by Lucy Gordon
'Dry your eyes,' he commanded, dabbing her face with his clean handkerchief. 'We've got to be positive about this. We've won so far and we're going to win in the end.'
'Are you sure?' He sounded so confident that she began to relax.
'Completely sure,' he said firmly. 'Barker's a fighter. He never gives up. Have you ever known him give up when there was something he wanted? Titbits, the best chair, making you stop work to throw his ball? Anything?'
'No,' she conceded. The authority in Garth's voice was almost hypnotic. He'd achieved so much today and it was suddenly easy to believe that he could order everything just as he wanted.
'You're right, he won't give up.' She managed a wonky smile. 'Stupid mutt. Always in the way-'
'Greedy, noisy, clumsy,' Garth supplied. 'Greedy.'
'You said greedy before,' she reminded him.
'However many times I said it, it would still be true. And dirty. Paws like plates, always covered in mud. Unscrupulous.' He hunted for something else. 'Greedy.'
'Scheming,' she supplied. 'Devious. He'd sell his grandmother for a titbit.'
'Dimwitted. Awkward.'
'And greedy.'
'Unreliable.'
'Not unreliable,' Faye protested. 'You could always rely on him to do the wrong thing.'
'That's true. Offend your neighbours, burgle your house, scratch your car-'
Faye broke down again. 'Oh, Garth, he will be all right, won't he? He's got to be.'
He put his arms around her and held her tightly, murmuring, 'It's all going to be fine. We couldn't go through all this for nothing.'
'You were wonderful getting Wakeham to come over.'
'Mr Fixit! That's me!'
'No, I'm serious. It meant so much to the children that you pulled out all the stops.'
'Only to the children?'
'Well, to me too, of course.'
'Yes, of course,' he said with a faint sigh. 'But I got it all the wrong way around, didn't I? If I'd listened to you in the first place-'
'Don't brood about that for ever. I heard what Cindy said to you tonight. She was right. They had him, even if just for a little while. Cindy's a very wise little person.'
'She's wonderful, isn't she? Just recently I've realized how like you she is. All heart. It worries me, because it makes her so vulnerable-mostly to me, at the moment.'
'Yes, she is. But at least you know. You can protect her.'
'Maybe I'm not so good at that. When you were-'
'What?' she asked, for he'd stopped, as if reluctant to say more.
'When we met-you were such a little thing, so delicate and young. You knew nothing about the world. I wanted to protect you from every wind that blew.'
'But I grew up,' she reminded him. 'And then you didn't know what to say to me any more.'
'Maybe I didn't want you to grow up,' he agreed. 'We were so happy then. I didn't want to let any part of it go. Besides, I thought you wanted me to be the strong one, and look after you. You said something once-'
'What did I say?'
'It was the week before Adrian was born and I'd just lost my job. Things looked about as black as they could be. I felt such a failure. Do you remember what you said?'
'Not the exact words, but I know I tried to tell you that I had confidence in you.'
'You said, "Don't worry. I know you'll make everything right." For a moment I was so scared at the trust you were putting in me. Then I knew I had to justify that trust, never trouble you with the burdens, but just make everything right for you-as you wanted me too.'
'But Garth,' she whispered in dismay. 'I was only trying to say that I believed in you, not that you should bear everything alone. I wanted to share all your troubles, but you started hiding them from me.'
'That's why.'
Light dawned on her. 'That time you nearly lost the builder's yard and you only just managed to save it-I didn't know about that until years later.'
'You weren't supposed to find out, ever. I was trying to make everything perfect for you, as a sort of thank- you.'
'Thank-you-for what?'
'For marrying me. I was so grateful. On our wedding day-' He stopped with an awkward laugh.
'Tell me,' she said eagerly. 'Don't stop now.'
'You were five minutes late at the church and I nearly went crazy. I thought you'd taken fright and weren't coming.'
'Why should I take fright?'
'Well, you didn't really want to marry me, did you?' he said heavily. 'It was only because I made you pregnant.'
'But Garth-'
'I always knew, you see. You were so young. You wanted to laugh and have fun like other girls, and you had every right to. And because of me you ended up tied down, surrounded by a flat full of nappies. Oh, you never complained. You were very sweet about it. But it was always there between us, that I'd stolen your youth. I tried to give you everything to make up for it, but it was no good. I never really got it right, did I?'
Faye stared at him. 'You-wanted to marry me?'
'But you knew that. I did everything to get that ring on your finger.'
'Garth, I swear I didn't know. I thought I'd trapped you into marriage.'
'I never said you had.'
'No, but-you never mentioned marriage until then.'
'I didn't dare in case I frightened you off. When you told me about the baby I was thrilled because it was an excuse to make you marry me. I know I practically bullied you into it-telling you instead of asking you. But I was scared to ask in case you said no.' He gave an awkward laugh. 'You know what I'm like when I want something. I tend to grab. I grabbed you before you slipped through my fingers. I thought I'd won but I paid for it, because I was never certain of you afterwards.'
They stared at each other, with the truth between them for the first time.
'I never knew,' she whispered.
'Nor did I. Oh, Faye, what fools we were! All those years- Why did we throw them away?'
She shook her head, dumb with sadness.
'We might have had so much,' he said, 'and we missed our chance.'
'But we still had more happiness than many people have. Things went wrong, but at the start-'
'Yes,' he said heavily, 'we'll always have those memories. And we'll always know that it might have been better still if I hadn't been blind.' He sank his head on his hands.
Faye put her arms about him, overwhelmed by tenderness. 'It wasn't all your fault,' she murmured. 'We lost each other because we both made mistakes.'
He raised his face to her and she took it between her hands to kiss it gently. At first he did nothing, keeping perfectly still and letting her kisses fall on him like sweet balm. As he felt their loving message, the pain and tension seemed to fall away from him and he clung to her.
She wrapped her arms about him, finding again the vulnerable boy she'd fallen in love with. When she laid her lips softly on his, she felt his instant response.
'We might have had everything,' he whispered.
'Hush.' She kissed him to silence. 'We can still have everything, just for tonight.'
The last time they'd lain together in her bed it had been a union of bodies. Now it was a union of hearts. It was she who led the way, drawing him on at every step. Nothing mattered but consoling his pain.
He clung to her in need as well as passion, savouring the warmth of her skin against his, losing himself in her bounty. Sometimes he seemed hesitant, but she offered him all of herself with a loving tenderness that enfolded him and he felt a man again, because this woman loved him.
She'd promised him everything, and she gave him everything. It might, as she'd said, be only for this one night, but they would have this memory in the years to come. Perhaps they would be lonely years, but the moment when their hearts and souls were one again would never entirely leave them.
In the darkness, his face pressed to her sweet-smelling body, it was easy for Garth to see that she, and she only, had given the world a meaning. He'd thrown it all away
but she gave it back to him out of a generous spirit. He was more than making love to her. He was seeking refuge in her. And now he understood that this was how it had always been.
As the first light came through the curtains Garth rose from Faye's bed. He stood looking down at her, sleeping as peacefully as a child, then turned away as though the sight smote him. He was hearing Cindy's voice the night before, knowing that her words were wise and generous yet not wanting to face it.
He bent and kissed his sleeping wife, softly, not to disturb her. His heart was heavy as he slipped quietly out of the room.
His children were up before him, standing watching the hall telephone.
'Can we ring the vet and ask now?' Adrian demanded.
'It's too early. They'll still be checking him. But if Barker- If anything had gone wrong in the night, they'd have called us by now.'
'Perhaps they haven't got our number?' Cindy suggested.
'They've got it, I promise.'
They drifted out into the garden. Cindy found the ball Barker had dropped, scrubbed it with her hanky and put it back in exactly the same place on the grass. Garth wondered if it would ever be needed again. He watched
Cindy with anxious eyes, struck by her strength and self- control; surely too much for a child?
Faye came down and he greeted her with a distant smile, but didn't go to her. The resolution he'd made in the early hours hung heavily on him and he was sorely tempted to abandon it. But he stopped himself. It had taken him too long to decide on the right thing. But he knew now what it was and there would be no weakening.
'Why don't you just call the vet?' Faye asked Garth softly.
'They'll call us when they're ready.'
She stared. Garth had never been afraid to barge in and demand answers. And then she understood. He was scared. Everything hung on what they would leam this morning. Tenderly she squeezed his hand.
The phone rang.
Everyone jumped. Nobody moved. Then Garth forced himself to answer. The silence seemed to last a long time, before he said, 'Thank you for telling me.'
He laid down the receiver very carefully, as though delaying the moment when he must speak. Then he grinned at his family and said, 'Barker's eating a hearty breakfast.'
Barker was home in a week. He still needed care, but nobody could have done the job more thoroughly than his family. Cindy appointed herself head nurse, with Adrian to assist her. Nancy deputized while they were at school, with Faye and Garth permitted to visit the invalid with appropriate gifts, all of which were consumed in seconds.
Cindy was fast growing up, becoming more firmly in charge and more like her father. When she decided the patient was gorging himself and not getting enough exercise, she read him a stern lecture and forbade all further titbits. Barker began to look harassed.
'Don't worry, old fellow,' Garth reassured him after three weeks of this. 'I've got a special present for you tomorrow; one you're going to love, and "Matron" won't be able to lock it away.'
He was home early the next evening, looking as though he was concealing a secret.
'Where are the kids?' he asked Faye quietly.
'Playing with Barker in the garden.'
'Good. I've brought someone home with me and I want you to be the first to meet her.'
'Her?'
'Wait here,' he said, with a touch of mischief.
When he returned a moment later, Faye's eyes widened at the sight of his companion.
'Her name is Peaches,' Garth said.
Peaches was a really lovely St Bernard with liquid eyes and a melting expression.
'She's a year old,' Garth explained, 'and her owner had to rehome her because she's a bit of a handful. But she's-er-' he paused, seeking for words '-just ready to become a bride,' he finished delicately. 'I thought Barker would like her.'
From outside came a squeal and the sound of thundering paws. Barker appeared, followed by the children, and stopped dead in the doorway, his gaze riveted by the vision of beauty before him. Peaches gazed back. Their eyes met across a crowded room. Cindy and Adrian regarded the scene with awe.
'He just suddenly dropped the ball and dashed inside,' Cindy said. 'It was like he knew…'
'I think he did,' Garth agreed. 'Meet Peaches. She's come to keep Barker company while you're at school.'
The children made a fuss of Peaches, who responded amiably, but her languishing gaze constantly travelled towards Barker, whose virile form had clearly made a deep impression.
'All they needed was a swelling orchestra,' Garth said with a grin when he was alone with Faye later.
'What made you do it?' she asked.
'Barker's still an old dog and he's getting older. We can't put the sad day off for ever. But this way, we'll never really lose him. Why are you surprised? I told you I'd do something.'
'But I thought you were simply going to get another dog.'
'And I have. But just any dog wouldn't do. It's Barker who matters. With Peaches's help, he'll leave something of himself behind.'
CHAPTER TWELVE
To the amusement of the whole family, Barker's passion for Peaches developed into slavish infatuation. She was a domestic tyrant, blowing hot and cold; one day allowing him to smooch her lovingly, the next, growling him away. But nothing could cool Barker's chivalrous devotion and in the presence of his beloved he was reduced to a state of doting idiocy.
'Poor Barker,' Cindy consoled him. 'You're a henpecked husband.'
'And when his pups are born he'll be a henpecked father,' Garth had observed, tweaking her hair. 'Like me.'
Four weeks after their first meeting, Miss McGeorge had confirmed that Peaches was pregnant. Barker strutted about, every inch the proud father, and Cindy and Adrian began to squabble about names for the pups.
The tenth anniversary was growing closer. Faye had relented about letting the children take part, because she was grateful to Garth for putting them before business, even at the cost of the Newcastle contract. He never complained, nor even mentioned the matter, and Faye only knew for sure that he'd lost it when Mary told her. It was like the old days, when he hadn't confided in her.
There was something else he'd kept to himself, which hurt far more. Kendall had telephoned to ask how she was and she'd told him about Barker's crisis. That was how she learned that Garth had sought his help in getting James Wakeham. At first she was delighted. This was exactly the kind of generous act she'd dreamed of seeing him make. But joy was succeeded by sadness at the way he'd excluded her. He'd done it for Cindy and although he could have won his wife's approval, it seemed that he hadn't bothered.
Then Kendall said something else that astonished her.
'It's nice that you're still speaking to me.'
'Why shouldn't I be?'
'I imagine Garth told you all about Jane.'
'She's your new secretary, isn't she? Why should Garth have mentioned her?'
'You mean he didn't? That's amazing. I thought he'd have made the most of it.'
'Kendall, I don't know what you're talking about.'
'Jane works late for me sometimes, and we have a meal together, and-and so on. She was here the night Garth came. Look, I was just a bit lonely for you. It doesn't have to mean anything if we don't let it.'
As Faye understood what he was really saying she waited for the surge of pain it should have brought her. But there was nothing. Kendall had found someone else to flatter his vanity. He was a kindly enough man in his way, but he liked being the centre of attention. What had followed was inevitable and perhaps she had always secretly guessed it.
'Tell me, Kendall,' she said, 'does Jane ever forget to watch you on television?'
'Well-no,' he admitted sheepishly.
'Then you should marry her without delay. And I'll dance at your wedding. Goodbye, my dear.'
She hung up, her thoughts in turmoil. It was ironic to remember now how she'd once said about Garth, 'I wouldn't put it past him to have my replacement lined up to massage
his ego, just in case.' But it was Kendall who'd done exactly that and Garth who had remained true.
But no longer, it seemed. He'd known that Kendall had found someone else, yet he hadn't tried to make any use of it.
If he'd truly wanted me, she thought despondently, he'd have told me about this, hoping to turn me against Kendall.
But he'd preferred to leave Kendall's image untarnished. There was surely only one explanation. When the anniversary gala was over, he would be finished with her.
Cindy was looking forward to the banquet, and was thrilled with her new party frock. Adrian eyed his formal clothes askance and muttered, 'Do I have to, Mum?'
She'd bought the kind of glamorous dress Garth wanted, a black, figure-hugging creation that would be a good background for diamonds. The children were loud in their admiration, and Faye was agreeably surprised by her own appearance.
Garth, too, approved. At least, he nodded and said, 'Good. You'll look just right.'
She'd smiled to cover her disappointment that he showed so little warmth. But what had she expected? Since the night of their loving she'd hoped for so much and been granted so little. She'd had a glimpse of Garth as he'd once been, as she longed for him to be again. But he'd retired behind a barrier from which he emerged only for his children.
Since Kendall's revelation, she knew that Garth was simply biding his time until their final break-up. And, with terrible irony, this happened just as she faced the fact that she'd never really stopped loving her husband.
But he'd reclaimed her only out of pride, and lost interest when she was his for the asking. Sometimes she would surprise him with a strange look in his eyes, as though he was planning the next move. Perhaps he would offer her money to move out and let him keep the children?
She flinched at the thought of leaving them, but wouldn't it be kinder to let them stay here, with the father they adored?
Only a little while ago she'd seemed to have almost everything. Now she was on the verge of losing everything. And worst of all was the thought that Garth might have planned this from the start.
On the evening of the banquet Faye let Cindy help her on with the black velvet evening cloak, with its white satin lining.
