I was out front where I’d set up my saw, cutting some lumber for some temporary supports. I’d removed a wall to put in a new header, opening up the kitchen to the living area. Lottie strolled out onto the porch with her phone pressed to her ear, wearing her jeans and a button-down shirt she’d tied in a knot above her navel, revealing her lean midriff. She had on the riding boots I’d bought for her seventeenth birthday.
She’d fawned over the boots for nearly a year but hadn’t been able to afford them. I saved every dime my dad paid me from that summer harvest to buy her those. Anything to see Lottie’s face light up and her eyes smile.
“Sure. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it. It’s my responsibility anyway… Okay. See you soon.”
She hung up the phone as she stepped off the porch. I watched, following her jean-clad ass as she walked toward the horse barn. I shook my head, forcing myself to stop staring before I cut off a damn finger. I turned on the saw, making my final cut through the two-by-four. As the shrilling sound of the saw ceased, I heard the agitated roar of a horse and a panicked Lottie. I dropped the board, running for the barn.
Lottie was holding the reins of Apollo with fear in her eyes as the horse reared its front legs up at her.
“Calm down, Apollo,” she tried to soothe with a shaky voice.
The horse roared and reared again. I moved slowly around Apollo, giving a wide berth to avoid upsetting him further.
“Whoa, buddy,” I soothed in a calm, even tone as I steadily took the reins from Lottie’s hands.
She released them, stepping back behind me. As he settled down, I clicked my tongue, calling him to me. I waited for him to take the first hesitant step before reaching out to massage and scratch his neck.
“That’s it, boy.”
He grunted and snorted, releasing a small blow of air from his nose.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing. He just senses your nervousness. It’s making him nervous. The better question is what’s wrong with you? I’ve never known you to be scared of anything, Lottie. Especially not Apollo.”
“I’m not scared,” she denied with a huff. “It’s been a while...that’s all. I was going to take him for a ride and then he started to flip out before I could get the saddle on him. It’s like he doesn’t remember me.”
I continued to hold him steady as she looked onto him with sad eyes. Apollo had been her horse since they bought him at an auction her sophomore year. She’d ridden him around the farm daily come rain or shine. She took a deep breath as if to calm herself. Taking a small step forward, she reached out her hand. Apollo jerked and I held him tight.
“Easy, boy.”
She controlled her own flinch before pressing her hand firmly against his forehead. She ran her hand slowly down toward his muzzle over the one white spot that contrasted with his solid black coat. Even with his age, he was still a strong, beautiful thoroughbred. Much like the woman standing next to me.
She took the reins from me once again, slowly making her way around him as her hand continued to glide down his neck and side. The affection of her touch had me jealous of the damn horse.
“Good boy,” she murmured, pressing her cheek to him as she continued to pet him. He nickered in greeting, stomping his hoof once with contentment. I retrieved her saddle, placing it over his back. They continued to rebuild their bond as I watched.
Annoyed with my jealousy of wishing we could do the same, I decided to leave them to it. “You good?”
“Yeah,” she replied with a smile, not looking back at me. I gave Apollo one more pat and turned to leave.
“Tuck,” she called my name, halting my steps.
I glanced back over my sagging shoulders to look at her.
“Ride with me?”
I faced her, shock coursing through me, making me unable to respond.
“I—”
“Sorry. Never mind. Forget I asked.” Her cheeks flushed as she looked away from me.
“No,” I said harsher than I meant to. Her head jerked back up to me. “I’ll go. Give me a minute to wrap something up and saddle your mom’s horse. Then I’ll be ready.”
“Okay.” She nodded.
After bracing the framing where I needed to, I went back to the barn. Lottie and Apollo were still getting reacquainted when I walked back in. The joyous smile on her face as she fed him treats and spoke softly to him had caused me to stop still, a sharp pain in my chest. The woman took my breath away. She looked natural and content as if she’d belonged here in this barn. She’d always belonged in my eyes. She belonged with me. I just couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t see it.
The image made everything even more confusing in my head. I knew she’d never wanted to stay in this town, never wanted anything to do with the family farm. I cursed her father for tainting it for her. It seemed she could never keep the bad memories from outweighing the good.
Apollo huffed happily, nudging his head into her shoulder. She laughed a lyrical laugh. Her eyes lifted, catching my gaze.
“Hey.” She smiled. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I replied through my strangled vocal chords. I cleared my throat, walking to the stall Evelyn’s horse was kept in. I gave Dolly a quick brush before saddling her up and leading her out of the stall.
We walked the horses outside the barn. I waited for Lottie to mount her horse first, in case she needed some assistance. The woman climbed on top like it was second nature. I couldn’t help the dirty fucking thoughts going through my head as I watched her do it, wishing I were the one she was straddling. Once again I was envious of that goddamn mammal. I needed to tamper my thoughts if I was going to make it through this ride without being in a world of pain.
Once I was seated, Lottie gave me another sexy grin. “Race ya to the pecan tree!”
Before I could register her challenge, she was kicking Apollo’s side and clicking her tongue, getting a jump start on me.
“Yah!” I hollered my command through my grin, giving my horse a nudge, chasing my little redheaded vixen through the fields.
9
Lottie
I laughed as I rode, the wind whipping my hair around my face. Adrenaline rushed through me, igniting an untamed freedom. A sensation I hadn’t realized I missed until the moment I felt Apollo’s powerful body break into a full sprint.
I glanced back over my shoulder at Tucker. He was gaining on me. I hunkered down closer to Apollo’s strong body, giving him another light tap to his side with my heels, pushing his pace into a higher gear. The thrill of the race was in his blood. He was a race horse before we won him at auction.
I could feel Tucker on our heels as the familiar pecan tree came into view. The excitement of winning had me pushing Apollo harder. There was no way I was losing this race.
“I win!” I yelled, grinning widely, throwing one arm in the air when we were mere feet from our destination.
I pulled on the reins as Apollo sped past the hundred-year-old tree. Once he’d slowed to a gallop and then a trot, I turned him back around where Tucker was already stopped, waiting for us. He gave me a cocky grin that was only made sexier by the fact he was riding a horse. I’d forgotten how sexy a cowboy could be. Especially one named Tucker Monroe.
“You cheated.”
“Don’t be a sore loser, Tuck,” I teased as he dismounted from his horse. He tied Dolly up before coming to Apollo’s side. He held out his hand to me, helping me down as I swung my leg over and off my horse. I hopped to the ground, trapped between Apollo and Tucker’s strong build.
“I’m not. Just stating a fact, sweetheart. You were halfway across the field before you declared a race.”
I laughed. “Exaggerate much, cowboy?”
The left side of his lip tugged up at the corner, his eyes full of lust as he pulled me into him. The heat of his body caused a surge of yearning to puddle between my legs. His head dipped into the crook of my neck, his lips brushing along the delicate skin as his warm brea
th feathered over it. “I’ll let you have this one, Lottie. But if you’re gonna play dirty, don’t expect me to play fair either.”
“You never have.” I exhaled, suppressing a greedy whimper.
I hadn’t been this desperate to feel a man inside me since…well…Tucker. Sex with other men over the years had always been more about scratching an itch. With Tucker it was different. With Tucker it was necessity. My body needed him like it needed food and water. It could survive for a period of time without it, but eventually I’d die inside if I didn’t feast once again. Problem was, I couldn’t allow myself to have him again. Sex with Tucker would only lead to heartbreak. For both of us. And I’d caused us enough heartbreak for one lifetime.
I sidestepped around him, giving myself some much needed space. “You’re just mad because a city girl beat you on your own turf.”
I may have sashayed my hips a little as I walked away, goading him. Simply because I couldn’t have sex with Tucker didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy torturing him the way he’d been torturing me the last few days. Watching his muscles constrict and his contoured abs drip with sweat as he worked on the house resulted in me constantly fanning myself. And it had nothing to do with the Texas heat like I claimed.
He chuckled, his eyes firmly planted on my swaying hips. “Baby, this turf is just as much yours as it is mine. You may live in the city now, but you’re still a country girl at heart. Whether you admit it or not.”
I threw him a blatant eye roll over my shoulder as I continued to walk to the massive trunk of what we deemed “our” tree as kids. My eyes went to the initials we carved into the bark during our “official” induction ceremony. I smiled at the memory. It had been a special day for me. A promise to each other. How naïve I was to think carving letters into a tree would somehow bond us for eternity.
He walked up behind me, his front to my back as I traced the letters. I let out a sigh, dropping my hand and closing my eyes. The memory. Him. This place. It was all too much.
“Do you remember the day we carved these?” I had no idea why I was asking him. Why I was forcing us down a memory lane I’d been trying to avoid since arriving to town.
“I remember every day with you, Lottie. Especially that one.”
I opened my eyes, turning to face him, and leaned against the tree, my legs needing the support. For many girls I imagined having sex for the first time was a tad scary. Nerve-wracking. But for me, it wasn’t. That day, I felt nothing but safe and loved. The way Tucker had always made me feel. I had no doubts about giving myself to him that night under the canopy of the tree. Not one inch of me was nervous. Baring myself to him under the wide-open skies with the stars and moon glowing above us was the most magical night of my life. Tucker made sure of that.
“You’ve always been such a smooth talker, Tucker. Always knowing the right things to say to me.”
“You make it sound like a bad thing. I’m not trying to pull one over on you, Lottie. I’m being honest with you. Something you used to do with me.”
I knew he didn’t mean his words to be harsh. But there was a bite to them. A reality to them. Or maybe I was being oversensitive knowing the truth I withheld. Either way, I felt burned.
“I’m not perfect, Tucker. I know that.”
“I don’t expect you to be, Lottie. I just want you to talk to me like you used to. What happened? What made you shut me out?”
I pushed off the tree, needing to end this conversation before I said something I couldn’t take back. Before that look of hope and adoration he still had for me disappeared forever. It was selfish. I knew that. He deserved to know. But I couldn’t deal with him hating me once he found out.
His hands flew to the bare skin of my waist, his fingers gripping my sides, firmly holding me in place. “Answer me, Lottie. I can’t go another damn day not knowing what I did wrong.”
Those words. That look in his eyes. Ended me. His forehead dropped, resting against mine. My head shook in response. He’d done nothing wrong. I was the only wrongdoer here.
“Please, Lottie.” His whisper of desperation forced me to tell him.
Without volition words flew from my mouth. “I was pregnant.” A weight on my chest lifted only to be replaced with another.
His head snapped up, both of our eyes flicking open with my unexpected confession. A whirlwind of emotions passed over his face as my heart beat forcefully in my chest, waiting for his expression to settle on hate and disgust.
“We have a—”
“No.” I blinked away the tears that threatened. “I miscarried the week before graduation. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until the baby was already…”
His hands dropped from my body as he stepped away from me. I expected that. The distance. The anger. It still tore me inside. I wrapped my arms around my midsection, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than I ever had. He took a few stumbling steps backward—his eyes blank—before turning to walk away.
“Tucker?”
“What, Lottie?” he growled, spinning on me, his eyes boring into me.
“Say something...I get that you’re hurt. And I understand you probably hate me, but don’t just walk away.”
“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”
“Fuck you, Tucker,” I shot back. “You have no idea what I went through!”
“You’re right! I don’t! Because you never fucking told me. You should have told me then.”
“I was trying to do the right thing.”
“For who, Lottie? For you?”
“No! For us!” I flung up my frustrated arms in defense. “How can you not see that? We were on the same destructive path as my parents. We were repeating history. Unexpected pregnancy in high school, forced to marry, destined to hate each other. I couldn’t allow that to happen to us.”
He tossed his head backward, looking toward the heavens, his hands planted on his hips as his chest raged. He leveled his head once again to look at me with cynicism in his eyes.
“I get that somehow you thought you were doing the right thing. That you convinced yourself of that, Lottie. But it’s a load of horse shit. Not every relationship is destined to end the way your parents’ did.”
He turned once again to walk toward the horses, leaving me to stew on his words.
“Where are you going?”
“I can’t do this right now. I need to get back to pick up Lily.” He mounted Dolly, clicking his tongue, steering her back toward my family’s farm.
I didn’t bother trying to catch up with him as he rode ahead of me. We both needed distance. More so him than me. I’d known this would never end well once I told him. I didn’t expect to ever see him again after today.
Arriving back at the barn, we were no longer alone. Billy stood outside, leaning against his truck, waiting for us to return. Tucker muttered something undecipherable under his breath before jumping off Dolly and leading her back into her stall. Billy walked toward us, nodding at Tucker as he passed by.
“Hey, Lottie.” He grinned up at me, helping me down from my horse.
“Hi,” I greeted him in surprise. He’d called earlier asking me to turn out the horses. “I thought you weren’t going to make it today. We took them for a ride instead of letting them loose in the field.”
“Finished up earlier than I expected. How was it?” He looked back at Tucker, who was stomping around as he removed the saddle and brushed Dolly down.
“Good. Like riding a bike.” I smiled, doing my best to ignore Tucker and hide the heartbreak I had no right to feel.
Billy helped me with unsaddling Apollo as he filled me in on his day. I only halfway paid attention, too distracted by Tucker until he disappeared from the barn. I hated to leave things unsettled between us. But I couldn’t force him to stay and talk to me. He owed me nothing, and I knew I had to accept whatever he decided. It was only fair. When I heard his truck engine turn over, my heart dropped. Any chance of us at least being friends was gone. Over. He’d never forgive me.
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“What do you say, Lottie?”
“Huh?”
I looked back at Billy, who was waiting for me to answer a question I hadn’t heard.
“Do you want to go to the county fair with me tomorrow night?”
“Oh. Sure, Billy,” I agreed, looking over his shoulder at the truck disappearing down the road. I fought back the all too familiar remorse and forced a smile.
Saturday night Billy showed up five minutes early to take me to the fairgrounds. I’d made it clear we’d only be going as friends after agreeing to go with him. I had no intentions of leading Billy on. I respected him and our friendship too much. He grinned and agreed, but I still saw some hope in his eyes, making me slightly uneasy on the ride over.
I did my best to enjoy my night with him and avoid any affectionate touches. After eating some corn dogs and having a beer, we walked the midway. We played a few games before challenging each other in a friendly competition of skee-ball.
“Best two out of three?” Billy asked after I beat him the first time.
“What’s wrong, can’t accept that a girl beat you?”
“You got lucky.”
“No luck needed, buddy. I’ve got skills.”
“I have no doubt about that.” His mouth pulled at the corner with a flirty grin and hungry eyes.
“Okay,” I agreed quickly, needing to steer us back to the friends zone. “But loser buys the next round of beers.”
“And here I thought you were no longer a beer girl.”
I shrugged. “Options are limited.”
“Ouch. I hope that wasn’t a dig at me.”
“Not at all. Someday, you’ll make one woman very lucky.”
“Just not you.”
My shoulders deflated as I looked at him. “No. I’m sorry. I’m not the marrying type, Billy. And I’m not looking for anything while I’m in town.”
He nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Lottie. I’ll drop it. You can’t blame me for trying, though.”
Redeeming Lottie Page 9
