The Friends We Keep (Mischief Bay)

by Susan Mallery

  “What does Andrew say about your potential change of heart?” Nicole asked.

  “I haven’t told him. I’m still working it through. I want to be sure I’m not running from work, if that makes sense. I want to make the decision from a position of strength, not to escape a job I don’t like. Committing to raising Makayla’s baby is huge. But I can’t help thinking what I’m doing now isn’t enough.”

  “Is the baby the only option?” Hayley asked.

  “No. I’ve been thinking about going back to college. I don’t think I want to practice law anymore. But I’ve never considered what else there could be.”

  “That’s a big step,” Nicole said.

  Hayley nodded. She’d never gone to college. Just a couple of semesters, and then she’d met Rob. What would she be doing if she’d finished her education? She’d never thought much beyond being a wife and a mother. If she could do anything, she would...

  “I’d study nursing,” she said, surprising herself. “If I went back to school.”

  Nicole smiled. “No surprise there. It’s the sweet spirit we were talking about before. You’re good at taking care of people.”

  “I wish that were true.” Hayley sighed. “Lately I’ve only been thinking of myself. With wanting to have a baby and all. Poor Rob. We’re finding our way back together, but I could have lost him. I’m glad I didn’t.”

  “We are, too,” Gabby told her. “What about you, Nicole. What would you do differently?”

  “I don’t know. I love my business. And I can’t say I wouldn’t have married Eric because I needed him to get Tyler. I’m going to accept where I am and be happy.”

  “Can you let the movie thing go?” Hayley asked.

  “I’m going to do my damnedest to try.”

  Nicole raised her glass. The other two clinked theirs against it.

  “To doing our damnedest,” Hayley said.

  “Every day,” Gabby added. “Even if that means getting up at four in the morning.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Nicole shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I really appreciate this,” she said, both worried and late. “Kristie is usually so dependable and I’m not comfortable canceling a class at the last minute.”

  Jairus put his arm around her and led her toward the front door. “Go,” he said. “We’ll be fine. Right, Tyler?”

  Her son beamed at her. “Mommy, we’re going to paint!” He spoke with a charming combination of awe and anticipation.

  “I look forward to seeing what you’ve done when I get home.” She hesitated, not sure what other instructions she should give him.

  When Kristie had called to say she’d unexpectedly come down with food poisoning, Nicole hadn’t been worried. She could easily take over the early-evening classes. What she hadn’t counted on was that none of her usual sitters were available. Cecelia was helping out another family. Pam was traveling. Neither Gabby, Hayley or Shannon were picking up their phones. Not knowing what else to do, she’d put in an emergency call to Jairus who’d instantly agreed to watch Tyler.

  Jairus opened the front door. “Go,” he said with a smile. “We’ll be fine. Call every fifteen minutes, if it makes you more comfortable. We’ll be right here. I promise.”

  She couldn’t remember the last time a man had promised her anything, she thought suddenly, then shook her head. She didn’t have time for this.

  “Thanks,” she said as she ran down the walkway toward her car. “Tyler, be good.”

  “I will, Mommy.”

  Three classes and a quick drive home later, she was back. Despite his offer to field her calls every fifteen minutes, she’d forced herself not to check in with Jairus. Tyler knew her work phone number. He would have called if there was a problem.

  As she stepped into the living room, she saw there were a couple of lamps on, along with the TV. Several things occurred to her at once. First, that Tyler was still up. Well, not up, exactly, but curled up next to Jairus, asleep, rather than in his bed. Second, her pajama-clad son looked amazingly comfortable with the man, as if he trusted him completely. Which Nicole supposed he probably did. Third, Jairus and Tyler looked good together. Connected. As if they had a close relationship that made them both happy.

  Last, and maybe not least, the second her gaze locked with Jairus’s, she felt something sexy and liquid and hot deep down inside her. The sensation had been absent so long, it took her a bit to recognize it.

  Desire.

  The information shocked her. Sure, they’d kissed and it had been nice, but she’d been careful to keep things light. While he always joked about wanting her, she figured that was just a reflex rather than actual information. But what if she’d been wrong? What if he felt this way, too?

  She lost herself in a nanosecond-long image of tangled arms and legs, of his body easing into hers. Her breath caught and she looked away to get a bit of control. Only to notice what was paused on the television.

  Wanting fled as humiliation flooded her. She groaned. “He didn’t.”

  Jairus smiled. “He did. Tyler told me about how you were a beautiful dancer and then offered to show me proof.”

  The DVD they’d been watching was a familiar one—a compilation of her various dance auditions and performances. They were years old and mostly silly. But at the time she’d thought maybe she could have a career as a dancer. Just one more thing she’d been wrong about.

  “You could have stopped when he fell asleep,” she whispered.

  “I was enjoying myself. How were your classes?”

  “Good.”

  Jairus shifted so Tyler stretched out on the sofa. He turned and picked up the boy, then carried him toward the bedrooms.

  “He brushed his teeth already. We’d agreed on just one more minute when he fell asleep.”

  “Once he’s out, he’s out,” she murmured, following them to Tyler’s room, then scooting ahead to fold back the covers on his Brad the Dragon bed.

  Jairus lowered him to the mattress, before stepping back to give her room to kiss Tyler good-night. When she turned to leave, she saw that progress had been made on the mural.

  Most of the scene was outlined in black paint. Parts of Brad were painted in red and judging by the uneven brush strokes, she could guess who’d been doing that painting.

  “You let him help,” she said as she closed the door.

  “He did a great job.”

  They returned to the living room. Jairus switched off the TV.

  “The dancing was cool,” he told her, his dark gaze settling on her face. “You’re talented.”

  “Not really, but thanks for saying it anyway.”

  “Why do you have so much trouble accepting a compliment?”

  “I don’t.”

  He moved closer. “Yeah, you do. You deflect them.”

  Maybe, but if that was true, there was no way she wanted to talk about it. “I tried to make it as a dancer, but couldn’t. I nearly starved to death in New York one winter. What I do now is better.”

  “But you’re still a dancer at heart, I think.” He smiled. “Tango Girl. That’s how I thought of you after our first meeting.”

  “The costume makes an impression.”

  “Tell me about it.” He reached up and stroked the side of her face. “Still scared?”

  She knew he wasn’t talking about her dance career. They’d switched to a more intimate topic. “I’m not scared.”

  “Sure you are. It’s okay. I’m nervous, too. It’s been a while, so hey, what if I’ve forgotten how? Plus, there’s the whole ‘it’s you’ part.”

  Sex, she thought frantically. They were talking about sex. Because they were going to do it? Was she ready? Would it be okay? What underwear had she put on that morning?

  “Me?�
��

  He moved closer and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Yes, you. You knock me out. You’re sexy, funny, a great mom and those legs. You keep me awake at night, thinking about possibilities.”

  What on earth was she supposed to say to that? “Jairus, I...” She swallowed, knowing she could say no. He wouldn’t push. He was that kind of man. The kind who listened and respected and painted murals in her son’s room.

  She was scared. Scared and nervous and apprehensive. Pick a word—any word. But she also liked Jairus and maybe, just maybe, she trusted him.

  “Are you going to make your move?” she asked.

  “Not until you’re done thinking this through. I want it to be right. I want both of us to be sure.”

  She stared at his face, taking in the too-long hair, the wide eyes, the full mouth. She thought about his hands, always gentle and sure. She thought about how she looked forward to being with him and how she missed him when they weren’t together. Then she raised herself on tiptoe and pressed her mouth to his.

  They’d kissed before. Many times. There had even been a little passion in some of them. But this was different. This time there was anticipation.

  She leaned into him. His arms lowered and his hands moved down her sides to settle at her waist. His mouth was warm against hers. He moved back and forth before brushing his tongue against her bottom lip.

  She parted for him and felt need flower inside of her. Hunger grew, consuming her until the wanting was a tangible beast that had to be satisfied.

  There were so many hours before dawn, she thought as she kissed him in return, meeting him stroke for stroke, letting the heat burn through her. So many possibilities.

  She drew back and took his hand, then led him to her bedroom. She released his hand to turn on a bedside lamp, then shut the door. When she faced him again, she realized there was no fear, no uncertainty. She knew that everything about this was right.

  Jairus’s eyes burned bright with passion. “Before we get started,” he said, his voice husky. “Do you have condoms?”

  She thought of the box her friend Pam had given her several months before with the instruction to find someone to wear them, and smiled. “I do.”

  “That’s my girl.”

  It was the last time either of them spoke for a long time. Jairus undressed her carefully, touching and kissing, exploring every inch of her. He took off his clothes and joined her on the bed. His body was long and lean, with just enough muscle to be interesting.

  Nicole lost herself in the sensations of his hands on her body, his mouth on her nipples and then between her legs. It took seconds for her to come. The sensations were almost unfamiliar—her release nearly rusty from disuse. But when he entered her, she came again and this time was better. New and pleasurable. Right.

  Later, when the condom was in the trash and they’d cleaned up and were lying in her bed, the tangle of arms and legs just like she’d imagined, he kissed the top of her head.

  “Go to sleep, Tango Girl.”

  “You’re staying?”

  “I’d like to.”

  She relaxed against him, her eyelids heavy. “I’d like that, too.”

  “I’ll be gone before Tyler wakes up.”

  She nodded, knowing she could trust him. Jairus shifted, holding her tightly against him.

  “I’m going to say something,” he told her. “Your job is to listen. Don’t say anything back to me. Promise?”

  She’d been feeling a little sleepy, but was suddenly completely awake. She nodded, feeling apprehensive. What was he going to tell her? Something awful? Did he not want to see her anymore? Was his divorce not final? Had she just made love with a married man?

  “I love you.”

  She turned so she could look at him. Before she could speak, he pressed his index finger to her lips.

  “Not a word. You promised. I don’t want anything in return, Nicole. I just wanted you to know.”

  * * *

  Hayley knew she was dreaming, but that didn’t make the experience any less real. She was alone in the house. The rooms were familiar. She knew the shapes and the placement of the windows and which floorboards creaked. But that was where the similarity ended. The furnishings were all gone and the house was empty. She was in it completely alone.

  “Rob?”

  She kept calling for him, but he wasn’t there. No matter how many times she circled through the unfurnished rooms, he was gone. Fear kept her moving. She knew that if she stopped, she would remember and the remembering would be too much.

  “Rob?”

  Her voice got louder and louder until she was screaming. Only there wasn’t any sound. Just her frantic search. He had to be here! He had to be! Without him—

  “Hayley?”

  She came awake with a start. Rob leaned over her where she lay on the couch.

  “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  She sprang to her feet and looked around. Everything was where it was supposed to be, including her husband. She flung herself at him and hung on tight.

  “I had a bad dream,” she whispered, breathing in the familiar scent of him. “You were gone.” Because gone was so much easier to say than what she’d actually thought in the dream. That he was dead.

  The babies she’d been unable to carry had been faceless. Real in her heart, but imagining them had been difficult. All their promise had been in the future. But Rob was different. He was now. To lose him was to lose everything.

  He stroked her back. “I’m right here, honey. I’m sorry my meeting ran late.”

  She held back tears, knowing he wouldn’t understand them. “I was reading and I guess I fell asleep,” she whispered.

  Her heartbeat slowed and the taste of fear receded. He drew back and looked at her.

  “Better?”

  She nodded. “You must be hungry.”

  “Starved.”

  They went into the kitchen where she heated some pot roast and the vegetables from their dinner the previous night. Rob loosened his tie as she worked and put his suit jacket over a chair.

  “The service reports are good,” he said, sounding pleased. “Customer satisfaction is up twenty-three percent from this time last year.”

  She clapped her hands together. “That’s fantastic and all you, right?”

  “Yeah. They’re happy with me.” He grinned. “We’re getting a raise. A big one. Plus a bonus. Want to go to Fiji?”

  She ran over and hugged him. “I’m so proud of you. Not surprised at all, but very proud.”

  “Thanks, Hayley.”

  He kissed her. “I’m serious about the trip. Want to go somewhere?”

  She thought about how long it had been since they’d taken a vacation. They couldn’t because all their money went toward fertility treatments.

  “Maybe not Fiji,” she told him. “But yes, let’s take a few days off together.” She tilted her head. “Then maybe we can talk to a contractor about the kitchen. I still want to fix up the house, if you do.”

  “Sure. Kitchen, then bathrooms.”

  The microwave beeped. She checked his dinner, then put it back in for a couple of minutes more. When she turned back to him, she saw he wasn’t smiling anymore.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I was thinking. About kids.”

  Her bubble of happiness burst. She tucked her arms behind herself and grabbed hold of the counter. “What about them?”

  “Are you still against adopting?”

  There it was. The inevitable question she’d been dreading. “I don’t know. It scares me, because of what happened in my family.” She held up a hand before he could speak. “I know my parents loved me. I know Morgan is a bitch and that’s why she got all the attention.”

  His brows r
ose. “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. About her and how things were. I think some of what I felt was real, but some of it was a story I told myself.”

  The microwave beeped again but they both ignored it.

  “I need more time,” she admitted. “Before I can put all the past behind me, but I’m trying, Rob. I know you want children and you don’t care that much if they’re yours or not.”

  He nodded slowly.

  “I’m trying to get there. I want to get there.”

  He relaxed. “That’s good to hear. We’re not in a rush, Hayley. It’ll happen. In the meantime, I want to look into ways to work with children. Maybe as a coach or scouting or something.”

  “You’d be great at that. Kids like you.”

  “I enjoy spending time with them.”

  She pulled his dinner from the microwave and set the plate on the table. “There are a lot of organizations that need volunteers,” she said. “Maybe we can look together.”

  “I’d like that.”

  It wasn’t having a baby. She would never have that. But it was time with Rob and if she kept busy enough, the pain wasn’t so loud. She also liked children. Being with Morgan’s had been fun. If she avoided babies and reminded herself that healing, like life, was a journey, not a destination, then she would keep moving forward. And one day, she would realize the hole in her heart had filled in just enough to be survivable.

  * * *

  Gabby told herself she was fine. That the weird shaking feeling was just because she was tired, nothing more. She was still in her first month of work—there was no way she could call in sick.

  “No work tonight,” she promised herself as she parked and walked toward the office building. She wouldn’t take anything home. Instead she would make an easy and early evening of it. With Andrew out of town, it would be girls only. Maybe a Disney movie-fest and pizza.

  While she was sure the girls would love the idea, she had to admit that the thought of pizza made her stomach flip over a couple of times. She shook off the sensation and went up to the third floor.

  She managed to get through a short meeting on upcoming state immigration legislation without groaning out loud. The churning in her stomach didn’t seem to be going away. She circled by the vending machine and got a Sprite, hoping that would settle things down. She had a headache as well, and a general feeling of exhaustion.