have expected. It’s a miracle the boy’s alive.”

  “It’s all part of God’s plan.” Elizabeth shifted so she was facing John.

  “Plan?” John leaned on one elbow. He cherished times like this, afternoons when everyone he loved was well and happy and together in one place. Times when he and Elizabeth could take stock of all they had to be grateful for.

  “The one I pray for every night.” Elizabeth’s gaze rested on Ashley. “That someday Ashley will remember the truth she believed as a child. That Jesus loves her.”

  “Oh, you mean the one we both pray for.” He smiled. “And you think Landon’s part of the plan, huh?”

  “I think he might be.” Elizabeth tilted her head. “God has something up those mighty sleeves of his.”

  “He always does.”

  “Same thing for Luke and Reagan.”

  John let his eyes drift down the beach to the place where his son was swinging Reagan near the water, threatening to toss her in. “They seem pretty friendly.”

  Elizabeth was quiet. He turned to her, seeing the uncertainty in her eyes. Their hearts were so connected, he had always been able to feel her smile before her mouth had time to act it out. This was no different. “What?”

  “She won’t stay in Bloomington forever. ”

  “She’s close to her family.”

  “Soon as she has her degree, she’ll move to New York City.” Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed. “And it won’t surprise me if she takes Luke with her.”

  John gazed at their son. “He’s still talking about Reagan’s father.”

  “And his office in the World Trade Center.”

  John stared at the sky. What must it be like working nearly ninety floors off the ground, looking eye level at the clouds? Seeing all of New York City and the harbor from an office window. “Reagan says Luke and her dad hit it off pretty well.” John smiled. “You think he could get Luke a job?”

  Elizabeth uttered a light huff. “From the sound of it, he practically hired him on the spot.”

  “That worries you?” John studied his wife, struck as always by her delicate features and still-dark hair. Every year he was more in love with her.

  “I’d like to keep him closer.” Elizabeth gave him a sad smile. “But Erin’s moving away soon, and one day we’re bound to be spread out. That’s the way of life.”

  “Ah, honey, listen to you.” John ran his fingers up her arm. “You’d think God had given you a blueprint for the next decade. Luke and Reagan aren’t moving out next week.”

  “He’s our only son, John.” She narrowed her eyes, her gaze fixed on the sight of Luke playing near the water. “Wherever he goes, I’ll miss him.” She looked back at him again, her smile wistful. “Life is so uncertain.”

  “With one exception, my love.”

  “What’s that?” She waited. There was no fear or worry in this conversation, just a parent’s desire to keep close those children they’d spent a lifetime loving.

  “Wherever Luke goes, he’ll take God with him.” John moved his fingers gently along the base of his wife’s neck.

  “Yes.” Elizabeth’s smile spread further up her face, as though the thought brought her deep comfort. “He does love the Lord, doesn’t he?”

  “With all his heart. I don’t think anything could shake that boy’s faith.” John stood and stretched. “Not even a job overlooking New York City.”

  * * *

  Kari leaned back in her beach chair and laid Jessie along her legs. The air was still warm, but it was cooling some, and she didn’t want her daughter getting chilled. “Grab me a blanket from the diaper bag, will you, Ash?”

  “Sure.” Ashley reached for the pink-and-white blanket and handed it to Kari. As she did, they spotted Landon Blake walking toward them from the parking lot. Cole shouted his name and ran to him.

  Silently, Kari and Ashley watched the boy jump into Landon’s arms. Landon tossed him into the air and hugged him close. Then he set the boy down, grabbed his hand, and started toward Ashley.

  “Cole’s crazy about Landon.” Kari kept her tone free of innuendo. The statement was merely an observation anyone could have made.

  “I know it.” Ashley looked away. She picked a rock up from near her feet and tossed it toward the water.

  “Don’t get mad at me for saying this . . .”

  Ashley met her gaze. “Saying what?”

  “I don’t think Cole’s the only one.”

  Landon and Cole were only a few feet away, and Ashley waved, ignoring Kari’s comment. “You’re not limping.”

  “I feel great.” He waved to Kari and then came to stand next to Ashley. “Like I’ve been set free.”

  “Landon wants to take a walk.” Cole bounced up and down a few times. “Come with us, Mommy. Please!”

  Ashley pulled Cole onto her lap and kissed his cheek. “How could I tell my two best guys no?” She laughed and stood up, setting Cole down beside her and dusting the dirt from her shorts. “Let’s see who can find the prettiest rock.”

  “Okay!” Cole’s eyes lit up. He slipped one hand in Landon’s, the other in Ashley’s. “Let’s go before Papa’s burgers are ready.”

  Kari watched them set off, walking toward the setting sun. She smoothed a finger over Jessie’s silky forehead. Ashley was out of her mind if she let Landon go now, after the two of them had clearly found something other people waited a lifetime for.

  A heavy sigh made its way between Kari’s lips as she stared out at the lake. This was the first time she’d been back since that fall day when she and Ryan came here. Had it really been almost a year ago? Kari let her mind wander aimlessly down the dusty roads of yesterday to that November afternoon when time had stood still.

  Despite the cold, they’d fished for hours and built a campfire. Then they’d done something they should have done years earlier. They talked about why—after a lifetime of caring for each other—they h
ad let their relationship fall away. The answer felt as painful and unbelievable now as it had that November day.

  A series of misunderstandings had caused her to believe that Ryan was in love with someone else. As a result, Kari had done everything she could to get on with her life—even marrying Tim Jacobs.

  Jessie stirred, and Kari adjusted the blanket so it sheltered her daughter’s face. Her whole life, it seemed, had been a series of badly timed events.

  That November night, she’d felt lonelier than she’d ever been. Tim had admitted his affair and moved in with his student lover. And though Kari had been determined to fight for her marriage, being alone with Ryan on this very beach had tested her resolve. She’d needed every ounce of her strength not to run off with him and never speak to her husband again.

  But it had taken just one kiss, one moment of longing for what might have been, to snap Kari back to reality. She could still see the understanding in Ryan’s eyes when she told him she couldn’t—couldn’t kiss him, couldn’t fall in love with him—no matter how much she wanted to. Not when her marriage hung in the balance.

  That day together had led to a time of soul-searching for Ryan. In the end, he had decided that if she wanted to make things work with Tim, he would not stand in the way; his love for her wouldn’t allow it. In fact, his decision to love her had led him to take the coaching job in New York.

  Who’d have thought that three months later Tim would be dead?

  And now here she was, alone again—she and Jessie. She looked down the beach at the faces of her family. It could be worse. How would she have survived without her parents and the others, especially Ashley? Her younger sister had been the family member most frustrated with Kari’s determination to remain married to Tim. But now that he was gone, Ashley was the most supportive, the most sympathetic.

  Maybe it was because Ashley, too, understood loneliness.

  “Come and get ’em!” Her father’s voice carried down the beach, and Kari smiled. How many Labor Days had they gathered at this same spot, played on this same beach, and heard their father make that same announcement?

  No, she wasn’t alone at all.

  Besides, she had God, his presence, his Word alive within her. That was more than she could say for poor Ashley.

  “Save some for me, Papa!” Cole came darting into view from behind a band of trees. Kari was making her way toward the picnic tables as Landon and Ashley appeared, hand in hand and laughing.

  Landon’s part of your plan, isn’t he, Lord? Kari waved in their direction. From across the beach, the others headed for the barbecue pit. Luke was careful to steer Reagan away from Ashley. His differences with his sister hadn’t eased with time, that much was sure.

  Kari was the last to reach the tables. As she made her way up the shore, holding Jessie against her shoulder, she watched Ashley and Landon—the way Ashley’s eyes sparkled when he spoke, the way he seemed in tune to everything she said, every move she made. It was finally happening. Landon had figured out how to squeeze his way into Ashley’s heart.

  Yes, Landon was part of God’s plan for Ashley—Kari was certain of it. And if things went the way she hoped they would for her sister, one of these days very soon Ashley would welcome more than Landon Blake into her heart.

  She’d welcome God himself.

  Chapter Sixteen

  It was time.

  Ashley knew it the moment she saw Landon walk toward her that afternoon. She had made a decision to tell him the truth, to share with him the secrets she’d planned to keep forever. And if he never again looked at her with longing and love after tonight, so be it. At least she wouldn’t be resigned to living in fear the rest of her life.

  During the barbecue, with a dozen conversations in full swing, Ashley slipped next to her mother and squeezed in beside her.

  “Can you take Cole with you when we’re done?” She kept her voice low. The last thing she needed was for Luke to hear her. He’d probably make some comment about how often Ashley pawned Cole off on their parents.

  “Sure.” Her mom dabbed a napkin to her mouth and turned so she could see Ashley. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing.” Ashley’s answer was quick. She didn’t want her mother to get the wrong idea. There was nothing serious between her and Landon, and after tonight—well, after tonight there might not be anything between them at all. “Landon and I are going to stay a little later. That’s all.”

  “That’s all?” A grin played on the corners of her mother’s mouth.

  “Yes, Mother, that’s all.” Ashley uttered a short laugh. “He’s not proposing to me or anything. We’re just friends, remember?”

  Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and discreetly directed her gaze toward Landon. Ashley did the same. He sat tall and strong at the next table, talking to Cole and helping the boy spread ketchup across his hamburger bun. “Good friends, I’d say.”

  “Fine.” Ashley sighed. No matter how far she and Landon had come, she still hated this part, this Baxter magnifying glass, this chance for everyone to see them together and guess what might be happening. “The point is, we need to talk. Without Cole.”

  Her mother moved back from the table a few inches and put her hand on Ashley’s knee. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” She gave Ashley an apologetic smile. “I like Landon very much.”

  “I know.” Resignation sounded in Ashley’s tone. “Me too.”

  “Of course I’ll take Cole.” Her mother slid back into position at the table.

  Ashley returned to her seat and told Landon about her parents’ offer. “Can you stay awhile? Here at the lake, I mean?”

  “Sure.” Landon’s brow rose just enough to show his surprise. “You sound serious.”

  “I . . . I have something to tell you.”

  “Uh-oh.” Landon tossed her a grin that didn’t quite hide the concern in his eyes. “That can’t be good.”

  “No.” Ashley pulled away from his gaze and picked at the watermelon chunks on her plate. “Probably not.”

  The hour passed quickly, with more conversations and, after dinner, a marshmallow roast around the barbecue pit. Luke had brought his guitar, and the group sang along as he played a series of their family’s favorite songs by artists such as Garth Brooks, the Eagles, George Strait, and Skip Ewing.

  Ashley and Landon sat away from the others, their chairs side by side. Cole was at Luke’s knee, singing along as much as he could, his off-key voice punctuating Luke’s clear, strong one.

  Partway through the brief concert, Landon leaned closer. “What’s with you and Luke?”

  “He doesn’t like me.” Ashley’s whispered answer was the first thing she could think of. Usually she’d make some remark about how the two of them didn’t see eye to eye or how he’d become a judgmental, self-righteous conservative. But maybe those statements were only cover-ups, ways to hide the pain. Because the rift between them hurt more than she cared to admit.

  Luke played on as Landon knit his brows. He kept his voice low so none of the others closer to the firepit could hear him. “Of course he likes you. The two of you were best buddies as kids.”

  Ashley felt the beginning of tears, and she blinked them back. “Not after Paris.”

  Landon said nothing. Instead, he settled back in his chair and returned his attention to Luke. But this time—in a way that soothed the painful cracks in her heart—he reached out and quietly took her hand in his.

  She savored the feel of his fingers against hers. His touch felt so good she wanted to cry. Even when no one else understood, Landon did. Why was she realizing that only now, when it was too late? When he was ready to move on with life and leave her behind? And why was she holding his hand, anyway—letting him get to her the way she’d always vowed he never would?

  There was no point, no matter what Landon felt for her now. After tonight there’d be no holding hands, no shared closeness. Once he knew who she really was, he’d pack his bags for New York City and never look back.

  W
hen Luke finished playing, the group gradually headed for their cars. Ashley and Landon joined in, making promises to get together with Erin and Sam sometime soon and bidding good-bye to Cole and Kari and the others.

  Finally they were alone. As the last of her family’s cars drove away, Landon turned and eased her to him. They hugged for a long moment. “All night you’ve been in knots, Ashley.” He drew back enough to see her face. “What is it? What’s eating you?”

  The sun had set, and only a few faint streaks of light remained in the sky. Except for the glow from the fire and the light of the moon, the beach was dark. Ashley bit the inside of her lip. “Let’s sit.”

  The night felt cool after the day of solid sunshine, and the breeze off the lake had picked up a little. They left their chairs off to the side, and Landon spread a blanket out near the barbecue pit. There they sat together, their shoulders touching. After a minute of silence, Ashley drew a deep breath. There was no easy way to begin. She pulled her knees up to her chest and tilted her face so she could see him. “I want to tell you about Paris.”

  “Is that what this is about?” Compassion flooded his tone, and he slipped an arm around her shoulders. “No, Ashley.” She could feel him shaking his head. “You don’t have to tell me.”

  “I want to.” She stared straight ahead, her eyes fixed on the dying embers. “I thought I could bury the past. Just move on like it never happened.” She paused. “But I can’t.”

  “No.” His voice mixed with the breeze and played softly in her mind. “Life doesn’t work that way.”

  “You were right the other night.” She was quiet, desperate to avoid what was ahead but still determined to go on. “The only way to bring down the walls is to talk about what happened.”

  With gentle hands he framed her face. “But you’re so afraid, Ashley. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “Yes.” She mouthed the word but no sound came out.

  “I don’t know what your feelings are for me, Ash—whether they’ve grown stronger lately.” He searched her face and tenderly kissed her brow. “But nothing you could tell me would change the way I feel about you.”