This Is My Brain on Boys

by Sarah Strohmeyer

  “I would have climbed the wall. Really, I would have. I just wanted them to see what it was like first. Oh, hi, Alex!”

  In a flash, her lips reformed from pout to a beaming grin as a poster boy for high-school jock entered the gym. Alex was about Lauren’s height—which was, granted, tall—with black hair and deeply tanned skin. Judging from his cocky walk, he played either soccer or lacrosse. Kris put his money on lacrosse, since he was guessing this Alex was his counterpart in Lauren’s other experiment.

  “Whoa, hey!” Alex returned Lauren’s dazzling smile. “What are you doing here?”

  “Getting royally screwed.” Whereupon she launched into a tirade about the stupid experiment and how Dex and Addie had “totally lied” about it being a measurement of male versus female reactions to certain situations because they were a couple of “psychos” who made them do things like eat fried Mexican worms. Seriously.

  “So, wait, they were going to make you climb that?” Alex chucked his chin to The Beast. “No. Way. Without a spotter? You could have gotten seriously hurt.”

  “That’s what I told them and they didn’t care, even when I explained about making sure I didn’t get injured before field hockey started up and the scholarship and all that.”

  “They never make us do stuff like that when it’s you and me.” Alex took this as an excuse to touch her, reaching out. “So what’s up?”

  “I know, right?” Lauren smoothed an errant strand of blond hair behind an ear. “We just stare into each other’s eyes and write down our observations. I have no idea why they put me together with . . . oh, sorry, Kris, forgot you were still here.”

  Kris had forgotten he was there, too. He had rewound to minutes before, watching Addie biting her bottom lip in focused concentration, bravely forcing herself to finish the climb. He was more nervous for her than for himself, even though he was the one without the lifeline, and the world fell away as he guided her to the top, mentally willing her his strength.

  And yet, today’s crisis was but one of a series he and Addie had survived in less than a week. They started off with the gut-churning turbulence, then the “shark” attack, and now this. Through it all, Addie had been upbeat, positive, even giddy after the shark incident. Now he wondered if she’d be disappointed to learn that the “thrill” had come from a theater prop.

  “Kris?” Lauren snapped her fingers in his face. “Get with it. This is Alex. Your counterpart.”

  He stood and greeted him with a quick nod. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” Alex nodded back. “You go to school here?”

  “That’s kind of a loaded question at the moment,” Kris said. “We’ll see in a couple of weeks.”

  Lauren grabbed her backpack. “Gotta go. Class in twenty minutes. You headed out, Al?”

  Alex was so not headed out. He’d just arrived with his gym bag and was obviously at the gym for a workout. But he didn’t even hesitate.

  “Yeah. Sure. You have lunch yet?” Alex thumbed to the exit.

  “No, and I’m starved.” Lauren let him open the door and passed through. “You?”

  “Not really.”

  Which, in guy speak, meant that of course he’d eaten. Well, good for him. And good for her, Kris thought, tossing his climbing shoes in the bin. Glad some people were happy.

  He picked up his phone from the corner, where it was mixed up in his groundskeeper uniform, and winced. Seven messages from Kara. He was in the process of deleting every one when the group Carl had mentioned tromped in, six summer students led by Ed.

  Exactly the person he was looking for.

  Ed was listening to Carl lay down the rules with the group when Kris strolled over casually, the pack holding his uniform and work boots slung over his shoulder, and clapped him on the shoulder. “Yo. What’s up?”

  He turned and nodded, his expression hard to read, though Kris went with wary. “All right, all right. How you doing, man?”

  “Not bad.” Kris motioned for them to step away so they wouldn’t interrupt Carl’s presentation. “Listen, I just want to thank you for what you did yesterday, coming back for Addie and me. That was really solid of you.”

  “No problem. Lucky I was in the area. Who’d have thunk there’d be a great white shark in the inlet? When I told Tess, she freaked.”

  Kris toed the edge of a mat. “Freaked, huh?”

  “Oh, yeah. She lives in fear of those things. Beach girl.” Ed rolled his eyes.

  He was slightly shorter and stockier than Kris, light blond where Kris was dark, short hair where Kris’s was long, and probably pound for pound packed more muscle. That said, Kris figured he could take him. If forced.

  “Now that’s surprising,” Kris said, reaching into his pocket.

  “Yeah? Why?”

  “Because I found this in your boat when I was cleaning it out last night.” He placed the black remote control in the palm of Ed’s hand and took a step back for a complete view of his reaction.

  Ed turned it this way and that, frowning. “What is this?”

  “A remote control. But you know that.”

  “I do?” He did an excellent imitation of a confused person. Tess, the thespian, must have taught him well.

  “Don’t play dumb. I found the shark.”

  Ed squinted at Kris like he was insane. “What are you talking about?”

  “The mechanical shark? The one Tess’s parents got for her from Spielberg when she put on Jaws last summer? Seriously. Don’t BS.”

  “I wasn’t here last summer. Tess and I started going out in October.”

  A frisson of doubt surfaced in his mind. Kris dismissed this and plowed forward. “It was still wet, dude. It was in the water yesterday and you operated it with that. That’s why you happened to be in the exact location where the shark was. It wasn’t ‘luck.’ It was a prank.”

  The tips of Ed’s ears turned red, and Kris expected steam to blow from them at any minute. “Look.” He kept his voice low, out of eavesdropping range. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but clearly, you have issues.”

  Kris took a step. “I don’t have . . .”

  Ed put up both his hands for him to back off. “Tess said I should give you a second chance for Addie’s sake even though, you know, why would I do that when you were the one who wrote—”

  “I didn’t . . .”

  “Shut. Up.” Clearly, Ed’s temper had crossed an invisible line, and there was no reeling it in. “Let me finish. The only reason I’m not knocking you flat is because Tess would kill me if I did. But I’ll tell you this. I did not put a shark in the water; I wouldn’t have done that to Addie. Tess’d kill me if I had.”

  When Ed phrased it that way, it all made sense. Of course he wouldn’t have teased her with the shark. He and Tess treated her like their kid sister, and they were her self-appointed bodyguards. Kris realized then that he’d made a terrible mistake, one from which there was probably no coming back.

  One that could forever turn Addie against him. He needed to set the record straight, fast, before it was too late.

  “Hold up,” Kris said as Ed stormed off.

  He spun around, fists still clenched.

  “I just want you to know that it was Addie that I was worried about. I don’t care about me getting pranked. Heck, after what I’ve done, I deserve it.”

  “Got that straight.” Ed flexed his fingers.

  “It’s just that . . . I like Addie. A lot. And . . . if you were coming after me, whatever. But her . . .” God, what was he saying?

  Ed just stood there, sizing him up. Kris braced for the inevitable punch in the gut, to be followed by Carl pulling them apart with a stern lecture and, finally, the meeting with Headmaster Foy, who would present him with a bus ticket back to Boston and a warning never to return.

  All because he’d been worried about Addie.

  “Look, man, I’m sorry.” Ed uncurled his fists.

  Kris shook his head. “Huh?”

  “I can underst
and how you thought I might have done that thing with the shark, but I didn’t. Swear I didn’t.”

  “Okay. Good to know.”

  “The thing is, thanks to Tess, when it comes to Addie, I . . . I get kind of protective. It’s like . . .” He scratched his military-short cut and winced. “I don’t know. I can’t explain. It’s complicated.”

  Ooookay, Kris thought. “No big deal. We’re cool.”

  “Look, I’ll ask Tess if there’s a sign-out sheet for props so she can track down whoever took the shark. But I never saw that remote control before in my life, so I don’t know where that came from.”

  The prop room, Kris thought. Obviously.

  Ed walked off, paused, and turned back to Kris. “You might want to give Addie a heads-up, though. I think my guys are planning to get her back for the spike that nearly took you out. They’re still claiming that they should have won by default for that.” Ed nodded to his group, which was suiting up for the climb. “Might be wise for her to sleep with one eye open for the next few nights. I’m just saying.”

  Kris felt bad. He didn’t want Addie paying for his poor reflexes. “They shouldn’t take it out on her. Wasn’t her fault; I didn’t get out of the way fast enough.”

  “Whatever.” Ed shrugged. “Everyone likes a good prank. See ya.”

  Kris checked his phone. He had ten minutes to sneak the remote back to the prop room and then report for duty at the lab for a fun-filled afternoon of cleaning gerbil cages and fish tanks, the bathrooms, and mopping all the floors. Pure hell . . . if he didn’t have a chance of running into Addie.

  FIFTEEN

  “Sit!” Dr. Brooks motioned to two seats in front of her desk. Dex and Addie did what they were told, as usual, while their advisor paced, her cheeks inflamed as brightly as her orange batik dress.

  “Is something wrong?” Addie asked, hugging her laptop.

  “We’ll let the headmaster decide,” Dr. Brooks snapped, folding her arms in disgust. “I called him and he said he’s on his way.”

  Dex poked her in the ribs. “Nice work, Emerson.”

  Addie slapped her chest. “What did I do?”

  “Why don’t you ask your amygdala? It seems to be calling the shots these days.”

  She was getting so sick and tired of him blaming her for every tiny hiccup. “Shut up!”

  Dr. Brooks quit pacing. “What’s going on with you two?”

  “Dexter just accused me of uncontrollable norepinephrine emissions in the presence of Kris,” Addie said.

  He stabbed a finger toward her. “Busted! I never said Kris.”

  “But you did say amygdala.” She tapped her temple. “I know how your brain works.”

  “Please! You’re acting like children. Let’s just save our complaints until . . .”

  There was a polite rap on the door, and in walked Headmaster Foy in his standard summer attire: dark green Academy 355 golf shirt and khaki shorts. He frowned slightly, as if annoyed to have been called from the sunshine to the dark office of the lab.

  “Dr. Brooks.” He bowed slightly. “Dexter and Adelaide. I assume there is a reasonable explanation for this.”

  It was then that Addie noticed he was clutching two pieces of white paper. She straightened her posture and set her lips in what she hoped would be interpreted as an expression of innocence.

  “What’s that?” Dexter asked.

  Dr. Brooks sat on the corner of her desk. “Why don’t you tell us?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t see it from here.”

  Mr. Foy handed him the paper. Addie peered over his shoulder, admiring the official language and impressive replication of the Academy 355 letterhead. Well, not so much a replication as a cut and paste.

  “It’s a waiver excusing Carl from having to supervise the climb.” Dex gave it to Addie, who pretended to study it intently. “So?”

  “So who faxed it to the gym office?” Mr. Foy tapped the fax address at the top. Displaying the other paper, a printout, he added, “Along with the fraudulent email?”

  “Not I,” Dexter was quick to say. “Maybe Addie.”

  Seriously, Dex would sell his mother for medical experimentation if he thought it would save his reputation, she thought. “Why would you think I did it? What in my track record would even hint that I would be capable of committing such a transgression as manufacturing a waiver and then faxing it to the gym office?” She added a tiny gulp at the end of this speech, the way Tess did whenever she was trying to squeeze out sympathy.

  “Oh, dear, of course we don’t think you had anything to do with this,” Dr. Brooks said soothingly.

  “Why not? She was the one who told Carl to check his fax machine!” Dex said.

  Dr. Brooks and the headmaster exchanged uncomfortable glances. Mr. Foy said, “If that’s the case, then you need to explain, Adelaide.”

  “To restate,” Addie said, “why would I violate my nature by committing fraud?”

  Dexter threw up his hands. “Because you’ve got it bad for Kris Condos and, I don’t know, you didn’t want Carl around to stop you. Maybe because you knew all along that Lauren wouldn’t climb the wall and so you did it just to trigger Kris’s PEA levels.”

  The boy didn’t receive a gold-engraved invitation to join Mensa for being stupid.

  Dr. Brooks rounded on her. “Is this true, Adelaide? Have you developed feelings for one of your test subjects?”

  “My PEA levels are under control, as are my amygdalae.” Addie shot a glare at Dex. “Meanwhile, I regret to report that my lab partner possesses an ulterior motive. Namely, he wishes to have his project submitted for an Athenian Award instead of mine.”

  Now it was Dex’s turn to be in the spotlight. “What do you say to this?” Mr. Foy asked.

  Dex hesitated for a second and then blurted, “I deny the accusation but not the conclusion. Addie’s experiment has been compromised twice, not only today at the rock wall, but yesterday when she ate the fake agave worms and Lauren didn’t.”

  Mr. Foy said, “Agave worms?”

  Dr. Brooks said, “I’ll explain later. Anything else, Dexter?”

  Addie curled her toes as her lab partner—former lab partner—proceeded to slice and dice her in front of the two most powerful people in the school.

  “I regret to inform you that there is more. Specifically, it has come to my attention that Addie went kayaking with Kris yesterday evening.”

  And he snuck into my room through a window past curfew, she added silently, the memory of Kris on her bed with the ice cream tickling her with faint shivers. Fortunately, Dex didn’t know about this bit of rebellion, or she’d really be in trouble.

  “Addie’s errors aside,” he said, “my project is more substantive than proving that feelings of love can be created . . .”

  “And destroyed,” Addie added.

  “My project shows that crustaceans can feel actual pain, which could have tremendous potential implications for transforming the shellfish harvesting industry, and I’m sorry, but I think that’s a leeeetle more important than helping teenage girls get over being dumped.”

  Another glare from him.

  Addie saw his glare and raised it with a pair of squinty eyes.

  Foy brightened and smacked his hands together. “Excellent. Nothing more true to school tradition than a dose of academic rivalry. This is how rockets are sent to the moon, how cancer is cured. Einstein didn’t develop the theory of relativity without Gunnar Nordström nipping at his heels.”

  Addie doubted highly that Nordström would have debased himself by crawling on the ground and engaging in such puerile behavior with the most renowned physicist ever. But probably now was not the time to correct her headmaster, especially since, much to her relief, he had moved from the awkward fax issue to insisting that Dex demonstrate his crabs.

  Dexter was only too happy to comply. The four of them tromped out of Dr. Brooks’s office and down the hall to the main lab, where Kris just happened to be mopping the floor. />
  “Oh, sorry, I’ll get out of your way,” he said, picking up his bucket.

  “Heartening to see you industriously at work,” the headmaster said with a nod. “Keep it up.”

  “Yes, sir.” Kris stole a sideways glance at Addie, who returned a shy smile, before heading down the hall to dump the bucket.

  “Okay, so here’s the main tank.” Dex led them to a large brightly lit tank, about three feet long and only partially filled with water. The bottom was covered in sand, and there was a small island where the crabs could get out of the water at one end. In the middle were two artificial caves.

  “As you will note, both caves appear identical.” Dex slipped on a pair of rubber gloves, removed the cover of another, darkened, tank, and scooped out a flailing blue crab, its claws snapping into the empty air with frustration.

  Addie’s fingers clenched. She hated this part.

  Mr. Foy leaned forward. “Now what?”

  “You’ll see.” Carefully, Dex lowered the crab into the lit tank, placing it in front of the one nearest to Dr. Brooks. Eager to shield himself from the light, the crab scrambled into the nearest opening.

  And that was when Dex gave him the juice.

  Zzzzzz!

  Mr. Foy tottered backward as the crab went flying from the cave hole. Addie wanted to snatch it herself and deposit it in the ocean so it would never have to be tortured by Dexter again.

  “You electrocuted him!” Mr. Foy said. “Doesn’t that constitute abuse?”

  Dex clearly couldn’t be more pleased with this reaction. “Apparently not, because crabs, lobster, and all crustaceans are exempt from animal-cruelty laws on the premise that they don’t feel pain.”

  “Dexter’s right,” Dr. Brooks said. “I have checked the laws myself. In light of, ahem, recent events on campus, I wanted to be sure the Whit fully enforces a policy of ethical treatment.”

  Mr. Foy gestured to the tank. “But you can’t argue it doesn’t feel pain. Look what just happened.”

  “The shell-fishing industry would counter that the crab’s response was the result of reflexes, such as when you pick up the handle of a hot pot and automatically drop it,” Dr. Brooks said. “When you throw a lobster in a pot of boiling water and you hear its claws scrambling, isn’t that what people say? ‘Oh, that’s nothing. It’s just reflexes.’”