A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity

by Bill O'Reilly

  Finally, there is a larger point at play with Oprah. The fact that a black woman from a poor background can command so much power once again illustrates the greatness of America. This could not happen in most other countries. I’m not sure that is widely understood. Regular Americans bestow awesome power on Oprah by watching her TV program and respecting her opinions on a variety of subjects. The folks do this, not the government or some pinhead media executive. And when the people deem you worthy of power, you have been granted both a supreme compliment and a huge responsibility. So far, Oprah has risen to her incredible occasion. She can move the dial on many issues and has often made lives better.

  Donald Trump

  As far as wielding power goes, the polar opposite of Oprah is Donald Trump, the brash real estate mogul who dabbles in television for his own amusement. But don’t underestimate this guy. Trump has the ability to revitalize entire urban neighborhoods, and his operations provide work for hundreds of thousands of Americans. The ability to employ people on a mass scale is a definite power indicator.

  Simply put, there is little nuance in Trump’s power base; it is derived from cold, hard cash. If money talks, Mr. Trump’s lips are exhausted. He controls a huge real estate empire by using a combination of savvy business connections and sheer intimidation.

  I’ve known Trump for years, and he’s a true force of nature. Unlike presidents or even Oprah Winfrey, Donald doesn’t depend on masses of people for his success or power. No, his enormous clout comes from partnering up with a few high rollers who like his maverick style. They want to invest or live in his buildings, gamble in his casinos, and present a powerful image like Trump does.

  Truthfully, I know nothing of Trump’s business dealings. That’s not my area. Unless he breaks the law, his private dealings are his own business. I’ve heard he is a ruthless guy. I’ve heard I’m a ruthless guy. The truth is elusive in these matters—except for me: I can assure you that the bold, fresh guy is the picture of benevolence. However, I may not be objective in this analysis.

  Also, I have no idea how Trump wields his power day to day. He looks like a tough guy to me. I mean, it’s hard to imagine a man like Trump taking much jazz from anyone. Clearly, he goes out of his way to project an aura of success and confidence. And what you see on TV is what you get in person.

  I know this because I have spent some time with Trump. We are both baseball fans, so a couple of times a year, we’ll go out to Yankee Stadium and, while watching the game, kick world events around. Trump is well informed and insightful. For example, he understands exactly what I’ve done with the Factor brand because it is similar to what he’s done with the Trump brand. In addition to having an acute interest in the world, both Trump and I are well known and exceedingly controversial. So we have common ground.

  By the way, I generally keep my social conversations private. If somebody says something to me at a ball game or a dinner, I don’t spread it around. Why would I? Gossip is stupid and counterproductive; what my friends tell me stays in Vegas, or in Levittown, or wherever.

  But I don’t think Donald Trump will mind my analyzing his power, because he himself has done it a number of times in his books. The big thing about Trump is that he gets things done. This is the hallmark of the powerful. When the city of New York dithered around for five years, unable to reconstruct an ice-skating rink in Central Park, Trump stepped in and rehabilitated the Wollman facility in six months. Somehow, he convinced the tough city unions to cooperate and work fast. Very few politicians have ever done that. Check out Boston’s “Big Dig” if you don’t believe me.

  It’s the same all over the country. Trump’s buildings go up quickly and efficiently, while many public works projects seem to take forever. Why is Trump so much more effective? That’s easy: he demands results, and people fear not delivering for him.

  So on the surface, at least, you can compare Trump’s power to Oprah’s in this way: his is driven by trepidation, while her clout is derived from love. But look a bit deeper and you’ll see that Oprah is also feared, even though she does not openly work that angle. Nonetheless, it would not be wise for someone in politics or show business to alienate Ms. Winfrey.

  Of course, alienating Donald Trump is foolish as well and would very likely lead to a public bloodletting. And it is on this point that I chide him.

  Remember that dopey public brawl between Trump and Rosie O’Donnell? It all began in December 2006, after Trump publicly scolded one of his beauty contestants, Miss USA, Tara Connor, for misbehaving. You may have seen the sensational photos that featured Ms. Connor in a variety of salacious poses. There were also allegations of substance abuse.

  After the woman agreed to counseling, Trump allowed her to stay in the pageant. However, the situation angered Rosie O’Donnell, who was then cohosting the daytime yak fest The View on ABC. Ms. O’Donnell quickly got up close and personal, citing Trump’s past tabloid exploits and accusing him of hypocrisy and extreme hubris (which are never good).

  Trump immediately fired back, calling Ms. O’Donnell an astonishing variety of names, including a “big, fat pig” and “a mental midget.”

  Rosie, rising to the challenge as only she can, rejoined that Trump was a “pimp” and a “degenerate.”

  While even the Little Rascals would have been embarrassed, the jaded media swooned with joy.

  Then Mr. Trump announced he was going to sue Ms. O’Donnell. That’s when I booked him on the Factor. The following is a partial transcript of the conversation, where I try to convince Trump that getting down in the mud with O’Donnell is not helping him.

  O’Reilly: Don’t you understand that Rosie is making herself look bad?

  Trump: Hey, Bill, there are two types of people in this world—people that take it and people that don’t take it. Rosie is a bully.

  O’Reilly: All right, so I’m not going to be able to convince you to beat her intellectually and to stay out of the personal.

  Trump: This is ultimately intellectual. You know, I went to the best school. I went to the Wharton School of Finance.

  O’Reilly: That’s what I’m telling you. Why do you have to talk about her girlfriend then? Just talk about the erroneous things she says.

  Trump: I feel sorry for her. I’m not talking about her girlfriend. I feel sorry for her girlfriend. How would you like to have to kiss Rosie?

  O’Reilly: That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t need to do that.

  Trump: I feel sorry for this girl. I just found out her name is Kelly. She looks like a lovely young woman. Too bad she got stuck with Rosie.

  O’Reilly: Okay. Now, the lawsuit. You can’t win, and I’ll tell you why. You have to prove damages, and you’re not going to be able to prove damages.

  Trump: You know, Bill, do me a favor. Don’t be my lawyer.

  O’Reilly: Have you thought about that?

  Trump: I think about everything.

  O’Reilly: You can show malice, but not prove damages.

  Trump: Bill, don’t be my lawyer. I like you. You’re my friend. Don’t be my lawyer.

  O’Reilly: Can I be your adviser?

  Trump: Yes.

  O’Reilly: Don’t use any more personal attacks.

  Trump: I will take that very seriously.

  Okay.

  A few days after that interview, the spat died and, ultimately, Trump did not sue. However, I think it is safe to say that the entire sordid joust energized and satisfied him.

  You see, Donald Trump believes that even cheap publicity enhances his power and brand because it gets his name “out there.” But he is wrong. Rosie O’Donnell has no power whatsoever. She can huff and puff all day long, but nothing much will change. As with most entertainers, Rosie works because others more powerful than she is allow her to work. She and ninety-nine percent of other show business people are hired mercenaries whose plug can be pulled at any time.

  So, by publicly slugging it out with Rosie, Trump elevated her to his power level, while at
the same time sinking into “the no-class zone.” Does that sound smart to you? Remember, Trump controls his operations; he doesn’t need the approval of some TV mogul to get paid. He is a thousand times more powerful than Rosie O’Donnell will ever be. Very simply, he should have issued a statement that Ms. O’Donnell was misguided and misinformed about the pageant controversy, and said nothing else.

  In fact, you have to think long and hard to find any entertainer with real power. The lead singer of U2, Bono, does have the ability to raise big money for charity and right some societal wrongs, but he is a rarity. Most celebrities are, basically, just temporary diversions for the folks. Usually, the famous don’t understand that, but truly powerful people should. For some reason, Donald Trump engages in feuds with folks far below him on the power scale. He should re-think that. As we all know, fame is fleeting, and so is power. When you have it, you should use it to do some good. Call me crazy, but I don’t think trading insults with Rosie O’Donnell falls into that category.

  Also, there are some concerns that might do business with Donald Trump but are afraid to do so because, if anything goes south, they might be on the receiving end of some Rosie-type treatment. Trump should consider that.

  I do agree with Trump that there are two kinds of people in the world, and if you are being mistreated, you should fight back. But there are a variety of ways in which to wage combat. As I’ve stated, before the Factor publicly goes after somebody, we try to reason with them behind the scenes. It is only when they reject the soft approach that we go in hard.

  In the O’Donnell case, I did have to take the woman on a few times myself, because she is basically out of control. But we did it strictly on issues. As mentioned, when she implied that the 9/11 attack was an inside job, we used a study by Purdue University that analyzed the World Trade Center damage to illustrate just how crazy Rosie’s words really were. We did not call her fat.

  Finally, there is nothing wrong with Trump or any powerful person calling attention to unfairness or just plain nonsense. I do it all the time, and wish more powerful people would step up. When a powerful person publicly points to wrongdoing, that wrongdoing gets some exposure in the media. Obviously, that is a good thing. Too many powerful Americans use their status simply to help themselves. That is a bad thing.

  Bill O’Reilly

  Once in a while a friend will ask me something like, “O’Reilly, do you know how powerful you are?” That kind of question brushes the bold, fresh guy back a bit. I just never think about my job in that way. Of course, I can affect some lives, and as I mentioned, I’m always careful about my actions in that regard. But the fact that I hold some power does not really mean much to me.

  Besides, when it comes to what other people are doing with their lives, I’ve always been a libertarian kind of guy. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, have a good time. Sure, I have my philosophy and gravitate toward people who see life the way I do, but I am not a missionary. I’ll put forth my case on a belief or issue, stand back, and let you decide its merits. Even though I’d like you to see it my way, I am not in the persuasion business. And I don’t dislike people who see life differently than I do, as long as they are sincere.

  The power deal, however, does have its moments. Because I’m seen and heard by millions every day, opportunities to do some good come along quite often. Here’s just one small example. In March 2007, the Factor learned that a ten-year-old Iowa girl was dying of a brain tumor. Her only wish was to see her incarcerated father one last time. Unfortunately, the man was serving federal time in North Dakota, about five hundred miles from his daughter. A convicted drug dealer, he had asked for a special furlough, but the warden had turned him down.

  My investigators looked at the situation and it quickly crystallized. The father had just about completed his sentence, and freedom was just a few months away. Also, a federal judge had no problem with the supervised visit, and furloughs of this kind had been granted in the past. So I went on the air and politely, but firmly, asked the warden to reconsider.

  He did. The girl and the father had their visit. She died a few days later.

  Shortly after that, an old friend of mine called to say that the story had made her cry. She thanked me for doing it and said she believes this is why I have been granted the good fortune of national success. I agree. That’s why I try to use my power in this direction as much as I can. We are tough on the Factor, but we’re also compassionate and believe in redemption. Our record over the years proves it.

  As for the perks of power, they are fine, I guess. I don’t really care much about them, even though it’s nice to get good seats at events and be able to travel quickly without hassle. But, basically, it’s the work that I enjoy, not the benefits that come from the work. Whenever I see a famous person acting like a jerk, I cringe. I hope I never insult the folks by acting like I’m above them in some way. If I do, let me know immediately.

  Summing up this chapter, it is clear to me that many people crave power and influence, but few really have it. Those who do acquire power either derive it from the folks or grab it by getting their hands on big money. Either way, all of the really powerful people have an obligation to make the world a better place, and those who don’t are subject to scrutiny from the Factor. That’s how I use my power.

  By the way, my seventh-grade teacher, Sister Thomas, did go out of her way to emphasize that it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. (Possibly a reference to a small needle’s-eye door in the Jaffa Gate of the Jerusalem wall, although some Christians take the Bible passage literally.) I recall Clement’s reaction to that lesson was to say he was glad you could get cigarettes (Camel brand) in heaven or some stupid thing. But you get the idea: wealth and fame and clout look great from a distance, but, again, be careful what you wish for.

  Power to the people, indeed. But understand it’s a very hot plate.

  MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE

  Don’t try to plan me

  Or understand me,

  I can’t stand to be understood.

  —THE TURTLES, “LET ME BE”

  You might want to skip this chapter. Or maybe read it very fast. No question, it’s the most ridiculous part of the entire book. No spin.

  You see, I am a popular culture vulture and have been ever since Davy Crockett and Georgie Russell were roaming around on the Disney show back in the 1950s. And over the years, there have been a number of pop-culture things that, for a variety of reasons, I simply do not understand. With some remorse, I have chosen to drop some of these mysteries on you. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this. But I can’t help it. It’s just who the bold, fresh guy is.

  The singer Paul Simon, who’s a few years older than your humble correspondent, has stated that he believes he was born at exactly the right time; that, over the years, he has experienced great change in nearly every decade of his life. Simon, in my estimation, is right on. From the advent of rock ’n’ roll; to the turbulent antiwar sixties, including the sexual revolution; to the disco seventies; to the high-tech world we have right now, it seems like the baby boomers have surfed the crest of every wave that washed in dramatic change.

  That’s why I’m glad I’m a boomer, grateful to have experienced so much. But, along the way, certain things have struck me as inexplicable. These events, people, and beliefs have stayed with me because they are totally beyond my comprehension. As you are about to find out, most of them are trivial and demonstrate the level of immaturity that I must live with every day. Pray for me.

  The following ramblings are not in any particular order; I’m just going along with my personal stream of consciousness. Again, I apologize.

  Let’s begin with Brad Pitt, a complete mystery of the universe to me. I am definitely not understanding “Pittmania” and the attention this man gets. Good-looking guy, sure, and he’s a pretty good actor (but if you can miss the movie Troy, by all means do so). However, Brad
Pitt commands millions in salary and is in the entertainment press almost daily. Why? Yes, he’s involved with Angelina Jolie, and that union became notorious because Pitt divorced actress Jennifer Aniston (who seems like a nice woman) to make it happen. But so what? All of that occurred years ago, and despite a mediocre movie résumé, Mr. Pitt is still a huge star. Again, not getting this at all.

  On the music front, Madonna bugs me. Her early songs are catchy, and I like the fact that she came from humble Michigan roots before rising to the top of the charts. According to Forbes magazine, she’s now worth about $350 million; quite an achievement for a working-class girl. But, somehow along the way, Madonna has succumbed to the awful disease of pretension. The latest symptom is her phony English accent. What is that all about? Is there no one alive who can tell Madonna that, when she talks these days, she sounds like a transsexual version of Peter Sellers? Annoying? Off the chart.

  Next up is television. As a kid, I did not get Captain Kangaroo. When this guy came on, I left the room. I understand the actor who played him, Bob Keeshan, was a good guy in real life and that millions of kids loved the Captain. But all I saw was a boring old guy who roamed around doing little of consequence. The bad haircut and cheap sweater didn’t help either. I much preferred the double-entendre king Soupy Sales, which should tell you a lot about the bold, fresh guy.

  Still with me? There’s plenty more. In the late summer of 1965 everybody was singing the number one hit song, “Hang on Sloopy,” by the McCoys. Everybody, that is, except me. I simply could not get past the incredibly dumb central theme. Sloopy sounded like a dog’s name. To this day, I have never heard of a human being named Sloopy.