Mended

by J. L. Drake

  I slip one out and nibble on the end. “Thanks.” I try and force the cookie, but it takes a lot of willpower. My stomach is dead set against me feeling a better.

  “Your first?” she asks, tossing down her magazine.

  I roll my head to look at her. I’m so friggin’ tired I really don’t want to chat right now. “First what?”

  She points to my stomach. “Baby.”

  My eyes widen, snapping me awake. “Oh, I’m not—” I stop when it hits me. “Oh. My. God,” I whisper, doing some quick math in my head. I can't believe I am so stupid.

  “Congratulations.” She stands after her name is called. “Maybe I’ll be seeing you around.”

  “Maybe,” I answer, completely shocked by this possibility. I try so hard to stop myself from getting excited, but a smile tugs at my lips.

  I pee in a cup and wait with a thumping knee for the doctor to return. So many things are running through my head, one being…what now? A few weeks ago I would have been confused, but today, right now, I know what my heart wants. I want a home with Cole up on the mountain, full of our family. Suddenly, a haunting feeling creeps in when I think I still have two very stressful situations I need to get through—Lynn’s court case, and what’s going to happen with my father.

  The door opening snaps me out of the thoughts screaming in my head.

  “All righty, Savannah,” Dr. Brown says, adjusting her blouse as she sits across from me. “How have you been since the miscarriage?”

  I swallow hard and try to be brave. “I’m doing better, thanks.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.” She opens my file while I cling onto the seat for fear of falling. “Given the details of your missed menstrual cycle and your urine results, I would say…” She turns a little wheel, concentrating as she goes. “Congratulations, Savannah, you are roughly seven and a half weeks pregnant.”

  A smile bursts across my face, instantly lifting my mood. “Wow, wow, all right.”

  “I take it this is something that was planned?”

  I nod, thinking we never talked about ‘trying,’ but we’ve been trying. No condoms and lots of sex means we were trying. “Yes, we have been. I just didn’t recognize the symptoms until today. My work had a flu going around, so I just thought…” I stop and place my hand on my belly, confirming it to myself with touch.

  “Where are you working?”

  “Zack’s, at the bar.”

  “Hum…” She nods and writes in my file. “Are you still living at the house?”

  “Umm, no, I’m living in town,” I answer, not sure where she’s going with this. Or is this protocol?

  She takes off her glasses and leans back in her chair. “Well, since you have had a miscarriage due to high stress, I need to know if there anything I should be aware of that might endanger this pregnancy.” She watches as the bliss drains from my face. “Savannah, I need you to be honest with me, if only for the safety of your baby. You got pregnant very quickly after your last one, and there are risks.” She removes her glasses and leans her elbows on her desk. “Remember, everything here is strictly confidential.”

  “There is.” I spend the next forty minutes filling her in on my life up until now, and what obstacles I’ll be facing.

  “Well, considering all that, I really would like to see you twice a month, and if you feel any discomfort of any sort, you come right in or call me.” She hands me her card with her personal contact information. “I really need you to avoid as much stress as possible, though I know that will be hard with what’s coming. Maybe you should think about not working?”

  “Do I have to?”

  “No, I’m just saying if it becomes overwhelming, take some time off. It’s just not worth it.” She hands me a ton of paperwork and research to go over. “So for now, here are some prenatal pills with some folic acid, you remember the drill. Do you have any questions?”

  “Any advice how to fight the nausea?”

  “Are you actually bringing up food?”

  “Yes, a lot,” I admit, remembering this morning.

  She scribbles on a pad of paper. “Try eating a piece of chicken or turkey when you wake up. The protein will help take it away. But if it doesn’t, take one of these three times a day, and it will do the trick. It will not harm the baby.”

  I go to leave, but she stops me. “Savannah, I want you to come back in soon so I can get a look at that little peanut. I want to check the heartbeat, make sure this pregnancy is strong from the very beginning.”

  “I will, but not without Cole.”

  She nods her understanding.

  The walk down the long office hallway leaves me holding onto the wall for support. I’ve wanted a baby for so long, and here I am pregnant again. I fumble with my purse to pull out my cell phone. I stare at it once I’m outside. I’m not sure what to do first. I start to call Cole, but stop myself as a dark cloud moves in on my celebration. What if something happens again? Do I want to put him through this? Do I wait and tell him after the three month mark? Or do tell him now? My mind is spinning. I block everything else out and let my mind wander as I walk to work.

  I’m still lost in my own little world when Jake decides to tell me about his date with Graham. His mouth is moving, but I’m not listening. In fact, I somehow lip read most of my orders. When I don’t respond, I get a tap to the arm. Jake is staring at me like I was supposed to have a reaction to his story.

  “That’s great, Jake.” I smile and toss out an empty bottle, replacing it with a new one.

  He leans his hip into the bar and crosses his arms. “Is it, now? I wouldn’t think Graham almost getting into a car accident is great.”

  “Wait, what?” I shake my head, trying to recall his words.

  “No, I’m lying, but see, you’re not listening!” He grabs my shoulders and gives me a little jolt. “What is going on? You’re like Night of the Living Dead.”

  “Sorry.” I say with a weak laugh. “I just have a lot going on.” I wave my hand at my head.

  He makes a face. “Anything I can do to help?”

  I serve my client and take the credit card, swiping it down the machine. “I wish, but no. I just have to make a decision that I’m not sure how to make.”

  Jake gives me a hug, rubbing my back. “If you need me, you know where I am.”

  “Thanks, you really have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

  ***

  Three days go by, and I’m still stuck in my routine, not sure what to do. Cole has been busy, so we’ve only been texting. He hasn’t noticed my mood change since I saw him last. I go through ups and downs of being extremely happy, to scared to death, to just plan denial that my body would allow me to get pregnant again so fast.

  I work my shift in another blur. Poor Jake must think I’m on something. My customers don’t seem to mind so much that I’m not as chatty, which is good because I barely remember my left from my right.

  I zip my jacket up and step into the chilly air, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m calling a cab. A short while later, I dial again.

  “Keith?” I say once he answers. I can tell he’s playing poker because his voice is muffled from his cigar.

  “What’s up with you? Everything all right?” I hear Dell hooting in the background about his poker hand.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Of course.”

  “Tell the Rambo wanna-be at the gate to let me pass.”

  “Wait, you’re here? Hang on.” A moment later the guy’s radio cracks and he waves me into his little heated booth. “What the hell, Savannah? I’ll come get you. Stay right there!”

  “Yes, sir,” I joke, but he doesn’t find it funny and hangs up on me.

  Headlights blind the booth as he appears moments later. He hops out to open the passenger door, and I rush in, seeking the warmth. He turns the car around and glares at me. We pass through the other two gates before he even speaks to me.

  “Do I even wanna know how you got h
ere?”

  I close my eyes, whispering the answer.

  “A cab? A flipping cab!” he yells at me for breaching the house rules, but I stop him.

  “I got him to drop me off a mile and a half away. He wasn’t happy about it, but whatever. I hiked in the rest of the way.”

  He stops the car in front of the house. His hands grip the steering wheel, and the leather stretches under the force. “You hiked in the middle of the night, in the back mountains, where god knows what is out there just to come and visit? Why the hell didn’t you call me or Mark?”

  I grab my bag and walk toward the door with him close behind me. I know it was the world’s stupidest move. I’m reckless for no reason, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been before. “Yes, it sounds stupid, but honestly, the walk felt nice. I needed to clear my head.”

  “Stupid is not the word I’d use, Savannah,” he grits out.

  I turn, feeling tired. “Where’s Cole?”

  He studies my face while moving past me to open the door. “Should I even ask what’s going on?”

  “No,” I sigh, “not yet.” I admit feeling like I owe him that.

  “Office was the last place I saw him.”

  “Thanks, Keith.” I drop my bag, remove my coat and boots, and replace them with my flats and hurry that way.

  I knock and wait. “Yeah.” His voice sounds tired. I open the door and find my Cole hunched over his laptop typing away in a black t-shirt and jeans. Just the way I love him. “What in God’s name does anyone want from me at one a.m.?” he mutters without looking up.

  “I didn’t want to sleep alone tonight,” I say softly, and his head snaps up. His face goes from stressed to relieved.

  “Hey” his smile draws me toward him. I crawl on his lap and get him to wrap his arms around me. “How did you get here?”

  “You seem stressed, Cole, what’s wrong?”

  “Work. Sometimes I think I need to pass some of it off, but I don’t. I’m my own worst enemy.” I rub my fingers over the stubble along his jaw, stealing his body heat. “You smell good.” He takes a deep breath, then lets out a long sigh. “You have no idea how much I needed this.” I lean up to kiss his neck, letting him know I do. “Answer me, Savannah.” I know he won’t let it go.

  “Cab, then hiked it in the rest of the way.” His body turns to stone. “I feel by now I should at least be on the guest list. Rambo out there, who has seen me at least a dozen times, wouldn’t let me pass. Pointed his big old gun at me until I finally called Keith to get me through. Honestly, Cole, I need some kind of special pass.”

  “You took a cab and hiked it here?” I don’t have to look at him to know how pissed he is. The vibrating hand on my back is enough to alert me. “Just tell me why.”

  I shift off his lap and stand in front of his desk, sorting out what I should say. I go to open my mouth to tell him everything, but I can’t. My nerves get the best of me. He’s watching every movement I make, calculating it, trying to read me. I drop my head and hold back my pesky tears.

  ***

  Cole

  Cole can see something’s bothering her, but he decides not to push. He’s not sure if Frank has called her yet, and if not, he won’t be the one to bring it up. The idea of her walking along the dark mountain road makes him want to punch a hole in the cabby’s face. Who the hell leaves a woman on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere? He’s not sure why Savannah does what she does. Sometimes he thinks she may not have any regard for her own safety, which scares the hell out of him.

  “I just wanted to see you,” she nearly sobs, twisting his heart. “I didn’t want to bother someone to come and get me. It was my choice to move there. You’ve been so busy, and I’ve been feeling a little…” She rubs her stomach. If she’s still sick, he’s going to call Dr. Rice. If there’s something going on, he needs to know now. York’s face creeps into his mind and makes him uneasy. “I didn’t really know what I was doing until I was at the gate. I know it was stupid, but…” Tears start to flow, but she doesn’t try to hide them. She looks so tired and small as she breaks down.

  “Hey,” he stands in front of her, “it’s okay, baby. You’re here and safe, that’s all that matters.” He kisses her head as she sags into him. “Why don’t you go have a hot bath, and I’ll join you in a few? I just need to send off a few emails and I’ll be done.” She nods as she steps away, looking paler than normal. “Can I get you anything?”

  “No.” She tries a smile. “I just wanted to sleep here tonight with you.”

  He loves her words. She’ll have no idea what that means to him, that she feels safe in his home. “Okay, I’ll be up soon.”

  After thirty minutes of writing endless emails that he could quite possibly do right into the morning, he finally turns off the screen. He can’t concentrate knowing she’s here. He closes up his office and heads for the stairs. He hears the guys laughing downstairs; the poker game must be going well. He’s sure Mark is wiping them clean. Tonight they play for money, so Mark’s wallet will be that much thicker tomorrow.

  He finds Savannah tucked into a little ball on his side of the bed. Her body is curled around his pillow. Her hair is pulled up with a pin stuck through the bun, and the loose pieces are still damp on the ends. He strips and joins her from the other side, forming his body to curve to hers. Her skin is warm and smells of his soap. He kisses her shoulder and along her neck, then his hand travels down her side and slips between her legs, where he finds her ready. She stirs with a little moan. Hell, even when she’s asleep, she wants him. He parts her legs and nudges himself up and glides in with ease.

  “Mmm, Cole,” she whispers, still half out of it. She tries to turn, but he stops her.

  “Sleep, baby, I just need to be in you.” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to control himself. She’s so warm. The moment he’s inside of her, nothing matters but her and him. He lies back down, positing himself so he can stay inside of her as he drifts off.

  Something soft brings him out of a dead sleep. Holy shit, it’s hot, wet…it feels amazing. A moan fills the room. His eyes are so heavy he can’t open them, so instead he reaches out and grabs a fistful of her hair. Her hum vibrating down her tongue makes him buck his hips, pushing deeper. She sucks long and hard, then swirls around him like a cyclone. Three repetitions of that and he’s jetting down the back of her throat. She doesn’t pull away, just continues until he’s finished.

  Still trying to catch his breath, she climbs up next to him and tucks herself into his side.

  “What was that?”

  “Shh,” she whispers, “go back to sleep.”

  He grins, still euphoric from what she just did. “You’re never leaving this bed, you know that, right?”

  “Okay,” she yawns, falling back to sleep.

  The next time he opens his eyes, the bed is empty and there’s no head between his legs. No, in fact, his bathroom door is shut and he can hear her getting sick. The toilet flushes as he scrambles out of bed and across the cold wooden floor. He raises a hand to knock when he hears a bunch of pills hit the tile.

  “Shoot,” she mutters.

  He knocks gently. “You all right, baby?”

  There’s a pause. “Yeah I’ll be right out.”

  The door opens after a minute. She’s pale, and her eyes are bloodshot.

  Cole shakes his head and reaches for his cell phone. “I’m going to call Dr. Rice. You need to get looked at.”

  “I saw my doctor three days ago,” she says as he reads a text from his phone. “Cole, umm…”

  “Shit!” he curses as his phone vibrates in his hand, seeing Frank is coming to the house this morning. “I gotta get going.” He turns to look at her. “Savannah, promise me, call Dr. Rice.” His head’s spinning. He doesn’t want Frank to do this this morning.

  Her face drops a little but quickly recovers. “Yeah, all right.” She smiles and reaches for her bag.

  “I’m sorry.” He rubs his face and gives
her a quick kiss on the lips. “I just worry about you.”

  Savannah drops her eyes to his chest. “It’s fine, don't worry. I will call. I’m going to go say hi to everyone, then I need to head back into town. I work tonight.”

  “Don’t leave without saying goodbye. I don’t care if I’m busy. Interrupt, all right?” She nods but still won’t look at him, and he glances at the clock. “I need to get ready.”

  ***

  Savannah

  I watch him head into the bathroom then quickly dress, as doubt creeps up on me. I can't say anything; it would only bring him more stress.

  Abigail is in the kitchen feeding Mark’s bottomless pit of a stomach. I slip onto the stool next to him and feel my pill kick in. The last thing I want is Abigail or Sue noticing my behavior is off and guess at the pregnancy.

  “Hey, Savs.” Mark grins, holding a fork full of waffle. “Hungry?”

  “Muh.” I reach for his wrist and steal the waffle off his fork. “So good.” I grin, and he glares at me.

  “You dare come between me and my food?” He laughs, spearing another bunch and drenching it in syrup.

  My mouth drops as I look over his shoulder. “Umm.” He turns to see what has my attention, and I snag his fork, jamming another mouthful of his waffle in my mouth.

  “You just went dick deep with that move, Savi. You just asked for it!” He pushes away from the island and wipes his mouth. “I’m going to give you a five second start be—”

  I don’t wait for the rest of the sentence. I take off and head toward the living room, but see Cole coming down the stairs. “Cole!” I shriek, running over to him and laughing so hard I can barely breathe. “Help!” I wrap myself in his arms as Mark comes running over.

  “Give her up, Logan.” Mark holds out his hand then rubs his forehead with a dramatic sigh, but I see the amusement in his eyes. “She stole my food, man.”

  “You made it so easy.” I laugh, holding Cole tighter.

  Cole’s laugh makes me want to hear it again; it’s so playful and fun. “What do you plan to do to her?”