by Matt Shaw
“Are you okay?” mum asked.
I didn’t answer. In the great scheme of things - yes - I was okay but, in the short of it, no I wasn’t okay. I was anything but okay. I felt as though my heart had literally been pulled from my rib-cage and stamped on several times over. I felt as though I were a worthless, undesirable piece of shit. I felt… I felt horrible. I also felt anger. Anger? Yes. Anger. I felt angry that this whore had dared to leave me. Leave me? How could she? She was lucky to have me in the first place. She’ll realise that over the next few days. She will realise and she will come running back to me.
“You know what you need? Hot chocolate. I even have those little pieces of marshmallow that you like,” she said.
I couldn’t help but smile. The thought of hot chocolate didn’t make me feel better, it didn’t fix anything. I smiled because the hot chocolate was something mum always made for me when I wasn’t at my best. At school, I had fallen over and scuffed my entire knee… Took loads of skin off. Mum was there, when I limped home, hot chocolate in hand. Years later I had an operation for my appendix. When I got home from the hospital - first thing mum did after getting me set up on the sofa with a pile of movies… Yep - a nice hot chocolate with extra marshmallow pieces. The drink never fixed things. It simply let me know that - whatever I was going through - mum was there for me. My own little guardian angel.
“I’d like that,” I told her.
She smiled and walked down the hallway, back towards the kitchen where she could prepare my drink. I didn’t move. I just sat there, on the top stair, staring at the front door wondering if there’d be a little knock at it… Wondering if she was going to come back, with her tail between her legs.
Please come back.
* * * * *
NOW
A Lonely Walk
I could barely see anything as I stumbled my way through the woods. It was foolish of me to leave the relative comfort of the house but I felt as though I had to make a move sooner rather than later. Something inside of me screaming for me to get back to where mum lived. My mind asking whether she was even aware I had left the flat in order to take part in this fucked up experiment.
The longer I had sat in the house, thinking about leaving, the more I had persuaded myself that it was the right thing to do. If I can’t see out here, my brain told me, then those infected bastards won’t be able to see me either. We’d both be blind. Of course - now I was out here - my brain was wondering whether they had super vision or anything like that? After all - it was clear these things were strong. My brain further explained that it would make sense if all of their senses were heightened. After all - if it were an experiment then there’d be a good chance they would want all the side effects to be positive? Something - I was guessing - to administer to their soldiers before sending them overseas to fight in whatever pointless battle they had enrolled them in. Obviously the serum wasn’t up to scratch yet - hence letting the infected bastards loose into the compound so as to munch on each other (and us). All of this was just guess work. I didn’t know what was going through their mind when they engineered this shit. Was it for good or was it for evil? I’ll never know. But - regardless - I just wish my brain would shut the fuck up about it. It’s creepy enough out here without worrying about running into some super soldier.
Not sure how long I had been walking for now. It seemed like forever but I was almost certain I had made little to no headway. I had come away from the main road (if you could call it a road) so as to disappear amongst the trees and bushes and progress was painfully slow due to walking, using my hands as my eyes. I was also doing a weird little shuffle with my feet. It seemed like the sensible thing to do - slide my feet over the dirt and gravel beneath me so as to make it less of a trip hazard.
I froze.
What was that?
Heard something.
Sounded like a twig snapping a little way away from me in the distance. I held my breath as I waited for another tell-tale sound that would further suggest something was close to me. There was nothing. Had they heard me as I had heard them? Are they standing out there - a few feet away from me - waiting to hear if I make a move myself? I caught my tongue when I realised I was on the verge of calling out as to whether anyone was there, or not. If they are there, I don’t want them knowing I am here. I want them to miss me. No confrontation. Especially with one of those things. They’re too strong. Reminds me…
I reached under my shirt and pulled a knife from where I had it tucked under my belt. I had taken it from the kitchen before leaving the house for this very situation. I gripped the handle tight in my hands as I prepared myself to lunge for whatever would possibly be coming from the shadow. Please be nothing, please be nothing - I kept mentally telling myself over and over again. I slowly exhaled before taking another breath, as quietly as I could. Another snap from what must have been a few feet away. There is something there. Something or someone?
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” a voice called out from the side.
Who the hell was that?
Another snap from in front of me, more frequent this time, as if someone was moving away from me, fumbling their way through the bushes back towards the sound of where the other voice had come from.
“I told you to go before we left,” the first voice said.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever… Give me my gun.”
“Here.”
Gun? What? Must be military. No one else would have any reason to have a gun out here. That can’t be part of the experiment. No way. Has to be part of the cleaning-up of the experiment.
“Where the fuck is this property anyway?” the first voice asked.
I crouched down on the off-chance I was visible. Surrounded by so much black and shrubbery I was sure I wasn’t but it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially given the fact they have guns. Fucking guns?
“There’s one a little further down the road where they could be holding up or the house where they were staying is another mile away.”
“We should have a team for this.”
“Relax. The occupants of the first house took their own lives so they’re dealt with and there are - potentially - only three left of the second group. You want to prove yourself for that promotion, or what?”
“Yeah because I’m sure they’ll be pleased we didn’t wait for morning as instructed and decided to go it alone. Is that a promotion for showing initiative and getting the job done or is it a court marshal for disobeying direct orders?”
“They have enough to deal with back at the offices. They’ll be pleased we sorted it.”
“Well if they’re not - this was your fucking idea.”
“Fuck you…”
“Come on, let’s just get this done. Fucking creepy out here.”
The footsteps were getting further away as they headed back towards the house I had just come from. I’d heard enough to warn me that - back where the sheds were and offices etc - there was a team there on clean-up duties (me being what needed cleaning up) and I had learned that Father was no longer something to be fearful of bumping into. Clearly he had been found. The two dimwits in the dark said there were three of us left. That would be Sister, Mother and I, suggesting Father was gone. Part of me wondered whether he’d been imprisoned or simply shot. A bigger part of me didn’t give a fuck. Just so long as he is gone, that’s fine by me. There was more though… And it was far more alarming than the immediate danger I was in from meandering soldiers in the dark…
They wanted me dead - or caught - and, unless I gave them something else to focus their energy on, I wouldn’t be safe no matter where I hid. More than that - mum and dad might not be safe. Fuck dad but… I don’t want mum in danger.
CHAPTER NINE
BEFORE
Dear Dad
Dad and I hadn’t spoken for weeks now. We hadn’t even seen each other. I thought I would have felt a little sad about this because - when all was said and done - he was my blood. He was my family. He was my dad.
I felt nothing though… Well, almost nothing. There was one thing in my mind. It wasn’t even buried at the back under old memories. It was right there - right in the forefront of my mind. A single, loud thought; I wished he were dead.
I knew it would break mum’s heart - and for that I felt bad - but I couldn’t help myself. The fact he was out there, living his life without a care in the world despite the pain he caused people (he was an asshole to everyone), it just made me feel sick. Why should he get away with being an asshole? Why should everyone else suffer because he was still breathing air as opposed to burning in hell? Fuck him. He deserved to die.
* * * * *
NOW
Father, Sweet Father
From where I was standing in the bushes, I could see the car Father had taken from us when he’d stormed from the house. I could also see that it wasn’t empty. All the doors were closed and - at a glance - everything looked normal. But if you strained your eyes, in the poor lighting conditions, and actually looked properly you would see that nothing was normal about the way the car was parked up by the smashed gates of the compound. Little light, from the spotlights on the wall close to the car, showed a shape in the driver’s seat - slumped forward. I didn’t need to go closer to the car. I didn’t need more light. I could tell that it was Father. They must have heard the car coming. They must have come to the front of the compound, guns raised, and opened fire without question. Further straining of the eyes and I could see bullet-holes in the metalwork of the car. They hadn't accidentally let a shot off which just happened to hit Father - killing him. They had opened fire with multiple rounds. He wouldn’t have stood a chance. More to the point, we wouldn’t have stood a chance.
Had it not been for Sister running from the car… Had it not been for Father taking the car from us and abandoning us… We would be in there, rotting away with his corpse right now… I felt sick at the thought of how much these people wanted us dead. They wanted us alive for the test and now that was over, they wanted us dead. To know human life was so worthless to them was scary. They could do it to us - fuck us over - so they could fuck others over too.
My thoughts raced back to the men I’d stumbled across within the woods; two assholes with guns, looking for Sister, Mother and I in order to end our lives. These people wanted us dead and would stop at nothing. Soon they would come back with the news that Mother and Sister were both dead but that I was still out there, on the run. A bigger team would sweep the premises and the woodlands - of that I am sure - but it will only be a matter of time before they head off into the outside world to try and find me.
I need to do something to take their mind off me. I need to create a bigger problem for them to contend with; something so big that they’d be so pre-occupied with whatever it is that I could go on about my life with my mum. My real mum.
There’s only one thing I could think of - which might be of some use to me in this current predicament… And that was the infected. Whatever it was they were trying to achieve with the shit they were putting into people - whether the purpose was to be used for good, or bad… Whatever it was… It was contagious (if bitten) and it was deadly. If there was an outbreak of that out in the real world… That… That might just give them enough to worry about that they’d leave me be.
I cast my eyes down the length of the wall. Not too far away I could see the tree I must have used the first time, to get over the wall; a tall tree that grew near the wall - offering a sturdy branch to, once again, help me over it. Better still - it was in a relatively dark area. None of these damned spotlights.
A quick look around to make sure I wasn’t seen by anyone, or close enough to accidentally raise an alarm when I made my move, and I hurried over to the tree as quietly as I could. Once at the tree, I wasted no time in getting up onto the branch that was level with the wall. Of all the trees out here, I do believe I have found the exact same tree I climbed the first time I stumbled upon the wall and that - once again - it was going to take a leap (of faith) to get from the branch onto the top of wall. Please God don’t let me slam my gut into the ledge again like last time. Never mind the fact it hurt - last time I had to do this, I nearly slipped back on the wrong side of the wall…
I didn’t go for the jump immediately, when I did get to the necessary branch. I waited there, looking around - specially at what I could see over the wall. It was still dark but I knew there was a chance the sun would start to come up soon. Felt as though I had walked for hours and hours and it can’t stay night all the time. Sadly. As long as it’s dark now though, that’s all that matters. Keep telling yourself that. It’s dark now. It’s dark now. Make your move. Get over the wall and on your way to freedom. Make it happen.
I took a deep breath and threw myself at the top of the wall. This time I caught it just right and didn’t wind myself. Getting good at this. Just as I had done so before, I pulled my body up and over so that I was lying on the top of the thick breeze-blocked structure. Out of breath. Tired. Should have eaten more of Mother before coming out. Should have got my strength up. This is no time to start struggling with energy levels. No time at all.
I twisted my head to the side (at the operations down below) and felt a heavy sinking feeling as I realised how many people were milling around - walking into and out of the various cabins dotted around the place. From where I was waiting, I could see that many of the cabins were raised from the floor by small stilts. A couple of stairs leading up to the doors. There wasn’t a massive gap under the buildings but there was enough of a gap there for me to crawl under. I was sure of it. All I had to do was make it down to the first cabin and get under it and then - with patience - I could work my way towards the compound’s exit point. A simple enough plan until I remembered what happened the last time I tried to get down from the wall. I had gotten down successfully but somewhat cocked the landing up and knocked myself clean out. If I do that this time - I’m dead. No pressure then.
A gunshot rang out in the distance and made me jump out of my skin. The crack ripped through the air from beyond the wall - back in the experiment’s zone. Remembering that there were multiple zones with multiple people - such as myself - I couldn’t help but wonder whether the military folk had stumbled into one of the normal test subjects or whether they’d put one of the Infected out of their misery. A second and third gunshot echoed up to where I laid flat. I’m guessing it was one of the normal subjects. Poor bastards. That’s what waits for me, though, if I don’t get down from here soon. A bullet.
They say somewhere in the world there is a bullet with your name on it. Not sure who ‘they’ are exactly but it is definitely a saying. If there is a bullet out there with the name John Burley on it… Well I don’t want to catch it just yet. I sat up, on the wall, and quickly dangled my feet over the edge (the side with the cabins). A little bit of manoeuvring and I was soon facing the wooded area but dangling over the other side of the wall in an effort to lower myself down to the ground. Without thinking - I let go of the wall and dropped down. I landed hard on my feet and fell backwards onto my arse. Definitely painful but also better than landing face first like last time.
Voices close to me. Calm voices. Not disturbed. Not in a state of alarm.
I quickly scrambled over to the first cabin and dragged my tired (and bruised) body underneath it. It was a tight squeeze but I’d rather that than be out in the open like a sitting duck. Just need to edge my way to the other side and - when the coast is clear - roll across to the next cabin. Keep doing that until I am close to the exit point or another set of woods which might lead me back to civilisation.
Voices in the building above me.
“You see that son of a bitch in the car?”
“Sure did…”
“Thought he was never going to go down. Never seen someone take so many bullets…”
“When in doubt, always go for the headshot.”
The way they were talking - as though killing Father (I presume it was him they were talking about)
was acceptable - made me feel sick. Not just that. I felt a rage brewing within me. I’d love nothing more than to rush the cabin and tear them limb from limb; hurt them like I hurt that technician… That cunt I found hiding away… What was his name… Bray? Michael Bray. I want to hurt these assholes just as I hurt him.
“You will get more practise, I’m sure. Tomorrow we clear out the rest of the zones.”
I carefully crawled across to the far side of the cabin. Once there, a quick look to my right pin-pointed the next one. Just as suspected, it also had a crawl space that I could utilise. Just as well really. Don’t think I fancy running across an open space with a bunch of soldiers all looking for a target to practice their sharp-shooting skills upon.
Satisfied the coast was clear, I rolled from underneath the cabin and continued to roll until I was underneath the next. No sense getting up and running across. Far easier just to keep rolling.
I heard someone above me. They were screaming to be let out. I didn’t know who it was. Going with how they handled Father, they’re clearly not into taking prisoners at the moment which suggests it is someone waiting to be infected with the shit they have manufactured but that makes no sense either. If they’re clearing the areas out - why have more people ready and waiting to be turned into just another government fuck up? Not my problem. I crawled to the middle of the space and froze. Someone was standing in front of me, next to the steps leading to the cabin’s entrance. They hadn’t seen me - obviously - but I didn’t want to make any noise which might alert them to my presence. Trapped rat down here.
“Shit…” the person muttered.
A set of keys dropped to the floor next to his feet; clearly dropped. Before the person bent down to pick them up, he placed a metal canister on the floor next to his feet. He then bent down and scooped up the keys. He then lifted the canister back out of my eye-line and continued on up the steps. I heard the keys enter the lock and the door open. He stepped from stair to wooden floor of the cabin. The door slammed shut.
