Redeeming Lottie

by Melissa Ellen

  Her eyes fell closed as her trembling hands held on to my arms, not knowing whether to push or pull. Her throat struggled to swallow. “Please, don’t say things like that, Tuck. This is hard enough. I can’t give you what you want. I can’t stay here and be the wife and mother you need.”

  I rubbed my thumb along her cheekbone, brushing away a falling tear. Her eyes opened and she tried pulling away. I tightened my hold on her, bringing her face to my chest.

  “I’m not letting you run away from me again, Lottie. I was young and foolish back then. I didn’t have a clue about life. I should’ve gone after you, but I let my pride and ego get in the way. And my father get into my head. Not this time. I’m here, babe. I have no shame in dropping to my knees in this dirt and begging for you to give us a chance.”

  “Tuck, please…stop being crazy. It would never work. We’d end up miserable and hating each other.”

  I pulled back so I could stare into her beautiful blue eyes. “Listen to me, Lottie. You aren’t your mom and I’m not your dad. And what they had sure as hell doesn’t touch what we have. What we have is real. It’s so fucking real, it’s a forever love. It’s not fleeting. I’m not going to just stop loving you one day.”

  “How do you know that? How can you be so sure?”

  “Because I have faith in us. And if I still love you after all these damn years, I know it’s never going away. I’m not saying there won’t be hard days. Days that I piss you off or you piss me off. I sure as hell know that will happen, but it doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you. And I’ll never stop making sure you’re in love with me.”

  “I’m scared, Tucker. I’m scared of you hating me in the end.”

  “And I’m scared of never having you again. I’m not going to push you, baby. I just need you to know I’ll be waiting for you. Come home to me, Lottie. Wherever that is. Billingsley or Seattle. I don’t give a damn. Just come home.”

  I kissed her lips. I kissed her firm. I kissed her strong and steady. I kissed her so she knew what kind of love I held for her. I kissed her so she knew it would never end. And then, I kissed her goodbye. Because as much as I hated Hallmark sayings, I knew in the case of Lottie, I had to let her go. Then I’d know. I’d know when she came back to me, she’d come back forever.

  I watched her car drive away, the ache in my chest the only thing I registered. I meant every damn word I said to her. I’d move to Seattle if that was what she needed. I’d hate moving Lily from the rest of the family, but Wes and Grams were right. Lily needed a mother figure. And Lottie would be the best woman for the job, even if she couldn’t see it herself right now.

  “Did you call her?” I yelled at my father as I marched up to him and Wes outside the tractor barn. Putting all the pieces together, I drove straight to our barn after leaving the Davis Farm.

  “Whoa.” Wes’s hands came up, pushing against my chest as I charged our father. “Calm down, Tuck. What’s going on?”

  I ignored Wes, my rage focused on my father. “Did you call her?” I growled, my fists ready to fly.

  My dad crossed his arms. His stance hard. Unconcerned about my anger.

  “Who?” Wes asked as he continued to struggle to hold me back.

  “Abby. Abby Taylor,” I roared, pointing at my father. “That asshole right there called her to let her know Lottie was back in town.”

  “And what would it matter if I did?” the prick finally spoke. “The whole town knows she’s here. Abby would have found out sooner or later.”

  “You’re a real piece of work, you know that? Does nothing but this farm matter to you? Do you even care if I’m happy? If your granddaughter is happy? Or is it only your happiness that matters?”

  “Of course I care about your happiness. That’s why I called her.”

  “Don’t try to feed me your bullshit. You haven’t cared since the day Mom died. You changed after she was gone. You changed from the man I looked up to, to the man I couldn’t wait to get away from.”

  “Lottie Davis is no good for you. Abby Taylor comes from a good family. She won’t hurt you the way Lottie has.”

  “In case you’ve forgotten, Abby is no saint. She left town too. And the only reason you like her family is for the land they own. As far as hurting me, you’re right. She can’t hurt me. I couldn’t care less about Abby. I only agreed to marry her because I never thought I had a chance to be with the one woman I wanted. And because you wouldn’t stop your threats until I did.”

  Wes dropped his arms from my chest, turning to face my father and stand beside me, his eyes narrowing the same as mine.

  “What? Now you too? Don’t let him get into your head, Wes. He’s just mad because Lottie probably took the first chance she saw to leave him again. He should marry Abby. It’s what’s best for him and for this family.”

  “Fuck you!” I charged again.

  Wes’s arm flew to my chest, holding me back. “Enough.” His glare remained on our father. “I’ve stood by you at every turn, Dad. Even when I didn’t agree with what you were doing or what you were putting this family through. But this—this was low. Even for you. You intentionally sought out a way to hurt Tucker and Lottie. I didn’t say anything when you kept him from going after her last time. Maybe part of me agreed with you then, but I didn’t agree with you threatening to take his shares of the farm from him if he did. This shit ends now. If Tucker wants to be with Lottie, then that’s his call. Not yours.”

  My father looked away from both of us, a hand running through his gray hair. “You boys are ungrateful little shits. If your mother were here to see how you’re acting—”

  “How we’re acting?” I gritted through my teeth, my fists still clenched. “Take a look in the mirror, Dad. The only selfish prick standing here is you,” I accused.

  I moved again, pushing Wes’s hands from me that had instinctively tried to hold me back. I stomped back to my truck, slamming the door and flinging dirt as I drove off.

  The truck slid to a stop. I threw it in park, dropping my head in my hands. I needed to calm down before I went inside to get Lily.

  Lily. How was I going to tell her Lottie had left?

  She’d be upset. She’d want to say goodbye. She’d want to know when she could see her again. And I wouldn’t have a damn answer for her. I could barely keep myself together. How was I supposed to soothe her?

  I walked slowly up to the porch, my shoulders heavy, buying every second I could to come up with an explanation for Lily. The screen door creaked open. Grams appeared with a dish towel in her hand and worry on her worn face.

  “Lottie?”

  “Gone.”

  She nodded solemnly, her head signaling to the rocking chairs. I climbed the steps, taking a seat.

  “Where’s Lily?”

  She took the seat next to me. “Watching cartoons…you should know Abby showed up here.”

  I raised my eyes to Grams with my silent question.

  She nodded with a sigh, leaning further back in her chair.

  “I’m afraid Lily was the one to answer. We thought it was maybe Wes coming over for breakfast. You can imagine my surprise when it was Abby looking for your father.”

  “He called her.”

  “I figured as much. That girl isn’t brave enough to show her face on my doorstep, otherwise.”

  “I’m done with him and this farm. I want nothing to do with either anymore.”

  She rocked slowly back and forth, silently processing my declaration. Letting me vent.

  “He doesn’t care about anyone but himself,” I continued. “I just wish I’d realized that years ago. I should have gone after her then. Given up the farm. Started this construction business then, instead of two years later. Maybe then she’d be here with me now.”

  “Are you done?”

  I shrugged. I wasn’t. But it was obvious Grams had something to say. And when Grams talked. You listened.

  “He means well.” She made the excuse for her only son.

  I ope
ned my mouth to argue, but she silenced me with her stern look.

  “I know you don’t see it. And I’m not saying the way he’s gone about it is right. But you also didn’t see what the rest of us saw happening to you the first time Lottie left. You weren’t the same person, Tucker. You were in a dark place. You shut everyone out. Including the ones who loved you most. It was a hard thing for all of us to watch. Especially your father. He did what he thought he had to do to protect you.

  “This time around…I think he’s just refusing to see what the rest of us see. I know you believe had you gone after her twelve years ago, your lives would be perfect. But I don’t agree. I think you both needed that time apart. I think maybe she did the right thing, leaving you. She should have said goodbye, sure. But I understand why she couldn’t. That girl needed time to learn the world on her own. Figure out what she really wants.”

  “What if she never comes back?” I let my one fear fall from my mouth. As much as I wanted to say I knew she’d come back to me, a small part of me feared I might be wrong.

  “She will…or you’ll go to her. Either way, you two kids were meant to be. I have no doubt in my mind.”

  Her words were the relief I needed, confirming I wasn’t out of my damn mind. I might still be. But at least I wasn’t alone in believing Lottie was it for me.

  The screen door swung open, Lily’s beautiful face appearing as she ran through. She climbed into my lap, her head resting against me. I kissed the top of it, my arms protectively around her.

  “How was your slumber party with Grams?”

  “The best…we made chocolate chip cookies this time.”

  “Did you save me any?”

  “Mm-hmm. And some for Lottie, too. Can we take them to her now? We made them ’specially for her. She said they were her favorites.”

  I looked at Grams, who gave me an apologetic look. None of us had expected Lottie to pack up and leave this morning.

  “I’m afraid not, sweetheart.”

  “Why not? Grams said we could take them today.”

  “Lottie had to go Seattle, baby girl.”

  “Okay. We can take them to her tomorrow when she comes back home.”

  “I—”

  “Lily,” Grams interrupted as I choked on my words. “It may be a while before she comes home. But we can make her some more when she does. For now, why don’t we go inside and wrap some up for you and Uncle Tucker to take home.”

  “Okay.” She crawled down from my lap, leading the way back into the house.

  Grams patted my knee as she passed, leaving me alone on the porch to pull myself together.

  “Uncle Tuck?”

  I looked back at my niece, my hand stilling on the light switch. “Yes, sweetheart?”

  Her eyes darted from me to the doll she held tight to her chest, her fingers playing with the red threads of hair. “Is Abby coming to live with us?”

  My hand dropped from the switch, my heart breaking at the worry on her innocent face. I walked back into her room, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. I brushed her brown curls from her face, tucking the covers securely around her small frame once again.

  “No.” I shook my head, hoping she saw the sincerity in my eyes.

  Her little body relaxed, a small smile breaching.

  “Why? Did you not want her to live with us?”

  She shook her head, nervously nibbling on her lip, reminding me of Lottie.

  “I’ll tell you what. I promise nobody will move in with us, without me discussing it with you first. I don’t want you to ever have to worry about that. Deal?”

  “Deal.” She nodded, her big smile finally breaking through.

  I kissed her good night one more time, standing from the bed to shut off the light.

  “Uncle Tuck?” Her voice stopped me again.

  I looked back at her.

  “If Lottie wanted to live with us, that’d be okay with me.”

  “Good to know.” I held back my own smile. “Now, go to sleep.”

  “Nite, Uncle Tuck.”

  “Nite, Lily pad.” I turned off the light, closing her door before she could find another reason to not go to bed.

  I loaded the plates from our dinner into the dishwasher. Wiped down the kitchen counters. Made a mental list to pick up more milk. Took out the trash. Found other tedious chores to carry out. Anything to keep me busy until I was tired enough to fall asleep.

  I switched off lights through the house before preparing to relax on the couch. A knock sounded at the front door. I stopped, along with my heart, a hope spurring that maybe it was Lottie. Maybe she’d changed her mind and turned around.

  I combed a hand through my hair, that hope growing as I opened the door. Then it flew out the fucking window when I saw the man who was standing on my doorstep. I crossed my arms, blocking his entrance.

  “Son. Do you mind if I come in?”

  “Depends. What do you want?”

  “To apologize.”

  I studied him. Untrusting. Looking for the alternative motive that was often present with his unexpected visits. I stepped aside, allowing him to pass, still remaining guarded, even with his weary posture.

  He glanced around the dark house.

  “Lily asleep?”

  “Yeah.” I walked past him toward the kitchen. “Beer?”

  He nodded. I reached into the fridge, grabbing us both a beer. I handed the bottle to him. He opened it, leaning against the counter at one side of the kitchen while I did the same on the opposite side.

  We drank in silence. Me, waiting for him to speak. Him—I wasn’t sure what the hell he was waiting on. My patience was coming to an end when he finally did.

  He cleared his throat, his eyes still not meeting mine. “Before your mother died…I promised her I’d take care of you boys. That I’d look out for you. Protect you. I thought I was doing a good job of that, growing the farm into something you and Wes could share one day. Then Lottie left. And you…well, you weren’t my son anymore. And I felt like I failed you. Failed your mother. I know the way I tried to control you was wrong. But it’s the only thing I knew to do.

  “I’m sorry, son. I should have never called Abby. I honestly have nothing against Lottie. I could see how much you cared for her when we had dinner. And I could see in her eyes she thinks you hung the moon. But I could also see she was still lost. Still struggling. I was scared you weren’t strong enough to deal with that. I was terrified she’d break you again.”

  “Dad—”

  He raised his hand, stopping me. “I was wrong. You are strong enough. You aren’t that heartbroken teenage boy anymore. And I believe she’s stronger too. Still confused as hell, thanks to that piece of crap father she has. But she’s smart. And I have no doubt she’ll figure out sooner or later where she belongs.”

  I nodded, the respect I once held for my father slowly returning. A new understanding between us.

  He took one last drink of his beer, setting it aside on the counter. “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

  I set my own beer down, following him out of the kitchen back to the front door. He turned as he stepped out onto the porch, his hand extending in front of him. I took it, pulling him into a hug with a quick pat on his back.

  We both pulled away. I watched as he took the steps to his truck.

  “Hey, Pops!” I hollered.

  He stilled in the open door of his truck.

  “Thank you. For everything you do for this family.”

  He nodded with a small smile before closing the door and driving away.

  I fell into bed after locking up the house. Tumbling my phone end over end on the mattress, I stared at the ceiling with one arm behind my head.

  “Fuck it,” I huffed, unlocking my phone and scrolling to the text messages I’d exchanged with Lottie all summer, giving in to the inner battle of whether to contact her first.

  I started to type out a message. Then erased it, still debating what I should say.

  I
typed out a new one, read it twice, then hit send before I changed my mind. I waited a few minutes. Staring at my screen. Hoping she’d respond. When nothing came, I sighed, tossing the damn thing aside. I switched off the lamp beside my bed, forcing myself to sleep.

  19

  Lottie

  My phone vibrated on the nightstand beside my bed. I ignored it, intuition telling me it was him.

  I rubbed the back of my hand under my nose and then used the palm to wipe more tears from my face.

  The little bastards had been ruining my makeup since the moment I left Tucker standing in front of my family’s home. Abandoning the chance of a future with him, once again.

  I showed up to the airport looking like a complete wreck with no guarantee I’d get a flight back to Seattle. Hannah had found me at the check-in counter. She took one good look at me and took charge—no questions asked—getting me on the same flight home as her.

  She shared a cab with me all the way to my apartment, staying with me until I insisted she leave.

  Sitting in my room exhausted and alone with only a bottle of wine to keep me company, I wished I hadn’t insisted. The effects of the alcohol were only making things worse. Diluting my control. Enhancing my desire to drunk dial. Making me question every decision I’d ever made.

  Should I have left Billingsley the way I had? Definitely. Probably. Crap. I wasn’t sure anymore.

  I took another swig from the bottle.

  It was empty. Damn it. I was going to need a second bottle. I let the empty one roll from my hand and fall to the floor. I’d pass out soon. Maybe. Hopefully.

  A second notice vibrated my phone. As if I needed that courtesy reminder that I had an unread text waiting for me.

  “I’m well aware, thank you very much. I don’t need you rubbing it in my face. Can’t you see I’m having a hard enough time ignoring you?” I narrowed my eyes, wiping more snot from my nose.

  Great. Now I was berating my phone as if it were a living thing.