Sanctity

by S. M. Bowles

  I was sure it was the first time I had ever vacuumed since Margaret always seemed to get to it first and decided that it was not all that unpleasant. I made my way around the bed and ducked the vacuum as far under as it would go. A moment later I heard a strange noise coming from beneath the hood of the vacuum. It sounded like something was caught in the brush and was tumbling around in there. I turned off the vacuum and squatted down. I flipped the head over so I could see what I had managed to suck up. After I gave the brush a spin a dusty, red pocket knife fell onto the carpet.

  “That’s odd,” I thought wondering where it could have come from. I picked it up and ran my finger along the smooth surface. A flash of memory attacked me; the image of a man with mahogany hair and a pair of grey eyes that hinted at the otherworldly, smiling at me. It filled me with a heady joy but the vision was short lived and vanished as quickly as it came.

  “I heard the vacuum,” Margaret was in the doorway.

  I jumped as I turned to look at her, “Oh, yeah, just getting up some of Kaley’s tokens.”

  “What have you got there?” Margaret asked.

  “Oh, nothing,” I replied, “Kaley must have found it on one of our walks and managed to sneak it by me.” I held the knife out to Margaret.

  “Hmm,” she touched it warily.

  “I’ll just throw it away.” I quickly folded my fingers around it before she could suggest an alternative. There was a small waste basket in the corner of my room. I stepped toward it, dropped the tiny blade and watched as it clattered to the bottom of the barrel.

  “Well, I was wondering if you would like to go for a walk while we are waiting on the laundry.”

  I looked up and feeling as though I could use some fresh air and sunshine I enthusiastically agreed to the endeavor. “Just let me put this away,” I patted the vacuum, “and I’ll hurry and get ready.”

  Margaret turned on her heel and headed downstairs to wait for me. I wound up the cord on the vacuum and put it away. Once I was back in my bedroom I closed the door behind me and stepped directly toward the waste basket. I took the little knife out. I grabbed a pair of socks from one of my drawers and tucked the blade inside. I opened the drawer on the nightstand and pushed my treasure to the very back. Afterwards I closed and opened the drawer once or twice to make sure that the bundle could not be seen and got ready for my walk.

  I didn’t know why I couldn’t part with the knife and I felt terrible at my duplicity for throwing it away only to retrieve it and hide it from Margaret. I couldn’t bear to let it go though and tried not to think about it as I attempted to compose my face so that my guilt wasn’t so clearly stamped into my expression.

  Kaley must have heard Margaret say walk and she knew exactly what that meant. She was bounding down the hall and back with excitement at the prospect of coming with us. She did her bunny hop down the stairs and sat to attention at the door. She watched me over her shoulder as I retrieved her leash from the kitchen table. I clicked it onto her collar and signaled to Margaret as she waited for us in the family room that we were ready to go.

  We walked along the cul-de-sac then turned right at the end and headed toward the greenway that ran through our development. Neither one of us was talking. I was still lost in my guilt and Margaret seemed to have something on her mind as well. After about 15 minutes or so she nudged me and let me know that she wanted to turn back.

  It was pretty cool out for that time of day but comfortable. I really thought I would enjoy the outdoors but it wasn’t improving my spirits at all. I tried to think of something to talk about but nothing came to mind.

  Margaret finally broke the ice, “I’m going to miss you tomorrow.”

  “I’m going to miss you too, Aunt Margaret. I wish I hadn’t slept so late,” I chuckled, “we could have tried to catch a matinee or something. What do you think you will do tomorrow, have you thought at all about what you will do all day?”

  Margaret gave a little chuckle, “You mean other than catch up on all the laundry you’ve been hoarding in your room?”

  “Yes, other than that,” I grinned.

  Some of the dullness that had been clouding our afternoon seemed to evaporate and we were soon talking and walking as though it were any other day.

  “Let’s go out for dinner, I don’t feel much like cooking tonight.”

  “Pizza?” I suggested.

  “Sure, why not?” She shrugged.

  We were home before long and I offered to switch the first load to the dryer and start the next. She thanked me and said that she was going to take a little time to relax and read in her room. “Let me know when you start to feel hungry and we’ll head out.”

  “Sounds good,” I turned into the laundry room as Margaret headed upstairs.

  I did as much as I could in between bouts of channel surfing and a handful of chapters in the book I was currently reading. After returning each load to its appropriate basket, I lined them up along the built-in shelf Margaret used for folding. I didn’t bother to fold anything myself since she would only refold everything if I did. She had a system as she would put it and liked to have everything a certain way.

  After I placed the last of the baskets my stomach began to rumble announcing that it was time to fetch Margaret and see if she was ready to go out for our pizza. It was still a little early but since we didn’t have lunch I was hoping Margaret would be up for an early dinner. She agreed and like our afternoon walk it was a somewhat melancholy affair. We did make some small talk but our hearts and our heads seemed to be somewhere else.

  After dinner Margaret drove us back home where I found Kaley patiently waiting by the door looking hopeful. I forgot to feed her before we left so I made my apologies and gave her evening meal to her. While she devoured her dinner I went upstairs and took my shower. It felt nice to wash the day away even though it wasn’t a very busy or strenuous one. I was still feeling a little anxious for lying to Margaret so I lingered hoping to ease some of the pressure I felt.

  I changed into some cozy pajamas afterwards and wandered back downstairs. Margaret was in the family room; a cup of tea in her hand and Kaley nearby in her bed.

  Margaret asked me if I wanted to watch TV together and clicked through the channels until she found something we were both interested in. We sat through a show or two before she reminded me that I had school in the morning and that it was getting late.

  “I know; I’ll get to bed soon.”

  “Is everything alright, Lily? You’ve seemed distracted today.”

  “Just…disappointed that vacation is over so soon I guess.”

  She nodded in understanding, “Well, summer will be here before you know it,” she sipped her tea. “Are you going to need a lunch tomorrow or will you get something in the cafeteria?”

  “I’d rather brown bag it but don’t worry, I can put something together for myself.”

  I said goodnight after taking Kaley for a quick walk in case she had any last minute needs to take care of. We climbed the stairs together and Kaley, ever familiar with my routine made a dash for the bed. She was too big to sleep with me like she did when she was a puppy but almost never failed to make the attempt. Sometimes I would let her lay with me until I started to fall asleep. She was very comforting but she liked to be close and after being crushed by her for a while I would start to feel crowded and have to shoo her off the bed.

  I don’t think it would have mattered either way that night.

  Chapter 10

  Despite my desire to, I didn’t sleep very well. I felt like every time I dozed off I woke right back up. As the clock neared the morning hours I was ready to give up completely on getting any rest. Kaley sensed that I was awake and waddled from the foot of the bed and rested her head on my pillow. I stroked her ears for a minute then I started thinking about the little knife in my nightstand. In the darkness I rolled to the side and opened the drawer. I reached for the bundled pair of socks and fished around until I found the folded blade inside. I opened
the blade and closed it again wonderingly. Kaley nuzzled me and lay down along the side of the bed. I held tightly to the blade with one hand and reached over and stroked Kaley with the other. Before long I was sound asleep.

  I started dreaming of a little boy at his birthday party. I didn’t recognize him but Margaret was there, though she seemed much younger. She was gathering all the children to a large table set-up in what must be a backyard somewhere. I felt oddly familiar with the scene as I took it all in. The table was covered in disposable birthday linens printed with colorful balloons and confetti circling the words Happy Birthday at various intervals of the cloth.

  There were a number of place settings and the little boy was sitting at the one at the head of the table. On his right was another, slightly younger, boy. He had the same hair, eyes and smile as the first boy, so I guessed that they must be brothers. Margaret was trying to place the other children boy, girl, boy, girl around the table working away from the first boy, while the second had gotten up and wandered to a swing set just beyond the party table.

  There was a small flower bed off to the left of the swing set and again I felt a wrench of familiarity about the scene. The daisies and other wild flowers growing in the bed were dancing in a light breeze and behind them there was a row of what looked to be tiger lilies standing bright and tall on their long stalks. I was sure I recognized this place and smiled in my sleep.

  There was a little girl rocking back and forth on one of the swings. She had long, black hair and soft, olive skin that intensified the darkness of her hair. I could see that she had deep, brown eyes as she swung forward and the light from the sun caught them. She was perhaps the prettiest little girl I had ever seen.

  “Hi Michael,” she said.

  “Hi,” the boy replied. “Lily, will you come and sit with me,” he was looking at his feet as he dug up a little tuft of grass with the tip of one of his shoes.

  As the swing came forward she leapt off and landed just a few inches away from the boy. She took his hand and he, very gentlemanly, walked her to the table. He was smiling from ear to ear as they sat down together.

  Once all the children were in place Margaret led them in a hearty rendition of Happy Birthday and as the chorus died down a man came into view. He was carrying a large, rectangular cake with flickering candles and the words Happy 10th Birthday Victor carefully scrolled across it. He was obviously the boy’s father, an easy guess even though the boy decidedly took after Margaret in looks.

  After he placed the cake the man walked toward Margaret and stood behind her. He lovingly wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. Everyone looked so happy with smiles all around and the light of love in their eyes.

  The scene changed somewhat and though the children were still seated around the table there was a stack of presents in place of where the cake once stood. The birthday boy was opening them one by one and thanking each of his friends in turn. Once they were all opened, he stood and asked if anyone would like to play hide and seek.

  “Ooops, just a minute,” the man was back and rummaging in his pocket for something. “I didn’t have time to wrap it but…,” he held out his hand and uncurled his fingers. There was a little red pocket knife lying in the palm of his hand.

  “Whoa…” the boy said.

  “Let me see,” the boy named Michael was just as awestruck. He was clearly jealous of his brother’s good fortune but the little girl was tugging on his arm and asking Michael to swing with her. He was momentarily torn but moved away from his brother at the girl’s insistence, “Great present, Victor!!” He smiled and grabbed Lily’s hand before running back to the swings with her.

  There was a shrill beeping and it took me a moment to come to and realize that my alarm was going off. I hit the snooze thinking to snatch a little more shuteye but before I could curl back up I was ambushed by a wet nose. Kaley prodded me into complete wakefulness and there was no chance for a few more minutes of rest.

  I noticed that my hand was clenched and when I opened it I realized that I had fallen asleep clutching the little pocket knife. It reminded me of my dream and I wondered if I should ask Margaret about it. I dearly wanted to know if any of the people I had dreamed of were real but I felt like there was no good way to broach the subject with her and that I might regret it if I did. She had never mentioned any of them; Michael, Lily, Victor, her husband. “Lily,” I knew the Lily in the dream wasn’t me. I sat wondering about them all for a minute and if they were real, why Margaret would feel the need to keep them to herself.

  I put the little knife back into its hiding place and got dressed for school. I grabbed my most comfortable pair of jeans and chose a simple white button up shirt to wear with them. I also picked a navy cardigan and since the jeans had a wide cut at the ankle, I slid on a pair of mid-calf boots and pulled my jeans down over them. By the time I had finished dressing I had somehow managed to forget my dream and that I wanted to bring it up to Margaret.

  I wandered downstairs to get some breakfast. Kaley had been patient so far but when we got to the foyer there was no mistaking that she wanted to go outside. I fetched her leash and tossed a jacket over my shoulders. It was still fairly dark and very cold that early in the morning. I was ever grateful that she only had one concern and completed it in record time.

  It was so nice to step back into the warmth of the house. I tended to Kaley’s breakfast, then my own. Margaret was not up yet and I felt pleased knowing that she trusted me to manage the morning on my own. I decided to make a salad for my lunch that day. Margaret had made them for my lunches in the past and I thought that I would copy her technique and put one together for myself. Her trick was to put the lettuce or spinach or whatever greens you were using in one container and then all the remaining veggies in another. That way the greens would stay crisp, because they were not getting the extra moisture from the veggies and the salad had the impression of being just prepared once you poured the veggies on top.

  I got to it and exercised a great deal of caution not to make a mess. I really didn’t want Margaret to regret her faith in my ability to do what would have been for her a simple task. Just as I finished tucking everything into my lunch bag and wiping the counter Margaret entered the kitchen.

  She was dressed and ready to start the day. She made her way to the island and inspected my work. “Very nicely done,” she said, “but you forgot one thing.”

  “The ice,” I said fully expecting it to be that.

  “Well, two things then.” She reached in the fridge and pulled out a bottle of salad dressing.

  “Oh, yeah,” I tapped my forehead in a comically forgetful gesture.

  Margaret made herself a cup of coffee while I finished packing my lunch bag. Once I was done, I ran back upstairs to brush my teeth and fix my hair. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wear it up or down and ultimately decided to wear it in a loose side braid. I had seen some other girls wearing theirs similarly as of late and since it seemed popular and looked nice, I thought it would be good choice.

  Once I was done with my hair I studied myself in the mirror for a moment. I had never been overly concerned with my appearance but did sometimes wonder if I looked at all like my mother or not. I always imagined that she was very pretty and that my dad was very handsome and that together they were a perfectly matched pair.

  It was getting late so I returned to my bedroom and packed up my school bag. After I did one last check to be sure I had everything I would need I made my way to the front door. I gave Kaley a goodbye hug and a little treat. I took her head in my hands and looked her in the eye “Take good care of Margaret today,” I said, “and be a good dog.” She liked the sound of “good dog” and gave me a nice sloppy kiss to show her appreciation. Margaret was waiting in the car to drive me.

  By the time we got to school it was just after 7:40. There was less than half an hour before classes started. Margaret waved goodbye to me as she pulled from the carpool lane. I hardly had a chance
to wave back before Danielle accosted me after making her way through the throngs of students that seemed to be springing up from the ground itself.

  “Hey, are you ready for another fabulous week of juniordom?” She asked as she flung her arm over my shoulder.

  I rolled my eyes at her, “What do you think?”

  Danielle was my best friend. She had a mass of curly, brown hair that she usually wore absently twisted into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. She was very friendly, completely unassuming and undeniably adorable.

  She was also very petite and yet I believed her to be completely unaware of that fact. I followed her as she muscled her way toward our lockers. After we stored the things we wouldn’t immediately need we wound our way to homeroom. She was ahead of me and looked back once or twice while chattering away. As we got closer to the classroom door she motioned me to hurry. We were just stepping through the threshold of our homeroom when the bell rang. I looked back over my shoulder and it was like everyone just evaporated.

  Dani slumped into her desk and I slid into mine. As we faced the teacher Danielle was to my right. To my left was a handsome boy with blondish hair and blue eyes whose name was Jake. I tried not to look at him overmuch, since he was dating Brooke and she seemed to have something very much against me. For some reason I felt like he was staring at me that day and trying to be deliberately rude like he wanted to get a rise out of me. I ignored him as best I could through the morning announcements and was thankful that they went by so quickly.

  When the bell rang signaling the end of homeroom Danielle called to me anxious to get on our way to our first class. There were 3 minutes between periods; a warning bell went off at the two minute mark and a second bell a minute later. If you heard the second bell and you were not in your class and in your seat, you were late. We heard the first bell and Danielle picked up the pace. She was in a good mood that day as she pointed and waved to her friends and to some of the teachers that we ran by. She seemed to know just about everyone and it was quite obvious that she was very well liked. Every other boy or girl, whichever the case may have been seemed to have a “Hey, Dani,” or “what’s up?” for her as we passed by.