by Debra Doxer
"Would Seth like to stay for dinner? There's more than enough."
"No thanks, Mrs. Hiller. My mother is expecting me home," he said graciously.
"Daniel will drive you back. Won't you, Daniel?"
"Sure, Mom,” I called over my shoulder as I bounded up the stairs.
I barely had the bedroom door closed behind us when Seth said, "I think Eddie called me last night.”
“You think?”
"Someone called and hung up. The caller ID said private number."
I raised my eyebrows at this. “Really? Me, too. A couple of times.”
"You, too?” he asked surprised.
I nodded. Last night, when I received the calls, a little paranoid voice in my head had suggested that caller might be Eddie. But I had convinced myself that it couldn’t have been. Why would he do that?
"Have you heard anything about the police investigation?" Seth asked.
“No. You?”
“No.” He took a deep breath and looked away toward the window.
"Seth, this could drag on for quite a while. Maybe long after we're both back in school."
He turned back to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot. "Yeah? So?”
"So, if our decision is to keep quiet, we have to be able to deal with that. Do you think you can handle it?"
He seemed offended. "Yes, I can handle it. Can you handle it?"
"I'm not the one who drank myself into oblivion last night and walked three miles in the freezing cold to say someone called my house and hung up."
"Screw you."
I took a step closer to him. "Why do you think Eddie would call our phones in the middle of the night and say nothing?”
Seth shrugged at me. Then he sat down heavily on the bed and leaned his back against the wall, closing his eyes. “How did everything get so fucked up?” he asked.
I sat down beside him. “I have no fucking clue.”
We sat beside each other silently for a time before Seth spoke again. "Did you know Eddie drove up to see me my first semester at school?”
Since Seth and I hadn’t been talking at the time, I didn’t know that. He continued without waiting for my response.
"It was a surprise. I wasn't expecting him."
"How did that go?" I asked.
Seth traced his finger along the threading of my comforter. "On his first night there, we decided to go to this bar in town where everyone hangs out. It was a Tuesday night, and I had an early class the next day so I wanted to leave after a few hours. But Eddie met this girl. She was older than us, a junior. She had her own off campus apartment, and I heard her inviting Eddie back. I told him he could go with her since he had his car there, and I could call a cab or have a friend pick me up. But he wanted me to come with them. This girl, Stephanie, was pretty drunk by this time. She was saying that her roommate was home and she wanted both of us to come with her. So, I went.” He sighed before continuing the story.
"In the car, she sat in front, next to him, and I got in back. While he's driving she puts her hand on his knee and starts slowly sliding it up. I remember she had these long red nails. Then he reaches over and puts his hand up her dress and I'm beginning to wonder about his driving skills. But then he pulls the car over to the side of road. It’s really late, and there isn’t any other traffic on the road. Eddie then gets out of the car and I ask him what he’s doing. He comes around to the passenger side, opens the door and starts pulling her out. She nearly falls on her ass, and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Then he leads her over into the bushes while she's tripping all over her high heels. Eddie’s not talking to me, and I figure he just can’t wait to get to this girl’s apartment, and they’re about to disappear for a while. At this point, I just want to go home, and she’s so drunk she looks like she's ready to puke all over him. I’m sitting in the car waiting for them, and the next thing I know she's screaming. I look over and see that he’s pushing her down onto the ground and hiking her skirt up. She’s shoving at him, trying to push him away, but he’s not listening to her.” Seth stopped talking suddenly.
I eyed him expectantly. He didn’t look up at me. “He raped her?” I finally asked.
Seth nodded.
“And you watched him?”
Seth nodded again slowly. "He asked me if I wanted a turn when he was finished.”
“Jesus. You didn’t…”
“No. Of course not,” he answered quickly. “She was just kind of laying there afterward, crying. Eddie convinced her to get back in the car and we drove her home. She didn't say a word the whole time. There were pine needles in her hair, dirt on her hands and clothes. She got out of the car at her apartment and just walked slowly up to her door.”
I started to ask a question but the pained expression on his face stopped me.
"She went to the campus police the next day,” he continued. “She couldn't remember our names. So they gave her copies of the freshman registers from the last four years to look at. She picked me out. Apparently, she got confused and thought that I was the one who raped her. They called my parents. I told my dad that the girl was crazy and that I never touched her. He got me a lawyer.”
“You didn’t tell them it was Eddie,” I stated, shaking my head with disbelief.
“This girl didn't exactly have a squeaky clean reputation, and in a few weeks the charges were dropped. They said she took a shower that night so there was no evidence. I don't own a car and she remembered being in a car. Basically, her story didn't make sense. She was too drunk to remember it right. It all went away, and no one at school found out about it. But I don’t think my dad ever really believed me. He almost pulled me out of school, but my mom managed to convince him not to. He told me if he heard that I even jaywalked on campus, that was it. He was pulling me out and never giving me another cent."
“How could you continue to be friends with Eddie after that? " I asked incredulously.
Seth rubbed his hands over his face before answering. "I didn't talk to him for a while. Then last summer I saw him. He apologized. He said he was drunk, and she seemed like she was going along with it."
"You said she was screaming."
"She wasn't at first."
"Do you even hear what you’re saying?”
"You don't understand. You can't.”
“What can’t I understand?”
"Eddie," he continued.
“You’re right. I can’t. Why did you even tell me that story?”
Seth shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I’m trying to explain him to you. You can’t just dismiss him and say he’s a bad guy. He just loses control. You know how he grew up. Imagine having the shit beat out of you on a regular basis and being told that you’ll amount to nothing every day of your life. He’s so messed up that he doesn’t know up from down or right from wrong.”
I knew Seth was right about Eddie’s upbringing, but that couldn’t excuse his behavior. I was having a hard time understanding how Seth could think it would. “You need to stay away from Eddie,” I told him.
“Yeah, I know,” he answered quietly.
fifteen
My father came home for dinner that night. Sitting down together for a meal brought the usual strained silence but tonight it didn’t bother me because it allowed my tired brain to zone out, with the only noises being the clinking of silverware and the chewing of food until my mother spoke. “I heard they’re finally close to arresting someone,” she stated.
My fork froze somewhere between my plate and my open mouth. I glanced up at her and watched as she scraped the residue from the casserole she had made for dinner across her plate with the side of her fork. "In fact," she continued, "I understand there is a certain resident of South Seaport who is wanted for questioning."
I glanced at my father who was engrossed in eating and seemingly uninterested in anything else. "Who?" I asked her already knowing what her answer would be by her smug expression.
"The McKenna boy. Di
dn't I say it was him when it first happened?” She was looking up at me now, appearing very satisfied with herself.
"Where did you hear this?” I put down my fork and rested my now damp palms on my lap.
"My friend Judy was having some work done on her minivan this afternoon, which by the way she's had nothing but trouble with since the day she drove it off the lot, when a police car pulled up. Apparently, the officer asked the garage owner if the McKenna boy was there. He’s been working there for a while. The owner, I can't seem to remember his name, told the policeman that the McKenna boy hadn't been around for a few days. Then the owner asked why they were looking for him. The police wouldn’t tell him but obviously they want to talk to him about the murder.”
She watched me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. "Daniel, did you hear me? They think the McKenna boy did it?"
I cleared my throat. "You don't actually know that."
"Mark my words. That boy did it.” She stood and began clearing the table.
I went straight to my bedroom after dinner. I considered calling Seth to see if he had heard this latest gossip, but then I quickly dismissed that idea. He was already wound tightly enough. I stayed in my room the rest of the night, and when I realized it was nearing midnight, I took the last sleeping pill. I couldn’t deal with another sleepless night.
I dreamt that Eddie drove by the house. Around three in the morning, I heard the sound of a loud engine outside. When I sat up and peered out the window, I could just make out the shape of a dark Camaro moving down the road at an unusually slow pace.
The next morning my head throbbed and my throat felt like sandpaper. It was another bitter, sunless winter day, the kind of day that makes you want to stay hidden under the covers. But I didn't give into that impulse. I showered, dressed, and then rummaged through the bathroom medicine cabinet for some cold tablets, which I found and swallowed in the upstairs bathroom before going downstairs. I thought of Professor Sheffield’s niece, and I wondered if she had gotten me sick.
Mom was already in the kitchen drinking her coffee and reading the newspaper. She smiled brightly when I entered. "Good morning, Daniel. You slept late this morning."
I poured myself a large glass of orange juice and sat down across from her. The cold liquid soothed my sore throat.
She put the paper down. "A girl named Traci called you this morning,” she announced, holding up my cell phone.
My eyes widened at her. “What are you doing with my phone?” I held my hand out for it.
You left it on the coffee table. I saw her name appear when it rang this morning. "Is she someone from school?"
I nodded at her, checking out my phone to see if I had missed any other calls. I hadn’t.
"Is she your girlfriend?"
“No, she isn’t.” I put down the phone and coughed a few times into my hand. I immediately felt my mother’s scrutiny.
“Are you getting sick?” she asked.
"Maybe. My throat’s a little sore.”
She stood and put her hand to my forehead. "Hmmm, you do feel a little warm. Why don’t I make you some tea?”
I really wasn’t up for my mother’s hovering today. I started to stand.
She gently pushed down on my shoulder. "You stay right there. I'll get you some aspirin, and I think I have some cold tablets somewhere."
"I already took one."
But she wasn’t listening. She hurried off. She now had a mission. A purpose.
After drinking my mom’s tea and taking the pills she offered, I went back up to bed and promptly fell into a fitful sleep. I dozed on and off. Several times I heard a telephone ringing softly in the background. Dreams came and went. Seth and me, ten years old, dashing through the woods. Sitting with Professor Sheffield at his kitchen table. My Eastern religion class last semester. Eddie was there. Sitting two rows in front of me in the lecture hall. I slumped down into my seat in case he happened to turn his head. But he didn't. He just sat there like any other student.
My mother woke me sometime later, standing over me, shaking my shoulder gently. I looked up at her with groggy eyes. "Daniel, I'm sorry to wake you, but Seth keeps calling. When you didn’t pick up your phone, he called the house phone. I told him you were sick and needed to rest. But he insists on speaking with you, and he refuses to leave a message with me."
"Is he on the phone now?"
"No, I just hung up with him. I told him you'd call him back. Do you know what he wants?”
I shook my head as I pushed myself up.
Mom handed my cell phone to me and continued to stand there.
"I’m all set, Mom. Thanks," I smiled weakly at her.
She pursed her lips and went back downstairs.
Seth picked up on the first ring. “Jesus, I've been trying to call you all day. Your mom wouldn't put you on. Are you really sick?"
"I’m fine. What’s up?"
"You actually do sound kind of sick. I thought maybe you were avoiding me."
"I’m not avoiding you. What’s going on, Seth?” He didn’t answer at first. I only heard breathing from his end.
“Seth?”
“I saw Eddie last night.”
“Okay…..and?”
"I don't want to tell you over the phone."
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t. Can you come over here now?”
I felt like crap, and I could only imagine what my mother would say if I told her I was going out. “Can you come here?” I asked.
"No way. Not with your mother breathing down our necks."
"I'll get her out of the house. Just be here in twenty minutes. Okay?"
He hesitated. "Are you sure she'll be gone?"
"Just be here," I said and ended the call.
I went down to the kitchen. Mom was sitting there with an expectant expression. I went to the refrigerator, took out the orange juice and brought it over to the sink. I reached into the cabinet, took out a glass, and placed it front of me. "Seth wanted to talk about his parents’ divorce,” I lied. “He's pretty upset.” As I spoke, I poured some juice into my glass, and the rest I poured quietly down the drain.
"That whole situation really is such a shame. What, Daniel? We're out of juice?"
I had turned around to face her and was holding the carton upside down. "Would you mind running out for more? It's the only thing that helps my throat."
She stood and looked curiously at the empty container. "I thought I just bought that," she said taking the carton from me and examining it. "I'll run to the market down the street."
"Actually," I said, "as long as you're going out, maybe you could pick up that black raspberry jam I like."
"Oh, but they don't carry that at the market. I'd have to drive to the grocery store in Hyannis.”
"Forget it then," I said. "It’s no big deal.”
"No. I don't mind. I'll just be gone a while longer then. Will you be all right by yourself?"
I nodded. “I’ll be fine.”
Not five minutes after my mother pulled out of the driveway, Seth pulled up in his mother’s car. I opened the front door and then stepped back away from the cold air.
"Is she gone?" he asked as he came inside.
"She went to the grocery store. I think we have at least an hour."
"Good.” He brushed past me and walked into the kitchen. "You got anything to drink?"
I followed closely behind. I had on my pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt. "Help yourself."
He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. Then he popped the top and sat down at the kitchen table. When I sat across from him, I noticed Seth push his chair back. "No offense,” he said. “I've got enough problems. I don't need a cold on top of everything else."
Seth gulped down more soda, scrubbed his hands over his face and then said, “Eddie got into my house last night. I woke up to find him standing there, over my bed, looking down at me.”
This information rid me of any lingering grogginess. I l
eaned forward, resting my arms on the table. The idea of waking up and seeing Eddie in my room was beyond creepy. “How did he get in? What did he want?”
“Basement window, I think. It’s been broken for a while. After I recovered from the heart attack he gave me, he told me that he can’t let the police find him until he knows that we’re going to back up his story.”
“So, he knows they’re looking for him.”
Seth nodded. “Yeah. And he doesn’t understand what the big deal is. Why we can’t just say that we were with him at the sea cliff after we left the bar.”
“Because we weren’t.”
Seth downed the rest of the soda before his eyes met mine again. “I think we should say we were.”
I snorted out a laugh and sat back in my chair. I knew he would do this. I knew that all his talk about us sticking together and Eddie being on his own was bullshit. I was the one on my own. Again.
“What?” Seth asked, angry now.
I only shook my head at him.
“You’re making a mistake, Dan. Crossing Eddie is a very bad idea.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “What does that mean?”
He stood up abruptly, pushing his chair across the floor. “Look, he told me that I’d better get you on board or he would.”
I found myself laughing at that. This whole situation was too crazy. My reaction just inflamed Seth more. “Are you fucking listening to me?” he yelled now.
“You’re screaming in my face. I can’t help but listen, can I?”
“You need to take this seriously.”
My churning emotions propelled me out of my chair. I walked over to the sink to put some distance between us. What the hell had I been thinking for the past few days? That this whole thing would just disappear leaving me unscathed? “What’s he going to do?” I asked, turning back to him. “Beat me up?”
Seth pushed his hands deep into his pockets. “No. Worse.”
“Worse?”
“He’s going to tell them you did it.”
I blinked at him. I couldn’t believe I was hearing this crazy bullshit again. “He’s going to tell them I did it?”
