Captivation

by Nicola Moriarty

  Let’s see how wet you are.

  And she sensed his fingertips trailing over the softness of her breasts as his hand made its way down her body to slip between her legs. He teased her at first, running his fingers around her inner thighs, neatly avoiding the place where her hot wetness was gathering, but eventually, he brought his hand up to meet it and she felt his warm breath as he exhaled in pleasure.

  Very wet indeed.

  ‘You’ve always been able to do this to me,’ Juliette replied, and she moaned as he began to massage her, his fingertips circling deliciously. She felt kisses begin to fall on her skin, down her neck, across her collarbone.

  Gently, softly, he kissed his way across from one breast to the other, then touched the tip of his tongue to each nipple in turn, making them harden, standing to attention as Juliette began to shudder underneath him. Finally, he opened his mouth wide to take one nipple between his lips, as his fingers simultaneously plunged inside her.

  ‘Oh, God,’ groaned Juliette, ‘I can feel every movement your fingers are making.’

  Teasingly, he pulled his hand away then, and began to walk his fingers up along her stomach, over the creamy flesh of her breasts, and lifted them to Juliette’s mouth. He ran the tips of his fingers over her bottom lip, and then brought his mouth up to meets hers, and together they licked at his fingers, tasting the depths of Juliette’s longing.

  She could feel her body beginning to shudder and she writhed underneath his touch as she longed for the moment he would finally be inside her. Growing wild with impatience, she lifted her hips up to meet him, pressing herself against his straining length, inviting him to slide himself within. When he finally pushed his way inside, they moaned in unison. As he moved deeper, Danny’s hands cupped her breasts, his fingertips brushing tantalisingly across her nipples, while Juliette rocked back and forth, taking him deeper and deeper.

  When the moment came, Juliette lifted herself up onto her elbows, arched her back and ground her body against Danny’s form, as the wave of tingling pleasure rose up within her and overcame her, exploding from her fingertips and her toes and making her bite down hard on her lower lip to stop herself from screaming out in ecstasy.

  ‘Are you able to … can you … come?’ she asked then, through gasping breaths.

  Hell yes.

  She felt his hands tighten their hold on her breasts, squeezing – and then just as suddenly, his grip weakened and his hands were slowly trailing down her body as she felt him shudder and convulse above her. Keeping him buried inside, Juliette collapsed backwards onto the pillows and she lay together with Danny’s form close by, breathing deeply, regaining her composure.

  When it was all over, Juliette opened her eyes, expecting to see Danny there beside her, expecting to be able to reach out and hug him to her, and instead, what she saw was nothing, just empty space. She was plunged into a moment of despair, because no matter how hard she wished for it, he was never going to be truly brought back to life. Once again, she wondered if she would ever run out of tears.

  Chapter Ten

  It was the following day and Juliette was standing out on the balcony, enjoying the feel of the fresh air on her skin, of the warm sun beating down on her shoulders. She gazed out towards the ocean, thinking of how nice it would feel to dive under those waves, to refresh herself, clear her thoughts.

  She sensed Danny by her side and smiled.

  ‘Hi there,’ she whispered.

  Hello yourself.

  She felt hands on her waist, lips on her neck and she tilted her head, sighing blissfully at the familiarity of his touch.

  ‘Tell me something,’ she said, ‘Why is it that we’re able to make love, that I can physically feel your touch, your kisses, that you can be inside me – but I can’t turn around right now and grab hold of you. It just doesn’t make any damn sense.’

  None of this does. It’s crazy I know–it’s like the normal rules of physics don’t apply … but look, at least we got to have fun last night.

  ‘A lot of fun.’ She paused and then added, ‘the sunshine is gorgeous this afternoon. Can you feel it at all?’

  No. Your body is the only thing that I can feel. When I touch you, it’s like you bring my soul back to life. But everything else is … absent. Juliette, did you mean what you said last night? About staying in the apartment forever? Staying with me?

  ‘Yes, I really did. I don’t believe that there could ever be a goodbye for us – our love is different. It’s love that’s too strong to be broken by death. Love that’s going to keep us together, forever.’

  And you’re sure you’ll be happy – trapped inside, always?

  ‘I’m not trapped, Danny, I want to be here. Nothing out there matters to me. I don’t care if I never walk across the grass again or stop to pick a stupid, fucking flower. All of that is nothing to me. Nothing in comparison to being with you.’

  I guess it’s a part of life, right? A part of relationships–everyone makes sacrifices.

  ‘Exactly.’ Juliette paused before she spoke again. ‘Danny, I’m going to grow old in this apartment, with you by my side. And when the day finally comes for my life to end, I’ll come to you. We’ll be together for eternity.’

  There was a long pause, and then she felt his hands on her face, drawing her close, and then lips on her lips.

  I love you, Juliette.

  They kissed slowly, passionately, and Juliette was filled with relief. It felt as though her entire life was starting over. From now on, it was going to be just her and Danny again – only this time, she didn’t need to share him with the public. No travelling the world, no meetings with publishers or agents. No pretty, young fans asking for his autograph. He could be all hers. Life would be perfect.

  ‘Tell me more. What’s it like for you. What does it feel like?’

  Juliette was on the couch, the television was on but the sound was muted. Images of the evening news were flashing across the screen, but she wasn’t paying any attention. She knew Danny was right there by her side, she could feel his gentle touch, as though his hands were resting on her feet, which she’d lifted up off the floor onto the cushions beside her.

  It’s difficult to describe. It’s not like anything I experienced when I was alive. I can only seem to touch certain things, sometimes. You, I can touch, I can find my hands and I can reach out and hold you – but then, let’s say I tried to pick up that book over there – I can’t. It’s like I can’t comprehend how to do it. It’s strange.

  ‘And what about before? When you were still drifting in and out. Where did you go?’

  There were times where I honestly didn’t know where I was. It was like … walking through dreams. Nothing felt real. Time made no sense. But other times, there was one certain place that I often found myself. It was somewhere special to us, somewhere that I think I might have recreated in my mind. In the early days, though, when I was first trying to make contact with you, I used to get this sense every now again – like there was something pulling me. Pulling me towards somewhere warm. Somewhere peaceful. Sometimes now, when you’re sleeping, I get hints of it again. I catch sight of a faint glow, or I hear something–it’s like a mixture between laughter and the gurgling of rushing water … or maybe music. I don’t know. But it always fades again. I think it means there’s something more out there for us. When the time comes – for both of us – there’ll be somewhere for us to move onto.

  But for now, when I’m with you, when you’re awake and by my side, that place is so far off that I can hardly imagine ever leaving this world to go there. Being with you makes me feel more real than ever.

  ‘It’s the same for me too, I’ve never felt as natural as I feel when I’m with you.’

  Juliette picked up the remote and pressed the power button to turn the television off.

  ‘I might make myself something,’ she said, leaning forward. ‘Maybe pasta for dinner.’

  She sensed a change in Danny’s demeanour and she hesitated. ‘
Everything okay?’ she asked.

  Yes, yes, of course. His words rushed to reassure her. I’m just jealous. It’s not as though I actually feel hunger, but I do miss food.

  Juliette immediately regretted mentioning dinner.

  ‘It’s okay,’ she said, ‘I won’t eat right now.’

  No, don’t do that. You don’t need to worry about me.

  ‘Honestly, I’m not really hungry anyway. I was just going to eat for the sake of it.’

  Are you sure?

  ‘Yes.’

  Let’s go to the bedroom then.

  There weren’t many activities they could really do together. They didn’t watch television, as stories from the outside world had stopped interesting them. Sometimes Juliette still read or baked, but mostly, they wanted to keep their attention focused on one another. And reading was so solitary, while baking had become pointless – now that she once more had no way to get rid of the results of her cooking.

  So sex became their favoured pastime. Sometimes, in her sleep, Danny would begin to fondle her breasts or stroke her inner thighs and Juliette’s dreams would become sensual and erotic. Sometimes she woke and they made love, other times she continued to sleep, and simply orgasmed in her dreams, waking in the morning or the afternoon with a distinct feeling of satisfaction, laughing when Danny asked her if she enjoyed her rest, because she knew that what he really meant was, did you enjoy my input into your dreams last night?

  The first sign that their relationship was strengthening even further, came one morning when Juliette was in the shower. She was lost in her own world as she massaged her head with shampoo, thinking how perfect her life was. Thinking how lucky she was to have found her soulmate again. And then, without meaning to, she thought something quite unexpected: ‘I’m glad that Danny died.’

  Do you really believe that?

  Juliette jumped and almost slipped in the shower. She felt hands grabbing hold of her, steadying her so that she didn’t fall.

  ‘Jesus, Danny, where did you come from? I didn’t even realise you were in here with me.’

  Sorry, I just came to see you. I missed you.

  ‘So, you can read my mind now? You heard everything I was thinking?’

  I guess so. I didn’t mean to – it’s just that, I don’t know, your thoughts were so clear, it was almost as if you were speaking out loud.

  ‘Listen, Danny, you have to understand – I didn’t mean to think that. I mean, obviously I wish you hadn’t died. I guess it’s just that, since you came back to me, it feels as though our relationship has never been better—’

  Danny cut her off: Stop. It’s okay, Juliette, I agree with you. I’m glad that this happened too, I’ve never felt closer to you. I mean, look at us–I can be inside your mind. You can speak to me without even saying the words out loud. Do you think anyone else in the world has ever experienced a connection this deep? We’re special, Juliette, we’re very, very special.

  Do you remember the first time I made contact with you? Right here, in the shower?

  ‘Of course I do.’

  Show me what you were doing that day. Put your hands on your body. Let me watch.

  ‘Anything for you, Danny. Anything.’

  They made love over and over again. Pressed up against the wall of the shower, on the bedroom floor, the couch, anywhere and everywhere. Juliette wore little clothing; anything she put on would inevitably be pulled off again anyway. Dressing seemed pointless.

  One afternoon, when Juliette had finally managed to draw herself away from her bed to take a breath for just a few minutes, she caught sight of herself in the hallway mirror and stopped to gaze at her reflection. She wasn’t sure she could remember having ever looked better. Her pale skin was flushed pink from what had just taken place between them. Her dark, tangled hair fell about her shoulders and her eyes looked bright, shining with life. As she continued to examine her face in the mirror, something strange began to happen. Ever so slowly, in the reflection behind her, a shape was taking form. She held still, only allowing her peripheral vision to take in what was happening– afraid if she focused on it completely she risked making the shape vanish.

  The more she waited, the stronger the figure became – until she started to make out a more definite form: broad shoulders, square jaw, the left ear that stuck out just slightly more than the right. Short, curling hair, a crooked, cheeky smile. Finally, unable to stand the suspense anymore, she swung around and squealed with delight.

  ‘Danny! I can see you!’

  ‘What?’ And when he responded, the words come forth from his mouth and the sound of his voice, the proper, spoken words, was glorious.

  Juliette flung herself into Danny’s arms and within seconds her hands had travelled all over his body, feeling his skin, touching the hairs on his bare chest, stroking his face. He was shirtless, but wearing faded loose jeans – the jeans he always used to wear around the apartment, with the tear across one knee.

  ‘You’re real,’ she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘You’re really real now. You’re finally back.’

  Danny laughed as he held her close.

  ‘How did this happen?’ he asked.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she replied, ‘I don’t know and I don’t care.’

  Chapter Eleven

  From there, they grew closer and closer. Danny still couldn’t leave the apartment – he said he felt fear, sensed danger when he came close to the front door – but Juliette didn’t care.

  ‘I don’t have to share you with the outside world. We have each other, that’s all we need.’

  He still didn’t require food or drink, and at times his form seemed to waver, as though he was always on the verge of being swept away by a gust of wind, or frightened out of existence by a change in their environment, instilling in Juliette the primal need to protect him – to always keep him safe from the outside world.

  Juliette didn’t eat much either. Even though Danny said he didn’t mind, she didn’t like to eat in front of him – and besides, she was rarely hungry. She hadn’t bothered to order groceries for weeks now, the supplies she had in her pantry were enough to fulfil her tiny diet. She slept only when it suited her. More and more it seemed ludicrous to follow that archaic ritual of sleeping when the sun slept and rising when it rose. And besides, she mostly had no knowledge of the time – day or night, she kept all the curtains shut now, kept the apartment hot and dark. She stopped paying attention to the clocks and whenever Juliette did fall asleep, Danny just lay next to her and watched her and waited for her to wake again. She had never bothered to get the air conditioner fixed, she didn’t want anyone else coming into their lives. She filled the rooms with the heady smells of candles and incense – although she was careful now to ensure she didn’t set anything on fire again. The still-blackened patch of carpet and curtains was a helpful reminder of that terrifying day – but it was also special to her. That fire had been the reason Danny had been able to come back to her. That spot in the lounge room was almost sacred now.

  One night, Juliette heard far-off bangs from outside the apartment. She had been relaxing on the couch with a glass of red wine, listening to some jazz while Danny played with her hair and chatted with her. They were laughingly remembering the first time Juliette had attempted to make macarons – after seeing them on an episode of Master Chef– and they had failed miserably, turning out rock hard. They had joked at the time about the different potential uses for the failed biscuits – like an ice hockey puck or a paperweight. In the end, Danny had concluded that they were best kept on the bedside table as weapons for protection against intruders in the night. He was quite certain you could inflict a reasonable amount of damage if you attempted to bludgeon someone with one of them.

  Now they stopped laughing as Juliette strained her ears to listen for the noises from outside.

  ‘Fireworks?’ she suggested eventually.

  She uncurled her legs from underneath her and stood up from the couch to peer at the closed cu
rtains that hid the balcony door.

  ‘Let’s take a look,’ Danny suggested.

  Juliette hesitated, ‘I haven’t been out there in such a long …’ she let her words trail off, laughing nervously.

  ‘Come on,’ Danny’s words were reassuring.

  Stepping tentatively out onto the cool tiles, Juliette swivelled around, squinting into the sky. A moment later there was another bang and she watched as a shower of sparks exploded in the night sky off in the distance, south of the beach.

  ‘I was right!’ she said, sounding pleased. ‘Do you see them?’ and then she looked around her, relieved to see that Danny was standing right behind her, that his shape hadn’t been altered by the night air, that she could still make out his blue-green eyes, his olive skin.

  ‘Beautiful,’ he replied.

  He stepped in close and Juliette felt the tickle of warm breath on her cheek and she relaxed into his hold.

  ‘Wonder what they’re for?’ Danny mused.

  ‘They’re like a private show, just for us,’ Juliette replied – because it really did feel like that, she couldn’t hear voices coming from the beach, no appreciative gasps from other onlookers. It was just them.

  ‘What’s the date today, though?’ Danny asked.

  ‘I’ve no idea.’

  ‘Really?’ He sounded surprised.

  ‘Wait, let me think.’ Juliette’s forehead creased as she concentrated.

  ‘I suppose we’re getting towards the end of January, aren’t we?’ she said eventually. ‘So … they must be for Australia Day,’ she concluded. ‘Or then – I guess we could be in February already. Maybe it’s a Valentine’s Day celebration?’

  She felt Danny’s head nod in agreement.