Lorraine Heath

by Sweet Lullaby

  One last time, his hands traveled over her body. One last time, his mouth tasted her flesh. One last time, he raised himself above her and looked down on her with love. One last time, he buried himself deep within her, his hips slowly rotating, grinding his pelvis against hers. One last time, he listened to her cries of mounting pleasure and watched her back arch, bringing her slim body up against his with an effortless grace. And then he withdrew, spilling his seed into his own hand.

  Rebecca’s eyes flew open as she felt the emptiness engulf her.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, lifting his eyes to hers. “But if I haven’t already given you a child, I didn’t want to do it tonight.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes as she ran her fingers down his tortured face. “Oh, Jake. I am so sorry.”

  Rolling over, he brought her into his arms.

  “Don’t cry for me. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. For a while, I think you were happy here. But now you have a chance for more, for what you should have had to begin with.” His voice became hoarse as he pushed the words out. “I want you to have it.”

  “I’m going to miss you so much, Jake.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.”

  She didn’t try to stifle the tears, but let them flow down her face onto his chest. He said nothing as his arms tightened their hold on her. He supposed he should find comfort in the knowledge that it wasn’t easy for her to leave. But despite the tears, she was still leaving, and there was no comfort in that knowledge at all.

  Whistling a catchy Irish tune, Frank sauntered into the barn, coming up short at the sight of Jake. “Why you hitching up the wagon, Jake?” Continuing his task, Jake said, “Taking Reb into town.” “On a Monday?”

  “Yeah.” He stopped and without looking at Frank said quietly, “You might want to tell her good-bye.”

  “She’s only going into town. Why would I want to …? She’s not coming back, is she?”

  “No … she’s not.”

  “Goddamn!” He yanked his hat off his head and slapped it against his leg. “It’s that Brett Meier, ain’t it? How the hell can you let her go?”

  Jake spun around. “What do you want me to do, Frank? She left me as soon as his foot crossed the threshold of our house. The only hope I have of holding onto anything we had is to let her go. Otherwise, bitterness and regret will kill everything. She’ll always wonder what it would have been like if she had gone with him. She loves him, and now he’s come for her.” His voice went low. “Do you have any idea how loud silent tears are, Frank? They can fill the room, drowning, suffocating you and your love until there’s nothing left. I love her too much not to let her go.”

  Frank stomped back and forth, then spun around in frustration. “Goddamn! I think this whole thing stinks. He ain’t near as good a man as you. Why can’t she see that?”

  Jake went back to hitching up the horses. “Just go tell her good-bye.”

  Straightening things that had already been straightened, Rebecca heard someone coming in the open door. She turned and saw Frank openly studying her, and she felt uneasy under his perusal. He released a deep sigh, approaching her.

  “Jake told me to come tell you good-bye.” He shook his head slowly, examining the floor as though he thought it might open up and stop her from going. He knew it was unmanly, but he loved Jake, and he hated to see him hurt. And he knew he was hurting. “I don’t know how you can do this to him.” His eyes shot up to hers. “He loves you more than I’ve ever seen any man love a woman, and he’s a hell of a good man. How can you not love him?”

  “We can’t control our hearts, Frank. I’d think you of all people would understand that.”

  “Well, I think I’d sure as hell try—”

  “You’re supposed to be telling her good-bye and wishing her well, Frank,” Jake said from the doorway, irritation in his voice.

  Frank looked guiltily over his shoulder and nodded before turning back to Rebecca. “Good luck, Reb.”

  Her arms went around his neck as she whispered, “Take good care of him for me, Frank.”

  “If you gave a damn, you wouldn’t be leaving.” He pulled free of her hug. “Bye, Reb,” he said to the floor before he stomped out.

  Jake stepped in, shaking his head. “The innocence of youth. Everything appears so simple when you’re young. What all are you taking?”

  “Just that bag.” She pointed to a carpet bag sitting by the door. “Seems everything else belongs here.”

  Everything but you and your son, he thought. He picked up the bag. “Well, let’s go.”

  After tossing the bag into the wagon, he took Jacob from her and helped her up onto the seat before returning her son to her arms. Rebecca scanned the area one last time as he flicked his wrist and set the horses in motion.

  They rode along in silence for some time, Rebecca watching the passing scenery, wondering how different Montana would be, wondering how different this place would look after the years had taken their toll. How different the man beside her would be. If his hair would turn silver or white. If the wrinkles that would add character to his features in later years would be brought on by joy or sadness.

  “About your cattle,” Jake said.

  Abruptly brought out of her reverie, her head snapped around. “I thought I’d just leave them with you. I don’t have a need for them and they’d be so much trouble to move.”

  “I was thinking the same thing.” He reached into the pocket of his shirt and with two fingers pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I had a draft drawn up at the bank. This is about what I figure the cattle would be worth if we took them to market.” He moved his hand towards her, extending the slip of paper.

  “I don’t want you to pay me for the cattle. I just want you to have them.”

  “I’d prefer to pay you. You don’t know what you’ll find in Montana, and I don’t want you leaving here without anything. Take the draft, and if something happens and you need the money, you have it. And if you don’t need it, you can put it in the bank for Jacob when he grows up.”

  She took the bank draft from him, slipping it into her reticule. “I’ll put it in the bank for Jacob.”

  He nodded and they continued the journey in silence.

  In the middle of town, they pulled up in front of the square building whose shingle boasted proudly, “Doyle Thomas, Attorney-at-Law.” The wooden door of the wooden building groaned in protest at being disturbed so early in the day as Jake pushed it open and Rebecca preceded him into the room.

  Doyle Thomas looked up from his work and removed the spectacles from his nose. “Well, I know it’s bad for business, but I was hoping I wouldn’t see you this morning, Jake.”

  “Have you got those papers ready for us to sign?”

  “Sure have.” Doyle stood up and retrieved some papers from a drawer in a cabinet he kept in the corner of his one-room office. That drawer was the only aspect of his life to have any order to it.

  He laid the papers on the desk, shuffling other papers aside until he located his pen and dipped it into a bottle of ink. “Need you both to sign in four places.” He indicated the places with his well-manicured finger.

  Jake signed first and handed the pen to Rebecca. He took Jacob out of her arms. She looked from one man to the other, then leaned over, applying pressure to the pen to stop the squiggly lines from revealing her nervousness. She was ending her marriage to Jake, and all it took was her signature in four places. How simple. How complex.

  “When you know how I can get in touch with you, Mrs. Burnett, you just send me a letter. As soon as everything is final, I’ll let you know,” Doyle said. Then he took the money Jake offered him and shook the man’s hand.

  After they walked out of the office, Jake retrieved Rebecca’s bag from the wagon. As they crossed the street to the hotel, Rebecca was holding Jacob so tightly that he wailed a protest, forcing her to loosen her grip on him. In the lobby, Jake set the bag down at her feet.

  “Wait here. I’ll go fi
nd out which room he’s in.”

  She watched Jake remove his hat as he approached the front desk. Then he turned and walked back to her, his Adam’s apple visibly moving up and down.

  “He’s in a room at the top of those stairs.” He nodded towards the stairs behind her. “End of the hall, last door on the right.”

  Rebecca glanced over her shoulder and then her gaze came back to Jake.

  “Well, so long, little fella,” he said as his hand rested on Jacob’s head. The child smiled at him. Jake didn’t think he’d be able to leave. He forced his eyes away from the child, bringing them to rest on Rebecca.

  Taking a deep breath he said, “I want to thank you for being such a fine wife. I was right proud to have you by my side, and I know Brett will be, too. If you or your family ever need anything, you just let me know. Take care of yourself, Reb.”

  The words had tumbled out, one after another, the last said in a thick voice. Rebecca felt his lips brush her cheek and then watched as he turned and walked quickly out of the hotel, out of her life. He hadn’t given her a chance to say good-bye, and she had so much she wanted to tell him. She wanted to run after him and hold him and tell him she was sorry until the world ended.

  Instead, she picked up her bag and walked to the stairs. Her burdens suddenly seemed heavier, and she didn’t think she’d be able to climb up the stairs. The man she loved was up there waiting for her. The man who had fathered her child, who had made love to her on a moonless night, spoken words of love and then searched the country until he found her. She blinked back the tears and went up the stairs wondering why it was so damn hard to go to him.

  She tapped lightly on the door at the far end of the hall, hearing a curse thrown out before the door was flung open. Then he was standing before her, shirtless, barefoot, his hair tousled. He pulled her into the room, enfolding her in his embrace.

  “Damn, woman, but I had almost given up on you.”

  He released her and stalked across the room, his hand coming down hard on a lump in the center of the bed. The covers were thrown back, and a blond woman with fiery green eyes glared at him.

  “What the hell was that for?” the blond woman asked in a throaty voice.

  “It’s time for you to leave, Luce.”

  Without preamble she got out of the bed. Rebecca turned her eyes away from the naked woman as she got dressed. When the woman had flounced out, Rebecca turned to Brett.

  “You had a woman in here?”

  He took Jacob from her and set the boy down on the floor before he put his arms around her, looking down into her blue eyes. “I was lonely, and I didn’t know if you’d come. You didn’t expect me to remain celibate while I waited, did you?”

  Actually, she supposed she had, but she didn’t say anything as his mouth came down on hers, burning. He lifted her up into his arms and carried her to the bed. “But now that you’re here, you’re the only woman I’ll ever need.”

  His lips were searing her flesh, and she moaned as his mouth traveled down her neck and then drew her breast in for a taste. Her breath caught, her eyes flew open, and she stared down at him. When had he unbuttoned her dress? Her hands went to his shoulders and she pushed him away.

  “I’m still married. It’ll be two months before the divorce is final. And until then I intend to honor the vows I made with Jake.”

  Blue eyes bored into blue eyes. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means I’ll go to Montana with you, I’ll live with you, I’ll hold you, I’ll kiss you, but I won’t make love to you. I’ve hurt Jake enough, and until the divorce is final I don’t intend to do anything that might cause him further pain.”

  Brett came up off the bed, running his hands through his hair. He turned, facing her. “Two months? Do you have any idea how bad I want you? I want you so bad I ache.”

  “And how much do you love me, Brett?”

  He released a great gust of air. “Enough to take you with me and not touch you. But damn, it’s going to be hard, woman. I hope you realize that.”

  She watched as he sullenly packed up his things, this man she had first loved, the man who had first made love to her. Tall, dark, with facial features that were the envy of men and the joy of women. He was the man she had wanted to marry a year ago. She picked her son up and began preparing him for their journey. They were a family, mother, father, son, joined by blood and flesh. Why wasn’t her heart singing with joy?

  Night had fallen by the time Jake pulled the wagon into the barn. Frank stepped out of the empty stall where he had been sitting, awaiting Jake’s return.

  “I was hoping she might change her mind,” Frank said.

  Jake turned to him and shook his head. “No. I knew she wouldn’t.”

  “You shouldn’t have let her go,” Frank blurted out, his frustration with the situation having eaten at him all day.

  Jake sighed, wishing he could make Frank understand. “I grew up being someplace I didn’t want to be. I couldn’t ask Reb to grow old doing the same thing.” He began to move up to the lead horse.

  “Here, I’ll unhitch ‘em for you. You’ve had a long day.”

  “Thanks,” Jake said, before heading out of the barn. He hesitated by the tub of water. Old habits were hard to break, but he continued on without washing up. He didn’t take his boots off outside the door either. There was no one for his noisy feet to wake up. He closed the door behind him and dropped the bar across it. Then he walked to the table, placed his hands under it and shoved it, sending it crashing to the hard wooden floor. Its vibrations echoed throughout the house, drowning out his low wail of agony.

  He pressed his back up against a far wall and slid down to the floor, wrapping his arms around himself, laying his head on his uplifted knees. Never in his entire life had he felt such intense physical pain. He thought for sure his heart was dying. He released an anguished cry, then a desperate sob as all the tears he’d been holding in since Brett’s arrival gushed forth.

  “Damn ugly bastard! What the hell ever made you think she could love you!”

  The pain of lost love increased until it consumed him. He wished he’d never made love to her, never told her he loved her, never kissed her, never brought her to Texas, never asked her to marry him. He dropped his head back and it banged against the wall, jolting him to his senses. He released a ragged breath. No, he thought, it would have been worse to have died without ever knowing. For a short time, he had held in his arms the woman he loved. Some men never even had that.

  Wearily, he brought himself to his feet and walked to the bed, dropping down on top of the covers. He brought her pillow out from beneath the quilt and buried his face in it, inhaling deeply, wondering if she’d meant to leave the scent of roses behind.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Montana Territory, 1884

  STEPPING OUT OF the adjoining nursery into the final room on the ostentatious tour, Rebecca released a low whistle. The room alone was as large as the house she had shared with Jake.

  The main house at the Pair of Aces ranch was finer than the house she had shared with her father. One room led to another; a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, a study, a nursery, and the bedroom she was now standing in were on the first floor. Wide sweeping stairs led up to the second floor and six other bedrooms, every room furnished in detail.

  “Impressed?” Brett asked as he slipped his arms around her.

  She tilted her head back to gaze into his blue eyes. “I can’t help but be impressed. I never expected anything like this. How in the world did you afford it?”

  He released a boisterous laugh, pride and humor competing for the right to grace his handsome face. “It cost me a pair of aces.”

  Rebecca’s eyes widened. “A pair of aces? You mean you won it in a poker game?”

  “Lock, stock, and barrel. The only thing I’ve changed is the name of the ranch. Seemed the appropriate thing to do.”

  “All this belonged to someone else?” “Every bit of it.”


  “Some of these things must be heirlooms. You didn’t let the owners take anything with them?”

  “If the man didn’t want to lose it, he shouldn’t have put it on the table. He was bluffing. I called his bluff.”

  “This place has a definite woman’s touch to it. You didn’t even let the wife take anything?”

  “Woman was stupid enough to marry him, she has to live with it, not me.”

  Rebecca supposed this acquisition of property was no different than Jake being given his land, but somehow it seemed different. It seemed very different.

  Brett’s fingers trailed up and down either side of her spine. “This will be our room when we’re married. You can sleep here until then. I’ll sleep in a room upstairs.” He brought his lips down to hers. “Unless you’d rather I sleep here with you.”

  His mouth covered hers, his tongue seeking entrance, knowing it only had to seek to find, his hands pressing her body closer to his. She could feel his hardened frame against her body. He ran his hand down to press her hips against his, moving her pelvis back and forth against him.

  She felt his heat through their clothes, her hips beginning to move on their own, her body straining against him. His mouth seared her neck, traveling slowly, leaving love bites in its wake.

  “You make me feel like a piece of kindling, just flaring up,” she said in a husky voice as her head dropped back.

  “Burnett never made you feel like this, did he?”

  “No,” she sighed in remembrance. Brett’s fire flared up and was quickly doused. It did not leave her with smoldering embers that even now, late at night when she woke up alone, could warm her with a thought. “Jake is more like a slow, roaring fire.”

  Roughly releasing her, Brett stomped away from the bed where he had tossed her. Rebecca looked up at him from her sprawled position. His face was hard, his blue eyes taking on a deeper hue.

  “Do you have any idea how often you talk about that man?” he bellowed.

  “You brought him up, not me!” Rebecca shouted as she heaved herself off the bed.

  Pacing, Brett plowed his hands through his hair, not the first time he had done so since they’d left Pleasure. “I’m tired of hearing about him! Everything he did, everything he said, everything he thought!”