The Misadventures of the Krafts

by Don R. Hubbard

  Dolly's idea was to make a pyramid of pots. There would be a row of six at the bottom, with a row of five pots on top of those, each of the five sitting across the edges of two pots below it. Resting on the row of five would be a row of four. On top of those, a row of three. Then a row of two. And finally, one pot at the top. The total length of the bottom row of pots would be eight feet. That would leave four feet of the patio open for a walk-way to the courtyard. The total height of the arrangement would be about seven feet.

  * * *

  After Dolly finished the wall of pots she looked for a brush to sweep up some patches of potting soil which had fallen on the patio floor as she and Chase were working. She thought for a moment and remembered there was probably a snow brush on the seat inside the truck.

  Dolly climbed into the cab of the truck to look for the brush. She noticed a bee flying around in the cab. She grabbed an aerosol can that was lying on the seat on the passenger side. Thinking it was insect repellent, Dolly sprayed it around inside the truck. She sprayed some downward into the window channel on the door on the driver's side, thinking there might be a nest of bees in there. Feeling slightly overcome by the odor, Dolly climbed out of the truck and went back to the house.

  When Dolly walked into the kitchen, Rex had just finished pushing the refrigerator back into place.

  * * *

  “What do you want for dinner tonight?” Dolly asked. “I was thinking about Sandwiches,” she went on.

  Rex took the hint. “How about sandwiches?” This made Dolly chuckle. “Any desert?” Rex went on, “I'm ready for some today.”

  “Maybe.” She said melodically, deliberately arousing his curiosity.

  “OK. I'm going out to move the truck back behind the shed,” Rex replied.

  “Oh, you better open a window in the truck.” Dolly said. “I sprayed some insect repellent on a bee in there a few minutes ago. And I sprayed some inside the left door – where the window is. I think they've got a nest in there.”

  “OK,” he said. “I'll be back in shortly.”

  Rex walked across the courtyard and climbed into the truck. “Whoa! It does smell strong in here,” he thought to himself. As he twisted the key in the ignition to start the truck, he turned his head to the right and noticed an aerosol can lying next to him on the seat. But it wasn't insect repellent. . . . It was starting fluid! More specifically – ETHER!! Just as the engine fired up Rex jumped out the driver’s door, and without thinking - pushed it closed behind him. He hit the ground as the fumes ignited. Next came the loudest explosion he had ever heard, followed by a spray of glass fragments from the driver's door window, which shot straight across the courtyard - looking like large drops of water with jagged edges. Immediately following the shower of glass came the driver's door, whistling through the air, barely clearing Rex who now lay prone on the grass. The windowless door touched down about six feet beyond him, bounced off one of its corners, and began to roll – end over end - in a cartwheeling motion. The glass fragments made a crackling sound as they hit the pots and the house wall.

  The driver's door wheeled two full turns before it began wobbling and fell on the ground with the exterior side down, the last of its momentum causing it to spin.

  The flying glass had only caused the pots to rock back and forth a little. But a corner of the spinning door nicked a pot near one end of the arrangement, cracking it. The pot quickly crumbled under the weight of the all the pots above it. As those pots fell, more were unseated. By now Dolly had heard the commotion and was standing in the doorway from the house to the patio, afraid to step out. But when the pyramid of pots began to disintegrate she pushed the screen door open and ran toward them. She frantically reached with her left hand and then with her right, not knowing which pot would be the best choice to steady in order to save the failing structure. Then they all began to fall toward the empty spot where the first pot had crumbled. In less than a minute it was over. All of the pots from the third level up from the bottom and higher were on the patio floor. Most were in multiple pieces.

  Dolly ended up on her knees. She leaned forward until her hands rested on the floor. She closed her eyes for a few seconds. When she opened them again a tear fell from her left eye.

  Rex got up from the grass and started walking toward the patio. He looked back at the truck and was relieved to see it was not on fire. Dolly reached out to pick up a piece of a pot, but pulled her hand back to wipe another tear as it started to run down her cheek. Rex came and knelt down beside her. He put his right arm around her and said, “It's Okay Honey, we can replace those pots.” Dolly shook her head “No.”

  Rex helped Dolly collect up the remaining pieces of the pots and then swept up the potting soil, and the bits of glass from the truck window. They could hear voices in the house as they sat down on the patio glider. They know Sheryl and Zack must have returned. They gazed at the mess in the yard and the truck, minus one door which now lay on the grass a few feet from them. They swung gently and silently.

  After a few minutes, Rex said “I think I’m ready to go in now.”

  Dolly said, “Me too. Let’s go.”

  The two got up and walked to the door.

  * * *

  As Dolly and Rex approached the patio door, they could see smoke drifting near the kitchen ceiling. As they stepped across the threshold and into the house, the smoke detector in the hallway to the bedrooms went off – BEEP. . . BEEP. . . BEEP. Dolly covered her ears as she and Rex looked around the kitchen for the source of the smoke. Just then, Sheryl and Zack appeared from the living room. Then a second smoke detector down the hall near the master bedroom chimed in, resulting in a particularly annoying sound – BEEP BEEP . . .BEEP BEEP. . . BEEP BEEP. Dolly covered her ears and went back outside.

  Then Zack said, “Oh - my popcorn!”

  Rex turned and looked at the microwave he and Dolly had passed on their way in. He did a double-take when he saw flames atop the partially charred bag turning on the platter inside it. And the chorus continued - BEEP BEEP . . .BEEP BEEP. . . BEEP BEEP. Smoke flowed out of the microwave around the edges of the door. Zack pushed the button which released the catch and stopped the oven. But Rex reached over and pushed the door back until it clicked shut. He glared at Zack.

  Sheryl, who was a few feet away, bit her lower lip as she watched her dad's face turn deeper and deeper shades of red. Zack's face seemed to be turning white. And although Rex was only about two inches taller, he now seemed to tower over Zack. Again, “BEEP BEEP . . .BEEP BEEP. . . BEEP BEEP.”

  Then Rex spoke – slowly, deliberately, and with a laborious emphasis on his enunciation. “There are flames in my microwave. . .”

  Struggling for articulation in both speech and gesture, Zack said “I - I must have set it for too long. I mean . . ." But he didn't get a chance to finish. BEEP BEEP . . .BEEP BEEP. . . "BEEP BEEP.

  Rex leaned toward him, and said, “There's a POPCORN BUTTON!”

  Zack nodded his head in agreement. Then he said loud enough to be heard clear over the alarms, “I'll BE SURE TO USE THAT NEXT TIME SIR!” He turned and cautiously moved over to where Sheryl stood.

  Suddenly the alarms stopped. Chase had put a box fan in the hall at the end by the bedrooms. It cleared the air in the hallway quickly.

  “Well, maybe I'd better go,” Zack said in a normal tone of voice. “I've got a paper that's due on Monday.” He looked back at Rex and said, “Is there anything I can. . .” But Rex nodded his head “no” as he put his tongue against the bottom of his upper lip.

  Sheryl escorted Zack to the front door and assured him Rex's anger would pass.

  * * *

  When Sheryl came back in the kitchen Rex was busy removing the burned popcorn mess from the microwave.

  Can I help you dad?”

  “No, I'm just about done. All that's left is to air the place out.”

  Dolly started preparing dinner. Rex
helped. By the time Rex started setting the table, they were beginning to laugh.

  Dolly put an apple pie in the oven and then Rex, Dolly, Sheryl and Chase sat down at the table. Rex said Grace. At the end he paused and added, “And Lord, we thank You that no one was injured today.”

  Dolly said, “A-men!”

  Their spirits lifted, they enjoyed the meal and had some laughs over the events of the day. They counted all of the mishaps which had occurred starting with Woofie destroying part of the courtyard fence.

  Rex was just about to say something when Chase, who was facing the window overlooking the patio said, “Hey Dad, the truck is rolling down the lane!”

  Rex looked over his shoulder out the window. Sure enough, the truck was rolling down the shallow grade of the lane toward the road, picking up speed as it went. He jumped up from his chair. “Oh no!” he began as he wiped his chin with a napkin and threw it down. “I must have left it in neutral when I was starting it,” Rex exclaimed. He ran for the door. Dolly, Sheryl and Chase followed close behind.

  Rex ran as fast as he could, but the truck was almost to the road when he got to the front of it. He thought he could jump in, since the driver's door was gone. But there was nothing to grab onto. Then it bounced a little as the rear wheels hit the edge of the pavement. That slowed it down a bit. Rex pawed at the seat trying to get a grip.

  Dolly shouted, “Be careful dear!”

  As the truck rolled the short distance across the road Rex tried again, all the while running as fast as he could, and panting heavily. He tried to reach in to push on the brake with his hand, but the truck was moving too fast. In a few seconds the rear wheels dropped off of the other side of the road onto the gravel shoulder, giving the truck a jolt and a burst of speed.

  “Let it go Rex!” Dolly yelled.

  Rex slowed down and the truck continued to pick up speed. A few seconds later it plunged into the pond. Rex slowed to a stop. He bent forward and rested his hands on his knees. After several deep breaths he looked up. The truck splashed into the water – rear end first – sending out a large circular ripple in all directions. The water slowed the truck greatly. It came to a stop a few seconds later, about thirty feet from shore. Water flowed into the cab until it touched the bottom of the steering wheel

  Rex recaptured his wind as Dolly, Sheryl and Chase approached him.

  As the setting sun fell nearer to the horizon, the Kraft family stood next to each other, looking at their truck sitting in water up to the hood, surrounded by gradually decreasing ripples of water.

  “I think it looks good there Dad,” said Chase. After a brief silence, everyone bent forward and looked over at him. Chase smiled. Then Sheryl smiled a little and shook her head as she grasped the humor in the comment. Dolly smiled also.

  Rex stared intently at the truck for a moment and then said, “I'll tell you something else. . .” They all looked over at Rex. He turned toward them and said, “I think the bees are gone.”

  One by one they all joined in what quickly became a round of uncontrollable laughter. Dolly was the first to get to the point of tears. Rex, already weakened from running, put his right hand on his stomach and gasped for air as he laughed and quickly fell to one knee, then the other, and then to ‘all fours’. They all laughed until their stomachs began to hurt. Every time one of them started to calm down, just looking at one of the others seemed to trigger another round of hysteria.

  Within a few minutes they managed to regain their self-control. Then they all heaved a collective sigh of relief. The truck was in a 'safe' place and had not caused any accidents.

  Rex wiped his eyes one last time and looked around at Dolly, Sheryl and Chase. He paused and thought for a moment, and then said, “Well, let's hope the day's calamities are behind us. Let's all go back to the house, sit down – carefully - and have some of that desert.”

  Suddenly, Dolly put her hands up to her cheeks. “OH NO,” She cried out as she tilted her head forward, and put her hands over her eyes. Rex, Sheryl and Chase all looked at her. Then they looked at each other. And then they all started laughing again – and cried out together, “DESERT!!”

  And that was THE END of the Misadventures of the Krafts.

  They never had another Saturday like that again.