"What?" I wanted to slap the condescending look off of his face but instead I picked my glass up and emptied it and poured myself another glass.
"What? After that outburst that's all that you have to say is what? What in the hell was that Claudia and why are you drinking so much tonight? Do you want to talk about whatever it is that's crawled up your ass? Something obviously happened today." He smiled and leaned closer towards me and winked at me. "Is it because of that girl Amy that I was flirting with? Geez! I won't call her. Did you want to call her yourself? I'm not sure that she swings that way but I surrender. You can have her for yourself."
Oh he would say something like that! Take another dig at me and knowing that he knew that I've been lying this whole time and going along with it pisses me off even more!
"I'm not interested. You can date her if you want for all I care. What did I miss during the EXTRA hour that I was gone?" The last thing that I want to talk about is his infatuation with AMY so I tried to change the subject.
"Do you really want to know or are you just saying that? I did happen to get a new client today and it just so happens that he's in my alphabet and you're never going to guess who it is."
Well that piqued my curiosity because obviously it is someone that we both know and it is work related. I have got to calm down. He hasn't done anything to me, really, and all I'm doing is taking my stress and worry out on him which isn't even close to fair.
"Okay... I'll bite. Who was it?" He grinned at me which let me know that all is forgiven. Thank God he's used to my crazy outbursts or he would have left a long time ago.
"Come on... Don't take all of the fun out of it. You have to guess. I'll give you a hint though. We both took his class in college."
Hmmm... So it has to be a professor. I think back to what classes we had together and I feel a hollow feeling all of a sudden in the pit of my stomach. No freaking way! It can't be him! No, no, no, no, NO!
"Oh come on... Just tell me who it is. I don't want to guess." Oh please let me have forgotten a class that we had together and it not be HIM!
"Seriously? He came in and asked specifically for you and he was surprised to even see me there. He had assumed that…. Oh you're going to get a laugh out of this... He had assumed that we had gotten married because we worked together now and he knew how crazy I was about you back in the day."
Oh my God! It is him! We used to stay up late at night laughing about Caleb's crush that he had on me. I tried to stay calm because I didn't want to give anything away so I emptied my glass and filled it up again emptying the bottle. He got a worried look on his face but shook his head and didn't say anything about me drinking a whole bottle of wine within minutes.
"Professor Anderson? Jason Anderson? Haha... That's funny... What does he need a lawyer for? Is he getting sued?" Whoever it is I hope they take him for everything he has!
"Ding, ding, ding!! You are correct! Professor Anderson. Did you know that he was my favorite professor? He always seemed too young for the job if you ask me though. I loved his lectures that he would have with the class." I motioned for him to get to the point. “Anyway, he's getting a divorce and it looks like it's going to be an easy case. He said he wants to let his ex-wife have everything and he doesn't want to fight her for visitation regarding their kids. He only requested a couple of weeks in the summer with them. I was kind of shocked by that because I kind of pegged him as a family guy that would be a great father but I guess not." Family guy? Great father? Yeah... That would be a big no!
"How many kids does he have?" I had to know... I just had to know so that I could add even more salt to the gaping wound that I had in my heart.
"5! Can you believe that? The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 2 and he said that since they had such an amazing mother he didn't want to ruin their relationship by fighting over custody and was happy with only a few weeks in the summer. I couldn't imagine being the kind of father that only spent a couple of weeks out of the year with my kids. It would be awful actually so I guess you could say he's a pretty lousy father but oh well... It's not for me to judge but I will take his money."
I suddenly felt the urge to throw up. What a day this has been and I cannot handle anything else today. I got up and picked my plate up and threw all of the food that was left on my plate in the trash and put my plate in the dishwasher. I finished what wine I had left in my glass and put it in the dishwasher. I had forgotten that I had left him at the table until he said something.
"Claud? Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost. Did I say something or do something wrong again?" I turned around and looked at him and shook my head holding back the tears that threatened to fall.
"No... You didn't do anything wrong, but I'm really tired. I'm going to go brush my teeth and go to bed okay? I'll see you in the morning." I didn't even wait for him to say anything so I took off for my bedroom as fast as I could. Of all of the people in the whole world to come into MY office it just had to be him. Him! He specifically asked for me?!
I feel like the walls are closing in on me and getting smaller and smaller every day. There's no way that I can keep this from Caleb for much longer. I could try to make him not take his business, but then he'd ask why and I'd definitely have to tell him why he couldn't. Oh what am I going to do?
Breathe in Claud... In and out….. In and out….. Ugh! Not WORKING!
I picked up my cell phone to call Olivia to see if Cash had found anything out yet. Something good has to come out of this awful day. She answered on the second ring.
"Hello my best friend... How's it going?"
"Just awful! Please tell me that Cash has found something out by now." I heard a muffled voice in the background which made me think that she had covered the speaker on her phone for some reason.
"Uh not yet Claud... He said that with a last name like theirs it is going to take him a little bit longer. Brown is a common last name ya know... He said that he might have gotten somewhere but he's not sure yet. Don't worry... By tomorrow he should have something and I'm sure that it'll be what we thought. That he's fine and they just wanted to cut off all communication. You try to get some sleep okay? I need to go check on Hank because he was fussy earlier and I want to make sure he's sleeping alright. I love you!"
"Uh... Okay... I love you too?! Um... Well... Okay. I guess I'll talk to you guys tomorrow. Um... Goodnight? I think…." She didn't let me finish what I was about to say because she cut me off.
"Goodnight... And don't worry." She hung up and there's one thing that I know about Olivia and it is that when she's worried about something she talks too fast and avoids conversation of any kind.
He found something! I just know it! The only reason I let her tell Cash is because he's definitely good at his job and he can find out anything that he wants to know and he found something but doesn't want to tell me until he's positive.
I jumped up and felt a little woozy from the whole bottle of wine that I just drank. I hurried up and took off my clothes and left them lying on the floor and grabbed a tank top to sleep in and turned the light off and crawled into bed and started bawling as soon as my head hit the pillow. I reached over and grabbed a pillow to muffle my sobs so that Caleb couldn't hear me through the walls.
My baby boy. I know that Cash had to have found something bad and that he and Olivia didn't have the heart to tell me. I heard a knock on my door and I ignored it by ducking my head under the covers while still sobbing into the pillow. I can't talk right now, does he not understand that?
"Claud? Are you okay in here? I thought I heard you crying. Can I turn the light on?" I tried to compose myself enough to sound normal when I answered him.
"No... Just leave me alone Caleb. I'm... I'm fine. I'm just tired is all."
I heard the door open and he went ahead and came in and walked around to my side of the bed and sat down. His huge body caused me to roll a little towards him and I start crying again knowing that comfort is within my reach but I can’t bring
myself to give in and accept it.
"Scoot over, Cru. I don't know what's going on and you don't have to tell me but what you will do is scoot over so that I can hold you and let you get it all out. You can cry all night, I don't care but there's no way that I'm going to be able to sleep in my bed tonight knowing that you're in here bawling your eyes out. So... Scoot over."
I raised my head up out of the covers and he's standing there in nothing but his boxers looking down at me and I see worry and concern in his eyes that makes me bawl even more than I already was.
"I... I... I... Can't talk about it... I just can't... You'll never underst-"
"Shhh..." He wasn't taking no for an answer and he got into my bed with me and laid down and pulled me into his warm embrace. I grabbed ahold of him tightly and sobbed uncontrollably against his chest while he held me tight. He then rubbed my back and kissed my forehead while my body shook from the unbearable anguish that was pouring out of me. "I'm here Cru, get it out baby because I'm not going anywhere."
I eventually fell asleep knowing that at least tonight I had him to help me get through the pain of dreading what Cash had to tell me the next day. I prayed harder than I had ever prayed that the news wasn't going to be as bad as I felt it was going to be.
CHAPTER THREE
I woke up but haven't opened my eyes yet because I am the most comfortable that I’ve ever been in a long time and I can’t bring myself to move. I'm still nestled in Caleb's arms and it feels so safe, comfortable and warm wrapped up in his embrace. I really didn't think that he would stay with me all night but he did.
I didn't think that I was ever going to quit crying and he held me tighter and told me to get it all out and that he wasn't going anywhere and he didn't. He stayed right here because every time I woke up crying he would comfort me and calm me down and put me back to sleep with his soothing words. When I think of the ways that I've been continually pushing him away I'm at a loss at how to deal with how much he helped me last night when all I ever am is mean to him.
I know it's a defense mechanism because of what happened the last time I got close to a man that I wanted a relationship with. I've dated and had casual, no strings attached sex occasionally but if I'm honest with myself, Caleb is not Jason. He is more of a man than Jason will ever be in his little finger.
Thank God that today is Saturday because the last thing that I need today is to go into work with a hangover and blood shot eyes from crying all night. I open my eyes and see that Caleb is staring at me with a smile on his face. I closed my eyes and hid my face in his huge bicep.
"Why are you staring at me? Stop it. You're making me nervous. I can't believe you stayed in here with me all night. You must think that I'm a crazy person by the way I acted last night."
He rolled over which caused me to have to move my head away from his arm and he pulled me closer to him to where we are now facing each other. I looked into his eyes and all that I see is worry and concern in them still and I know that I owe him an explanation about last night but I have no idea where to start.
He took my breath away by what he did next. He brushed my bangs tenderly with his fingers out of my eyes and leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. His lips lingered a few seconds before he looked back at me and I didn't realize that I was still holding my breath until I exhaled.
"Caleb... I....thank you for... holding me last night. I haven't felt so... Utterly helpless in such a long time that I had forgotten how it felt and I just lost it. I owe you an explanation I know."
"Claud... You don't owe me anything and you're my best friend in the whole world and when you're hurting it kills me to see you like that and I will do whatever I can to help you stop the pain." What he said had me blushing because I didn't realize that he held me in such high esteem than as his best friend.
"I'm your best friend in the whole world? What about Cash?"
"What about him? He's my brother. Yes he's my friend as well but he has a wife that he can talk to and share his feelings with but you're the only person that I immediately want to talk to. Did I not drive you crazy with all of the calls and texts and emails while I was away? You're the only one I wanted to share with what was going on over there."
"You didn't drive me crazy silly. I loved knowing what was going on because I always worry about you when you're gone and especially when you're in a third world country."
This had him pulling me even closer to him and our faces were just a few inches apart. I know that I've always been attracted to him but we've never been this intentionally close to each other and I can't quit looking at his full lips that are slightly parted, without wondering what they taste like and what they would feel like against mine. He must have sensed what I was feeling because he scrunched his face at me.
"Claud? What's going on here? You seem... so unlike yourself this morning. You haven't punched me yet for being too close to you and by the look on your face; I would swear that you want me to kiss you right now."
"I do... I mean..." His eyes excitedly lit up and he smiled and leaned towards me which had me moving away from him as quickly as I could. "I can't do this. I have way too much on my mind for us to go... THERE! I know that you have known all along about my little lie about my so called sexual status. Yes I'm mad that you've been playing me.... But-"
"What? I haven't been playing you-"
"Stop it! I don't want to talk about that... I... Caleb.. I... Oh my GOD! I don't know how to talk to you about this! I'm just so... so... Pissed! And ANGRY! And SAD!! Awwwww!!! I just want to scream and punch somebody and just...just... CRY!!!"
I didn't realize that I was standing in the middle of the floor until I fell and totally lost it again in front of him. This is so not me and I have got to get ahold of myself. When Olivia lost it after Derek and the kids died I stayed strong for her and managed to hold myself together and I can do it again! I rose up and wiped my face off with the bed sheet and looked at him and he's completely shell shocked and I don't blame him really. I don't think that I've ever thrown a fit like this in my life.
"Would you like some coffee? I need some. I'm going to go make us some coffee." I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen and I heard him slowly walking behind me.
"Are you alright? I feel like I just watched a movie about a woman with multiple personalities just lose it Claud! What in the hell is going on with you?" I notice that he's still in his boxers and oh that naked muscled up perfect chest of his is going to distract me if he doesn’t put a shirt on soon. Why didn't I let him kiss me?
"Nothing... I'm fine. Did Jason Anderson pay you your retainer yesterday?" Please say no, please say no. I look at the confused look on his face and I can't believe that I just blurted my question out like that after telling him I was fine.
"Um... No. He said that he would be in Monday with a check because he was hoping that we could all three go to lunch and catch up. Why are you asking?" Oh I don't think so! Lunch? Who the hell does he think he is?
"Yeah... That's not happening. We are not and I repeat NOT taking him as a client. There are dozens of divorce attorneys in this town that he could have gone to. Did you ever wonder why he came to our office? Or my office I guess you could say because we haven't broadcasted that you are there yet." I looked over at him and he seemed deep in thought and I guess I should put him out of his misery because he had no idea what my problem was. "Well maybe.. Just MAYBE he thinks that he's going to pick up with me where we left off over 10 years ago. That is NOT going to HAPPEN!!!" My blood is boiling because I know in my gut that that's what he is up to!!
"Wait a minute... Do you mean to say that... you and Professor Anderson... You two... Dated??" I could see the look of disappointment on his face and that look alone is the reason that I'm glad I didn't let him kiss me.
"Wow! You're pretty smart there Nerd Boy. Dated wouldn't exactly be the best word to describe what we did though. Banged or screwed would... for a year, and we spent many nights together laughing about the c
rush that you had on me. We also created a child together but he paid me to get rid of it. I found out that he was married so he left town after breaking my heart so... I... Got rid of it! So there it is Caleb... How do you feel about me now? Do you see why I am so damaged now? Why I can't ever be in a relationship with anyone? He ruined me! I will never get that close to anyone again!"
Maybe now he will finally get it. Maybe now he can just move on and forget about ever having anything to do with me. By the look on his face I can tell that I didn't do my part justice because he's not looking at me like I'm crazy. He's looking at me with nothing but love and concern.
"Claudia? Is that how you see yourself? Damaged? Because that's not what I see when I look at you. I don't care what happened in your past other than I would love nothing more than to kick that bastards face in for how he has made you feel about yourself all of these years. You're letting him win by feeling this way. You're not damaged Claud. I'm not going to let you push me away anymore with your crazy talk and insecurities.” As he continued to talk he kept moving closer to me which had me backing up into the wall with nowhere to go. I put my hands up on his chest and started to push him back away from me.
"Caleb... Please don't. I still haven't told you everything. It was mean of me to even tell you all of that in the way that I just did." New tears formed and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep them at bay.
He grabbed my hands when he reached me and pulled them up to his lips and kissed each one while staring at me and then he wiped my tears away with his thumbs. He single handedly grabbed both of my wrists and moved them above my head and held them against the wall and leaned closer against me so that I couldn't move. I felt my nipples harden through my tank top against his rock hard naked chest as he pushed me into the wall and kissed me on the neck and along my jaw and whispered into my ear.
Found by Love Page 5
