Found by Love
Page 29
Cruella, I gave you my heart on
9-01-01 Thank you is for finally
loving me in return.
Nerd Boy
Oh my Nerd Boy! If anyone asked me when it was that we first met all I could remember was that it was our freshman year. The fact that he knew exactly what day it was made me feel like the lowest person in the human race.
I have to find him! I can't leave things like this! I put the ring back in the box and put it in the pocket of my robe and ran through the door to look for the man of my dreams that I love more than anything in the world. I have to fix the damage that I caused in the hopes that it isn’t too late to repair this rift that I’ve put between us.
*********
I couldn't seem to find Caleb anywhere in the castle. I checked every available bedroom and every place in the house that I thought he could be and nothing! Nada! Did he leave altogether? Well no. He wouldn't have left with just his pajamas on. Plus he said he'd be back before everyone woke up in the morning to make it look like we were okay.
Were we okay? He said he didn't want Mattie to know we weren't but what about when Mattie leaves? What about how this... What is this? A breakup? What if it is a breakup? I don't think I can handle this. What about Grayson? He'll be absolutely devastated!! Oh god I've got to find him and quick.
Think Claudia think! After I checked the rooms I checked the top floor thinking that he might have gone up there. After seeing how much more work had been done there was no getting to the only bed up there. I looked on the floor of the gym thinking that he might be beating the hell out of the punching bag and visualizing my face but nope! Not there either. Where did he go?
I know exactly where he is. The only room in the house that would keep him up all night, because I doubt that he wants to sleep, is the theatre room. There are tons of movies in there to keep him occupied and to keep his mind off of our problems. I giggle because it happens to be on the same floor as our bedroom and it never crossed my mind to check there. I head back to the second floor and pass by our bedroom and hear music and it sounds like he's watching one of the James Bond movies by the sound of it. I creep into the big room and he's on one of the big fluffy couches in the center of the room yelling at the screen as he threw a beer bottle down on the floor.
"Oh Bond you lucky devil. How come I can't just screw every beautiful woman that walks by me like you do?" He reached for another beer and popped the tab and took a big swig. "Ya wanna know why? Because I've always been in love with a LUNATIC! That's why!"
Well... I guess he's right about that. I've been so mean to him and have completely taken him for granted and he's right. I haven't trusted him and I have been on pins and needles waiting for him to prove me right about how all men are assholes. What's sad is that I know he's not but I can't help it no matter how hard I try. I keep expecting the worst.
I'm not sure if I should approach him or not. Maybe I should just leave him alone and go back to bed. Not that I will be sleeping at all because I'm about to have a nervous breakdown but he doesn't seem to have calmed down any. I go ahead and sit down quietly on a couch in the far back corner and watch him.
I've always loved watching him when he knew I wasn't looking. It was how I always made it through my days of pretending not to be attracted to him. I loved it when we would watch TV at night after he moved in with me and he would fall asleep. There were many times that I would sit down on the floor right in front of him and watch him sleep. He was absolutely breathtaking when he slept. He never snored or drooled or made any unusual noises that a lot of people do but he always seemed so peaceful and beautiful and angelic. I jumped at the sound of his voice.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCK EVERYTHING UP? WHY CRUELLA? WHY?" Oh Caleb! I have literally broken his heart. Again! What the hell is wrong with me? I want to run down to him but he sounds so angry I'm afraid he might snap if I do. "I'm not him! I'm not.....JASON!" I saw him put his head in his hands and the sound that came next ripped my heart in two by the desperation in the sound of his sobs.
I have to face this and I have to face whatever wrath I have coming towards me. I got up and slowly walked down and stood in front of him and crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around him and sobbed with him.
"I.... Caleb…. Please forgive me. I know you're nnnnot himmmm. I'm sssssoo sssssorry."
He pulled me to him so tight I thought he was going to break me in half but I welcomed the pain because it wasn't anywhere close to the pain we were both feeling within our hearts. We held each other for what felt like hours until we were both able to speak. I didn't dare look into his eyes because I couldn't bear to see the pain in them.
"How can I fix this? I'll do anything to repair the damage I've done." I whispered into his ear and I felt him shiver and he reached his hands through my hair at the nape of my neck as he whispered in my ear.
"Trust ME! Let me LOVE YOU! Have FAITH in me that I only want the best for.... US! The 3 of us! I can't-" Oh no. Can't what? "I'm sick of this back and forth shit Cru. Either we're in this all the way or we're NOT!" He pulled me away from him and made me look at him and the tears started falling again at what I saw. He was crushed still and I felt like such an evil person at the sight of him. "Do you really love me? I mean... Truly love me or am I just a toy you want to bring out to play with when you feel like it?"
"Of course I love you. I'm madly IN LOVE with you! I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you last year at Eden's birthday party!"
"Then how come you couldn't tell me then? Why did it take you so long to tell me? Or even act interested?" He's not going to make this easy at all. I deserve it though so I can't get mad.
"You know why. I didn't trust anyone. Until you."
"But that's the thing Claud... You still don't trust me."
I didn't know how to get it through to him that I was wrong and I silently pleaded with him with my eyes. He kicked the table that was in front of him further away and flipped me onto the floor on my back and held my arms above my head.
"What are you doing?" I panicked at the look on his face and he was looking around the room for something and then he looked down and pulled something out of his pants. When he showed me what was in his hands I started kicking and tried to get him off of me.
"We're going to play a little game called trust Cru. Ya know. To see if you actually do trust me. If you really trust me like you say you do then this little game will prove it." What he had in his hands was the draw string from his pajamas and I knew immediately what he was going to do with it.
"Caleb? I." He got a cocky grin on his face and I knew then that no matter what he was planning on doing I had to endure whatever it was to prove my trust and devotion to our relationship.
"You're not already trying to back out before we even get started are you? You do trust me right?" He started wrapping the string around my hands and I knew there was no backing out now."
"I don't care what you do to me. Nothing is going to change how I feel. I love you AND I trust you. So whatever it is you're trying to prove, then so be it!"
"Haha. That's my girl. So be it!" He tied the end of the string to the leg of the table and pushed it further back to get all of the slack out of it to where I couldn't move my hands at all. "Now, it's time to get you naked and then I'll be back." He slowly undressed me and stood up and looked down at me completely naked from head to toe.
"What do you mean and then you'll be back? Surely you're not leaving me here naked are you? What if someone comes in here? Caleb?" He stood back and put one hand under his chin and squinted his eyes at me.
"Hmmm. Am I hearing distrust in your voice? You did say you trusted me, correct? You did say that you'd do anything remember?" I relaxed my body and nodded my head at him.
"Yes. Whatever. Do what you need to do. I'm not going anywhere. Am I?"
"Nope! I'll be back." He walked right out of the theatre with me laying there in my birthday suit! He could have at least covered me up
with a blanket. Pffft!
CHAPTER TWENTY
I laid there shivering on the floor waiting for Caleb to come back. If he's trying to make me feel vulnerable he has definitely proved his point. I've never felt so exposed in my life and the idea of anyone walking into the room with me in this naked state has my skin turning red from embarrassment. Hmmm. Kind of how I'm sure he felt when Josie left him and Cash naked on the beach when they were teens. Damn him! He's trying to make me realize how he felt and is teaching me a lesson in showing me that it wasn't funny at all! Okay Nerd Boy! Point made.
I try to pull the table closer to me so that I can loosen my arms a little because they're starting to hurt but I can't even budge the damn thing. Why does Cash have such a heavy table in his theatre in the first place? How in the hell did he move it with just his leg? The thought of just how strong and muscled up Caleb is had me shivering worse than I already was. He's such a giant of a man that he could break me in half if he wanted to. Surely he doesn't have a violent side to him that I've never seen before because all I can think of him doing to me sounds more painful than I can imagine. Why else would he tie me up and leave me naked if he wasn't planning on punishing me somehow? I hear him come back into the room and I look up and he has a blanket with him and some other things that I can't recognize in the dark shadows of the room.
"Hello there gorgeous. Are you still with me? How are your wrists feeling? Are your arms killing you yet? I'm about to fix that so don't worry Sweetheart." He sounds so calm, cool and collected that I'm beginning to think that maybe just maybe he's finally forgiven me and my punishment is over.
"I think I'm colder more than anything. My arms are starting to go numb on me but my wrists are okay I guess." He smiled and nodded his head and put some things down on the couch and headed towards me with the blanket that he was carrying.
"Here. This should help you some. I even put it in the dryer for a few minutes to warm it up for you." He threw the blanket over me and it felt like heaven. He even gently tucked it in on the sides for me. "Is that better?"
He's acting so genuinely sweet that I'm beginning to think that maybe he is realizing that he was too harsh with me after all. He reaches up and loosens the string around my hands and lets them go and kisses each wrist tenderly and put them under the blanket.
"Thank you baby." I started rubbing my arms up and down to get feeling back into them and pulled the blanket around me even tighter. He looked down at me and grinned and leaned down and gave me the sweetest tenderest kiss on the lips.
"You're very welcome. Hold tight a second because I brought something to put on your wrists. I'm sorry but they look a little red to me and we don't want that now do we?"
Why all of a sudden do I think that my punishment isn't quite over with yet? Thirty minutes ago he felt hurt and betrayed and now he seems so happy you would think that we never had a fight.
"I'm okay, really I am. The blanket was a big help." I smiled at him when he walked back but then I saw that haunting look in his eyes again. "Caleb. I'm so sorry for.... everything." He put his finger over my lips to quiet me.
"Shhhh. We'll get to that in a few minutes. Right now let me see your wrists so that I can put some salve on them." I pulled my arms out from underneath the warm blanket and he put my left arm back underneath the warmth and started rubbing the ointment on my right wrist. Whatever it was soothed my sore wrists that I didn't realize were rubbed a little raw from the string.
"That feels really good. I guess they did hurt a little bit after all." He seemed to be in his own little world because he didn't say anything back to me. I noticed a tear fall from his eye onto his cheek. "What's wrong? Why are you crying? Caleb I meant what I said. I'm sorry and I'll never hurt you again. I promise." He shook his head at me and wiped the tear from his cheek.
"No, I'm the one that's sorry. I didn't mean to leave any marks on you but I used the only thing I could think of at the time. I wanted to humiliate you and make you feel vulnerable the same way that I felt on that highway all those years ago and I was mad that you thought it was funny but I didn't mean to leave any marks on you because of it. I also wanted you feeling a little helpless which was how I felt when you slammed the bathroom door in my face." Ouch! I guess I did deserve that! He pulled my other arm out of the blanket and I looked at the one that he put the salve on and the redness was already going away.
"Look Caleb. It's already going away and it's not tingling as bad. It's okay. I deserved it anyway so don't be upset alright." He didn't seem to hear me as he put the ointment on my other wrist. As soon as he rubbed it all in he put my arm back underneath the blanket and tucked the blanket around me as tightly as he could and leaned down and looked at me sadly as he caressed my cheek.
"Cru? How did we get here? I thought everything was going great. Why do you doubt everything I say all of the time?" I pulled one side of the blanket out and off of me and motioned for him to lay down with me under the covers. He skimmed my body with his eyes and the heat that I saw in them had me squeezing my thighs together. "You have the most beautiful body I've ever seen in my life. I wish I could paint a picture of how beautiful you are so that I could look at when we are apart."
"I could say the same thing about you, with or without clothes on. The way you fill out a suit makes me go weak in the knees every time you enter the room. The way you look in just a tee shirt and jeans shows me the rugged side of you that's playful and strong. And when you don't have any clothes on?" My face felt flush and I knew my whole body was turning red so I ducked my head under my arm to keep from finishing what I was about to say.
He grabbed a big pillow off of the couch and crawled in beside me and pulled me up the length of his body with my head cradled in his shoulder. He grabbed my jaw and held it in his hand and started drawing circles behind my ear with his finger sending a chill down my spine.
"I thought I already broke down all of your walls Cru? Please finish what you were about to say, we should be able to say anything to each other." I let out a big sigh and put my hand on his chest and started running my finger down the ridges of his bare stomach and going back up to his tattoo that professed his love for me.
"I can't take my eyes off of your body and I don't feel that I deserve you. You're the whole package and I'm a... Well. I'm a lunatic! You said it best and it's not that I doubt your love for me but I am constantly asking myself why me? You're intelligent, funny, HOT, sweet and adorable."
"You didn't think I was so hot in college. I would take offense to it if you were dating the hot muscular guys but you never went out with anyone. I couldn't ever figure out what your type was and honestly I thought you were gay. That first time that I saw you again, when we went out with Cash and Olivia and that ex client of yours said that you were into women it made sense to me." He chuckled at the memory of that night as did I. "That only lasted for about ten minutes though because Cash told me that you weren't and that it was just a ruse to avoid getting into a relationship with anyone."
Realizing that I looked like a complete idiot for a year had me a little mad at Cash but that's just typical of Cash to pay me back from our college days.
"Oh leave it to Cash to make me look like a fool. Did you agree to move in with me in the hopes that we would inevitably hook up?" He fell back onto his back and laughed.
"Of course I did! Did you think I couldn't tell how attracted you were to me? Anytime I got near you you’d flinch and act like I was going to seduce you at any moment."
"Ha! There were times to where I fantasized about you doing just that!" I leaned over and ran my finger down his jaw line giving him goose bumps. "All those times that you would walk into the living room in nothing but your towel looking for something... You were just trying to get me to check you out weren't you?"
"Of course! But don't you dare act like you weren't doing the same thing. 'Caleb? Will you come zip me up please?'; 'Caleb! Please come kill this spider!' While you were in the shower naked mind you."
"It was the size of a flea!"
"Well... Yeah. Those were all on purpose." Wow! We've both been so wrapped up with the whole Grayson situation that we haven't even really had a chance to talk about how we got here. Here as in crazy about each other. "How come you never said anything?" He leaned up and grabbed my chin tenderly and rubbed my bottom lip with his finger causing me to lean even closer into him.
"Why do you think I went to Africa Cru? You weren't ready and I had to get you to trust me first and I could tell that you wouldn't be ready for a while so I left. I had to because it was killing me to be around you every day and not BE with you." I reached up and put my hands on his shoulders and wrapped my fingers around his neck and gave him a seductive gentle kiss on his lips.
"It was killing me too. I realized while you were gone that I was in too deep with you but I was also stressing out over not knowing what was going on with Grayson. The the night that you held me? You impressed me by not taking advantage of the situation. I believe that has been my most vulnerable moment... Ever!"
"I built some trust that night with you didn't I by not ravishing you and taking advantage of your weakness." I don't know how he did it but somehow I was beneath him and he was slowly caressing my side making me shiver all over.
"Um…. yes you did." I looked into his smoldering eyes and felt my nipples harden at once and warmth between my legs. "How did I not notice you seemed to get me right where you wanted? I trust you Caleb. I know I went off on you but I was thinking-"
"You were thinking that if we had a kid together I would love it more than Grayson. I know what you were thinking and let's drop it okay because I don't want to get mad again. We still haven't played my little trust game and I think it's time that we started. Are you ready Cru?" He kissed me on the lips hard and then grazed his teeth down my neck and kissed me between my breasts.