Red Dirt Blues

by David K. Wilson

  “Y’all know what y’all want?” she asked, holding her pen to a notepad.

  Mama immediately switched her attention to the waitress.

  “I’ll have the Perty’s special. Extra gravy. And she’ll have the chicken sandwich, but could you put the fries on the side. They’re gonna be for me.”

  “I want an ice cream cone, too,” Pauline added.

  “For dessert,” Mama said.

  “That’s all I want,” Pauline argued.

  The waitress looked at Mama, who nodded in approval, then turned to a distracted Randy.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “Just a burger.”

  “What kind of burger?” the waitress asked.

  “I don’t care.”

  “Well, you have to tell me what kind,” the waitress said. “We’ve got lots of different burgers. There’s the Perty Burger. Perty Bacon Burger. The Perty Supreme Burger. Perty Chili Cheeseburger. Perty Ranch Burger. Perty Jalepeño Bacon Ranch Supreme Burger.”

  “Just pick one,” Randy interrupted.

  The waitress froze, unsure what to do.

  “You want me to just pick one?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Just give me your favorite.”

  “Oh, I don’t eat burgers,” the waitress said. “I’m a vegetarian.”

  Mama shook her head, being very obvious about her disapproval.

  “Just give me what she’s having,” Randy said.

  Relieved to have an answer, the waitress nodded and walked away. Mama leaned forward.

  “Did you hear that?” she whispered loudly for everyone to hear. “A vegetarian. Right out in the open with no shame whatsoever. First your girlfriend runs out on us and now this. This day’s gone from bad to worse.”

  “Don’t forget Clyde died,” Pauline chimed in.

  “How could I forget that, Pauline?” Mama yelled, directing her frustration at her sister.

  Randy pressed his index fingers into his temples, hoping to relieve the pressure that was building up fast.

  Maybe it was all over, he thought. Maybe when we’re done eating, she’ll be long out of town and we can just go home and it will be like none of this ever happened.

  But even at the thought it, he couldn’t deny that he felt a little bit of disappointment. He was actually looking forward to the little adventure. At least it was something different.

  When the waitress returned with their food, Randy smiled politely, faking his happiness for the sake of politeness. However, as he was digging into his Perty’s Special, the sheriff’s patrol car was pulling into the parking lot of The Lazy Goat.

  25

  Taking up where she had left off, Jade flipped the figurines over quickly and methodically, unceremoniously tossing them aside after she inspected them. She had wished the wall of windows had shades. Instead, she had to work in the dark, relying solely on the illuminating glow of the neon goat head that hung in one of the windows.

  She worked fast. Without all the interruptions, she was able to move through the shelves quickly. Randy and his family weren’t likely to wait around the restaurant forever and she had to be prepared for them to return to the shop after.

  The fact that she was even having to deal with Randy and team grated on her. Normally, she would never have allowed for so much exposure. She would have come stealthily at night and found her assignment before anyone had even known she was there. At the very least, she would have found out all she could about Clyde Philpot’s family before she arrived and done a better job of containing the situation. But she didn’t have that kind of time. Fortunately, now that she was able to work alone, she should be able to find the contraband quickly and slip out of town

  As she checked the last handful of goats, she became aware of someone else’s presence. Not turning around to arouse suspicion, she continued working, but her attention was now focused on her surroundings. The slightest sound or movement was all she needed. Then she felt a movement. Someone was behind her…approaching slowly. Jade waited until she could sense they were close enough and then, in one lightning-fast motion, she spun around, grabbed her assailant by the arm and flipped him. As she had anticipated, he had been pointing a gun at her and she knocked it from his hand mid-flip, sending it clattering into the shelves and on to the carpet ten feet away. His body hit the floor with a thud and Jade, still holding on to his arm, had swung around so her knee was pinned on his chest.

  That’s the same time that Jade realized her attacker was Sheriff McKinley.

  “Damn you, Randy,” she muttered under her breath.

  But she immediately noticed the confused look on the sheriff’s face. He clearly wasn’t expecting to see her. Which meant Randy may not have tipped him off. In a split-second instinctive move, she decided to play dumb.

  “Oh my God,” she said in her twang. “I am so sorry!”

  The sheriff tried to hide the pain as she helped him to his feet.

  “I thought you were an attacker,” Jade said.

  “I thought you were robbing the place,” Sheriff McKinley said.

  He walked over to his gun and placed it back in his holster.

  “Those were some pretty fancy moves,” he said.

  “I took a self-defense course,” Jade said, trying to disarm any suspicion with a big smile.

  The sheriff studied her, not quite sure if he bought her story. He also needed a moment to get his bearings. The fall had really clocked him.

  “Can I ask you what you’re doing here?” he said, looking at the destruction all around him.

  “Just helping Randy with the inventory,” she offered. “He took Mama and Aunt Pauline across the street to dinner.”

  “Inventory?” the sheriff asked, focusing on the first part of her explanation. “I thought he was gonna sell the place.”

  “He is, but no sense letting all this go to waste, right?” Jade replied. “Thank the Lord for eBay.”

  “For just taking inventory, you sure are destroying a lot of these little…things,” the sheriff pointed out.

  “Randy told me which ones were worthless and to destroy them as I go,” Jade said. “Makes it easier to sort them later. I know. It sounded weird to me, too.”

  She needed to change the subject.

  “Why are you here?” she asked. “The front door is locked.”

  “I let myself in the back door. It’s had a broken lock for as long as I’ve been sheriff,” he explained.

  “Thought you’d treat yourself to some of the merchandise?” Jade said with a wink.

  The sheriff was offended by the joke.

  “I don’t steal, ma’am,” he replied. “I saw movement inside and I was checking it out.”

  He told Jade that he knew Clyde dealt with some very suspicious types and wanted to make sure that didn’t play a part in his death.

  “You think his death wasn’t an accident?” Jade asked, pretending to sound aghast.

  “He definitely died from pissing on a transformer,” the sheriff replied. “But who does that, seriously? Even when they’re as drunk as Clyde was.”

  “You think someone forced him to pee on the transformer?” Jade asked, trying not to sound too sarcastic.

  Sheriff McKinley turned red. When he heard his theory said out loud, he had to admit it did sound a little bizarre.

  “I have to consider all possibilities,” he finally answered.

  Now it was his turn to change the subject.

  “So Randy just let you come over here all by yourself?”

  “Why? You don’t think I’m trustworthy?” she asked.

  “I don’t trust anyone,” he replied. “Probably why I went into law enforcement. Randy, on the other hand, would trust a fox in a hen house.”

  He stared at Jade, looking for any chink in her armor. But Jade met his stare with her own. And while she continued to attempt to disarm him with her smile, she was deciding whether or not to get rid of him before he could cause any problems.

  Their stare-down was rudely inte
rrupted by the flash and flicker of the overhead fluorescents turning on. They both snapped their heads around to see who had joined them.

  26

  Jade didn’t know whether to feel relieved or annoyed by the three familiar figures standing in the store’s doorway. Even though her eyes had to adjust to the sudden burst of light, the body shapes alone were enough to identify the new arrivals. Randy’s voice all but confirmed it.

  “Sheriff! What are you doing here?” he screeched.

  Randy looked at Jade with panic in his eyes and shook his head to try and tell her he wasn’t the reason the sheriff was there.

  “I didn’t call you or anything,” he said to the sheriff, driving his point home.

  “Just making my rounds,” Sheriff McKinley said. “Thought you were being robbed.”

  “We had to eat without you,” Mama chided Jade.

  “I didn’t get my ice cream,” Pauline added.

  The sheriff ignored Mama and Pauline and motioned toward Jade.

  “She tells me you told her to come over here…”

  Randy froze. Clearly Jade had made up some story for the sheriff. His thoughts began to whirl. What if he told the truth? The sheriff could get the upper hand quick enough and then this whole nightmare would be over. But then he noticed how Jade was standing behind the sheriff, her hand behind her back, and he realized she probably had her hand on her gun. There was no way the sheriff could react fast enough. She had them cornered.

  “But you seemed a little surprised to see her,” the sheriff continued.

  “What? No,” Randy stammered. “I was surprised to see YOU. I knew SHE would be here. I told her to come here. She has permission to be here and it’s nothing weird or anything, I promise.”

  “You were supposed to pay for dinner,” Mama said to Jade again, uninterested in her son’s nervous rambling.

  Jade seized the opportunity to shift attention away from Randy.

  “I’m sorry, ma’am,” Jade replied. “I just had to take care of some things and get my stuff and time just ran away from me.”

  “What was the emergency?” Mama asked.

  “You told me you were helping Randy with the inventory,” the sheriff said.

  Jade cursed herself. Clearly, she and Randy had provided different alibis. She should have made sure they were synced up earlier. She never tripped up her alibis. This whole redneck family was throwing her off.

  “Well, I was,” she said to the sheriff with a flirty smile. “I got a call from my mother and she said it was an emergency and I needed to come home, so I came to get my stuff and…”

  “What kind of emergency?” Mama asked.

  Jade didn’t miss a beat. “She has some gastric bowel issues and was out of her medication…”

  She let the statement linger so everyone could use their own worst imagination. No one likes to talk about bowel issues, she had learned. It’s an instant way to shut down questions.

  “What kind?” Mama asked, clearly not aware of the rule of not talking about bowel issues. “I got the IBS. You don’t wanna be anywhere around if I miss my pills for a couple of days.”

  “I’m not sure,” Jade replied. “She doesn’t like to talk about it. But anyway, it doesn’t matter. Right before I left, my mother called me back to tell me she found her pills and everything was alright. But, since I was here, I thought I’d surprise Randy by doing a little bit of the inventory for him. He’s got so much on his mind with his brother’s funeral and all.”

  “God rest his soul,” Mama moaned, remembering she was in mourning.

  Randy walked over to Jade and gave her a hug.

  “You are such a sweetheart,” he said. “That was so thoughtful of you.”

  He turned to face the sheriff, keeping his arm around Jade. Even under the circumstances, he couldn’t help but notice how good it felt to have his arm around such a beautiful woman. For a split second, he found himself lost in the charade, leaning into his ‘girlfriend’ and kissing her on the forehead.

  The sheriff never took his eyes off of Jade, but she played along with Randy’s affection without a hiccup.

  “Be careful putting your arm around her,” the sheriff said. “She’ll put you on the floor in a heartbeat.”

  “Randy honey, I need to show you something real quick,” Jade said, pulling Randy away from the sheriff.

  As soon as they were out of earshot, and with their back to everyone, she whispered to him.

  “You’re holding out on me.”

  “Holding out how?” he whispered back.

  Knowing they had an audience, Jade pointed to a couple of figurines on a wall shelf, as if she was talking about the display.

  “I’ve been through this entire store. I checked the boxes under the counter,” she hissed. “There’s got to be more of these stupid goats somewhere.”

  “I don’t know where Clyde kept everything,” Randy insisted.

  “What about your house?” Jade asked.

  Randy looked at her, confused.

  “Your mama told me you both lived with her.”

  Randy’s face grew flush. He’d moved back in to look after his mother when his dad died and Clyde moved back after his divorce. Pauline had been there forever. Until this moment, he’d almost forgotten how embarrassing it all was.

  “It’s a temporary thing,” he said. “Just helping out around the house. It’s easier to just stay there.”

  “You need to get me to your house,” Jade said. “Now.”

  Randy nodded, eagerly accepting the assignment. He then spoke loudly for everyone to hear.

  “Thanks, baby,” he said. “I never even noticed those before.”

  He turned to see Mama, Pauline and Sheriff McKinley all staring at them. He held up the goat figurine Jade had handed him.

  “Defective merchandise,” he offered in explanation. “A whole batch of ‘em.”

  “I still want my ice cream,” Pauline exclaimed.

  “It’s been a long day,” Randy said, ignoring his aunt. “What do you say we all head home? Mama, is it okay if…”

  He nodded toward Jade, hinting for an invitation.

  “Are we just gonna stand here and pretend like we don’t have a problem?” Mama replied.

  Randy’s heart sank.

  “We all know Pauline is gonna be pissing and moaning about gawl dang ice cream until we get her some,” Mama said. “And I’m not gonna deal with that all night.”

  “Damn right,” Pauline agreed.

  “How about we get her some ice cream on the way home?” Jade suggested. “My treat. And I mean it this time. Whatever anyone wants. It’s the least I can do.”

  “That much is for damn sure,” Mama snapped. “Come on. Me and Pauline will take my car. You done took Randall’s car keys from him so you two gotta walk across the street like heathen folk.”

  Jade took the hit with a smile and Randy started corralling everyone out of the store.

  “I’ll see you ladies to your car,” Sheriff McKinley offered.

  As everyone single-filed it out the door, he stepped back, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket and discreetly picking up one of the figurines that Jade had been handling.

  Mama turned around just as the sheriff shoved the figurine in his pocket.

  “Why don’t you come back to the house for a beer?” Mama asked.

  Randy shot a panicked look to Jade, who silently motioned him to do something to prevent the intrusion.

  “Oh, you probably have so much to do,” Randy said. “You ain’t got time for that.”

  “Nah, I’d be glad to stop by,” the sheriff replied, never taking his eyes off of Jade, making it clear why he was accepting the offer.

  The ragtag group filed out of The Lazy Goat, oblivious to the rusty brown Chevy pickup parked in the shadows at the back corner of the lot.

  27

  The two men in the truck watched the sheriff walk Mama and Pauline to their car while Randy and some woman locked the front door
of the store.

  “What the hell does that little bastard got going on?” Stonewall mumbled.

  “And who’s the hottie?” added Toby.

  He shifted restlessly in his seat, rattling the empty beer cans on the floor and stirring up the stale cigarette smoke embedded deep in the seat fabric. Stonewall leaned forward on the steering wheel to better focus on the people leaving the store.

  “Sheriff’s there. I don’t like the look of that.”

  Toby’s attention was still on Jade.

  “Man, she is sweeter than summer corn.”

  “She’s a stranger,” Stonewall reminded him. “And we don’t trust strangers.”

  Stonewall had lived in Red Dirt his entire life. And other than beer runs and hunting trips, he never left it. He’d grown up poor. His dad had left before he even had any memories of him. His mother worked the night shift at the air conditioner factory in the neighboring town, which meant Stonewall was pretty much left to fend for himself. He had dropped out of school before reaching the sixth grade and eventually wound up running errands for a local bookie. Over the years, he had turned the gambling gig into a loan shark business. It was anything but lucrative, but it put food on Stonewall’s plate and kept him out of factory work.

  He never married and never claimed any kids. Toby was the son of his big sister and shared Stonewall’s distaste for traditional work. Needing help and enjoying having someone look up to him, Stonewall had taken in his nephew. He wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he took orders well and, more importantly, he never questioned Stonewall.

  They both watched as Randy and the mystery woman walked across the street to Perty’s. That’s when Stonewall noticed Randy’s truck parked in front of the restaurant.

  “Now why would he park over there?” he asked himself.

  “So he wouldn’t have to walk back after he ate?” Toby guessed.

  Stonewall ignored his nephew and turned the key in the ignition. The old truck sputtered and coughed to life.

  “Something’s going on, that’s for damn sure,” he grumbled. “If that son of a bitch is trying to squirrel his way out of his debt, he’s gonna walk into a world of hurt.”