I laughed at his sly smirk. “Don’t worry about it. Come on.” I rotated us both back toward the game. “I’ve got some ass to kick in skee-ball.”
Billy beat me at the second game. So after winning our intense third round, I squealed excitedly, dancing around with my arms above my head, laughing and taunting him with my victory. He folded his arms around me from behind as he picked me up, spinning me around, laughing with me.
He placed me back on my feet. “Best three out of five?”
“Ha! No way, buddy!” I spun around to face him. “You owe me a beer!” I pointed at him, my smile fading as I caught someone watching us from a distance.
Tucker stood at the goldfish booth near Wes and Grams as Lily tried to win herself a fish. My stomach flipped. The fun I’d been having with Billy vanished. Billy twisted to look behind him at what had grabbed my attention. Tucker looked away, turning his back to us while he cheered Lily on.
“You okay?” Billy rubbed my shoulder in comfort.
I tore my eyes from the Monroe family and put on a smile of indifference. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Nope. Nothing to talk about.”
“You sure?”
I nodded.
“Okay,” he relented. “Let’s get you that beer.”
After finishing our beers, we headed for the carnival rides. I refused to get on the gravity ride no matter how cute and convincing Billy was. After the food and drinks we had, I knew if I did, I’d lose my stomach on the midway. And I wasn’t willing to give the Billingsley folks any more reason to gossip about me while I was in town.
Leighton and Aaron eventually showed up, joining us as we bounced from ride to ride. We neared the front of the line for the swings when I heard my name being called in a tiny, high-pitched squeal.
“Lottie!” Lily barreled into me, hugging me to her. I smiled down at the ball of energy with the adorable smile.
“Hey, Lily.” I squatted down to her level, wondering where the rest of her family was.
I looked over her shoulder, seeing her uncles and Grams coming our way. Tucker was dragging his feet behind the rest of his family, his face hard and unforgiving.
I stood, hardening my own shell.
Grams and Wes greeted all of us with hugs and hellos. Tucker remained in the background, acknowledging everyone but me. As they all made small talk, Lily held my hand, twirling and dancing to her own music. Her carefree innocence chipped away at the uncomfortableness I felt, her smile putting me at ease.
She tugged down on my hand, garnering my full attention from the adult conversation I was pretending to listen to. I lowered my eyes with a sideways glance at her beaming face.
“Will you ride the Ferris wheel with me?” she pleaded with her big, green eyes.
“Um…well.” I stalled, looking up at an identical pair of eyes.
“Pretty please. Uncle Tuck says there has to be an adult on each side of me to make sure I don’t fall out because I move too much. And Uncle Wes is scared of heights and Grams is too old. And I’ve wanted to ride it my whole life.”
I tucked my lips between my teeth, fighting back a laugh. She was now holding my hand in both of hers, swinging our arms back and forth as she batted those bright eyes up at me. The little darling was good.
“Another time, Lily,” Tucker interrupted our conversation. “It would be rude for her to leave her date.”
Tucker’s accusatory words grated my nerves, provoking my rebellious side. “I’d love to, Lily.” I glared at Tucker. “Let’s go get in line.”
“Yes!” She bounced around excitedly.
I ignored Tucker’s obvious dissatisfaction, turning to Billy. “Hey, do you mind if I skip the swings? Lily needs an extra riding partner on the Ferris wheel.”
Billy looked over at a happy Lily and a brooding Tucker who were now both waiting off to the side for me to join them.
“You sure about this?”
I smiled reassuringly. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll catch up with you guys afterward.”
He nodded and I joined my new riding buddies. Lily took my hand immediately, pulling me in the direction of the Ferris wheel as Tucker followed behind us.
We stepped up to the end of the long line. While we waited, I listened to Lily go on and on about her favorite Disney princess, how she won a gold fish with the help of her uncles and named it Flounder, how she planned to give him the best fish tank in the whole wide world free of sharks, because Flounder was scared of sharks—of course—and she wanted him to feel safe and loved like her uncle Tuck had done for her.
The girl was wearing me out just listening to her. Surprisingly, I loved every minute of it. At some point in her chatty dribble, Tucker had relaxed and was watching her with adoration. Seemed she had that effect on both of us.
Lily stood in front of me, now conversing with another kid in line near us. Tucker stepped closer to my back, his chin hovering right over my shoulder. My insides tingled as his cheek neared mine.
“You didn’t have to do this.” His deep voice radiated through me.
“I wanted to,” I retorted as I peeked sideways at him.
“Well, thank you,” he grumbled.
“You don’t have to thank me. I’m not doing this for you. This isn’t about you and me.”
“It never is.”
I held back the angry words that were fighting to break through my tightly pressed lips. Removing my glare from him, I told myself to remain calm. It’s one ride. I just needed to get through this one ride.
10
Tucker
Could this damn line move any slower? Being forced to stand so close to Lottie with one head wanting to pull her closer and the other telling me to keep my distance was the most tortuous fucking feeling in the world. How could one woman drive me so insane? I was pissed. I wanted to hate her for the secret she’d kept. Nobody would blame me for hating her. Not even she would. I couldn’t, though. Damn it. I could never hate that infuriating woman. If anything, I hated myself more than her.
She went through the loss of our child alone. I should have been there for her. I should have pushed her to open up to me then. I knew something was wrong. I should have gone after her. But my pride and ego were bruised when I found out she’d left. And my father didn’t help the situation. My stomach twisted, regret and anguish running rampant. Thoughts of what might have been had I handled things differently.
I took another deep breath while I watched Lottie interact with Lily. Lottie bent down, whispering something in Lily’s ear. My niece beamed at whatever secret they shared. Concern was added to the pile of crap I was already trying to process.
It worried me how attached she was getting to Lottie. It was one thing for me to deal with Lottie inevitably leaving. But Lily—that was a whole different ball game. I couldn’t stand the thought of what that might do to her. She’d suffered enough loss for a girl her age.
“We’re up next!” Lily screeched, tugging Lottie forward.
“Slow down, sweetie.” Lottie laughed while trying to tame Lily’s excitement. “Remember what I said. We have to wait for them to tell us it’s our turn.”
Lily hopped impatiently from one foot to the other, her eyes focused on the carney working the ride. When he waved us forward, Lily looked up at Lottie for permission. She took off running up the platform stairs as soon as Lottie nodded.
I instinctively placed my hand on Lottie’s lower back, guiding her forward. Her body tensed at my touch, but she played it off, quickly sliding into the bucket seat next to Lily. I took the space on the other side of my niece before the carney lowered the bar, double-checking it was secure.
“Hands and feet in at all times.” He winked at Lily and she grinned.
As the giant wheel rotated upward, Lily leaned forward to look down, rocking our seat with her movement. I held my arm protectively in front of her to ensure she didn’t fall out.
“Sit back, Lily pad. You’ll be a
ble to see as we go up.”
She followed my directive, leaning back against the seat.
“I can see everything from up here! Look, Uncle Tuck! There’s Grams!”
I looked down toward where she was pointing. Grams, Wes, Leighton, Aaron, and Billy all stood together, waving wildly up at Lily as she waved back. I snuck a glance over at Lottie, who was smiling and waving down at the group also.
Lily and Lottie giggled and chatted as the wheel rotated around. Well, Lily did most of the chatting. But Lottie didn’t seem to mind it. Both girls looked happy and content in each other’s presence. The pitch-black sky contrasted with their bright smiles and the colorful lights of the carnival rides. It was a beautiful sight to witness. And something about it felt right. The only thing wrong with the whole picture was she was here with Billy and not me.
Shit. She was here on a date with him. It seemed the asshole wasn’t going to give up on her without a fight. I should have known that was why he’d showed up at the barn yesterday. But I was too pissed and confused at the bomb she’d dropped on me to stake my claim and warn him off.
What the hell am I saying? I had no claim.
I looked back over at the girls. Lottie’s eyes lifted to mine as she laughed amusingly with Lily. I held her gaze, wanting to promise her forever. I could see the sorrow in her eyes even with the smile on her face. And goddamn if that didn’t break me.
A light breeze blew across us as we crested the top. Goose bumps prickled her skin. With the arm I had resting across the back of the seat, I rubbed her shoulder with my hand to warm her.
“You cold?”
“I’m fine.” Her body stilled, her eyes widening slightly as she glimpsed at my hand on her shoulder.
Once our ride had ended, Lily jetted toward our family before I could stop her. I watched to make sure she made it to them safely while I waited for Lottie. She walked past me, pushing through the turnstile exit. I wanted to stop her. I wanted to pull her aside and tell her I was sorry for not being there. Instead, I let her go. Right back to Billy’s side.
Thankfully, Grams and Wes were already saying their goodbyes, so I didn’t have to stand by and watch the two of them flirt. Witnessing it earlier by the Carnival games was already more than I could handle.
“Wait! You can’t go! We still have to share a funnel cake. You promised.” Lily pushed out her bottom lip at Lottie.
Lottie looked over at Billy, turning on her own manipulative charm. “I did promise. Do you mind?”
“Not at all.” He smiled back at her. “I wouldn’t dream of making you break a promise or denying Miss Lily from splitting a funnel cake with you.”
“Thanks.” She rose to her toes, kissing him on the cheek. “You’re a class act, Billy Miller.”
I clenched my fists, watching their exchange.
“Come on, Lily.” Lottie took her tiny hand in hers as they started to walk away. “Let’s get that funnel cake.”
“Let’s go, Uncle Tuck!” Lily called, twisting her body to a stop as she waited for me to catch up.
I hesitated. Seven pairs of expectant eyes on me. I rubbed a hand over my stubbled jaw, relenting with a sigh as I strode toward the two women who had me so whipped I’d do anything they asked. Even go against my better judgement.
After purchasing a funnel cake, we found a bench to sit on while the girls shared their fried dessert covered with confectioners’ sugar. Lily sat between us once again, swinging her legs as she ate.
“Funnel cake is my favorite,” Lily announced as she took another bite.
“I thought strawberry milkshakes were your favorites.” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Those too.”
“Ah, so you have two favorites.”
“Yep.” She nodded firmly, popping her p.
“What if you had to choose only one to eat for the rest of your life, which would it be?”
Lily pondered Lottie’s question for a few minutes before answering. Her head tilted backward, chin high in the air, the wheels in her little brain spinning.
“Funnel cake,” she finally determined. “Sometimes the milkshake hurts my head when I drink it really fast. And I don’t like that part.”
“I can see why that would sway your decision.” Lottie smiled.
“What about you, Uncle Tuck?” Lily looked up at me.
“That’s an easy one. Funnel cake.”
Lily swiveled her head to Lottie, silently demanding for her to answer next.
“Well,” she said in a diplomatic tone, “I don’t often agree with your uncle Tuck. But in this case, I’m going to have to. It would definitely be funnel cake.”
The two of them grinned at each other, both smiles making me wish for a future I’d never have.
Lily skipped ahead of us as we found our way back to the others. They were waiting for us at the beer garden while we walked down the midway through the games.
“Not too far, Lily. Stay where I can see you,” I hollered as Lottie strolled beside me.
“You’re good with her.”
Her blue eyes looked over at me. Our hands brushed as we walked, the crowd pushing us together. I repressed the urge to intertwine my fingers with hers.
“Thanks.” I pushed my hands in my pockets. “I’m scared as hell most days that I’m going to somehow screw her up. I have no idea what Jamie and Lyle were thinking leaving her in my care.”
“You’ll be fine.” She laughed. “Jamie was a smart girl. And she wouldn’t have entrusted you with her child if she had any doubts.”
“Not sure she had much of a choice.” I shrugged and smiled, the two of us coming to a stop a few feet from where Lily stood, distracted by the horse race game. She’d chosen her favorite horse figurine and was cheering it on to win.
I glanced back at Lottie as she watched my niece, spotting a small smudge of powdered sugar at the corner of her mouth. No longer able to refrain from touching her, I brushed the pad of my thumb over the white powder to remove it.
Her eyes flicked to mine, her breath catching as her lips parted. I stared at them, dragging my thumb gently across her bottom lip, wanting to seal them with mine. Desperate to connect us in more ways than one. Lily’s giggle and high-pitched cheers were the only things reminding me that was a bad idea. I dropped my hand, silently swearing as I cleared my throat.
“You’re good with her too, you know. A natural.”
“Right!” She balked and blushed through a forced laugh, the heat still in her eyes. “We both know I’m not a natural and completely awkward with kids. Even Lily noticed. I was never meant to have a child.”
We both silenced at her comment. The wound of what we’d lost years ago still fresh for me. The realization of what we’d never be, never have, too heavy of a weight on my chest.
“Tucker, I—I wasn’t—I didn’t mean—I’m sorry.”
I looked away from her pleading eyes, focusing on Lily, who’d now turned in search for us. I glanced back at Lottie, her expression remorseful.
“We should go. I need to get her home to bed.”
I walked off, picking up my niece as she sprinted toward me. I tickled her, needing the comfort of her carefree laugh, and heaved her onto my shoulders. I stayed a few steps ahead of Lottie the rest of the way. That small amount of distance gutted me, along with the tension that radiated between us.
Once we met up with the others, our groups parted ways, heading in opposite directions. I looked back over my shoulder one more time, fighting the instinct to go after her. She glanced over her shoulder at the same moment, staring right at me—almost seeming as if she wanted me to do just that. I shook it off, turning my eyes forward. I was imagining things. Wishful thinking was all that was.
Wes and I sat on the couch, having a beer as Grams tucked Lily into bed. We decided to stay on the farm for the night since we’d be here tomorrow evening anyway for our ritual Sunday dinner.
“So at what point are you gonna get your head out of your ass and stop Billy fr
om making a move on your woman?”
His question came out of nowhere.
“She’s not my woman.”
“Bullshit,” he scoffed, taking a drink of his beer, both of us still focused on the TV in front of us.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know plenty. Like the fact you’ve had a hard-on for her since grade school.”
I glared at my brother.
“Sorry. I mean you’ve been in love with her,” he mocked.
“Why don’t you worry about your own life and stay out of mine?”
He chuckled with an amused smirk.
“Besides, it would never work. She has no plans of staying here.”
“And you wouldn’t be willing to go with her?”
“No. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I have my company and Lily to think about. I need to do what’s best for her.”
“What’s best for Lily is to have a mother figure in her life. God forbid Grams leaves us anytime soon, but she won’t be around forever. She’s not exactly a spring chicken. And kids are adaptable. She’d probably love Seattle.”
“I don’t need a woman to help me raise my niece. There are plenty of single fathers out there.”
“Yeah. But we’re talking about you. How are you going to react when she’s on the rag for the first time?”
“Damn, Wes. I don’t want to be thinking about that shit.”
“You need to be thinking about it. And the fact you don’t want to, only proves my point. You can’t handle all that girly shit.”
“I’ll just send her to your fuckin’ door. Since you seem to be the expert and all.”
“Fuck no! I don’t want to deal with that either.”
I chuckled, taking another sip of my beer.
“He’s right.” Grams suddenly appeared in the doorway of the living room. “Get your head out of your ass and go talk to the girl. You two stubborn fools need to grow up and make amends. I’m tired and old. And I’d like to see one of my grandsons married before I die. And since that one”—she pointed at Wes—“has no idea how to get a woman, much less keep one, that leaves you.”
Redeeming Lottie Page 10
