Remember

by Karen Kingsbury; Karen Kingsbury

  Everyone in the circle seemed to hold their collective breath as they heard his bedroom door open again. This time Luke said nothing, just bounded down the stairs. John wasn’t surprised that he responded to Elizabeth. For some reason, most of Luke’s recent animosity seemed directed at him.

  “Sorry.” Luke took his place in the circle between Ashley and Cole. His expression was one of bored tolerance, but at least he wasn’t pushing the issue.

  “Thank you.” Elizabeth smiled in his direction, but he only nodded and stared up at the ceiling.

  John studied him for a moment. Whatever was wrong with Luke, he hadn’t been himself since the terrorist attacks. John wanted to order him to change his attitude, force him to be polite, the way he had when Luke was little. But Luke was older now, and this wasn’t the time or place.

  The others had their eyes closed and were ready for the prayer. John bowed his head. “Lord, thank you for this meal you’ve provided. Thank you for the blessing of family and good health, for watching over us this past year. We pray for those struggling with losses this Thanksgiving. . . .” Images of Reagan and Landon flashed in John’s head, and for a moment he was too choked up to speak. “We remember them now, Lord, and we ask that you remember them also. Comfort them, and comfort those fighting for our freedom overseas. Most of all, Father, we thank you for the gift of living in America. Your goodness surrounds us, and we are grateful beyond words.”

  The meal was unhurried, punctuated with quiet conversation and occasional bouts of silliness from the children. Erin and Sam announced they’d postponed their move until the summer. Uncertainties at Sam’s company had led to layoffs. Though management still wanted him at their Texas location, the arrangements had been delayed. Erin seemed relieved, but she was clearly still concerned about the move.

  Ashley gave them an update on the residents at Sunset Hills. “I needed a few things for Bert’s room—you know, to make him more comfortable. I found one of them on eBay. It should get here any day.”

  Kari finished a bite of mashed potatoes. “I love eBay, especially when I’m busy.” She looked behind her and checked on Jessie. The baby was sleeping peacefully on a blanket in the family room. “You can find almost anything.”

  “By the way”—Peter set his fork down and looked at Pastor Mark—“we really enjoyed your message last Sunday. You’ve got us thinking.”

  John shot Elizabeth a quick wink. The greatest thing to happen to the Baxters since the terrorist attacks was that Brooke and Peter and even Ashley were attending church. Peter was a private man, an accomplished young doctor with a history of relying on himself. Brooke was private too, for that matter. Only an event as life-changing as what happened September 11 could have moved them to enjoy a Sunday sermon.

  “Thanks.” Pastor Mark shrugged. “That’s my job.”

  Peter glanced at Brooke and then back to the pastor. “Actually, we’d like to meet with you one evening next week if that works for you.”

  There was silence around the table, as though none of them knew what to say or how to react to Peter’s statement. Then Pastor Mark’s smile lit the room. “Sounds good to me. Let’s talk about it after dinner.”

  Next to him, John could feel Elizabeth’s joy. How many years had they prayed for Brooke and Peter, that the two of them might realize life could not be explained by textbooks and scientific knowledge alone?

  “Mommy, I’m done.” Four-year-old Maddie, who never ate a lot, was squirming in her booster seat. “Can I go play?”

  “Yeah!” Cole piped in. “Let’s build a Lego fort!”

  “Me too!” Little Hayley’s eyes grew wide, and she tugged on Brooke’s sleeve. “Go play.”

  Brooke grinned. “Okay. Go ahead.”

  “By the way”—Pastor Mark’s wife looked at Brooke as she helped Hayley down from her seat—“how’s Maddie doing? Last I heard, she was still fighting a virus or something?”

  Brooke’s features hardened some. For all their medical training, neither Brooke nor Peter had been able to explain their daughter’s strange fevers. It was a topic Brooke didn’t like to talk about. “She’s well now.” The corners of Brooke’s mouth lifted, but the fear in her eyes remained. “We’re”—she shot a quick look at Peter—“we’re praying for her.”

  Praying for her? John worked to contain his surprise. It was one thing to see Brooke and Peter interested in church and meeting with Pastor Mark. But to have them talk so openly about praying? John silently thanked God. Quiet or not, this was a Thanksgiving he’d never forget.

  The meal continued, but Luke said little. When the conversation turned to the war in Afghanistan, he stopped eating and stared at his plate. He dragged his fork through the sweet potatoes, his mind clearly somewhere else.

  “I think they got Osama bin Laden.” Sam buttered another roll and looked at the others. “If he’s dead in one of those caves, no one will find him for months.”

  “I don’t know.” Peter’s eyes grew thoughtful. “The man’s pretty resourceful.”

  “Pretty evil, you mean.” Kari passed the fruit salad to Elizabeth. “I can’t believe he had terrorist camps set up right here in the United States. It’s too awful.”

  Pastor Mark focused on Ashley. “What do you hear from Landon?”

  All her life Ashley had worked to be aloof, different from the rest of them. But John knew her too well. The emotions that flashed across her face at the mention of Landon’s name told him one thing clearly: She loved Landon Blake. For the first time since the two of them had known each other, she actually loved him.

  Ashley drew a quick breath. “He hasn’t called.” She let her gaze fall to the half-eaten food on her plate for a moment. “I think he’s planning to stay there for a while.”

  “Is he still working at Ground Zero?” Marilyn’s question was innocent enough, but John could see by the tilt of Ashley’s chin that it was difficult for her to answer.

  “His mother says he is. He’s . . . he’s still looking for his friend Jalen.”

  “Jalen?” Marilyn paused, her expression curious. “The fireman, right?”

  “Right.” Tears formed in Ashley’s eyes, and she blinked them back. “He was working in one of the twin towers when they collapsed.”

  With that, Luke set his fork and napkin down and pushed back from the table. “Excuse me.” He flashed a practiced smile at the rest of them, turned, and headed up the stairs. “I’ll be in my room.”

  A nervous silence mixed with the warm smells of dinner and hung over the table for a moment. Ashley wiped her mouth. “Luke doesn’t like talking about Ground Zero.” She shook her head and gave the Atteberrys a sympathetic smile. “It’s not your fault. He’s just—he hasn’t heard from Reagan since she left. The whole thing’s been hard on him.”

  John stared at Ashley. How did she know? Luke hadn’t been sharing his feelings with John or Elizabeth, but apparently he had been very open with Ashley. John thought about that for a moment. It was probably a good thing. Though Luke’s silence toward him hurt, John couldn’t be anything but grateful for the renewed friendship between Luke and Ashley.

  “I’m sorry.” Marilyn took her husband’s hand. “I wasn’t thinking.”

  Pastor Mark raised an eyebrow in Ashley’s direction. “I’m leading a group at church for people struggling with what happened September eleventh.” He looked at the others. “Lots of folks have questions. The group gives them a chance to talk through their feelings. Luke might be interested.”

  Ashley took a sip of water and nodded. “I don’t think he knows about it.”

  John let his gaze fall to his plate. Of course Luke didn’t know about it. He had been to church just once since the attacks.

  “Okay.” Ashley took another slice of turkey. “I’ll tell him.”

  Across the table, Erin finished her dinner and crossed her arms. “That was your best turkey yet, Mom.” She smiled at Elizabeth.

  “Thanks. I used a baking bag this time. I think it’s
more tender than usual.”

  This was the part of Thanksgiving John liked most—the easy banter and conversation among those he loved. And Erin was right. Elizabeth had outdone herself this year—maybe because she, too, sensed things were changing. There was no telling how many holidays like this they had left, with everyone together at the table.

  “Mom says you still talk to Ryan.” Erin looked at Kari. “How’s he doing?”

  Kari’s cheeks reddened at Erin’s question. “We talk.” She took a sip of water from one of the crystal goblets Elizabeth used for special occasions. “He’s good. The team’s been up and down this year. It’s emotional for all of them—right there in the middle of New York.”

  “I bet. Tell him we’re praying for him.”

  “I will.”

  John watched his second and fourth daughters. It was unusual that Erin hadn’t talked about this with Kari before, but then they’d both been busy—Erin teaching a new classroom of children, and Kari spending her days with Jessie and driving to Indianapolis for modeling jobs once or twice a week. John wasn’t sure Erin knew, but Kari was also doing extra reading and Bible study these days, getting ready for a ministry she hoped to start within the year. Pastor Mark had been meeting with her regularly about the idea.

  Nearly everyone was finished eating. John wiped his mouth and folded his napkin on his plate. “It’s time for the report.”

  It was a tradition they were all familiar with. Elizabeth called the older children in from the family room. “Okay . . .” She grinned at the children. “Everybody shares what they’re thankful for.”

  “Can I go first?” Cole practically danced with delight. When John nodded, Cole announced that he was thankful for Legos and turkey. Then Cole named everyone present—“and Landon, because he’s brave and he’s my friend!”

  “Very good, Cole,” said Elizabeth. “And Maddie?”

  Maddie was not nearly as outgoing as Cole. She thought about her list but finally mentioned her mother and her father and her kitty. Hayley, unsure what was going on, simply followed her sister’s lead: “Kitty.”

  “All right, that’s a good start.” John looked around the circle. “Who’s next?”

  Ashley raised her hand. She sat up straighter in her chair. “I’m thankful for the people at Sunset Hills. They’re . . .” She searched for the right words. “. . . they’re teaching me about life.” She glanced down at Cole and kissed the tip of his nose. “And of course for my precious Cole.” She looked around the table, her voice soft, tender, her attitude completely different from a year ago. “And for each of you.” She hesitated. “I’m thankful because I feel like painting again and because I’m learning not to be afraid to love.”

  John was glad it wasn’t his turn. He wouldn’t have been able to speak if it were. He winked at Ashley and nodded, telling her the only way he could that he was proud of her.

  Erin was next. “I’m thankful for my faith and my family, for the children I teach, and for the future God has for me.” She didn’t look at Sam, and John wondered why. Had she omitted him intentionally? He hoped not.

  Sam and Peter were thankful for their families. When they were finished, the group turned their eyes on Brooke and waited. Her eyes glistened with tears. “I’m sorry it had to take a tragedy—” Her voice broke, and she pinched the bridge of her nose, searching for the strength to finish. Peter slipped his arm around her.

  She sniffed and shook her head. “This is harder than I thought.” She sighed and looked at the others once more. “Ever since September eleventh, life has been different for me. More real, I guess. I’m thankful for the wonder I see in my husband’s eyes . . . for the flags flying across America . . . and for the way all of you have welcomed Peter and me at church. Even though we haven’t been very supportive in the past.” The tears pooled and spilled onto her cheeks. She smiled, though her lower lip and chin quivered. “And I’m thankful for my sweet angel girls. For their health . . .”

  Maddie was still standing beside her mother. She lifted a tiny gentle finger and wiped a tear from her mother’s face. “Don’t cry, Mommy.”

  “It’s okay, baby.” Brooke framed Maddie’s face with her fingertips. “This is the good kind of crying.”

  John brought his forearms up on the table and gazed at his oldest child and her daughter. Maddie’s unexplained fevers bothered John. Keep her healthy, please, God.

  Kari’s eyes were damp too. She hesitated, waiting while Brooke used her napkin to dab beneath her eyes. Then she listed the things that mattered, the reasons she was thankful—Jessie and her family and faith. “But I’m especially grateful for life, that God has allowed me to find hope and a reason to go on. Even after all that’s happened.” She bit her lip, and John’s heart went out to her.

  Only a year ago, Tim had celebrated Thanksgiving with them. How completely life could change in the course of just twelve months. John sighed. No, it could change faster than that. Twenty-four hours were enough to change the course of history. If Americans had learned anything recently, they’d learned that. “Who’s next?” he asked.

  “Me!” Cole popped up from his chair, and everyone laughed.

  “You already went.” Elizabeth folded her arms, smiling at him. “Now it’s Grandma’s turn.” She rattled off a list of names—everyone at the table and then some. Pastor Mark and Marilyn did more or less the same. Finally it was John’s turn.

  “Well, first I’m thankful for God’s presence among us and for each of you.” He felt his expression grow serious as he surveyed the people around him. “The changes this year have been remarkable. Some deeply painful . . .” He narrowed his eyes in Kari’s direction, praying she could feel his love and concern. Then he looked at baby Jessie still asleep in the family room. “Some deeply joyful. We’ve seen relationships restored and the fires of faith fanned into being. But not without cost.” He tightened the hold he had on Elizabeth’s hand. Luke’s face came to mind.

  Then John bowed his head, and around him the others did the same. “God, I pray that you might be merciful to us in the coming year, that you continue to be the heartbeat of our home, the foundation of our family. That the scars from our recent tragedies won’t remain forever. But that one day, however far from now, we might look back and be thankful for how you’ve brought us through.”

  * * *

  Ashley crept upstairs after dessert. How strange the role reversal that had taken place between her and Luke since last year. Just twelve months ago Luke was cocky and judgmental, firing derogatory barbs at Ashley whenever he had the chance. He was the family’s golden boy, full of laughter and zest for life. But he was also bent on seeing justice served at every turn, determined to do right no matter what errors his sisters might make.

  Now, though, Luke had become angry and reclusive. Ever since Reagan left, he seemed to have a vendetta against God and nearly everyone else he cared about. In fact, he didn’t seem able to relate to any of the family—except perhaps Ashley.

  And as for the changes in her own heart, she knew they were partially due to Landon Blake. By letting her talk about Paris, he’d removed a splinter from her soul. In its absence, the place that had festered and bled and pained her was actually beginning to heal. Now some nights she and Cole would read together before bedtime, and Ashley would feel like shouting out loud over the obstacles she’d overcome this past year. She was learning to live again, learning to love. And every day she felt less afraid of her past, more confident that God did care about her after all.

  Now maybe she could help Luke remember some of the same truths.

  She knocked on his door and cautiously let herself in. “Hey, can I talk to you?”

  He was sitting at his desk, his pen moving steadily across a pad of paper, his backpack slumped on the floor nearby. At the sound of her voice he set his pen down and looked over his shoulder. “Sure. Come on in.”

  Ashley took a spot at the end of his bed and waited while he swiveled his computer chair around t
o face her. “Homework?”

  Luke glanced at his open notebook. “Yeah. Communications. I’ve got a project due.”

  She wrinkled her nose. Hadn’t he said something about this assignment before? She and Luke had talked more often in the past two months than they had in years. “The one you’re doing with that girl?”

  “Lori Callahan. She sits beside me in class.”

  “I thought you finished that.”

  “Nope. Professor Hicks made it part of the final.”

  Ashley was quiet for a moment. She swung her foot and leaned back some. The last thing she wanted was to lecture him—especially after all he’d been through. Besides, she’d had plenty of years of feeling like an outsider, years when a lecture was the last thing she would have wanted. Whatever Luke’s reasons, Ashley understood some of what he was going through. “You missed dessert.”

  Luke nodded. “I’ll get some later.”

  “Okay.” Ashley cocked her head. “So what’s bugging you?”

  He clenched his teeth, and Ashley was struck by how handsome her little brother was. Over the last few years, she’d done her best to avoid him. But now that their friendship was restored, it was as if she were seeing him for the first time.

  The muscles in his jaw twitched. “All anyone ever wants to talk about is September eleventh.” He leaned over and dug his elbows into his thighs. “I’m sick of it, I guess.”

  She studied him, not wanting to probe too deeply. Her tone was gentle. “Have you heard from Reagan?”

  “I stopped calling last week.” He linked his fingers together. “It took me that long to realize she wasn’t busy or away from the phone or gone somewhere. We’re finished.” He dropped his gaze. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  Ashley shifted position. Reagan’s pain and sorrow were understandable. Her silence was not. Whatever her reason for refusing Luke’s calls, there had to be more to it than her father’s death. “Maybe something else is wrong.”

  For a split second Ashley thought she saw a flash of guilt in Luke’s eyes, but it was gone before she could be sure. Luke inhaled sharply and lifted his chin. “It’s over, Ashley. Everything the two of us shared died right along with her father when that building collapsed.” He exhaled through tight lips. “I can’t do anything about it.”