Heart of Glass

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “That’s exactly what I am. Ridiculous. A laughingstock. But then again, how was I to know all of it? You could have told me so many times, Kate. So many times. But you didn’t. Not even the night I held you in my arms. Not even then.”

  He closed his eyes and his mouth tightened as it did whenever he was in pain. He’d been standing too long. Colin stepped away from the door, making his way into the room. Kate followed him inside.

  When he stumbled she rushed over and grabbed his arm. He shook her off, nearly throwing them both off balance. He managed to get to the table where he yanked out a chair and lowered himself onto it. Leaning on his elbow he stared at her, his eyes black with fury.

  “Too bad I had to hear it from everyone else, eh?”

  “Hear what?”

  “Imagine my surprise when I walked into the tax assessor’s office and found out the back taxes on this place had not been waived because I had reenlisted in the army. There is no such waiver, Kate. No other soldiers were as privileged as I. None of the other struggling planters had a generous anonymous donor pay off years of back taxes for them. At least none that I know of. Is Belle Fleuve the only recipient of your largesse, Kate?”

  “Oh.”

  “Yes.

  Oh.”

  “That was four years ago.”

  “How could you forget you paid out such an exorbitant amount?”

  “I didn’t forget. I was waiting until the time was right to tell you.”

  “We’re married, Kate. I would think that sometime before the wedding would have been appropriate? Maybe the day you agreed to my proposal? Something like, ‘Oh, Colin, by the way, I spent a fortune on your taxes four years ago.’”

  “I was waiting to tell you until you turned a profit and were in a position to pay me back. I knew you’d be angry. Obviously, I was right.”

  Suddenly he was up off the chair and headed for her. Kate stood her ground. He grabbed her arm.

  “What else have you lied about?”

  “Nothing!” She tried to twist out of his hold. “Let me go!”

  The minute she said it he let go and shoved his fingers through his hair.

  “Colin, believe me. I only wanted to help, to save this place for you and Amelie. I did this for you both years ago. Please don’t be angry. I had no idea things would evolve this way. Everything has happened so quickly.”

  “You could have told me countless times. You knew I didn’t want your charity.”

  “I don’t consider it charity. I wanted to repay all the kindnesses your parents showed me. I did not do it to insult you.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “But we need to talk.”

  “About what? About how it appears you bought yourself a husband? After all, if Amelie was right, this is what you’ve always wanted. I’m sorry you had to pay such a high price for me.”

  “I bought time. Time for you to save Belle Fleuve.”

  “Why not just buy the place for yourself?”

  “I didn’t want it for myself. I wanted it for you.” She clasped and unclasped her hands. “You’ve been drinking. Obviously, you’re not thinking clearly.”

  “Oh, I’m thinking clearly enough. We can’t undo this sham of a marriage now but I can still throw you out.”

  The last time they’d been together in this room he’d held her close and whispered gentle words of love.

  “You don’t mean that. You can’t.” Her knees were shaking. She warned herself not to crumble in front of him and mustered her courage to withstand his glare.

  “You don’t belong here, Kate. You never did. You just wished you belonged. You wished you were a Delany so much that you bought your way into this family through deceit.”

  “I never deceived you.”

  “You finagled the tax office into hiding the truth from me. Did you bribe someone?”

  “Of course not.”

  “How, Kate?”

  She dropped her gaze, unable to meet his. “One of the clerks once worked for my father.”

  “So I heard. The long arm of the great and powerful Gilbert Keene. How convenient for you. It must be grand to be an heiress of such stature. If it weren’t for sticking your nose into the business of the poor Delany clan you wouldn’t have a care in the world.”

  His words did more than wound; they stoked her Irish temper. She wasn’t about to let him ruin what they’d worked so hard to salvage. Not when the last time they’d been together they’d shared such a deep physical and emotional connection.

  “Colin, stop it. I’m sorry I took matters into my own hands. I did what I thought was right at the time. Can we please move on from here?”

  “I was humiliated yesterday. I needed proof that the taxes were current for the vice president of Hibernia Bank and ended up in the tax office where everyone in the place heard the story of how you concocted a plan to explain why the fees were waived. All around me were men without hope, men who will lose their homes and their livelihoods. They all heard what happened. They all know I was stupid enough to fall for that letter.”

  “And what if I hadn’t paid the taxes, Colin? Where would you and the children be now?” With all the anger and turmoil, Kate had almost forgotten why he’d gone to New Orleans in the first place. Remembering, she calmed herself and attempted to redirect the conversation. “Did you get the loan?”

  “We got the loan. I first refused to go back to the bank after the scene at the tax office, but Jason finally convinced me not to let my pride harm more than just me. Our workers are depending on me and that money to ensure our success. Jason reminded me I could deal with you once I was home.”

  Jason had witnessed his humiliation, but Colin had secured the loan. Now he could pay the hands and buy supplies before the harvest. All they had to do was sit out the next few months and pray for good weather, and the crop would be successful. He would calm down. Things would work out.

  “Everything will be all right, Colin. You’ll see. We’ll put this behind us and when you get ahead, you can pay me back.” Kate managed a shaky smile.

  “Things will work out. You’re right.” He shifted on the hard chair, turned away from her, and stared at the wall. “But we won’t be working them out together.”

  He was angry. Humiliated. He’d get over it. She’d make certain of it. She went to him, tried to put her arms around him.

  “Oh, Colin, don’t say that.”

  He pushed her away.

  “I mean it, Kate. It’s over. I want you out. I can’t bear the sight of you.”

  “But you can’t mean that.”

  “I can and I do. This time do me a favor and listen to me. Leave.”

  Blinded by tears, Kate ran back to the house. Avoiding the kitchen, she hiked up her skirt and ran up the gallery stairs to her room. The French door banged against the wall as she tore it open. She heard the distinct sound of one of the glass panes cracking but didn’t bother to turn around.

  Anger replaced her tears and Kate began to pace the room.

  “You thought you’d rid yourself of me before, Colin Delany. Well, think again. I’m not going anywhere.” Her words echoed in the sparsely furnished room.

  She crossed to the gallery. Clutching the railing, she stared at the garçonnière. Colin’s light was still on. Did he regret his harsh words? By morning he would apologize.

  Or was she dreaming again?

  She walked along the gallery to the children’s room where they were sound asleep. Damian had kicked off his covers so she drew them up to protect him from the night’s chill. Marie slept on her stomach, her cheek pressed against the pillow, her fist clenched. Her brow was marred by a frown, her worry a constant even while she slept.

  Kate smoothed her hand over Marie’s blanket, then slipped out of the room. She saw that Colin’s lamp had been extinguished. Was he any closer to reason? Was he sleeping off all the whiskey he’d consumed?

  She hoped not, for she doubted sh
e would get any sleep tonight.

  But the fingers of dawn’s light found her asleep in one of her mother’s wingback chairs. Unfortunately, that’s where Colin found her too.

  “Wake up, Kate.”

  His voice came to her through the haze of sleep. She smiled before she remembered. Her eyes flew open. He was standing over her. His hair was windblown as if he’d already been out riding.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, as she tried to rouse herself, rubbing her neck where it was stiff. Her right arm was asleep from leaning on it. She shook her hand, felt pins and needles. “What time is it?”

  “Nearly eight.” He walked to the open gallery doors.

  She thought he was going to leave without another word, but he turned in the open doorway, a tall, imposing silhouette against the morning sunlight.

  “I’ve taken the children to the Boltons’ so they won’t be here to see you leave. Simon has the wagon hitched and he’s already loaded up most of the things you left in the barn.” Colin half turned, presenting his profile. His strong jaw, broad shoulders, and proud stance did not give away his feelings.

  Panicked, Kate started toward him with one hand extended.

  “Stop right there,” he said.

  “But Colin, surely we can discuss this civilly.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss.”

  “You’re throwing me out?”

  “I’m hoping it won’t come to that. I’m merely asking you to leave.”

  “But you’re not giving me any choice …”

  “This won’t work, Kate. I was a fool to propose in the first place.”

  “But what will the children think?”

  “They’ll get over it. They’re far more resilient than I thought.”

  Tears threatened, but Kate was determined to hide them.

  “This isn’t what Amelie would want.”

  “No, but it’s what I want. Simon is waiting.” His tone was devoid of emotion, which Kate found incomprehensible.

  “I understand that my actions embarrassed you—”

  “Humiliated is more like it.”

  “That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Your humiliation? Your pride? Colin, I have apologized. I will again: I’m sorry. I didn’t think beyond saving Belle Fleuve for you.”

  “You didn’t think, Kate. You forgot that New Orleans is a city that lives on gossip. You forgot that there are circles within circles there. The Irish, the Creoles, the Americans. There wasn’t one person I spoke with who didn’t make some offhanded comment about us. Everyone believes I married you for your inheritance.”

  “My inheritance?” She nearly blurted out that she had nothing left. It would be folly to let him know she’d exhausted her funds on Belle Fleuve. He would never, ever forgive her.

  “Since when do you care what anyone thinks, Colin? You didn’t seem to mind when rumor had it that you were insane. You didn’t care what anyone would think when you were willing to lose this place.”

  “Let’s just say I’ve come to my senses.”

  She watched his shoulders rise and fall as he took a long, slow breath and turned her way. Her heartbeat quickened.

  “Have you, Colin?” she asked softly. “Have you come to your senses? Then please tell me you see how crazy this is. Please.”

  Had she reached him? When she saw his hands fisted at his sides, she knew she had lost.

  He looked away. “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be, Kate.”

  Harder? Had he just admitted throwing her out was difficult?

  Perhaps it was best that she give him time alone. Leaving him with the children and his responsibilities might work in her favor. If she meant anything to him, in a week or two he would come to his senses, forgive her, and take her back.

  “Fine,” she was barely able to whisper. “If that’s what you want, I’ll go.” She turned away so that he couldn’t see the anguish on her face. “If you’ll send Eugenie up to me, the packing will go faster. Tell Simon I’ll be down before eleven.”

  Colin’s anger propelled him out of Kate’s room and down the stairs. Once he found himself alone, he paused to lean against one of the massive gallery pillars. He had expected her to put up more of a fight but he had had no idea what he would do if she outright refused to leave.

  He stared out across the recently tilled fields. If all went well the cane would go into the ground soon. When it grew to well over six feet and bloomed, the tassels would whisper a chorus of hush-hush sounds on the breeze. It would be a welcome sound he hadn’t heard in years.

  His head was banging in time to the rhythm of his heartbeat. So much for trying to drown his troubles in cheap whiskey. He should have known better; getting drunk had never worked before.

  Before he’d awakened Kate she’d looked so vulnerable and inviting. Her head resting on her arm; her loose hair falling around her shoulders. But that vulnerability hadn’t moved him enough. He still couldn’t forgive her.

  If he let her stay and was forced to see her hour after hour, day after day, he’d forever be reminded of his shock and humiliation, the embarrassment he’d suffered not only in the tax office but in Hovard’s office when he confessed that his new wife had paid off his back taxes. He sat there simmering. He’d been bought and paid for. How long would Kate have kept her secret?

  If he let her stay, sooner or later he would give in to her charm and wind up in bed with her again. Sooner or later he’d forgive her.

  He wasn’t about to play the fool twice.

  Kate had removed a pile of gowns from her closet by the time Eugenie came in. The woman was in tears, continually wiping her face on the hem of her apron.

  “You shouldn’t go, Miss Kate.” Eugenie shook her head when she saw Kate’s things all over the bed. “You got just as much right to be here now as he does. More even. Why if it wasn’t for you, we’d all be without a home.”

  Kate paused in front of the marble-topped washstand with her back to the room and closed her eyes.

  “What makes you say that?” Kate turned to Eugenie.

  “Portia came home from helpin’ over at the Boltons’. When Mr. Bolton got back last night Portia heard him tell his missus that he was with Mr. Colin when they found out you paid the taxes on this place a long time ago and Mr. Colin had a fit.”

  Jason had witnessed his embarrassment and knew what she’d done. If Eugenie saw her as Belle Fleuve’s savior, then so did the others. Keeping the secret had done exactly what she never intended — cut Colin down and emasculated him.

  Kate surveyed all of her things as Eugenie began making order out of the piles.

  “If I was you, I’d stay and fight,” Eugenie sniffed.

  “Any other time I would,” Kate said. “But Colin is furious. Maybe if I leave for a while he’ll have time to calm down and reconsider. If I stay he’ll constantly be reminded of what I did.”

  “You didn’t do anythin’ wrong.”

  “Not telling him was wrong. I had ample opportunity.”

  “Where will you go?”

  Kate paused. She could no longer afford a fancy hotel suite, but she could certainly stay at the St. Charles for a night or two.

  “I’ll go back to the St. Charles, of course. If you need me, contact me there.”

  Eugenie pressed her lips together, pulled a handkerchief out of her apron pocket, and blew her nose.

  “Please don’t fret.” Kate patted the woman’s shoulder. “I have my work with Mr. Jamison to keep me busy. Hopefully Colin will come to his senses soon and I’ll be back before you know it. Until then I’ll miss you all terribly.”

  “What if he doesn’t? What if he just puts you out of his mind?”

  She was willing to bet that Colin could no more put her out of his mind than she could him. Not even for a heartbeat.

  “I’ll have to take that chance,” she said.

  “What about Marie and Damian? Won’t you stay long enough to tell them good-bye?” Eugenie gave up folding clothes and sank
to the edge of the bed with her hands clasped in her lap.

  “I don’t want to upset them. It would make Colin even more furious if I caused a scene. I won’t use them to plead my case.” Kate walked to her armoire and pulled out a valise. “I’ll write them a letter. Hopefully, Colin will let me visit them soon.”

  “Visit? You’re married to him, Miss Kate. How can he keep you from seeing the children?”

  “They’re his kin, remember. Not mine.”

  An annulment was impossible now, but even the notion of living apart from him was breaking her heart.

  “Colin will come to his senses, Eugenie. You’ll see. I just need to give him a little time.”

  TWENTY

  What started as a light mist soon turned to rain as Colin rode across the land. Surveying the rich, alluvial soil, he was afraid to hope, afraid to believe that the crop might thrive. Around him field hands dropped two-foot cane stalks into shallow troughs four to five feet apart.

  Time and again over the past three weeks he’d found himself thinking of things he wanted to tell Kate before he remembered that she wasn’t here, that he’d sent her away.

  He’d moved into the house the day she left, and the walls whispered her name. He had put his few personal possessions into the master bedroom, though it still didn’t feel right to sleep in his parents’ old room despite it being furnished with Nola Keene’s castoffs.

  He was mad enough he’d thought about sending all the Keene furniture back to Kate. Every piece he looked at only reminded him of how indebted he was already. But common sense prevailed; the children needed something to sit on, somewhere to eat.

  For two days after Kate’s departure Colin avoided telling them that she wouldn’t be coming back. At first he explained that she was in New Orleans working for Mr. Jamison.

  “Is she working on Captain Stevens’ house?” Damian wanted to know. “Why can’t we go see it?”

  Remembering his run-in with Stevens only fueled Colin’s ire.

  Eugenie demanded that he give the children Kate’s letter. “I don’t care if you fire me. Send me away too, but those children deserve to hear Miss Kate’s letter.”