"I'm going to kiss you now Claud and there's nothing that you can say that is going to stop me."
"But……" I didn't get to finish what I was saying because he shut me up with his lips and then his tongue and oh my God why have I been fighting this?! It feels like an explosion inside of my mouth. I've been kissed and kissed a lot but NOTHING compares to this first kiss with him. Every nerve in my body is tingling and I decided to let go and explored his mouth with each deep thrust of our tongues.
I tried to pull my hands out of his grip so that I could put my arms around him but he wouldn't let go of them which had me bucking and moaning against him. I raised one of my legs up and wrapped it around his hip and he pulled my other leg up to where I am now straddling him and can feel his bulge between my legs that is barely being held in by his boxers. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him in even closer to me which has him moaning and growling into my mouth. He raised his head up and looked at me and I've never seen his eyes so blue and beautiful with so much raw passion like they are right now which is turning me on even more. I could feel him harden even more and the only thing between us was his thin boxers and my panties but I wanted more, so much more. I started moving my hips up and down against him and I could tell that he was about to lose control as he growled at me again.
He leaned his head behind my neck and roughly grazed his teeth along my neck and bit my ear lobe and whispered. "Cruella... How would you feel about us taking this to the bedroom?" All I can think about right now is what else I want to do with him besides kissing. If he kisses this good what else is he good at?
I nodded my head and lunged for his mouth again as he started carrying me to my bedroom. He stopped dead in his tracks when the doorbell rang and pulled away and arched his brow. It's taking everything I've got to catch my breath and come down from the high I was on my way to having.
"Were you expecting someone?" I shook my head because I didn't have anything on my mind but him and how he was making me feel all over my body.
"Don't move... Maybe it's a Jehovah's Witness or something. We will resume what we were doing as soon as I send them on their way."
I nodded my head as he put me down gently in the hallway and he headed for the front door while I patiently waited for him to come back to me. I heard Cash and Olivia's voice in the entryway and my heart dropped and tears immediately sprung from my eyes. Oh no! This can't be good for them to come all the way to my house so early in the morning and on a Saturday without the kids. Olivia was the first one to walk around the corner and by the look on her face I was expecting the worst.
"He's dead isn't he?" I pulled my hands over my face and started shaking my head. "I don't want to know. Just forget I even asked because I don't want to know Olivia... Please... Don't tell me... I can't bear it." She swept me up into her arms and hugged me.
"Oh Claud... He's not dead... I can't tell you what all has happened because I don't have the strength to tell you what all we found out which is why Cash is going to tell you. Brace yourself okay?" I nodded my head and walked into the living room to sit down because I could barely stand at not knowing what has happened to my son.
******************
Caleb sat down at the end of the couch and pulled me into his lap because he sensed that I needed his strength. He didn't give me the chance to tell him that I put my baby up for adoption and I'm sure that when I told him I got rid of it he assumed that I had had an abortion.
"Okay… Am I missing something here? Cash? Olivia? What's going on and why does she seem to be on the brink of another nervous breakdown?"
I turned around and could barely look him in the eye but I told him everything that I should have told him instead of making him think that I had an abortion. When I was finished he pulled me into his arms and held me until I could compose myself. I finally looked over at Cash to let him know that I was ready to hear what all he had to tell me.
"Okay... I found something last night and I'm sure you could probably sense from your conversation with Olivia that I did but I wouldn't let her tell you until I knew for sure." Olivia rose up in her seat and interrupted him.
"I'm sorry Claud, I really wanted to tell you something to give you some sort of peace of mind but he wasn't sure if he had the right family at the time." I can't be mad at her because I know that she hates keeping things from me unlike me who kept my secret for over ten years.
"It's okay and I understand. I completely lost it though when I got off the phone with you because I knew that you were lying to me and that whatever he found had to be bad." Caleb pulled me back against his chest and put one of his arms around me protectively and kissed me on the temple and looked up at his brother.
"Come on Brother. Just tell it to her straight and quit beating around the bush." Olivia pulled a file from out of her purse and handed it to Cash. He glanced through all of the pages and finally looked up.
"Okay. Thomas and Jane Brown and their son Grayson took their sailboat out for the week during spring break to go deep sea fishing and from what I've been told, they had a great time until their last night out at sea." He reached over and got a drink of his water and I'm about to go crazy at how long it's taking him to tell me something.
"Cash! Please just spit it out! Is my son alive or not??" He looked up at me with an apologetic look on his face.
"I'm sorry Claud... I'm not trying to drag it out. Yes... Grayson is alive but his parents aren't because they both drowned in the ocean."
"What? They're dead? Where is he at now? Who has him? They drowned? Oh my God! They were such a sweet loving couple. I can't believe this!" I turned around and buried my face into Caleb's chest with so many thoughts running through my mind. Dead? They're dead?
"Well... Okay... So... Let me give you the whole story and then you can decide on well, I would just like to know how you feel about everything once I tell you the whole story.”
"Okay." Cash nodded at me and continued.
"So... Somehow their sailboat capsized while they were sleeping. It wasn't a small boat but not very big either so a big wave could have done it or that’s what the coast guard came up with in their report. The father managed to get Grayson out and get him to safety in an inflatable boat but he went back for his wife and they never resurfaced. Grayson was found a few hours later by the coast guard absolutely hysterical. When I think of Gideon? Oh man... I'm sorry... That poor little boy."
He choked through the last couple of words which had every one of us bawling. The thought of a 9 year old boy in a life raft in the middle of the ocean knowing that his parents were dead... Oh my poor baby! He was supposed to have been with them forever and not lost them to such a tragic accident.
"Where did he go after that Cash?" I remembered Jane telling me that her mother was the only surviving parent that the both of them had.
"He had a grandmother that died a few years ago so he went to live with Jane's aunt because she was the only surviving relative that they could find. Well... The aunt died a couple of months ago of a heart attack and he is now living with her daughter and her husband. From what the trustee of the estate told me... They're not... Well... They have four other kids and let's just say that they're pretty much using him as their meal ticket. The trust that they set up for him if they died is rather large. The trustee also said that in the event that there were no surviving relatives, the parents wanted you to have him Claudia."
What? But... What?? I got up off of the couch and started pacing because my mind is in maximum overdrive from every thought that's going through my mind.
"They had that in their will? But... Oh my God. I can't breathe! I can't think. I mean... I gave him away! The poor kid probably hates me even more now than he already did now that his parents are dead and... And well... He probably loves it with his cousins. They have kids he can play with... I mean... What are you suggesting? I should have just let this go. I don't know what I was thinking in asking for help in finding him. Why? I never intended on tryin
g to get him back. He'd just resent me for years for not keeping him in the first place!!" I looked around at all three of them and they're all looking at me like I'm crazy! "What? Why are you all looking at me like that?"
Cash seemed to be the only one that had the balls to deal with me because he's the one that stood up and got in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders to try to calm me down.
"Claud, the three of you had an open adoption. The parents always wanted you to be involved in his life but you only requested a picture of him on his birthday every year. He knows that he was adopted and has asked the trustee if you wanted him back now that his parents have died. The trustee was best friends with Thomas, the father, and tries to spend as much time with the boy as he can."
"Well then how come they didn't give Grayson to him? If this is all true then how come nobody has gotten in touch with me?"
"When I spoke to him earlier I asked the same questions and the reason they didn't give Grayson to him is because he travels for work a lot and admitted to me that he tends to live the playboy lifestyle and has never settled down and met that perfect person to settle down with. He is seriously considering it for Grayson's sake because he knows how miserable he is. He does genuinely love and care for the boy because I could sense that over the phone. As far as him getting ahold of you? He has already sent you a letter and you should have already received it and he has been waiting to hear back from you."
What?? I only skim through my mail and don't really pay attention to it because I always pay my bills online so I usually only get junk mail. I ran to my drawer where I keep my mail and started to search for? What? What am I searching for exactly? I never received anything that said on the front ‘Hey! Do you want your kid back?’ Here it is! Mathias Jackson, Attorney at Law.
I opened the envelope and yes, it's addressed to me, wanting to know if I am who he needs to talk to regarding Grayson Ryan Brown and then his phone number to call him with. I turned around and looked at Olivia.
"What am I supposed to do O? I mean... I'm not like you... I don't know how to be a mother. Should I call this guy?" So many thoughts are going through my head at what to do. She walked up to me and hugged me and I looked over her shoulder at Caleb and Cash.
"Claud, I know that your mind has got to be blown right now with all of this information and I think that you were expecting one of two conclusions here. He was fine or he was dead and you didn't get either of them as your answer. Now, as far as you not knowing how to be a mother? I completely disagree with you. As a mother we have what some would call a mothers intuition and you were right on the money with yours. There is no stronger love in the world than the love of a mother for her child. Did you ever go a day without thinking about him once?"
"No! I've never gone a minute of any day since I found out that I was pregnant without thinking about him."
Caleb walked up to me and pulled me into his arms and I could feel a weight lift off of my shoulders because I knew that something as simple as a hug was his way of letting me know that he still accepted me. ALL of me. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes silently asking him without saying a word what he thought I should do and he smiled at me and wiped my tears away with his fingers.
"I think you should call this Mathias guy and talk to him and I also think that it's time to meet your son. He's going to fall madly in love with you Claud, maybe even more in love with you than I am. You already rock at being an aunt and I can't wait to see how awesome of a mom you're going to be. Not to mention the hottest one around."
I heard Olivia gasp behind me and Cash cleared his throat at his brother's big announcement.
"I sensed that we interrupted something by Caleb's lack of oxygen when he opened the door and the fact that you both barely have any clothes on." I looked down and realized that I was so upset when they showed up I forgot to grab my robe. I reached over and got it off of the back of the chair and put it on while Cash and Olivia giggled. "All that I have to say is that IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME!!" I looked over at Cash and grinned and Olivia was beaming from ear to ear.
"Yeah, yeah, but not to change the subject, what if this Mathias guy wants me to go right away? I don't know if I'm ready for all of this you guys!"
"If it helps, I'll have my pilot get the jet ready and you won’t have to worry about booking a flight if you decide to leave today or tomorrow. So... That's one thing you don't have to stress out about."
I looked up at Caleb and wondered where he fits into this crazy new scenario. I realize that maybe the timing of our...well... I'm not sure exactly what we are. I know that I'm just as in love with him as he's already declared he is with me but does that include the possibility of being a father to my son? He must have been reading my mind because he grinned and shook his head at me.
"Baby... I'll back you no matter what you decide you want to do and if that includes raising your son or not raising your son I'm here. I’m here for the long haul I'd like to add! You will not have to do any of this alone because I love you Cruella."
Aww... He called me Cruella... I used to hate it but he's right... Cruella and Nerd Boy are definitely our pet names for each other. I reached up and gave him a soft kiss on the lips.
"I love you, too Nerd Boy. Will you stay next to me while I call Mathias? Ya know… Hold my hand? Because I'm so nervous and I am really having problems wrapping my head around all of this."
He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear. "Of course baby... I plan to never leave your side." I grabbed onto him and held onto him for dear life to draw strength from him. Why have I been so stupid for so long when my own knight in shining armor that I never believed in has been here with me all along and living with me in my house this past year? I heard Olivia cough and she interrupted our little moment.
"If you don't mind you two, Cash and I are going to leave you two alone so that you can make that phone call. If you need anything at all Claud, I'm here for you okay? Let me know what you decide to do. I really need to get home to the babies."
I broke away from Caleb and leaned down and hugged my best friend who has always been there for me and especially when I haven't always been honest with her in telling her everything about my life.
"Thank you O. I love you so much and I hope you've forgiven me for my big secret. I should have told you from the beginning and I realize that now and I'm so sorry for hiding it from you."
"Well... I forgive you but if you EVER keep something from me ever again I swear I will kick your ass! We're sisters remember? Maybe not by blood but definitely by heart. Oh and I love you, too! Haha." Thank God for her giggle because I was feeling like a shit as a friend.
"Duly noted and I'll let you know how the conversation goes with Mathias." I looked over at Cash. "I'll let you know if I need to take you up on your offer of the jet, okay? Thank you Cash… for everything. You really came through for me and I appreciate it." He came over and gave me a big bear hug.
"Claudia? When are you going to figure out that you're family? Family takes care of family. You're the only sister I'm ever going to have so stop acting like you're a pain because you always will be, haha. Isn't that how little sisters are supposed to be? Oh and you're welcome."
I laughed at him because that's how our relationship is. We tease each other constantly and I wouldn't want it any other way. He pulled Caleb into a hug and my heart melted because they have come so far in their relationship this past year.
"Brother, take care of her and keep me updated on how everything goes." He patted him on the back and they pulled apart.
"Will do, Brother. Thank you for the help and I'll be around soon to see the kids. Give them lots of hugs from me and tell Gideon that I got him the newest baseball game on the Xbox and I plan on beating him down when I give it to him."
"Oh I don't know about that because he's getting better." He reached for Olivia's hand. "Come on sweetheart. I can imagine Tank is giving your mom a fit by now for some dinner."
"Oh Cash..
. Quit calling him that! He's never going to know what his name is! It's Hank!"
They both left the house and Caleb and I looked at each other and busted up laughing at their argument that we could still hear from inside the house. It felt good to laugh after the last couple of days and especially after remembering the phone call that I have to make. I feel myself panicking again and Caleb frowned at me and I gave him a fake smile in return.
"I'm just so nervous about making this call. I don't even know what to say to the guy. What if he does want me to head down there immediately? What if Grayson didn't ask about me at all and this guy is just... just... I don't know."
"Claud, calm down okay. You're asking way too many what ifs right now. I'm going to go make us some more coffee and breakfast because I know that you haven't really eaten since breakfast yesterday and after you've calmed down some then you can make your phone call. By then your head should be a little clearer. Just try to relax and lay over here on the couch. Let me take care of you." He grabbed my arm and led me to the couch and made me lay down and then threw a cover over me. He then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead.
"Caleb... I.. I've really been a shit to you for years and I so do not deserve you and I just want to tell you that I'm.. So-"
"Stop whatever you were going to say. Have you ever heard the expression ‘you hurt the ones you love the most’? Well... I always knew you would one day realize how you felt about me but because I'm such a patient man, I never gave up hope and have been waiting very patiently for your walls to crumble down. Now, that being said, we have all the time in the world for you to make it up to me and I so cannot wait."
He leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips ever so gently and winked at me before he walked into the kitchen. For the first time in months my mind is not only thinking about the biggest mistake of my life by giving my son up for adoption. My thoughts are also about Caleb and how much I plan to make him happy from now on and how I can't wait to see how great we are together as not only friends but lovers as well.
Found by Love Page 6
