Guarding Her Heart: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 1)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Something told him that trust was the biggest issue for Lindsay. She hadn’t trusted her father after finding out about the women he’d had while married to her mother. Then she had trusted a man only to have that trust shattered when she found out he was only using her to get to her money. He would be patient with her, and hopefully she’d see that there was something worth trusting between them. Because in spite of what she may have said, Than really didn’t feel that it was all one sided.

  Since there was no reason to return to the dorm—he certainly couldn’t go to Lindsay’s room to check on her, propriety and all that—Than settled into a chair next to Barb. The older woman gave him a quick smile. Inasmuch as she’d taken Lindsay under her wing, she’d also extended that maternal care to him. And it appeared she’d picked up on the situation between him and Lindsay, and had become something of a silent cheerleader for them. He appreciated that about her—among the many other things she’d brought to the team.

  He’d no sooner sat down than she turned to him and said, “I know you just went for a walk, but would you care to go for another?”

  Than lifted a brow at her request but only gave a nod and stood back up. Once outside the dining hall, he offered her his elbow. She slipped her hand into the crook of his arm and together they began to walk along the dirt road he’d taken earlier.

  “Are you going to tell Lindsay what Amanda wanted of you?” Barb asked once they were a distance from the building they’d just left.

  Than glanced down at her, but she was looking straight ahead at the road. “I shouldn’t have to.”

  Barb nodded. “You’re right. You shouldn’t have to, but she’s going through a lot on this trip. What she’s always believed is being challenged on several levels. Her faith, her understanding of God, her own views of the world and herself. Also mixed in there is you.”

  “I’m going through a lot on this trip, too,” Than said, a little unsure why he’d revealed that to her.

  “I can see that. I know that your purpose on this trip has been eclipsed by a lot of things, not the least of which was that storm. I’m not ashamed to say that your presence here has made me feel more secure, and if I feel that way, I’m pretty sure Lindsay does as well. God definitely knew we needed you.”

  And there it was again. “I find it hard to believe that God would use someone like me.”

  Barb’s hand tightened on his arm. “Someone like you? What do you mean by that?”

  Than chuckled. “Well, let’s just say that tomorrow when I walk into that church, it will be the first time in my adult life that I’ve gone to church for anything other than a wedding or funeral. Not sure why God would use someone like me, someone who hasn’t made time for Him in my life.”

  “Well, maybe this is His way of bringing that to your attention.”

  “The fact that I haven’t made time for Him?”

  Barb nodded. “I’m sure you’ve heard that God works in mysterious ways. Whether or not you had an interest in Him, He had a purpose for you in being here. I don’t presume to know God’s purpose for you, but I do know that His desire is that all people come to know Him in a real and personal way. That’s why the missionaries are here. That’s why I came on this mission trip. We’ve had the chance to share about God every time we’ve come in contact with people. This storm opened doors to us that might not have been open otherwise.”

  Than didn’t reply right away. He still had a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that there might have been a higher purpose to his accepting the job to protect Lindsay. He’d thought that Barb had wanted to talk to him about Lindsay on this walk, but he saw now that it was something different that she had her heart set on.

  “I know you want a relationship with Lindsay, but her faith is becoming more and more important to her and that will be something you won’t have in common if you choose to reject God. I’m not saying you should accept Him just because of Lindsay, but I will say that having a shared faith in a relationship helps to smooth out some of the difficulties that might otherwise overwhelm a couple.”

  “Is that how it was with you and your husband?”

  “Very much so. Knowing that we both wanted God’s will for our lives and our marriage helped strengthen us as individuals and as a couple. Nothing strengthens a couple’s relationship like being connected on all levels—physical, emotional and spiritual.”

  Than pondered her words. Did he think the spiritual connection was necessary in a relationship? He thought of his parents’ marriage. They shared that connection that Barb had mentioned. The physical, emotional and spiritual. Was that why they were still so in love after all these years? Why they were so strong together?

  Barb gave a slight tug on his arm. “But having said all that, the most important thing is that personal relationship with God. Before you can even consider sharing that faith with Lindsay, you need to find it for yourself first.” She came to a stop and Than turned to look down at her. The expression in her green eyes tugged at his heart. “I know it sounds really odd, but I’ve come to think of you as a son, Than, and I hope you know that I say all this from a place of love.”

  Though he knew his own mother loved him to the depths of her heart, she’d never showed such concern for the state of his soul. He suspected that she worried if she pressed him about it, he’d just stop spending time with them. Her approach had been more subtle. Than covered Barb’s hand with his own. “I have spent plenty of time thinking through everything I’ve learned while on this trip. Believe me, I haven’t dismissed any of it. It’s just all very new to me. I’m trying to sort through a lot of stuff.”

  Barb nodded. “I understand.” A smile spread across her face. “Enough about that for now. Tell me about your family.”

  15

  The next morning, Lindsay decided to take a few extra minutes with her appearance for church. She’d only brought one dress along, a simple light blue sundress with wide straps, a fitted bodice and a flared skirt. It didn’t take long to apply a light layer of the makeup she’d avoided all week. After seeing the teenage girl with her curling iron, Lindsay had asked to borrow it to coax a little life into her hair. It was one of the things she’d left out of her suitcase when she’d packed.

  She put on a dab of her favorite perfume and slid simple hoops into her ears. The necklace that hung around her neck was one Lucas had given her on her sixteenth birthday. It was a simple chain with a locket. It was silver with no expensive stones so it held little monetary value, but it had meant the world to her when he’d presented it to her. And today it made her feel a little bit closer to him even though they were separated by an ocean and half a world.

  Amanda came into the bathroom just as Lindsay was putting the last of her things into her bag.

  “You look pretty,” she said with a wide smile, her blue eyes sparkling.

  Lindsay thanked her and tried not to think about what had made the other woman so happy. She’d disappeared around eight thirty the night before and reappeared about a half hour later. Lindsay tried not to speculate, tried to not think about it, but it was hard. Especially when there was a part of her that didn’t think for a minute that anything was really going on between Amanda and Than. Because every time she reminded herself of that, the little voice of doubt would interject.

  But this situation with Amanda was just a blatant reminder of why she knew it wasn’t in her best interests to get involved with Than—even in the short term. When she already had trouble trusting men, in general, why would she choose to get involved with a man who would challenge her to trust him on a daily basis? That even if she wanted to trust him, there would always be that little voice in the back of her head. No relationship would ever survive a stress like that. And maybe that’s why Than was strictly a short-term relationship type of guy. He had yet to find a woman who could deal with the way he interacted with other women.

  Leaving Amanda to her own church preparations, Lindsay returned to the room and put her bag in the
closet with the rest of her things. It was kind of hard to think that in just a week she’d be back to her old life. Though she’d only been away seven days, it felt like forever since she’d first boarded that plane to Detroit. She knew that this trip had been a turning point in her life. She remembered Mark’s words during one of their pre-trip meetings.

  Each of you is likely here to take advantage of an opportunity to help others. You want to touch the lives of others and share God’s love. And that’s what I hope will happen, but for a few—maybe all—of you, this trip will impact your life in a way you might never have thought it would. Your life will be touched as much as those you’ve gone to help.

  Little had she known.

  She heard a knock and turned to see Than standing in the open doorway. Her breath caught in her lungs at the sight of him. He wore a light blue button up shirt that was tucked into a pair of tailored slacks. The color of the shirt served to contrast the dark of his hair and eyes and the tan of his skin that seemed to have deepened in the time they’d been there. And that scruff was back on his face. She liked it.

  “Ready to go?” he asked, his expression unreadable.

  Since his talk with Amanda, he’d been different. Through dinner and the short team meeting afterward, he’d seemed…distant.

  “Morning, Than!”

  He stepped back out of the doorway to let Amanda into the room and gave her a quick smile. “Morning, Amanda.”

  His gaze came back to Lindsay and again he asked, “You ready?”

  Pushing aside the yucky feeling that Amanda’s appearance had brought on, she gathered up her purse and Bible. “Yep.”

  As she joined him in the hall, he said, “Mark told me they need to take two trips to the church so I thought we should go on the early one.”

  “Sure. That sounds fine. I think Barb will likely go on that one, too.”

  They walked in silence down the hallway and the stairs. Than pushed open the door and waited for her to walk past him out into the bright Sunday morning. She felt him touch her back lightly as he pointed to the van where several people had gathered.

  “Looks like they’re almost ready to go.”

  Barb gave her a quick hug when they joined the group. “You look beautiful, my dear.”

  “Thank you,” Lindsay said.

  “And you’re one handsome man,” Barb said as she slipped her arm around Than’s waist for a quick squeeze.

  “Well, I can take no credit for it,” he said with a grin. “But I’ll pass the compliment on to my mom and dad. And might I say you’re looking lovely this morning as well. The green in your blouse makes your eyes especially stunning.”

  Lindsay stared at Than and then looked over at her friend. Barb’s cheeks were pink and her eyes—yes, those incredible green eyes—sparkled with joy. This was what Than did. He made women feel special. All women. And maybe for someone like Barb, who didn’t have a man in her life, it was a simple compliment that brought her joy.

  So how was it even possible for one woman to feel that she was special to him? Because more than anything, Lindsay had always hoped that the man she fell in love with would make her feel special in a way no one else had. Not her father and certainly not her ex-fiancé.

  Noticing that others were climbing into the vehicle, Lindsay followed them, hoping that Than’s manners would make him allow Barb to go in next so that she would sit between them. Keeping her gaze toward the front of the vehicle, Lindsay bit her lower lip. Okay, so maybe part of her reaction to all this was that while he’d complimented Barb on how she looked, Than hadn’t said one word about her.

  Lindsay looked down and smoothed a hand over the skirt of her dress. At that moment, she’d never felt more un-special in her life. She hated that a man could make her feel this way. It stung to know she’d given a man the power to hurt her like this. It shouldn’t matter that he hadn’t said anything to her that didn’t fall in line with his job so far that morning. It shouldn’t matter that the only smiles she’d seen on his face had been when he’d looked at Amanda and Barb.

  It shouldn’t matter…but it did.

  How was she going to survive this? Her heart going in one direction, her thoughts going in another? Sometimes she thought she was going to lose her mind. She knew all the reasons she should run very far and very fast from Than, but her heart—her traitorous heart—wanted to run toward him instead. Her mind knew it was foolishness to indulge her heart when pain was sure to follow…but her heart kept trying to convince her it was worth the risk. Because maybe…just maybe…he would come to feel about her the way she did about him.

  But was she stupid enough to think that she could be that woman? The one that would change his mind and make him commit to just her?

  Surely she was smarter than that…

  ~*~*~

  Than shifted on the pew which had clearly not been made for men of his height with long legs. He felt like his butt was barely on the seat…the very unpadded seat. Lindsay sat on one side of him, her legs crossed, her back straight as if she sat in pews like this every day of the week. Her hands were folded over the Bible in her lap, and she stared straight ahead.

  With a frown, Than rubbed a hand over his chest. He figured any minute now he was going to get hit with a lightning bolt since the only thing going through his mind was that he would pay good money to be anywhere but on that pew in that church. He hadn’t slept well at all the night before, and he still felt like a battle was raging inside of him.

  Barb’s words about a relationship with God and how it would make a relationship with Lindsay better—if they should ever get to that point—had gone round and round in his head all night. Did he really need that personal relationship with God she talked about? He was a good guy. He didn’t steal or cheat. He did his best to be nice to everyone he met and make them feel better about themselves—especially the women. He helped people out who were in need. He loved his family and treated them well. How could God’s presence in his life make that big a difference?

  Would he really be denied heaven because he didn’t have that type of relationship with God? Though he didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it, he always believed there was a God and a heaven, and he’d always believed that if he lived a good life, he’d go there when he died. Now Barb had him questioning it all. Just when her comments would begin to make sense to him, a little voice would pop up reminding him that he’d gotten by just fine without church and God all these years.

  And it had been no different when his thoughts had turned to Lindsay. There was a voice that kept asking him why he was so hung up on her. It reminded him there were any number of women who would happily go out with him. He’d been frustrated by her reaction to his conversation with Amanda. Oh, she hadn’t said anything and she hadn’t even given him a suspicious look when they’d met up for supper. There had just been…nothing. He’d gotten used to seeing more emotion on her face over the past week. She’d let down her guard and her emotional reaction to everything had been much more evident.

  Even to him.

  She probably would have denied it, but he’d seen it in her eyes. That spark of interest when she’d looked at him. The flush that would creep up her cheeks when their gazes met. It had been a softer side of Lindsay that he’d only ever seen when she was around her family—especially Danny. But she’d let him see that side of her more recently, had even shown it when it was the result of their interactions. But now…nothing.

  Than knew he could have explained what had happened with Amanda and put her mind at ease, but he shouldn’t have to. She should be able to trust him. He would have even accepted her asking him about it. But she hadn’t. He’d been tried and found guilty without even being given the benefit of the doubt. And that ticked him off. He knew she had trust issues, but seriously?

  However, as soon as he’d convinced himself to just write off any future relationship with her, he’d remembered all the things that had drawn him to her in the first place. He wasn’t ash
amed to admit that the first thing that had attracted him to her had been her looks. The gray eyes framed by long dark lashes that could move from quicksilver to diamond hard in a flash. And yes, he’d noticed all the curves she had in all the right places. He’d heard her comment a time or two about needing to lose weight, but as far as he could see, she was just fine the way she was. Very fine.

  Seeing her in the context of her family had endeared her to him further. He also felt his family was important and he liked that she valued hers, too. And he’d never forget that night out at the Hamilton cabin when she’d unleashed more emotion than he’d ever seen from her before when she’d thought Lucas was stepping aside to let Lincoln have a shot at making things work with Brooke. That was when he’d realized that she believed strongly in love and would fight for it if she felt it was worth it.

  He wanted her to turn that passion toward what was between them. But maybe she didn’t feel as strongly about it…yet.

  Than sighed and shifted on the pew, his arm rubbing against Lindsay’s. She didn’t look his way, and all the turmoil swirled to life again. He was beginning to wish they’d taken the second trip so they hadn’t had to sit waiting for the service to start. It was giving him too much time to think, and after having spent a night doing that already, he really didn’t want to do it anymore.

  Instead, he tried to focus on their surroundings. The church was a fair size building that had managed to withstand the storm for the most part. The cement brick walls had been strong enough, but he could see that some windows were missing. There were fans around the room, though none moved due to the lack of electricity. Thankfully, it wasn’t a super hot morning and there was a breeze that came through the windows.