Guarding Her Heart: A Christian Romance (BlackThorpe Security Book 1)

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  “So where’d a rich kid like you learn to play like that?” Than asked, his upset at having been beaten evident in his tone.

  She lifted her chin and arched a brow at him. “You don’t think we have competitive volleyball teams in private schools? I was on the team all four years in high school. Even played a couple of years in college. Did you play in high school, too?”

  Than nodded. “I was also on the team through high school and college.”

  “Not sure we can beat the wonder teens over there, but let’s give it a good old college try.”

  With the teams a little more evenly balanced, the next game was closer in score. Than’s competitive streak strengthened Lindsay’s and soon it had basically turned into a game between the two of them and the teens with the other team members standing in their spots watching.

  As the ball sailed over the heads of the front row, Lindsay made a dash for it, calling it at the same time Than did. Coming from opposite sides of the court, they collided and Than’s height and bulk guaranteed that she was the one on the bottom when they fell to the grass.

  “Oof!” Lindsay felt the wind leave her lungs as she hit the ground with Than landing on top of her.

  He immediately rolled away and then bent over her. “Linds? Are you okay?”

  Lindsay lay with her arms out, staring up at the clouds and tried to draw breath into her lungs. Than’s face blocked out the sky, his dark gaze filled with worry.

  “Lindsay? Did I hurt you?”

  She felt his hands quickly running over her arms and then cupping her face. “Lindsay, sweetheart, say something!”

  “Let me have a look at her.” Barb’s calm voice washed over Lindsay. “I think she’s likely just had the wind knocked out of her.”

  “Help her!” Than demanded, an edge of panic to his voice. “Help her, please. I didn’t break any of her bones, did I?”

  “Help me sit her up. Bend her knees.”

  Lindsay felt Than’s arm go around her shoulders to support her as he slipped an arm under her knees to bend them as Barb had instructed.

  “C’mon, Lindsay,” Barb said. “In through your nose. Out through your mouth.”

  Slowly the paralysis that had seized her diaphragm lessened, and she was able to draw air into her lungs. The panic that had been threatening to overcome her eased away with each breath she was able to take.

  After she’d taken a few deep breaths, Lindsay said, “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

  Than still knelt beside her on the grass, one hand rubbing her back. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Are you sure you’re alright? If I broke a bone in your body, Lucas is going to kill me and demand his money back. I’m supposed to be protecting you, not hurting you. Are you okay?”

  Lindsay watched as Barb reached across her to give Than a light slap on the cheek.

  “Snap out of it, son. She’s fine.” Barb looked down at her. “Tell him, sweetheart.”

  Lindsay took a deep breath, let it out, then looked up at Than. The emotion in his eyes momentarily robbed her of words. She swallowed and said, “I’m fine, Than. A little winded but nothing broken.”

  “Are you sure?” Though the panic had eased, there was still a lot of emotion in his eyes—some she couldn’t identify.

  Not sure she could handle everything that was swirling between them, Lindsay looked away and held out her hand. “Help me up, please.”

  Than took both her hands and pulled her up. He kept a tight grip on them even after she was steady on her feet. Refusing to look at him, Lindsay gave his hands a squeeze then tugged. “Thanks.”

  With apparent reluctance, Than let her hands slide from his grasp. He took a deep breath and stepped back from her. Telling herself she was foolish to miss his hands holding hers, Lindsay focused on her breathing.

  “How about we call the game and let Than and Lindsay’s team take this one?” the teens’ father suggested. “I think Than is a little traumatized. Maybe a win might help him recover.”

  Lindsay couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped. Than traumatized? She glanced over to see him standing in his normal pose, feet braced, hands on his hips. She couldn’t read anything on his face. Any emotion from their fall had disappeared behind a serious expression.

  Suddenly he shrugged, and one corner of his mouth lifted. “Hey, I’ll take the win any way I can get it.”

  With that, the tension that had followed their collision slipped away. They decided to continue to play, but Lindsay had had her fill of the game and settled onto a blanket next to Barb. Sitting in the shade was a nice break from the sun, especially when a soothing breeze kicked up. She pulled off the ball cap—which had somehow survived her crash—and set it on the ground next to her.

  Though she kept her gaze on the game, Lindsay found her thoughts going to the moments following the fall. Unable to do anything—even breathe—her world had narrowed to Than’s face as he’d hovered over her. The emotion in his eyes would have taken her breath away if it hadn’t already been slammed from her lungs. Fear. Panic. And then there had been the gentleness in his hands as he’d touched her face and her arms, searching for any damage that may have come to her.

  Lindsay wasn’t sure she remembered ever seeing someone so concerned about her. Was it possible he really did feel something more for her than she’d thought? Did he want more than just a second date? And if he did? What was she going to do about that?

  ~*~*~

  Than pulled the sweat-soaked T-shirt over his head and dropped it onto the pile of dirty clothes he had going next to his suitcase. Though the relaxed afternoon had been a nice break from the tense week they’d just come through, Than found he couldn’t keep his mind from going to those few minutes following him crashing into Lindsay.

  It had taken him by surprise to such an extent that he hadn’t even reacted like he should have. He should have gotten his arms around her and twisted them so that his body took the brunt of the fall instead of her. Should have done what he could to protect her from injury. That was his job.

  His hands clenched even as his mind told him that there hadn’t been enough time. That he’d done the next best thing by rolling off her as soon as they’d hit the ground. But never in a million years would he forget seeing her lying so still, her arms spread wide. And then when he’d bent over her and stared into her eyes that were open, but she didn’t seem to be breathing, he’d just about lost his mind.

  Him. Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected. He’d been shot at. He’d had clients get shot at. He’d even had a client get shot because they’d done something stupid. And then there had been the time his nephew had taken a bad spill on his skateboard. Even though his sister-in-law had freaked out at the blood and odd angle of his arm, Than had been able to deal with the situation calmly and get the boy to the hospital. But nothing—absolutely nothing—had ever totaled his emotions like that run-in with Lindsay.

  Than sank down onto the bed and ran a hand through his hair. This really wasn’t good. He didn’t need that second date with Lindsay Hamilton to know that she was far more important to him than he’d ever known someone could be. He swore his heart had stopped beating from the time he’d bent over her until she took that first breath.

  And more telling than anything else had been the thought going round and round in his head. This can’t be happening. I haven’t had my forever with her yet.

  Forever?

  That had never been in his vocabulary when it came to women until that moment with Lindsay. And surprisingly enough, it didn’t instill in him the panic it might have at one time with anyone else.

  But Than knew that the situation they were in right then wasn’t the place to test the waters with her. He needed to just get through this next week and then figure out what to do when they got back to Minneapolis. It was just a feeling in his gut, but he was pretty sure that her attitude toward him—which had been getting more open and relaxed—would change when they got back home. Whatever he wanted to have with her had to be ground
ed in their real life. Not this one where the full spectrum of emotions from fear to joy had pushed them together in a way they never would have been in Minneapolis.

  He just hoped that she would remember everything they’d experienced together. That she’d remember the man she knew here and realize that he was still that man when they got home. And recalling Barb’s words about his faith, Than knew that he had a few things he needed to work on there, too.

  Than bent forward, his forearms resting on his hands, fingers intertwined. He closed his eyes and…waited. He wasn’t sure how to pray. He didn’t know what to pray. Finally, he just voiced what was currently in his heart.

  God, please open Lindsay’s heart to me. Help me to be able to show her that I can be the man she needs. And help me be that man. I’m confused. Please help me.

  For someone who was used to relying on his own abilities and talents, asking for help felt awkward to Than. Did God really hear his prayer? Would it make any difference?

  Than pushed to his feet and braced his hands on his hips as he stared out at the trees beyond the window. This next week he would keep to his job and give Lindsay the opportunity to get used to him being around when things weren’t falling apart. No pressure for anything more than that. He’d already gotten to friend-level in the first week. Now he just needed to strengthen that and hope it would move to something more once they got back.

  ~*~*~

  For the remaining five days of the trip, Lindsay and the rest of the team spent most their time on the mission center. They were able to focus on the things that had been initially planned for them to do. They had also helped to repair the damage to the second floor of the school where the roof had blown off.

  Lindsay wasn’t sure what she expected from Than after that intense moment they’d shared, but he’d gone on like it had never happened. Was he embarrassed by it? Or did he think she might misinterpret what had passed between them?

  She told herself she should be glad things hadn’t changed between them, but the sad truth was, for the first time in her life, she’d felt a real connection to a man. The emotion she’d seen in his eyes had burrowed its way deep into her heart. She wanted to see his eyes alive with emotions just for her again.

  Instead, she got nothing more than anyone else on the team got. Smiles. Laughter. A bit of teasing. But beyond that? Nothing. She tried to act the same because there was no way on earth she was going to wear her heart on her sleeve if he apparently didn’t care. At least he was still holding up his end of the wager. No flirting of any kind was going on.

  Lindsay let herself into the orphanage on the evening of their last night on the mission center. She’d still made time each day to come and hold Maya. Because they’d been focused on repairing the damage to the buildings, her visits had occurred in the evening. She’d been allowed to bathe and feed Maya and then rock her to sleep. She’d told Than each night where she was going, but he hadn’t come with her. Lindsay assumed that he figured she was safe enough on the center.

  And she agreed with him on…one level. She was certainly in no danger physically, but the same could not be said for her heart. She was supposed to have been guarding her heart while he guarded her body, and while he’d done his job very well, she had failed miserably.

  “Hello,” one of the workers called out to her with a smile. “She’s waiting for you.”

  Lindsay moved to take Maya from the woman. She lifted her to press a kiss to her soft cheek. “Hello, baby.”

  As she went through the motions of giving Maya her nightly bath, all she could think was that it was the last time she’d do this for her. Would it be the last time she’d ever bathe a baby? For some reason, she just couldn’t imagine ever having a baby in her arms that didn’t have big brown eyes and olive skin.

  Giving her head a shake, Lindsay pulled her thoughts back to the little girl kicking her legs on the change table as she put a diaper on her. She smiled as she thought of what the people back in her life would think of her changing diapers and burping babies. She’d gotten pretty good at it, too.

  “Here’s her bottle.”

  Lindsay took the bottle and settled into the rocking chair in the corner of the dimly lit room. As she’d done on other nights, she softly sang while she rocked. Maya’s rosebud mouth worked the nipple of the bottle, her gaze locked onto Lindsay’s. It wasn’t until she saw the drop of moisture slide down Maya’s fisted hand where it lay against the bottle that Lindsay realized she was crying.

  She lifted a hand to wipe the wetness from her cheeks, but the tears kept coming. Even taking a couple of deep breaths didn’t stem the rush. She hunched her shoulders and gathered Maya close to her chest.

  This little girl would be holding a piece of her heart when Lindsay left early the next morning. She wished that going back would mean being able to put aside the pain she was feeling right then. That she’d be able to go back to all-business Lindsay. That her protective shell would be in place and she’d be able to slip back into her life as if nothing had changed.

  Except everything had.

  She lifted the baby to the cloth covering her shoulder and rubbed and patted her tiny back until she was rewarded with a burp. When another one didn’t follow the first, Lindsay returned Maya to the cradle of her arms and continued to rock her. Slowly her eyelids dipped…opened…dipped…opened…and then finally they dipped and settled, her dark lashes fanning out over her cheeks.

  Knowing that once Maya was asleep her time was growing even shorter, Lindsay bent her head to press kisses to the soft thatch of hair, inhaling the scent of baby shampoo. She held her longer than she normally would have before finally standing up to put her in the crib. Though she longed to linger, she still had some packing to finish up. They were leaving early in the morning, and she wanted to not have to do much except dress and get on the bus.

  ~*~*~

  Than knocked on the open door of the room Lindsay shared with Barb and Amanda. “Is Lindsay here?”

  Barb straightened from where she stood putting clothes into the suitcase on her bed. “No. She’s over with the babies.”

  Than frowned. “Still? Usually, she’s back by now.”

  Barb moved closer to him, her brows drawn low over her green eyes. “You might want to consider going over there.”

  “Why? Is something wrong?”

  “Really, Than?” Barb sighed and gave her head a shake. “She’s saying goodbye to Maya tonight.”

  As he realized what Barb was saying, Than wondered how he could be so stupid. “Of course. I’m going there right now.”

  “Good boy.” Barb’s voice followed him as he moved quickly down the hallway.

  He was halfway to the orphanage when he saw a figure step in front of the screen door lit from behind by the lights in the house. The door opened, and he knew it was Lindsay. Her head was bent and her arms were crossed over her middle.

  Than slowed his steps as she headed in his direction. As she moved into the shadowed area where the porch lights of none of the buildings reached, he said her name.

  She came to a halt but didn’t lift her head. Than stopped in front of her and reached out to grasp her shoulders. “You okay, sweetheart?”

  He heard the sniffle as she leaned toward him, gripping the front of his shirt. His resolve to keep things on a friendly level dissolved as she seemed to be seeking solace from him. Than gathered her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin as sobs shook her body. He pressed a kiss to her hair, inhaling its fragrant scent. As he held her, all he could think about was how perfect she felt in his arms. He wanted to hold her through all her tears.

  He rubbed his hand up and down her back. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. They’ll take good care of her. She’s got lots of love here, too.”

  Her grip on his shirt tightened, and he could feel the heat of her tears as they soaked through to his skin. There seemed to be no words that would offer comfort to her, so Than just held her close until the heaving sobs settled in
to mild shudders then a few deep breaths.

  Then, still clutching his shirt, Lindsay’s head lifted. In the darkness, he had no way of reading her expression, but she wasn’t pushing him away so he kept his arms loosely around her. He felt her grip on his shirt loosen and prepared to release her, but suddenly he felt her hands on the back of his neck. She shifted onto her tiptoes as she drew his head down. Unerringly, she pressed her lips to his and kissed him.

  For a moment, Than froze in shock, but when she didn’t immediately push away from him, he kept one hand around her waist while the other slid into her hair.

  17

  Than took control of the kiss, pouring everything into it that he’d tried to keep within him this past week. Her lips were soft beneath his as she followed him into the maelstrom of emotion that had descended on them.

  Though the kiss seemed to go on forever, when Lindsay moved back from him, it felt like it had lasted only a heartbeat. He didn’t try to hold her when it was clear she was coming to her senses. He let his arms fall to his sides, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts.

  She took one step back and then stood there for a moment.

  “Lindsay?”

  Without a word, she spun and began to walk toward the dorm. Than watched her walk away, trying to figure out what on earth had just happened. He would have understood completely if he’d been the one who had initiated that kiss since he’d thought about it more than once. But it had been her that made the move. She’d drawn his head down and kissed him.

  But why?

  Had the emotion of the moment been the only reason she’d kissed him like that? He sure hoped not because even though he’d seen other layers shedding from Lindsay, this one had been most unexpected. The passion that had sparked between them had just added one more dimension to what he already felt for her.

  And yet he had a funny feeling that come morning, she’d be acting as if the kiss had never happened. Than sighed as he trudged toward the dorm. He sensed that just like she was leaving the baby behind, she was going to leave behind that kiss and whatever else had passed between them over the past ten days.