Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews

by Amazon Reviewers

  9 of 11 people found the following review helpful

  Maybe the greatest work of art ever created

  By R. Peace, October 15, 2004

  This album, if you can even call it that, is the greatest thing ever produced by human beings. If I could choose one piece of art to represent the human race, this would be it. Any time spent not listening to this album should be seen as time wasted. This is how I spend my every waking moment. If you see anyone at any time doing anything else, that’s not me. No less than six of the ten flawless tracks are graced by the name of the master himself. A sure-fire cure for even the most virulent strains of Hulkamania. God bless Hulk, and God Bless America.

  25 of 25 people found the following review helpful

  Hands down the most important album of the 20th century!

  By Crazy Mofo, May 22, 2006

  Let’s face it. Hulk Hogan has created this generation’s Dark Side of the Moon! This amazing album takes you on a roller coaster ride both musically and emotionally. But, just like most great albums, it leaves you wanting more. Here we are ten years later, and we still haven’t received the Hulkster’s sophomore effort. He needs to give up wrestling and all that reality show junk and focus on what he is really great at: playing the bass and delivering razor-sharp rap verses. Long live the Hulk!

  14 of 16 people found the following review helpful

  We’ll Tag Up Again

  By Josef Gulick “Joe G. The O.G.”, January 5, 2006

  Quite simply put, this album rocks for three songs: “Beach Patrol,” “I Want to Be a Hulkamaniac,” and “Hulkster in Heaven.” The Hulkster dominates three genres (rap, dance, and power balladry) with effortless ease. Do not sleep on this masterpiece. Purchase it immediately and become a Hulkamaniac!!

  5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

  Singlehandedly makes the 90s musically important

  By Nikolaus O. Reed, April 8, 2005

  This is to the 90s what Are You Experienced, Abbey Road, and In the Court of the Crimson King were to the 60s. A brilliant, life-changing masterwork. Don’t make the mistake that could cause an earache! Simply put, you *need* to order this right away. The vocals are superb, and the songwriting is something else—music this fresh hasn’t been seen since 1968! Truly gives me hope for the future of rock ’n’ roll.

  54 of 57 people found the following review helpful

  Easily the best thing recorded in the history of sound!

  By Kenneth Kapelka, April 30, 2003

  From the opening rockin’ guitar chords, you know your ears are in for a musical treat. Yes, my friends, the Hulkster is in the house, and he’s doing it right this time. I am going to be the first reviewer to do a song by song review of this album, hoping to give you an inside perspective on the genius of the Hulkster:

  “Hulkster’s in the House”—the intro is magnificent; you can tell the Hulkster spent some time really reflecting on and writing the lyrics to this track. Take this bit of wisdom for instance: “When the going gets tough, the tough get rough, heeey hoooo c’mon, let’s go!” Now I don’t like to share this with a lot of people, but I was on the brink. I didn’t think life had much left for me, and then one day I popped this disc in my stereo and it was so uplifting. Hulk, you saved my life. This song was also used in an episode of Malcolm in the Middle.

  “American Made”—a little jingoistic diddy about how Hulk was “Born and Raised in the USA and a real American.” The only thing that I would change would be to let Hulk sing on the track.

  “Hulk’s Back”—the Hulkster does hip-hop and raps. 2Pac, Biggie, NAS, Jay-Z have nothing on the Hulkster. Gotta love the woman who sings with him; now I know where Jay-Z got his idea to have Beyoncé on “Bonnie and Clyde ’03.” Best line is performed by the woman who steals the show as she croons toward Hulk, “Wah nah nah?” I’m sorry the song only clocks in at 2:20.

  “Wrestling Boot Traveling Band”—a heartfelt ballad sung by Jimmy Hart (can you guys say, “The next Jimmy Buffett”?). I heard that Hart, Hulkster, and Mean Gene Okerlund wrote this one on a road trip to one of their many sold out gigs on Wrestling Boot Traveling Bandpalooza ’94.

  “Bad to the Bone”—with the opening motorcycle noises, you know who’s bad. Is it Meatloaf? Motley Crue? No, my friends, it’s the Hulkster! Wait, this has been 2 songs without the Hulkster singing; where’d he go?

  “I Wanna Be a Hulkamaniac”—oh yeah, Hulk does techno! Best line of the song: “Always go swimming with a buddy, work real hard, and always study.”

  “Beach Patrol”—another rap classic. He was “walking down the beach looking for some action.” It digresses from there including a “Whoomp There It Is” line. I’m not kidding.

  “Hulk’s the One”—words cannot describe how good this song is.

  “Hulkster in Heaven”—this song is supposed to be about someone dying, and I think the Hulkster did a great job memorializing one of his young friends. It doesn’t matter that most of this song is used to make the Hulkster look like a great guy; we know his heart was in the right place and that the Hulkster could never be about his ego.

  “Hulk Rules”—oh yeah, he does!

  In closing, this album is a masterpiece unparalleled by any other. If you can find this anywhere, pay however much it takes to get your hands on this item. The genres of music Hulk mixes without much effort are amazing. Hogan is the man! I also hear rumors that the Wrestling Boot Band is planning a reunion tour sometime in later 2003/early 2004, so look out, ’cause they could be coming to a town near you. I’ll see you at the show!

  Richard Simmons—Disco Sweat

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/6303471153

  4.5 out of 5 stars

  Name: Richard Simmons—Disco Sweat (1994) [VHS Tape]

  ASIN: 6303471153

  Price: $9.95

  Disco Sweat is pure Richard Simmons: “get-up-and-dance” oldies and a bevy of exercisers of all shapes, sizes, and clothing styles, shaking their booties with abandon and joy. This time they’re boogying at the Brooklyn Disco under flashing lights. The music is all 1970s disco, with songs like “Mighty Real,” “Boogie Fever,” “Born to Be Alive,” “Last Dance,” “I Love the Nightlife,” and “I Will Survive,” accompanied by special effects such as a silver ball overhead or bubbles from a “car wash.” Richard’s choreography, as always, is easy and accessible to beginners: light, low-impact moves, repeated often. A few songs are especially fast for higher-intensity intervals, but the moves are still low-impact and uncomplicated. An occasional “disco point” of the fingers or “Travolta arms” add effect. After you dance your buns off, Richard takes you to the floor for ab work and stretching. This is a long workout, and if you’re just starting, you may not have the stamina to do the whole tape. Just do what you can on this 70-minute video, taking frequent breaks, and each week you’ll be able to do more.

  Most Helpful Customer Reviews

  22 of 24 people found the following review helpful

  This is the greatest video ever made

  By bob, January 14, 2000

  Richard Simmons is to the horizontally challenged what Bill Parcells was to the New York Jets. He is such an awesome motivator and coach that I wish I could hire him to be my personal trainer. Now, when I started this video, I was weighing in at 375 lb. I was hating life and hating myself. After 3 weeks of intense training with Richard, I am now weighing in at a svelte 360 lb., and boy do I feel great. Whenever I get the craving for a piece of cake or a hamburger or 3, I just grab the video and pump up instead. Some advice: Buy as many copies of this video as possible and put them all over your kitchen. Put them in the pantry, in the bread drawer, in the fridge…just everywhere. This way, when you want to eat, you will see Richard there smiling at you and saying, “Get up off your duff and work out and be beautiful”…you won’t eat again. Put one in the oven and microwave as a second wave of defense just in case you actually do get the food and attempt to cook it. Thank you
, Richard, for making me into a man again.

  5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

  All The Right Moves!

  By Jerome Albertson, February 3, 2011

  Get ready for the workout of your lives, fitness friends! Disco Sweat has got it all! I first stumbled across this videotape at my church’s annual rummage sale and was intrigued. I knew Richard Simmons was a famous fitness trainer of the stars, but I wasn’t sure I could handle his grueling exercise regimen. However, after seeing some of the featured tracks I knew I had to get it. Disco music is my specialty, and I love working out to those amazing tunes. (As a matter of fact, my membership at 24-Hour Fitness was once revoked when I snuck my Donna Summer LP into their sound system. Turns out records won’t spin on the modern CD players, and management didn’t like Donna Summer. Double oops!!) Anyway, I’ve been “sweatin’” to this VHS for over six weeks now, and the results have been Disco-Tastic! I’ve dropped 12 pounds, and more importantly, I know all the lyrics to “Boogie Wonderland”! I also learned how to point in the air like John Travolta, which I had always been too afraid to attempt—until now! I’d recommend this VHS tape to ANYBODY who wants to improve their figure and enjoy themselves at the same time.

  PROS: Great music, incredible special effects, good exercise sequences provided by Richard Simmons

  CONS: Some of the moves too complicated/risky, not enough hits from KC and the Sunshine Band, controversial exercise shorts

  Prancercise

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159594690X

  4.5 out of 5 stars

  Name: Prancercise: The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence

  ASIN: 159594690X

  Price: $26.22

  Prancercise: The Art of Physical and Spiritual Excellence is a whole new way of thinking about and approaching fitness. To be really fit we need to consider more than just ourselves; we need to also consider the conservation of the environment (as through vegetarianism), and nonviolence, through our thought processes and behavior. This book is a true literary resource well researched and documented, not just propaganda. It’s a recipe for fitness, health, and self-fulfillment!

  Most Helpful Customer Reviews

  134 of 151 people found the following review helpful

  Bronies need exercise, too!

  By G.C. “Serious Reviews for Serious People”, May 29, 2013

  I am not going to even prance around the point—I am a brony. What’s a brony? An adult, male fan of My Little Pony. But not just any fan; I am a serious fan. I go to conventions dressed as my favorite pony (Twilight Sparkle, duh), and my room could easily be mistaken of that of a five-year-old girl’s due to all the MLP collectables I’ve acquired. The one thing that the new My Little Pony franchise has not really taken into consideration is the health of their fan base. Friendship is great, but what good is it when you are lethargic and flabby? That is where Prancercise comes in. I first discovered Prancercise while surfing the popular website Reddit. Granted, people were posting links to the author’s video for the sake of mocking it, but something in the freedom of her movements spoke to me. Underneath that crisp, salmon-colored jacket and those tight white leggings was a kindred spirit. A spirit that had been sent onto this earth to spread friendship, cheer, and prancing. Look, I know how it sounds, and I know you’re probably thinking that either I am sitting here being facetious or that I am a total nutcase. But I promise you that I am sincere, and that I am at least sane enough to be an independently living adult with a full-time job. So, I mean, that’s something. I implore you to pick up this book and give Prancercise a chance. It has changed my life. I went from lazy, lethargic, barely having enough energy to squeeze into my size 6T Pinkie Pie pajamas (they need to start making these for adults). Now I am full of energy, life, joie de vivre. I am a new me. A new pony. I do not skulk around; I PRANCE. I prance PROUDLY and with gusto. And you know what? There is nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. I guess at first I was afraid that people would make fun of me. I mean, sometimes they already do. But I thought it would be worse when I was out in the park or my neighborhood prancing freely. But you know what? NOBODY CARES. People just mind their own business, sometimes smiling to their companions as I pass them, basking in my joy. If anything, people are more respectful than I anticipated, giving me a wide berth so I do not prance into them by accident. All in all, my life is better. Thank you, Joanna.

  147 of 166 people found the following review helpful

  I found this book pranctastic

  By Jon Pape, May 29, 2013

  At first I was skeptical, but after convincing several of my co-workers to try Prancercise, I am a believer. I lead a daily prancercise at work and people come out of their office, prancercise for a while and the go back to work. Afterward we high-five, enjoy an orange mocha frappuccino, and head back to work knowing we let our inner-horse out to pasture.

  10 of 11 people found the following review helpful

  Giddyap!!!

  By Martin M. Rosenbluth, June 12, 2013

  One week after buying this book I won my first race! Next year, I am going to go for the Triple Crown! Can’t wait to start getting those stud fees!

  34 of 39 people found the following review helpful

  Do You Think You Can Prance?

  By Joe Guy “joe_guy”, May 31, 2013

  After viewing the Prancercise video a couple weeks ago I decided to try it myself. I decided to go to San Francisco to do it because I was sure nobody would notice me. Once I arrived at downtown on Market Street I went into full trot mode while waving my hands and arms and smiling at everyone on the street. Before I knew it a parade had formed behind me and everyone was prancing wildly, some of them were singing and carrying signs such as, “D**** ON BIKES FOR OBAMA,” “WILL PRANCE FOR FOOD,” and “PARK BENCH FOR RENT.” At one point a cop pulled me over and asked me for my prancing license. I told him that I had diplomatic immunity, and he backed off. The line behind me grew with prancers of all races, creeds, and colors. All of them waving arms and smiling. When we all finally became exhausted, we had a group hug, and then we all went on our separate ways. It was beautiful. Now I never walk anywhere. I prance to wherever I want to go. The only odd thing is that my diet now consists of sugar cubes, apples, and hay, and I’m as strong as a horse and attracted to camels for some reason. I highly recommend Prancercise.

  70 of 78 people found the following review helpful

  Makes a wonderful gift

  By Drew Alexander, May 29, 2013

  Joanna writes that her creation, Prancercise, is “the only child I intend to bear.” This book is something we can all be glad she didn’t abort.

  17 of 18 people found the following review helpful

  Best thing I’ve tried since bath salts!

  By Alec, May 31, 2013

  Sure, there are chemicals you can put into your body to get you high. But then there are all-natural highs like the rush of adrenaline you get while skydiving or cliff jumping. And then there’s “prancer’s high.” Oh man. For those of you who may have experienced a runner’s high during a marathon, you might know a little bit of what I’m referring to. Comparing runner’s high to prancer’s high is like comparing Pixie Stix to crystal meth, or Channing Tatum to Daniel Day Lewis. Do yourself a favor and get sideways on some prancing right now.

  19 of 20 people found the following review helpful

  Awakened my inner horse!

  By Nigel Reid, June 5, 2013

  It can be difficult being a fulfilled male figure in a world concerned with political correctness, sensible politics, and tamed inner passions. I found in Prancercise my inner horse, which has brought me into an awakened world of masculinity! My muscles have never been firmer, and I feel confident that I can escape predators as both my speed and my sense of balance have increased. Last week while prancing I set a new track record AND jumped over a fence! I’ve even begun to sleep standing up, which has kept me more alert and attentive—ready fo
r action! I’m eating incredible quantities of oats without the guilt that I used to feel, and even my hair has a new sheen to it that the ladies are keen on. I smell like leather during the day and like sweet, sweet man sweat at night. A caution to the weak—this is a committed workout! On average I’m eating upward of 24 lb. of food per day, am drinking 12 gallons of water, and must prance daily.

  425 of 448 people review helpful

  Call me Prancer

  By Sleigh, May 29, 2013

  This book finally let me experience my inner horse. I was like a child again, prancing through the woods. At one point, I was convinced I had 4 legs. A smile radiated from my face. I punched the sky, knowing that I was free. Call me Prancer, for I walk my path with joy.

  9 of 10 people found the following review helpful

  Hoofin’ it!

  By Genevieve, June 3, 2013

  Hay everybody! I know you should never change horses midstream, but hold your horses until you hear me out. It’s time you get off your high horse and stop horsin’ around with those other fillies. Take a ride on Prancercise, which is no longer the dark-horse candidate of the 80s. Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from this workout! While I know you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, hopefully this info straight from the horse’s mouth will inspire you to find your inner horse. Start working out those haunches with this rare mare, the prized buckskin of the year. May your horse never stumble, your cinch never break, your belly never grumble, and your heart never ache. Giddy up!

  Samsung 85-Inch Smart LED UHDTV

  Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/dp/product/B00CMEN95U

  4.1 out of 5 stars