Carrera Cartel: The Collection

by Kenborn, Cora

  “If you love me, you’ll leave with me.” Cupping her hands over her nose and mouth, she closed her swollen eyes. “Please, Matty, I’m begging you. I can’t stay here. You promised you’d never hurt me. I need that to be true.”

  Her pleas broke me. What she asked was suicidal, but I’d risk anything for her.

  Even death.

  Taking her face in my hands, I pulled her against me and kissed her forehead. “Okay, mi amor, calm down. I’ll have to make arrangements first so meet me back here tomorrow night.”

  She lifted her chin and bit her bottom lip, a small cut in the middle opening up and blooming red. “Do you promise? I need to believe in something, Matty.”

  I kissed her again. “Believe in us, Star. Believe in me. Tomorrow we’ll leave this place behind, and it’ll be you and me against the world.”

  * * *

  Present Day

  But it wasn’t. She faced the world alone while I rotted behind steel bars.

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I opened the door to find her pacing like a caged lion, holding her ripped dress together like a shield. I’d barely taken a step into the townhouse when she froze mid-stride and raised her chin, her matted blonde hair stuck to her cheeks. The primal ache from earlier subsided as the sad young girl I once knew gazed up at me with widened eyes. The earlier tepidness was gone and a flicker of something brand new lit behind the familiar flatness.

  “We have to talk.” Closing the door behind me, I avoided her stare as I dropped my phone on a side table.

  “He told you I’m hiding something, didn’t he?”

  Although every emotion I had was tied up in fucking knots, a slight smirk still tugged at the corner of my mouth. In one five-minute phone call, my dimming star had exploded. I just wasn’t sure if her explosion would light up the sky or incinerate everyone around her.

  With what I’d just learned, my money was on the latter.

  “Why do you assume he’d say that?”

  “Why not? Every man in my life has betrayed me.”

  Pissed off at being included in that group, I turned. “I’ve never betrayed you.”

  I hadn’t. Although I’d done a hell of a lot of immoral and evil things, I’d never once betrayed her. I couldn’t. Hell, she may have been the only person in my whole life who’d looked past the sicario and seen the man behind the gun.

  “Are you sure about that, Matty?” She stared at me without blinking. It was as if she were afraid the moment she closed her eyes my mask would slip.

  “Are you, Star?” My counter hit a nerve. Her battle-ready stance shifted, and her whole demeanor changed. Shoulders that moments earlier had tensed and drawn upward sagged and she finally blinked. A few seconds of silence stretched into a minute. Then another minute. Then another. Leighton and I weren’t compatible in any way that counted, but I loathed the silence between us. Emilio’s words had rattled me, but I was more concerned with reaching behind the wall she’d just fallen over and pulling her back.

  It wasn’t because she needed me. I could pump myself full of all the chivalrous, white-knight bullshit I wanted, but that wasn’t my style. Growing up cartel had made me a realist, and a realist always knew who he was and the reasons behind his actions. At my very core, I was a selfish son of a bitch who needed her more than she needed me.

  I also needed answers—ones she probably never intended on giving, but I was past the point of giving a shit. Wondering had robbed me of four years of sleep, but I now wasn’t sure I was prepared to hear the truth. Not only because I didn’t want my suspicions validated, but I feared the monster she would unleash by doing so.

  “Why did you ask me to run away with you that night?”

  Holding her dress with one hand, Leighton shifted away from me. “I told you already. I needed to get away from home.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “For God’s sake, I just couldn’t take it anymore!”

  For the second time in less than five minutes, we stared at each other in silence. I fucking hated it. I was a Carrera. I demanded respect, but the blank look in her eyes, and a past I’d never been able to let go of afforded her a courtesy anyone else would’ve taken a fist for.

  My patience.

  “Leighton…” I moved toward her cautiously as if she were a caged animal. “What happened to you in that house? What haven’t you told me?”

  For a moment, the slight quiver of her lip and dampness pooling in the corner of her eyes made me think I’d finally get the truth out of her. As much as I didn’t want Emilio’s words validated, I needed her confession or her denial. Even after everything I’d learned about her, time had done nothing to tame my need to protect her.

  Depending on her answer, a man would die tonight. Slowly, painfully, and with the mercy of a thousand demons.

  Leighton’s honey-brown eyes darkened as horrors replayed behind them I couldn’t see. She shook her head, her lashes fluttering closed and her hands fisting by her sides. I counted the seconds until she finally opened them.

  Six.

  Six seconds for her to one-eighty on me again. Whatever rage had just swelled inside her was gone, leaving a forced smile plastered across her face.

  Naïve girl. She knew my identity now, but apparently not the man I’d become. A Carrera never left a debt unpaid, especially one owed in blood. However, I’d let her have her false peace.

  For tonight.

  She moved toward me. “You asked me to trust you. Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.”

  I grabbed her wrist and held it between us. “Trust is dangerous.” Before lust got the better of me, I loosened my grip and walked away.

  “You trust Brody,” she called after me. “You’ve let him inside your precious circle.”

  My laughter wasn’t from amusement. “And it’s almost gotten him killed twice. This isn’t a game, Leighton. This is real life with real guns and real death. I’m not a hero. We’re just villains. We do bad things and don’t give a shit if people get hurt. Is that what you want?”

  I waited—for what, I wasn’t sure. A smack across the face? The slam of the door as she walked out of it? Either would’ve been justified.

  She did neither. She stood her ground.

  “We don’t have a choice,” she said, wringing her hands.

  We? What the hell did she mean, we?

  I had her face in my hands before I realized I’d moved. “Everybody has a choice, little lamb. Making it is the easy part. Accepting it is what gets people killed.”

  A tear escaped the tightly locked fortress of her eye and slipped down the back of my hand. “But you’re still alive.”

  It wasn’t as much of a statement as a challenge.

  “I accepted my choice a long time ago,” I said, answering with a cold detachment needed to make her understand. “You don’t retire from my world—you expire from it. Usually at the hands of your worst enemy or your best friend.”

  “Doesn’t sound like much of a life.”

  “Says the girl hiding out in a cartel safe house with a drug runner.”

  She nodded, a breathy chuckle blowing over my knuckles. “Point taken.”

  Biting her lip, she glanced down to where the pads of my fingers still pressed into her face. Not hard enough to hurt her, though. As much as a killer’s soul pumped through my veins, so did she.

  But she didn’t belong in a killer’s world.

  Letting go, I stalked to the window and stared out at the deserted street below. When I managed to reclaim a sense of clarity, I braced myself for what had to be done. It crippled me to hurt her but allowing someone as fragile as her into my world would cripple us both.

  “I asked you why you really wanted to run away with me for a reason, Leighton, and, God help me, I think I have my answer. I’ll rectify what’s been wronged, but everything has changed. If I hadn’t gotten arrested, I would’ve turned my back on all I knew for you, but it would’ve been a mistake.” Holding on
to the window frame, I glanced over my shoulder and held her stare. “You did us both a favor by leaving.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Leighton

  Mateo’s admission was like a punch in the stomach. “How can you say that?”

  I didn’t want to believe it. Although I’d held onto years of anger at being abandoned, some part of me still held out hope that somewhere he regretted walking away. I imagined the two of us meeting again—maybe by chance, maybe by fate, but always with an apology.

  Not this.

  He let out a breath, the little line between his eyebrows deepening. “Leighton, when you asked me to leave with you, I agreed because I thought the reason was me. I thought all the secrecy had finally gotten to you and you wanted to leave everything behind for me. To be with me.” He slammed his palm over his chest, bitterness in his tone.

  “I did!”

  “No, mi amor, you didn’t. You wanted me to be your escape. You knew I’d fight to the death for you.” He paused, his expression a mix of allegation and pain. “I think you counted on it.”

  I avoided his eyes. If I didn’t, I was afraid he’d see the truth. “You’re wrong. I loved you.”

  “That may have been true, but you were using our love as a shield against a secret you didn’t want to face.” Closing the distance between us, he lifted my chin. “You’re still doing it now.”

  “No, Matty, please don’t do this.” I couldn’t handle the destruction of the perfect lie I’d held onto for so long.

  “Fine, let’s talk about something else.” A storm raged over Mateo’s face. His gorgeous features twisted into an infuriated mass of narrowed eyes and hard-set lines as he stomped across the room and grabbed my purse off the floor. Dumping everything out onto the coffee table, he picked up my phone and typed in my password, bringing up my screen.

  “How...”

  He didn’t bother glancing up as he scrolled through my phone. “Your passcode is 1003. October 3rd. The day Star met Matty. I told you I knew you better than anyone, remember?” Finding what he was searching for, he turned it around. “Who have you been calling?”

  As much as I wanted to throw up as Alex’s number stared me in the face, a sick part of me was relieved to see it. It was over. I didn’t have to lie anymore. However, as relieved as I was, I still couldn’t force my mouth to say the words.

  Mateo’s expression never changed. “I’m going to give you the chance to come clean one more time before I dial it myself and we find out the hard way.” I gripped my torn dress with shaking hands as he closed the remaining distance between us. “Who have you been calling?”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “What I think?” He let out a laugh so loud I jumped. “What I think is that you’ve been reporting back to Agent Alex Atwood right under my nose, behind my back, and in my bed.”

  The last three words were said with such vehemence I almost missed the hissing of Alex’s name.

  Oh my God, he knew.

  “Yeah, that’s right, I know his name,” he said, reading my mind. “I know all about him, including the fact he had you cornered at the party.”

  There was no use denying it now. The only thing left to do was throw myself at his feet and hope he had a shred of feeling left for me.

  But I couldn’t stand seeing that damn number staring at me anymore. Shoving his hand away from my face, I tried to sound apologetic while still standing my ground. “Yes, all right? Yes, I’m still talking to the DEA, but I haven’t given him anything to hurt you or Brody.”

  Jerking his elbow back, Mateo threw my phone across the room. “Goddamn it!”

  Luckily, it landed face down on the couch cushions, but his reaction left me in terror of what was now my reality. “Just listen to me, all right?” I begged, reaching for his arm. He didn’t immediately pull away, so I grasped onto that and kept going. “Yes, I should’ve told you, but I swear, I have a good reason for doing it.”

  A cruel smile painted his lips. “What, a nice relocation package to go along with your betrayal?”

  “You’re a hypocrite,” I shot back. “You demand honesty, but I deserve it too. Did you know Luis before I came back to Houston?”

  “What’s with all the questions?”

  I swallowed hard, my hands flexing at my sides.

  Do not back down.

  “I need to know if you came here because Brody asked you to or to finish the job Luis started.”

  Seconds passed, and I fought the urge to run. Mateo’s calmness was almost worse than his rage. I had no idea if he was about to kill me or walk out. In some sick way, both were equally terrifying.

  Finally, he raised a finger and held it between us. “I’ve already warned you never to compare me with Delgado. Do you honestly believe I’d ever do anything to hurt you? Dios mío, Leighton, I’ve been doing everything in my power to keep you safe, despite your constant efforts to undermine me.”

  I let out a relieved breath. “I don’t know what to believe anymore. You ask me to make a choice to blindly follow you, but you won’t even own up to your own choices.”

  “My choice to what...get arrested?” His finger lowered and balled into a fist that he punched against his chest. “To live my life after the woman who said she loved me disappeared without a trace?”

  “No, your choice to ignore the truth once you got out,” I screamed, fighting back tears. I refused to cry during my moment of vindication. “Yes, I made mistakes, but I stand by all of them. You can’t change your decisions, so don’t you dare question the ones I was forced to make on my own.”

  “What truth? What am I missing here?” He looked so confused that the fight drained out of me.

  “Just forget about it,” I whispered, turning to walk away.

  “Damn it, Leighton, stop shutting down on me.” Frustrated with my dismissal, he blocked my path with both palms pressed against my shoulders “You want to fight, let’s fight. You want to fuck, let’s fuck. But I won’t let you lock yourself back in my closet.”

  I stared up at him, his ultimatum resonating on the most basic of levels. Normally, it was Mateo’s restrained darkness that called to me, daring me to close my eyes and step off the ledge. But tonight, the rules I’d followed my whole life had failed me. I stood here tattered and outplayed. I was tired of living in fear. I was tired of living a lie.

  But mostly, I was tired of talking.

  Releasing what was left of my dress, I let it drop to my feet. Mateo’s shocked gaze followed the falling material, and I stood before him completely naked, not saying a word until his eyes settled back on my face. “I want to fuck.”

  I expected to be slammed against the wall, bent over the couch, or at the very least pushed to the floor. I’d never been much of a dirty talker, so I figured the shock value alone would’ve tripped Mateo’s need to control me. It’d always been his thing. I guess taking orders all his life manifested itself as a need to dominate in the most primal way. However, I let out a yelp as he scooped me into his arms and carried me down the hallway and into the bedroom.

  I had to fight to form words. The way he laid me reverently on the bed and gazed down at me while unbuttoning his shirt and peeling it off his chest left me breathless and confused. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t us. Mateo wasn’t a mattress kind of guy.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my voice hoarse as I watched him push his jeans down his thighs. “You said if I wanted to fight, we’d fight, and if I wanted to fuck, we’d fuck. I said I wanted to fuck.”

  “I’m adding a third option.”

  “Which is?”

  Kicking his jeans across the room, he leaned over me, entwining our hands and pressing them by my head. “If you want to make love, we’ll make love.”

  I shook my head, the feel of his heavy cock brushing against my inner thigh making me squirm. “I don’t want that.”

  “That’s too bad, mi amor. I do. See, I think you want me to fuck you because you want a reason to hat
e me. You want me to hurt you because you need someone to blame for what’s really tearing you up inside.” Licking his lips, he grazed them across my jaw. “Well, tough shit, little lamb. I won’t be him.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “No? I think you don’t want to make love because you’ve forgotten how it feels.” Shifting his hips, he rubbed his thick shaft against my wetness. “Let me remind you how good it can be.”

  The whimper he dragged out of me proved he was wrong. I remembered how good it felt all too well. I also remembered how bad it eventually hurt. How it stripped me to my bare soul and left me bleeding. Making love with Mateo wasn’t just physical. It was emotional. Once we truly made love, I’d fall. I’d lose myself and belong to a man who could never fully belong to me.

  He kissed my lips, softly and gently, drinking the last of my willpower until it was gone. The whole night, our fight, the accusations, all the lies...everything vanished the minute his body sank into mine. Choking out a strangled version of his name, I arched my back off the bed.

  “Esto es amor, mi estrella.” This is love, my star.

  He took me just as he promised—slow and steady while staring in my eyes the whole time. His body shook with need, but he held himself back until I came two more times. Then, and only then, did he give in and fill me with not only himself, but every promise he’d made.

  And just like that, I fell.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Leighton

  I woke up alone again.

  However, this time, instead of finding Mateo’s side of the bed cold, I found a scribbled note laying across his pillow. Yawning, I picked it up and rubbed my eyes while scanning his horrible handwriting.

  Mi amor,

  I had to run some errands. Someone ruined your dress last night, so I stopped by Brody’s and picked up some clothes for you. However, feel free to stay naked in my bed until I return.