Sanctity

by S. M. Bowles

  I picked up my pace a little and tried to focus on my day. It was Sunday, just one more day before my grand opening. I didn’t want to do anything flashy or force myself into being overwhelmed with business so other than an advertisement in the local paper and some random posts on appropriate social sites I hadn’t really promoted myself. I wanted to believe that a good product would sell itself and that though it might take some time to build my business up to where I wanted it to be, the slow and steady path was the safest. I realized that I shouldn’t worry about not having enough pastries since I didn’t expect to be inundated with customers my very first day and shouldn't let my opening add to the stress I was already feeling.

  Once I made that determination and I was at the shop I began to feel a little better. I put my things in the office, tucked my hair up under a kerchief and fastened my apron. I took a deep breath and thought for a moment about where to begin. I started lining up my ingredients; flour, sugar, butter, eggs. Before long I was in the thick of things and not really caring what I made, just as long as I was busy. I lost myself in my efforts.

  Eventually the work was not enough to keep me distracted and I decided to put some music on. It was just me in the shop, so I wasn’t hesitant to turn it up as loud as I could stand it. I worked, I danced, I sang and I was momentarily free from everything that was bothering me. A song came on that was a favorite of mine and as I was kneading some dough for cinnamon rolls I started belting out the lyrics with all the emotions that were rubbing me raw.

  I was surprised at how good it felt and actually impressed with some of the notes I was hitting. As the music died down there was a bit of a pause before the DJ began his between song litany and I heard a faint applause coming from behind me.

  “Oh, don’t let me interrupt,” though Victor had a tremendous grin on his face his sudden appearance caused my heart to skip a beat and for my face to color with an overwhelming sense of embarrassment. “I’m sorry to have caught you,” he faked a little cough, “off-guard but I tried knocking both front and back. I guess you didn’t hear me. I hope you don’t mind; the door was open so I let myself in,” he shook the rain from his umbrella.

  “No,” I attempted to recover myself. My heart was racing and I was so uncomfortable knowing what he had just witnessed that I was unable to think of anything whatsoever to say. I dusted my hands on my apron and turned the music off. I looked around at what I’d been creating and decided that everything was safe to put aside momentarily. “Did you need to see me about something, let’s go in the café?”

  As I motioned him toward the doorway he looked over his shoulder, “Busy morning,” he said as he scanned my work.

  “I got a little carried away, lost in my thoughts sort of thing and I didn’t realize what I was doing.”

  He took a seat at one of the raised tables, “Well, I’m sure it’s not my place but it would be rude not to ask; is everything alright?”

  “Oh, yes, everything is just fine,” I tried to put an edge of enthusiasm, which I certainly didn’t feel, in my voice.

  Victor nodded, “Well, I did have something I wanted to talk to you about.” He hung his head for a moment and I was unable to read his face, “You see, wow, this is really awkward,” he lifted his head and when I looked into his eyes I felt that strange emptiness that seemed to overwhelm me from time to time sweep over me. He was very handsome and as I looked him over I had an eerie sense that I knew him somehow. “This thing tonight, I know you’ve worked really hard to do this order for us and maybe after everything you’ve done you would rather sit home and relax,” his words were coming quickly and I was puzzled at his intent, “but if you don’t have any plans, I’d like you to come with me; you know as my date.”

  I was flabbergasted.

  “You’re going to be there anyway, setting up the desserts, so why not just stay and enjoy yourself for a little while. It will be a good time and it will give me a chance to start making up for the imposition I put you in.”

  “Don’t do it!” My mind screamed at me. “Sure, why not,” I found myself saying. “Oh, God, where did that come from?” I thought as another wave of shame swept over me. I didn’t know how to take it back though, it felt like my brain was stuttering and couldn’t settle on a coherent thought other than, “What have I done?”

  “Great,” Victor stood up, a happy, yet somewhat overly satisfied look on his face. “It’s dinner and a cocktail party; I’ll be wearing a suit, if that helps at all.”

  It did, “Yes, that’s good to know,” I tried to smile but I was so filled with uneasiness for accepting Victor’s offer that I was sure it didn’t look genuine. He was obviously ready to leave, “Did you park in the front or the back?”

  “Front,” he said.

  “Here, I’ll let you out this way then.” I made my way to the front door, unlocked it and ushered him through.

  “See you at 6,” he called as I closed and locked the front door behind him.

  “Oh my, oh my, what have I done? Why did I say yes? How could I do this to Charlie?” I was giving myself a headache as I stood there abusing myself with the shallowness of the behavior I had just exhibited.

  I wandered back to the kitchen area and put the finishing touches on the things I had been working on. It took a fair amount of time for me to get everything tucked away, the kitchen tidied and all the work stations back in order. I looked at the clock and decided it would be best to put off any more work for today. “How could I have made so many mistakes in just a few short hours?” I shook my head at myself as I got ready to leave.

  I stripped off my apron and took the kerchief from my hair. I tossed them both in the laundry bag and gathered my things from the office. I checked my phone for any calls or messages from Charlie but there was nothing. When I got to the back door I turned the handle expecting it to be unlocked since that was how Victor got in. “Huh, that’s odd,” I didn’t remember locking it back up after Victor left but it was certainly locked then. I was too busy being angry with myself to dwell on it and after I got outside, I simply placed my key in and turned the lock. I gave the handle a shake to double check and made the short drive back to my apartment.

  As soon as I got inside I checked my home phone for messages only to be disappointed once again. There was nothing from Charlie or anyone else for that matter. I took off my dusty clothes and decided to make the most of the afternoon by getting ready for, “My date.” I still couldn’t believe I said yes. Victor was a complete stranger and though he was attractive and seemingly with a decent personality there was something about him that spoke of duplicity.

  “I’m one to judge,” I thought to myself as I eased into a bath.

  I read for nearly an hour and as the bath slowly cooled it reminded me that I needed to finish up. After shaving and showering I toweled off and made my way to my bedroom where I rifled through my closet for something to wear. I decided on a mid-calf cocktail dress that I bought a year or so before. It was a random purchase and I didn’t have an occasion in mind when I originally bought it. The color was striking though, something between black and purple or purple and black. “Eggplant,” the salesperson called it.

  It fit so well and I felt indulgent that day so I had it rung up and I brought it home. Since then it had hung in its shopping bag cocoon in the back of my closet waiting for the appropriate opportunity to wear it.

  “Well, it still fits,” I smiled as I admired myself and the dress in the mirror.

  I went back to the bathroom and stooped to fetch my make-up from under the vanity. Though, I didn’t wear make-up very often, I seemed to have a somewhat substantial collection. I read a few of the labels and placed the items I planned to use to one side and tucked everything else back in place. I pulled my hair back and started carefully applying my make-up.

  When I was done I tried to decide what to do with my hair. I held it up on the top of my head, I pulled it back over my ears and I put it in a bun at the nape of my neck. Nothing really
seemed to strike me though and I opted to curl it here and there and put it in a loose band that I slung over one shoulder with a few of the loose tendrils falling freely to accent the look.

  It was nearly 5 o’clock by the time I finished so I donned my shoes and grabbed one of Charlie’s old dress shirts from the closet. I brought it with me with me to use as a kind of lab coat to protect my dress while I packed up the pastries for the function. It was still overcast but no longer raining as I hurried back to the shop. I made sure to lock up after I stepped in not wanting to be surprised again by Victor or anyone else for that matter.

  As I pulled the lid down over one of the last boxes I heard a soft rap at the back door. I smiled at Victor as I unlocked it and shepherded him through. “Well, that’s everything,” I motioned to all the boxes.

  “Wow,” he said but he was not looking at the desserts, he was looking at me. I couldn’t help blushing as I realized that it was an off-hand compliment directed at me.

  “Oh,” I started unbuttoning Charlie’s shirt to reveal my dress underneath.

  “Very nice,” he smiled and nodded. “That is quite the color,” he reached into his coat and drew out his tie. He shifted it so that it caught the light at different angles and I could see that it was nearly the same shade as my dress.

  A shiver of panic ran through me and I took a step back.

  “Are you alright,” Victor stepped towards me and took my elbows in his hands to steady me.

  His hands were like ice where they were touching my bare skin and I instinctively pulled a little bit away. “Yes, I’m sorry. I guess… wow…I just had a little déjà vu there. I feel like I’ve done something like this before.”

  Victor looked a little worried for a moment but quickly composed himself, “I felt a little something like that, too, the first time I saw you,” his words were soft and calculatedly shy but I didn’t seem to notice their falsity.

  To me his voice sounded reassuring, comforting almost and I felt a touch of giddiness flood my insides. I just smiled and said, “I’m glad you asked me to go with you tonight.”

  He took my hand and gave it a little squeeze, “Me too, let’s load this bonanza up so we can make the most of whatever’s left of our night.”

  Victor offered to drive and though it was small and sporty we managed to fit everything either into his trunk or backseat. He was very careful not to turn too sharply or to accelerate too quickly so that none of the desserts would shift or get damaged during the short drive to his office. He took me to the lobby and had me take a seat near the elevators.

  “I’ll be right back. I’m going to see if some of the servers can give us a hand bringing everything up.”

  I idly sat and waited and within a few minutes he was back with a handful of the wait staff that had been hired to help with the function. They systematically gathered everything up and as they stepped into one of the elevators, Victor and I stepped into the other.

  Victor turned to face me, “They said they will take care of everything from here and make sure it is all arranged for display and serving so there’s nothing left to do but enjoy one another’s company,” his gaze was very intense as he said this. He took a step closer and I got the impression that he was going to kiss me but instead he just took my chin in his fingertips and tilted my face from side to side. I felt like he was searching for something and trying to get the proper light to see it in.

  There was a little flash of revulsion in his expression that my mind refused to acknowledge, “You have green eyes,” he said. “I’ve never met anyone with green eyes; grey eyes but never green. They are very beautiful,” he said the last part too flatly and it didn’t feel like a compliment but I smiled anyway.

  I was a little disoriented as he offered me his arm and we stepped from the elevator. For some reason it seemed as if everyone turned to us at once, almost like they were expecting us. There was a slight murmuring from the people standing nearest us sipping cocktails and daintily nibbling on hors d'oeuvres. In an effort to avoid eye contact with any one person in particular I turned my gaze to Victor.

  Smiling, he looked down at me, “Are you hungry, or would you prefer something to drink for the moment.”

  “A glass of wine might be nice,” I tried to sound poised but I was floundering in self-consciousness.

  “This way,” as he led me to one of the bars that was set up along the wall it seemed everyone hurriedly resumed their previous activities and that Victor and I were no longer of any interest. Red or white?”

  “Red, thank you.”

  He handed me a glass but only ordered a mineral water with lime for himself. He made a sour face as he took the first sip, “Eww, that first taste is always so bitter.”

  “Yes, I know,” some of the iciness I’d been feeling appeared to take a departure as Victor looked around and began pointing out various members of his firm while explaining their roles to some degree or other. I tried to take an active interest with the hope of keeping the chill at bay and asked what I felt were appropriate and worthwhile questions.

  Eventually, he turned the conversation to me and asked me questions about where I was from and where I went to school, questions about my family, my friends, my relationships. I got disconcerted when he asked whether or not I was dating anyone and I tried to turn the conversation away. I asked similar questions about him; what his role with the company was, where he went to school and so forth. He was not very forthright with the information he gave. Most of what he said was vague and consisted of one or two word answers.

  “Let’s mingle,” he took my hand and began to introduce me around.

  “This is my date, Lily Donovan; she owns the bake shop down the street. She made all the desserts for our little party tonight.”

  I heard this explanation more than once and yet with every repetition Victor managed to make it sound fresh. I met a number of the attorneys, a few paralegals as well as one or two of the partners that started the firm. As the night progressed and the desserts were laid out I became a bit of a celebrity. Everything was going over really well; especially the cheesecakes and many of the guests were finding it necessary to seek me out with their compliments.

  Victor seemed irrationally pleased with the notice we were both receiving for providing such a generous selection. I couldn’t help thinking that he was relishing in the constant barrage of interest, almost as though he craved the attention. I myself was thankful when it appeared as though I had fielded the last of my baking questions for the night and Victor and I were able to turn our attention back to one another.

  I think he sensed my weariness and asked if I wanted to take a little break and sit down for a bit, “Yes that would be nice.”

  He pulled a chair for me and had me sit at one of the nearby tables while he fetched another glass of wine for me. “Here you are,” he grinned as he handed me the glass. “So you were a big hit tonight,” he said, “I wish I had known how popular you would be, I would have taken you somewhere else instead,” he lightly chuckled, “I feel like I’ve spent time with everyone but you.”

  I thought he was trying to sound disappointed but it was not completely convincing. I wished I could make sense of whatever it was I was feeling, this lack of sincerity in everything Victor did and said. It was all technically pleasing but not emotionally; something was lacking. “I feel the same way,” I said. “I wish we had more time to get to know one another,” I absently looked at my watch and realized how late it was getting. “Would you mind if we called it a night soon? I still have a grand opening to attend tomorrow.”

  Victor glanced around, “Yeah, sure, I think you’ve made a memorable impression and I can safely excuse you at this point.”

  His reply seemed odd but again I ignored my inner misgivings. I just smiled and accepted his hand as he helped me up. He said goodnight to a number of people as we made our way to the reception area and the front doors to the office. Once we were in the elevator I began to realize how truly exhaust
ed I was. The morning had been emotionally draining and then working at the shop, topped with the evening out with Victor; I felt like I was ready to drop dead.

  “Not yet,” I thought I heard him say.

  “What’s that?” I was looking at the floor and wrapped up in my own concerns for a moment.

  “Hmm, I didn’t say anything,” Victor was shrugging his shoulders at me.

  “Gosh, I must really be tired.”

  “Are you? I can drive you home if you like and if there is someone to get you to your opening.”

  “No, I would rather not put you, or anyone else out. Thank you anyway, it is kind of you to offer.”

  He smiled and pulled from the parking area. I turned my head away and looked out the window as we drove along. Now that the night was nearly over I found myself confronted with the prospect of having to face Charlie when I got home. As I thought about what I would say and how Charlie would react I began to realize that it was taking longer than it should to get back to the shop.

  “Victor, I think you missed the turn for the cafe.”

  “Did I?” he raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.

  “Yes, I’m sure you did.”

  “Pity,” he said and continued to drive.

  I was seized with apprehension as I watched him and wondered what his intentions were. “Would you please take me to the shop, it’s been a long night and I would like to go home?”

  “Home,” he sighed, “I like the sound of that. I would like to go home, too. Tell me Lily, do you have a home; not a residence, not some place you live but a home, with family and friends?”

  “Of course I do, everyone does.”

  “Do they?”

  “Please Victor, you’re scaring me.”

  He laughed and continued to drive. I wasn’t sure what to do, part of me wanted to unbuckle and jump from the car but he was driving way too fast for me to make a successful attempt without killing myself. I knew I was helpless, defenseless. No one knew where I was, or who I was with. The people at the law firm would know, if anything should happen to me, that I was with Victor, surely that must act as a bit of insurance against anything too severe.