Ripple: A Novel

by Cedergreen, L. D.

  I blushed and looked away, suddenly aware of how out of control I had been.

  “Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about. That was amazing.”

  “Yeah, it...was. I don’t know what happened. I think that the thought of not seeing you every day got the best of me.”

  “I should leave you more often,” Adam said smiling, brushing my hair from my face. We both laughed. Feeling a chill, I shivered, and Adam held me against him.

  “I can’t believe that I’m going to say this, but we better get some clothes on you before you freeze to death.” I playfully hit him on the shoulder and sat up trying to find my shirt in the dark. I slipped my shirt on over my head and threw Adam’s clothes at him.

  “Hey, what was that for?” Adam asked when his clothes hit him in the face.

  “That was for ruining my favorite pair of underwear,” I smirked as I crawled up his legs until I was looking him in the eye. I pushed Adam down on his back again and kissed him tenderly. Adam reached under my skirt and slapped my bare ass. “Hey, watch it, mister,” I warned, pulling my lips from his.

  “You’re going to drive me crazy the rest of the night knowing that you aren’t wearing any underwear under this skirt.”

  “That’s too bad,” I said, kissing him again before he could get up to dress.

  We packed up our love nest and slowly made our way back to the car. The chill of fall was in the air. September was usually a warm month but the evenings were already getting colder. I wasn’t ready for the cold weather yet. I wasn’t ready for anything that life was throwing at me these days.

  We sat in Adam’s car for hours, just talking, not wanting the night to end. He wasn’t concerned about his curfew since this was technically his last night at home. Adam told me how excited he was to start basketball practice next week and about his roommate that he would meet for the first time tomorrow. His name was Brock, and he was also from a small town but from the other side of the state. Adam had talked to him on the phone, and he seemed like a nice guy. They would both be freshman on the team.

  Adam had registered for English literature, a psychology class and statistics. He had early morning classes so that his afternoons were free for basketball practice. It sounded like a busy schedule to me, and I was wondering where I would fit into it. Adam cupped my chin in his hand and brought up my face to meet his.

  “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll have plenty of time for each other. It’s only an hour drive.”

  I gave him a small smile and leaned into his hand as he stroked my cheek. “And what happens when you meet someone, a gorgeous college girl that you can’t resist?” I asked. Adam was so incredibly good-looking; I knew that he would have the attention of every girl he met. And he was very friendly—too friendly for my taste—with everyone. To say that I was worried about Adam meeting someone else was an understatement. I was terrified.

  “Kendi, I only want you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. And how do I know that you won’t find one of your classmates irresistible? The guys in school are waiting for me to leave so they can have a shot with you, trust me. I know what they’re saying.”

  “Yeah, right. And I have known them all since kindergarten and have never been interested in any one of them. Well not since the fourth grade anyway.” I giggled at the thought.

  It was really late, and I didn’t want my mom to worry, so I sadly asked Adam to take me home.

  He walked me to the porch, and, before I could kiss him good-night, he pulled something out of his pocket. “Kendi, I have something for you. I want you to have this ring to wear to remind you of me and how much I will always love you.” He reached for my right hand and slipped it on my ring finger. It was a perfect fit. I gasped and held my hand up to the porch light to admire the beautiful sapphire stone set inside a ring of small diamonds.

  “It’s beautiful, Adam. It’s too much though. You shouldn’t have, really.”

  “You’re worth it, and I had the inside engraved, so you have to accept it.”

  I looked at him in awe. I couldn’t possibly love him any more than I did at that moment. I pulled off the ring to look at the inscription on the inside of the white gold band. Always. I slipped the ring back on my finger and threw my arms around his neck, pulling his mouth to mine. Without breaking our kiss, he picked me up off the ground and twirled me around.

  “I love you so much, Adam. Thank you.”

  “I love you too. I’m glad that you like it.”

  “That reminds me. I have something for you also. Wait here.” I left him standing on the porch for a moment while I slipped inside the front door and grabbed a wrapped gift off the entry hall table. “This is for you. Open it tomorrow after you get settled.”

  “Okay,” he said, shooting me a curious look.

  I had put together a small book with all of my favorite pictures of us and several poems that I had written for him. I wanted him to have something of me that he could keep at school. I suddenly felt vulnerable as he took it out of my hands. The words that I had written on those pages were a direct window to my soul, and I usually didn’t share my poetry with anyone, not even Adam. I silently hoped that he would like my gift.

  “Good luck tomorrow. Call me...if you want,” I added, trying not to sound too needy.

  “Of course I’ll call you. I miss you already.” He pulled me into one last embrace. “I love you,” he whispered before walking to his car. He stopped and glanced back at me several times, his sad expression matching my own. I waved good-bye as he drove away.

  Bliss

  Adam did call me the next day after his parents left his dorm. He told me that his room was a decent size for a dorm room, and his roommate was cool. He thanked me endlessly for the book that I had made for him. He hadn’t read through all the entries yet, but he loved what he had read so far. I could sense the sincerity in his voice, and I was relieved to hear it. He was headed out for dinner with some of his teammates, so we only spoke for a few minutes.

  After that I settled into a nice routine. I went to school, studied hard and made a point of reconnecting with people that I had not spent much time with over my tragic summer. I went out to lunch with my friends Tracy and Liz, whom I had known since kindergarten, like most of my classmates. The overwhelming despair that I felt from Morgan’s death lessened with each passing day, and I no longer was consumed by thoughts of her. I still thought of her daily, missing her like crazy, but I could smile and laugh without the added guilt. Adam called nearly every night before he fell asleep. I kept the phone near my bed so that I never missed one, even when it was late and I had already turned in for the night. He would drive down to see me most weekends, and I even drove to see him at school a few times.

  The first time I went to see him, he gave me a tour of the campus and took me out to lunch. I met his roommate and was a little surprised that he was on the basketball team. He was really nice but seemed like more of a partier than an athlete. I could have sworn that he had been smoking pot right before I met him. I asked Adam about this at lunch, and he confirmed my suspicions. He didn’t think that Brock would be on the team for much longer once they started routine drug testing. I thought that this was hysterical, but Adam didn’t see the humor in it.

  “Come on, admit it. It is kinda funny that my straitlaced boyfriend has the biggest stoner on the basketball team for a roommate.”

  “Whatever.” Adam shrugged, throwing a fry at my face. I giggled and threw it right back.

  A few weeks later Adam called to tell me that Brock had been expelled from school and sent home. It was hard to miss the excitement in his voice. “Don’t you feel bad for him at all, Adam?” I asked, confused by his enthusiasm.

  “Of course I do, but now I have the entire room to myself. They aren’t moving anyone else in. So we have total privacy when you come to visit, and I can study in peace. This is going to be so much better.”

  The thought of having his room all to ourselves did sound pretty nice.

&nbs
p; “In fact, what are you doing right now? Why don’t you come see me?”

  “Right now? Adam, it’s a school night.” I glanced at the clock, considering his invitation.

  “You could be here by five. I had early practice today, and I’m done studying. Come on, I miss you,” he pleaded with me.

  That was all it took to convince me.

  “Okay, I’ll think of something to tell my mom. See you in an hour.” I hung up the phone and changed my clothes, replacing my sweatpants with my favorite pair of jeans. I convinced my mother that I was going to Liz’s house to study, and she reluctantly handed over her car keys, reminding me not to be home too late. I hated to lie to her, but my need to see Adam outweighed the risk of her discovering my dishonesty. I thought of Adam the entire drive, blaring my favorite songs on the car stereo. When I got to his building, I slipped in through the open door as someone was leaving and knocked on the door to his room a moment later. Completely surprised that I was standing outside his door already, Adam pulled me into an enormous hug and kissed me tenderly on the lips.

  When he pulled away, he swept his arm across the room and asked, “What do you think of the place?”

  I glanced around the room and took in all the changes he had made. He had pushed the twin beds together to form a huge bed off to one side of the small room. On the other side of the room sat the ugliest orange chair that I had ever seen, positioned in front of a small television. His dorm-issued desk sat beside the door.

  “Wow, you didn’t waste any time did you? Nice chair,” I said with a smirk as I set my car keys down on the desk.

  “Hey, not bad for a few hours’ work, huh? Come here.” He pulled me back into his arms and kissed my hair, inhaling deeply. “You smell so good. I missed you so much,” he whispered as he kicked the door closed with his foot. He lowered his face to mine and kissed me gently. Moments later I felt his tongue in my mouth as he lifted me in his arms, my feet leaving the ground until he laid me down across the new makeshift king-size bed. I was lost in his arms for hours. It was the first time that we could be together without watching the clock or worrying about who might find us. It was just Adam and me, alone, in our own blissful world.

  Eventually reality settled in, and I realized how late it was. “Adam, I have to go. My mom will be furious if I’m home too late. It’s already nine o’clock, and I have an hour’s drive ahead of me.” Each time I attempted to get out of bed to get dressed, he pulled me back down in his arms again. I didn’t want to leave him. It took all the strength I had to step away from him long enough to put my clothes back on.

  “I wish you could stay the night with me,” he pouted while pulling on a pair of faded Levi’s. His hair was a complete mess, curls spiked in every direction, the top two buttons of his jeans were undone, the muscles of his chest and abdomen flexed in the dim light as he pulled a T-shirt over his head. He looked completely and utterly edible in this moment. The thought of sleeping in his arms the entire night, my head resting on that chest, my fingers brushing through that hair, was tempting, but I knew that tonight was not the night.

  “I can’t tonight, but I think that we can definitely plan something soon.”

  His mouth turned up on one side into a seductive grin as his mind processed this idea. “Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  Satisfied, he finally walked me out to my car and kissed me good-bye with one hand grabbing me behind the leg, inching it up around his hip and the other hand gripping my backside. I pushed him away before he got too carried away and drove off into the night. His kiss lingered on my lips the entire trip home.

  I kept my promise. The following weekend I packed an overnight bag and headed to Gonzaga. I told my mom that I was staying the night with Liz. She was so happy to see me spending time with friends that she didn’t ask many questions. I told Liz my plan just in case my mom decided to check up on me. Adam and I spent the entire night wrapped up in each other in his dark room with a Counting Crows CD playing on Repeat in the background. We had ripped off each other’s clothes in the first few minutes after I had arrived, not wasting any time at expressing our need for each other.

  Hours later we did it again, slowly this round, savoring every moment, every touch. We talked about how natural it felt to be together. Adam told me that he could see me in his future and could imagine spending his life with me by his side. He told me how hard it was for him to go days without seeing me. I told him that I felt the same way and that I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. We talked about all the things that young couples talk about. How many kids we wanted to have—I said two, he said four— what we would name them—we both liked the name Zachary for a boy and Madeline for a girl—and what kind of wedding we would have. We talked until the sun’s rays began to filter in through the curtains, and then we drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the sleepless night.

  It felt amazing to spend the entire night in Adam’s arms. I fabricated sleepovers at Liz’s or Tracy’s house as often as I could to have them instead with Adam whenever possible. I felt a sliver of guilt lying to my mother, knowing that I would eventually get caught in my lies, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stay away from Adam. I wanted to be with him every minute, and I ached for him when we were apart.

  Lies

  It was our first day back to school following Thanksgiving break, and Josh came looking for me in the parking lot after our final class of the day was let out. He clearly looked upset, and my first thought was that something had happened to Adam. He assured me that Adam was fine, but that we needed to talk. I told him to meet me at my house in ten minutes. I had to drive Scott home from school. A million things were flashing through my mind. What on earth did Josh need to talk to me about, and why was he so upset?

  I met Josh at the front door a few minutes after I got home. He looked tired and impatient to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him. It had just started snowing outside, and his dark jacket was already wet and speckled white with snowflakes.

  “Come in, Josh, it’s getting cold outside.” I gestured him to the living room.

  “Kendi, I have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.” He ran his hand through his hair, reminding me of Adam and the way he seemed to do that subconsciously when he was upset or nervous. “I was talking to Katie last night on the phone, and she told me something that you should know.”

  “Okay. I wasn’t aware that you guys still kept in touch since she left for college.”

  “We still talk once in a while, but that’s not the point. We were talking about what happened between us and why we drifted apart over the summer, and she confessed to me that she slept with Adam. She said that it was an ongoing thing, lasting all spring and summer. They were sleeping together behind my back...behind our backs.”

  I just stood there, staring at his face, trying to process the words that he had just blurted out of his mouth. “What are you talking about?” I could feel bile rising in my throat as images started to fill my mind.

  “I know that it’s a lot to take in, believe me, but I wanted you to hear it from me first. I am so sick over this. Not so much that Katie lied to me for five months, but that my own brother did this to me...and to you. I’m sorry that my brother is such a fucking prick, Kendi.”

  He started to reach for me, to console me, as my eyes filled with tears. I shook my head and held out my hand to hold him back.

  “Josh, I can’t do this right now. I can’t...” I was trying my best to hold it together, but I was fighting with too many emotions at once. I turned and ran up the stairs to my room.

  “I’m sorry, Kendi. Call me later, okay?” I heard him yell up the stairs, followed by the front door closing.

  Call it denial but I couldn’t believe what Josh had just told me. Katie Brewster just wasn’t Adam’s type; it didn’t make sense. But deep down inside, where the sick feeling was festering, I knew this was possible. And every moment where things seemed out of place before no
w plainly screamed at me.

  Without thinking, I picked up the phone and called Adam. The phone rang in my ear a few times before I heard his voice.

  “Hello.”

  I didn’t bother with the usual greetings. “Tell me that you didn’t sleep with Katie Brewster, Adam.” I tried to keep my voice from breaking.

  I heard him sigh, then silence. I took his silence as a confession, and I felt the dam break inside of me. The tears that I had been keeping at bay spilled down my cheeks.

  “What the fuck is going on, Adam?”

  “Who told you, Kendi?”

  “Really, Adam? Is that even relevant right now? How could you? Are you still sleeping with her? I just don’t understand...” My voice trailed off, my mind so cluttered with questions that words dissolved into tears.

  “Kendi, let’s not do this over the phone. I need to see you. Let’s talk about this tomorrow in person.”

  “Fuck you, Adam.” Frustrated at his lack of response, I slammed the phone back on the receiver. I collapsed on my bed sobbing into my hands. I cried for what seemed like hours, but eventually the questions were eating away at me, and I knew that I had to see him. I headed downstairs, grabbed my coat and car keys, and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going, Kendall?” my mom called out to me.

  “Out,” was all I managed to say as I slammed the door closed. I stepped outside into the cold. It was already dark, and the ground was dusted with white snow, heavy snowflakes still falling. It was probably not the best driving conditions, but I didn’t care. As I drove east on the freeway, with the windshield wipers swiping away the heavy snow and tears spilling from my eyes, I felt the anger brewing inside me.

  I arrived at the university and was able to slip into his building and walk straight to his room. I pounded on his door, and he opened it with surprise. As soon as I saw him, I melted, and the tears started to flow once again. He pulled me inside the room, into his arms, and stroked my hair as I rested my cheek on his chest.