Sanctuary Lost

by Moira Rogers

  Brynn moved to her sister’s side at once, leaving Dylan standing next to him with Sasha cradled against his chest. The girl was awake and bleary-eyed, and the scent of fear hung heavy around her. Dylan’s arms tightened as he paused short of the stage. “I know you’re hurting, Sasha, but Keith needs you.”

  She nodded, and her eyes darted around wildly. “I-I might need a minute. There are so many people…”

  Joe helped Dylan set her on the stage beside Keith. “Ignore them, okay? They’re not here.”

  The fragile-looking redhead held her hands over the bloody towels covering Keith’s wounds and swayed. “Where is it? The weapon?” Her voice had taken on an edge of power. Authority. She might live in their world, amongst the wolves, but this was her domain.

  Brynn shifted away from Abby and picked up the knife. She held it out in silence.

  Sasha took the dagger and wrapped her hand around the blade. Her eyes drifted shut, and she shuddered. “It’s old but strong. I think I can break it.”

  She began to chant, and power swirled through the room. Keith fidgeted under her hands, restlessly at first and then with growing unease, as she continued the incantation.

  “You’re hurting him,” Abby whispered hoarsely. “I can feel it. You—you’re hurting him. Stop.” Sasha didn’t react, and Abby lunged at her. “Stop it!”

  Brynn caught her sister around the shoulder and dragged her back. “Abby!” Brynn’s eyes shot to Joe. “Can you stop the bond from hurting her?”

  The only way was to break it, and both of them were likely to kill him for it—if they made it through this. Abby screamed and bent double as Sasha’s incantation grew in speed and volume, and Joe dragged out his pocketknife and thumbed it open. One quick slice and the woven leather bracelet around her wrist dropped into his hand. He tossed the knife to Dylan. “Get the cord from Keith’s wrist.”

  Dylan didn’t waste time with questions. He jerked the blade through the leather cord and threw it back to Joe. Then he rose to his feet and found Olivia with his gaze. “Go get Sam or Gavin. Someone’s going to have to help Abby when the bond breaks.”

  Olivia didn’t even pause to wipe Keith’s blood from her hands before she turned and bolted from the bar.

  Joe looked at the woven cords in his hand. “If I break it now, Brynn, we’ll both have to help keep Abby calm until one of them gets here. Can you do that?”

  Her answer was honest, if not encouraging. “I don’t know, but I’ll try.”

  A bottle of vodka sat on the bar, and he tossed the bracelets in an ashtray and soaked them with liquor. One of the men from the crowd slid a lighter down the bar. Joe struck it, and flames surged up out of the glass tray.

  The explosion of power he’d come to expect at the dissolution of a bond ripped through the room. Keith didn’t react beyond the whimpers of pain Sasha’s spell had already drawn, and Abby didn’t make a sound as she dropped to the floor, unconscious.

  Brynn hit her knees and gathered Abby into her arms. She started to feel for a pulse but stopped. Her eyes drifted shut and the tense set of her features eased slightly. “She’s okay.”

  Sasha stopped chanting abruptly, and her hands fell to her sides as Gavin burst through the door. “I’ve done everything I can do,” she rasped, swaying. Dylan caught her before she could collapse and eased her onto the stage.

  “Is Keith—” It was Brynn’s voice, soft and shaking. He could feel her through their bond, could feel her numb shock and fear and the faint, almost guilty relief that rose every time she looked at him.

  Gavin glanced from Keith to Abby. “The bond?”

  “Broke it.” Keith had a pulse, though he’d fallen silent, as well. “How’re things out there?”

  “They’ve scattered.” The alpha lifted Abby easily into his arms. “Matthews is dead. Without their leader, they don’t know what to do.”

  Brynn rose to her feet, so gingerly she seemed to be in pain. “What do we do?”

  Gavin looked tired. Old. “We pick up the pieces.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Even with his eyes closed, Joe could feel Brynn’s sharp tension flooding the room. Her footsteps had formed a hypnotic rhythm as she paced, her path taking her from the door to the couch to the fireplace and back in a never-ending triangle.

  A soft moan of pain drifted in from Cindy’s makeshift trauma room, and Brynn’s footsteps faltered just short of the couch. “Abby shouldn’t be in there. She shouldn’t.”

  “You couldn’t drag her out if you tried, sweetheart.”

  “Then we should find someone who can!” The words came out as an angry growl and rode on a wave of frustrated anger that echoed over their bond.

  He blocked her path and wrapped his hands around her upper arms. Leaning down afforded him the chance to catch her gaze, and he whispered, “No one’s getting your sister out of there, Brynn. Even if I thought she wouldn’t tear me up, I’d leave her be.”

  Brynn’s eyes were more gold than gray. Her body trembled under his hands, and if he hadn’t known better he would have sworn he was looking at a new wolf fighting the call of her first full moon.

  “You’re going to go crazy in here.” He took her hand and dragged her toward the door. “Come on.”

  This time her snarl tore through the room and raised the hair on the back of his neck. “No.”

  The door opened, and Cindy came out. Her expression was grave, but she tried to smile. “I think he’s going to make it.”

  Brynn’s gaze snapped to the blood on Cindy’s clothing, and the harsh sound of her ragged breathing filled the room. Joe could feel the effort it took for her to focus enough to speak, and even then her words came out rough. “Abby? Is she…”

  “Gavin’s helping her.” Cindy leaned against the wall and dragged her hands through her disheveled blonde hair. “I think Keith’ll be okay, but he’s not out of the woods yet. Abby won’t leave him.”

  “I don’t—” Brynn closed her eyes with a wild sound that was more animal than human. “I shouldn’t leave her, but I can’t—I can’t think.”

  Pain flashed through Joe like flash fire, fleeting and intense. If he stood and did nothing, Brynn would lose control. He grasped her hand more tightly. “We’ll be out back,” he told Cindy. “Yell if you need us.”

  Brynn stumbled once as he pulled her toward the door, her movements as clumsy as they’d been the first day she’d woken up as a wolf. “What are we doing?”

  “We’re going to get you out of your skin before you rip yourself apart.”

  She froze, and terror zipped between them, the kind of maddening, overwhelming fear that made it hard to believe she was still on her feet. “Will it hurt like last time?”

  “Christ, no.” He brought her hand to his lips and focused on comforting her. “I’m here. I’ll help you. This time, you’ll control the change, not the other way around.”

  Her gaze locked on to his as the desperation in her eyes slowly gave way to trust. “Okay. I’ll try.”

  He raised his hands to her shoulders and held her steady. “You feel her inside you, don’t you? Trapped, trying to claw her way out?”

  “Yes. It hurts.”

  He could feel it, and he hummed soothingly. “It’s you, Brynn. The wolf is yours. Make her do what you want. Bring her under control before you set her free.”

  Brynn’s hands landed on his chest, then slid up and circled around his neck. “Kiss me.”

  It wouldn’t help her focus, but he couldn’t deny her. He cupped the back of her neck and tilted her head back for a deep, short kiss that made both their pulses race. “I know it’s hard to concentrate, Brynn, but you have to trust me. It won’t be like last time.”

  She nodded and closed her eyes, and after a moment the fear and rage trembling just inside her began to bleed away, to shift focus until the wolf inside her radiated sharp anticipation. Her fingernails dug into his neck as she sucked in a breath and let it out on a soft sigh. “I think… I think I have it.”
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  “Good.” He tugged at the hem of the oversize T-shirt she wore and pulled the garment over her head. “Get your shoes, baby.”

  Her fingers fumbled with the laces, but she jerked them off without untying them. Her socks followed, and she straightened and reached for the waistband on her poorly fitted sweatpants. “I don’t know how long I can hold her. She wants to run.”

  Joe finished shucking his boots and reached for his belt. It took reserves of energy he didn’t really have to spare, but he urged a tiny bit of extra strength through the bond. “She’ll run when you let her.” His jeans and underwear hit the grass. “Ready?”

  The wind teased at Brynn’s disheveled hair, pulling strands in front of her face and across her bare shoulders. Her hands tightened into fists and she nodded once, a sharp, nervous gesture. “I’m ready.”

  His fingers brushed her face, and he stepped back. “Just let her go. You’ve kept her under control for this long, but now you can set her free.”

  “I don’t—” Her words cut off as her back went rigid. She hit the ground on her hands and knees, but the magic strung painfully tight inside her didn’t snap. A whimper escaped her as she dug her fingers into the grass and huddled in on herself. “I’m scared.”

  Joe knelt in front of her, one hand on her shoulder. The terror faded a little, and he whispered, “You can do this, honey. I know you can.”

  Another tiny little nod, and she trembled under his hand.

  Then the magic exploded.

  He’d never seen anyone change so fast before. Strong alphas could learn to master the change, but there was nothing controlled in the power that tore through her. Brynn disappeared in a ripple of flesh and fur, and in the space of three heartbeats was replaced by a small, trembling wolf who crowded against his side with a confused whine.

  Magic rebounded and ripped through him, so he took a deep breath and gave in to the pull. By the time he stood solidly on four paws, Brynn was almost under him, her whining louder. He nudged her like he had the night of her change and trotted toward the dense line of trees behind the house.

  She was clumsy at first. She bounded after him and slipped on the wet leaves near the edge of the trees. A moment later she was on her feet again, excitement and curiosity echoing between them. Her nose butted his side, a teasing challenge, and she nipped at his shoulder before taking off again, diving between two trees and into the woods.

  Joe watched her frolic through the dark woods, for all intents and purposes newly born. There were plenty of things she needed to learn. Some he could handle, and others were part of being a pack, of being surrounded by other wolves there to help and protect.

  For now, what she needed was to satisfy, even exhaust the wolf. She needed to run.

  He ran after her.

  *

  It should have been too cold to be naked on the ground, but Joe’s body folded around hers, generating plenty of warmth. The grass beneath them was soft enough, and she’d kicked the one offending branch out of the way before she’d collapsed and resumed her human form.

  She felt better than she had in days. Her wolf rested easily within her, and for the first time since the full moon Brynn felt almost human. She closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against the muscular arm pillowing her head. “This is what it’s supposed to feel like, isn’t it? When the wolf’s quiet?”

  “It should feel like that most of the time.” Joe sighed heavily. “I’m sorry, Brynn.”

  His breath tickled against the back of her neck, and she shivered and turned her face to kiss his arm. “It’s not your fault. At least now I know it doesn’t really hurt to change. Maybe I just…need to do it more often than I thought.”

  “It won’t be so bad once Keith is better, and Abby, and things settle down.”

  It was almost surprising to realize she could sense the lie beneath his words. “You don’t believe that.”

  He cursed. “I want to believe it. But I don’t know. No one does.”

  “Then don’t lie to me.” She slid her hand down his arm and twined her fingers with his. “Abby said new wolves can’t get pregnant. I hadn’t really thought about it before now, but we’ve been having a lot of unprotected sex.”

  Joe rubbed his cheek against her hair. “You can’t get pregnant right after the change because the wolf is so volatile. It becomes a possibility again once you settle down and gain some control. That’s the quick and dirty version, anyway.”

  That same instinct prompted her to turn his words over in her head, looking for the truth he didn’t want to speak. “Because the wolf is volatile. Like mine will be all the time.”

  She hadn’t realized how adept he was at hiding his emotions. Though she felt his discomfort and sympathy, his expression didn’t change. “Maybe, sweetheart, but we don’t know.”

  “So if it doesn’t go away…” She closed her eyes. Children had been a distant concern, something to be considered in that nebulous someday when she’d satisfied her career goals and had time for a family. Knowing it might never happen shouldn’t have hurt so much. She swallowed hard and turned to face Joe, curling her arm around his waist. “I’m glad that bastard’s dead.”

  His arms tightened around her. “He’s dead, and you’re safe. You’re mine. The rest will work out.” He kissed her forehead and closed eyelids. “I love you.”

  Not even exhaustion could blunt the power of those words, not when the truth of them echoed in their bond, echoed in her bones. “I love you too.”

  He was silent for a while. “The next few weeks will be hard on Abby,” he finally whispered. “Will you be all right to help her out? I know you’d hate not to be able to, so if you need me…”

  “Does it hurt you to change too often? I don’t know how soon it will build up again, but if I can feel like this…I can help her.”

  “You can change as often as you like. It’s good practice, actually, for keeping the wolf at bay when you need to.”

  “Okay. Then I can help her, I guess. I can try.” She pressed her forehead to his shoulder and tried to take a steadying breath. “I’m sorry, Joe. I didn’t want to be something you had to deal with. If…if you need to transfer my bond to someone else, if that would make it easier for us to be together—”

  “Shh.” His hand crept up to smooth over her hair. “It wouldn’t be easier, Brynn. It’d be hell.”

  “Because you love me.” She had to echo his words, just to remind herself. And because the statement meant nothing to the wolf, she groped for the one that did. “Because I’m yours.”

  “Because you’re mine.”

  The utter peace that came with those words didn’t scare her anymore.

  *

  Abby was cooking again.

  A mountain of food covered the table, row after row of tinfoil-wrapped hotdishes and loaves of bread, along with pans of dessert bars and every side dish Brynn could imagine. There was enough food to feed all four of them for a week, even taking into account Brynn’s still enormous appetite and the amount of food Keith would need to heal.

  And Abby was cooking.

  Brynn rubbed at the side of her face and watched as Abby sliced potatoes. “Come on, Abby. Stopping for five minutes isn’t going to hurt anything. You look exhausted.”

  Tension vibrated off her. “I’m fine.”

  It didn’t take her newly awakened supersenses to find the lie. “You’re not. You’re really not, Abby.”

  “Of course I’m not.” She laughed. “The man I love damn near died trying to protect me. I’m not fine. I want to scream.” The peeler hit the counter with a clatter. “I can’t breathe, and I just want to scream.”

  The chair scraped against the wooden floor as Brynn rose to her feet and crossed the room to grab her sister’s hands. “Abby. Look at me.”

  Abby’s eyes were wild, and her hands shook. “I’m okay. I can do this for Keith, I can be okay.”

  Brynn’s wolf shivered in fear, but Brynn held her ground as well as she could in the fa
ce of her sister’s nervous power. “Do you need me to go get Gavin? I think he’s on the back porch.”

  It seemed like an eternity before Abby shuddered. “No. I don’t need him. I just need…” She pulled her hands free and reached for the peeler again. “I’m going to stay busy, that’s all.”

  It had only been two days since Joe had taken her running in the woods, but the feral, edgy feelings had already begun to return. The overwhelming press of Abby’s misery made it worse. It took all the self-control Brynn could muster to open a drawer and find a knife. “Well, then I’m going to help you. What are you making?”

  “Mashed potatoes, maybe. Or potato salad. I don’t know yet.”

  Brynn dropped the knife and went for a pot instead. “Have you seen Dylan lately?” she asked, mostly in an attempt to distract Abby. “Cindy’s been over here pretty much all the time, but he hasn’t. Which seems kind of weird.”

  “He’s busy.” Abby finished peeling another potato and dropped it into the colander on the counter. “After what happened to you and Keith, Sasha’s petrified. Dylan’s had to help her a lot.”

  She thought about the way Dylan had hovered over Sasha the night of the fight, the way he’d seemed so relieved to be useful. To be needed. That same feeling stirred inside her, but Abby wouldn’t be taken care of so easily. Or at all.

  Brynn filled the pot with water and set it on the stove before turning to face Abby again. “A few weeks ago I’d have been able to talk my way around you, but I’m not sure I can do that sort of shit ever again. So I’m just going to say it. I want to help you, but I can’t even trust myself to remember how to be human from one minute to the next. So tell me what to do. Please.”

  Abby shook her head, and her miserable, confused expression reminded Brynn that Abby didn’t have much more experience with this life than she had. “I don’t know. Everything is so complicated, and I feel so helpless. I don’t know.”

  “Abby.” This time Brynn took the peeler from her sister’s hand before tugging her gently toward the doorway. “You’re exhausted, and so am I. Let’s go lie down and talk about what we’re going to do when this is all over, and you and Dylan and I are hot and young with superpowers.”