Smile, Alice

by Ellie R. Hunter

  I sit down on the edge of the bed and blow out a heavy breath.

  “This is some wish, Joel.”

  He sees his opening and takes it.

  “Come on, Alice. Let me go out like a rock star, this is my only chance, please,” he pleads.

  The rock star stays quiet in the corner of the room and I feel the fight leaving me when I look at my brother. Going on tour is massive and under any other circumstances I wouldn’t be so hesitant. I was ten years old when I vowed to him I would never let him down, I’d never leave him, and I would look after him forever.

  Releasing a shaky breath, I turn my attention to the rock star and say, “I need your word that he will have everything he needs. If you can give me that, I will trust you and he can go.”

  I can’t believe I just agreed to this. I feel like I’m going to puke.

  “You have my word,” he vows, “I’ll even pinky promise with you, if you want?” he smiles, flashing off those pearly whites again.

  A tiny smile replaces my usual tight-lipped mouth and I shake his hand, opting not to pinky promise. We’re not bloody kids.

  He and Joel fist bump and the tension evaporates from the room.

  “A car will pick you both up tomorrow, get ready to have a blast.”

  He shakes Joel’s hand and offers me a wink. Rolling my eyes, Joel laughs as the rock star struts out.

  Rosie pops her head in, and says, “I’ll be back soon, I’m going to walk Mr Coleman out and finalise the details.”

  Whatever.

  Tiredness hits Joel now we’re alone and I help him back into bed. I pull the chair closer beside him and shove my bag underneath, out of the way.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” he sighs.

  “What? Can’t I worry?”

  “No, you don’t have to worry about me anymore. I have you and I get to go on tour with Four Fallen Souls. I wasn’t given a long life, but I intend to go out hard and having fun.”

  I hate when he talks about the end. He does it so flippantly like he’s telling me what he wants for Christmas.

  He reaches for my hand and squeezes tightly.

  “Live with me, Alice. Let’s smash whatever time I have left, together, and with the best band on earth.”

  Chapter Two

  Three large suitcases, two small suitcases and one holdall sits on the floor by the front door, packed and ready to go. The bag with Joel’s medication and medical notes is still on the kitchen side and I have doubled and trebled checked them in the last hour.

  He was discharged last night and barely got a wink of sleep. I didn’t get much sleep myself, but it wasn’t from the excitement like Joel, mine was from nerves and bouts of anxiety. I changed my mind about this trip a handful of times.

  “Alice!” I hear Joel shout from the living room.

  Getting up from the bottom step, I leave the cases to sit where there are and go and see what has Joel sounding in a tizzy. He’s sitting by the window and keeping watch for our ride. He’s been there for the last thirty minutes.

  “Did you pack the camcorder?” he asks.

  “What do you need that for?”

  “Evidence.”

  “You’ll be there, I’m sure you’ll believe your own eyes,” I laugh, as I make my way through to the dining room.

  The camcorder is in one of the drawers and I remember to pick up the charger too. He holds his hand out when I walk back into the living room and I pass it over. I slide the charger into my purse and fall onto the sofa.

  Joel turns the camera on and I’m surprised it has any charge left. I can’t remember the last time he got it out and I’ve never used it. It’s only a cheap one but it does the job.

  “Today is the first day of my end. I get to go on tour with Four Fallen Souls. How fucking cool is that?” he says into the camera.

  “Language, Joel,” I snipe.

  He laughs into the lens, and carries on.

  “Alice doesn’t want me going, she says I’m too sick. I don’t care what she says, you’re never too sick to tour with a rock star…”

  The camera falls into his lap as something out of the window catches his eye and a grin covers his face.

  “You need to see this,” he says.

  I get up and a limo is parking up outside our house. A fucking limousine. I don’t know what I was expecting but it wasn’t the sleek, long car that the neighbours are now curtain twitching to get a peek off.

  One of the men who wanted my name at the hospital yesterday gets out of the passenger side and makes his way through our gate and knocks on the door.

  I push away from the window and go to answer it.

  “Miss Butler, I’m Harry Reed and I’ll be escorting you and your brother to the airfield.”

  He eyes the suitcases and I move to the side to let him in. He goes straight for our luggage and starts taking it all out to the car.

  I guess it’s show time.

  “Are you ready for this?” I ask, noting Joel is now beside me.

  “Um…Yes,” he says, sarcastically as if I’m stupid for asking.

  “Are you?” he smirks.

  “Um…no?” I chuckle.

  “Let’s go then, before you change your mind.”

  He waits for me to grab his medication and I triple check our passports are in my purse. It’s lucky we had them, we needed identification, it’s not like we had them because we were leaving the country for a holiday.

  I double check the front door is locked and then we’re off. The windows are heavily tinted, and I give up trying to work out where we’re going after five minutes.

  Joel talks into the camera and I stay quiet for the entire journey. There isn’t a lot I get butterflies over, but the unknown of what’s going to happen over the next few weeks has my stomach in a flurry of butterflies.

  The limo comes to a slow stop at an airport I never knew existed and Harry is opening my door before I can open it myself.

  He holds his hand out for me and I take it thankfully and straighten my jacket when he offers help to Joel.

  I look around the field and there is only the one plane and it’s huge. Again, I don’t know what I was expecting, but this wasn’t it.

  The rock star shows his face standing at the top of the stairs to the plane. He grins and holds his arms out wide.

  “Come on, we leave in ten minutes,” he calls out.

  Harry, without having to be asked, takes our cases and I follow Joel up into the plane. I don’t take in the extravagance until he is seated and strapped in and I’m happy he is secure.

  “If you need any help, let me know,” the rock star winks and turns to talk to Joel.

  I take my seat and that’s when the expensiveness hits me. This is pure luxury and must cost a fortune. The seats are soft cream leather and the cushions look like they cost more than the furniture in my house. I’m afraid to touch anything in case I leave grubby marks behind, not that I’m dirty.

  “Are you scared of flying?” the rock star asks, taking notice of my hand shaking like a leaf trapped in the wind.

  “I don’t know, I’ve never been on a plane before.”

  “If it gets too much for you, you can always come and sit on my lap,” he winks.

  He did not just say that in front of Joel. Only, my brother laughs, holding his camera up and videos the plane.

  “I don’t think it will come to that.”

  “Shame, I like a pretty woman sitting on my lap.”

  “You should’ve brought a spare along,” I whip back.

  He bursts out laughing and says, “You’re right, she’s funny,” to Joel.

  I frown, how much did they talk about me yesterday?

  I shut my eyes and ignore their chatter, I ignore the plane taking off and pretend I’m still in the car, not hurtling towards the sky.

  I keep them closed for so long, I must fall asleep because when I next open them, I am shaking in my seat and it’s dark.

  “It’s only a little turbulen
ce.”

  I look up and the rock star is the only one awake, writing away in his little black notebook.

  “You’re safe,” he assures me, and I smile nervously.

  I don’t feel very safe.

  “I wish I could’ve slept through the entire flight.”

  “You nearly did, we’re about half hour away from landing.”

  It goes quiet between us and I use the time to take him in as he starts writing in his notebook again.

  His golden hair is down today, and he has it tucked behind his ears. He’s sitting on the couch with his right leg resting over his left knee, I couldn’t imagine his frame squished into a normal seat.

  “So? What’s the plan for Joel?” I ask, desperate for more information about this trip.

  “Anything he wants, he’ll have full access to the band as will you. This is his wish, whatever he wants, he’ll have.”

  “Do you do this a lot?”

  I mean, it seems hell of a lot to grant one fan’s wish, they must get requests from many people all over the world every day.

  He thinks it over before he answers, and I wait patiently.

  “Everyone in the band do their own thing for our fans, when I read Joel’s letter I made the trip to the UK personally to meet him and grant him his wish.”

  “He kept his wish a secret from me.”

  “I know,” he half smiles.

  “What will happen when we land?”

  This back and forth talking is taking my mind away from the fact we’re thousands of miles in the air.

  “A car will be waiting, and we’ll go to the house we’re all staying at. It’ll be quite late. The nurse I hired is already there and waiting for Joel. You can talk with her, get to know each other and then do what you like.”

  Do what I like? That would be nice. Then I look at Joel, he’s been granted the wish of all wishes and I can hardly believe it, even as I look around where I’m sitting.

  “You don’t need to worry about his care, I hired the best, she came highly recommended.”

  With that said, I nod, and the conversation ends between us.

  The house comes into view and I feel like those dogs on the adverts where they’re trying to get through the glass window in the car to get a better look outside.

  Our local youth centre isn’t this big, the drive alone could fit five of our back gardens on it. Every window is lit up, the huge front door is wide open, and a pretty blonde is waiting on the doorstep.

  The rock star is the first one out of the car and music filters out from the house. A guy pushing a wheelchair walks out of the house and Joel’s smile is wiped clean off.

  “A wheelchair?”

  He doesn’t like being a patient.

  “You’ve had a long journey, and the night’s only just beginning, you’ll need all your strength for the road ahead. Besides, you’ll get more attention than I will.”

  Seriously, men. Are women all they think about?

  “Bring on the wheels then,” Joel laughs.

  Joel’s excitement grows as do my nerves after I’ve helped him into the chair, and the rock star takes over and pushes him inside in the mansion.

  The blonde, who on closer inspection looks older than I first assumed follows us in and the rest of the band are congregated in the foyer.

  The music is louder inside, drifting in from somewhere out the back. River Thornton, the band’s drummer is the first one to step forward and introduce himself to Joel.

  “Whatever you need, let us know,” he tells him, and Joel looks up at him in awe. He wasn’t this star struck when Damon was in his hospital room.

  I stand half behind the rock star awkwardly, not wanting any of their attention. I know their songs word for word as Joel has played them on constant loops since he became a fan of theirs when he was thirteen, and I also know their reputations. River makes room for the base guitarist, Freddie Tucker, aka, the womaniser of the band. I read one of his quotes once, ‘It’s not a party until I arrive’.

  “Hey, man. I’m Freddie,” he beams and shakes Joel’s hand.

  “I…I…know who you are,” he stammers out, afraid to take his eyes off him for a second.

  Freddie chuckles and Baz Ross who plays the keyboard, throws his arm around him, offering his free hand to Joel.

  “Good to meet you kid, I promise, this tour will kick ass over anything you’ve done in your life,” he boasts and Joel’s face lights up. In one sweep, both Baz and Freddie turn my way, and both settle their attention on me.

  “You must be the sister,” Baz smiles.

  “I’m Alice,” I offer.

  “Anything we can help you with, please, let us know, we’ll be more than happy to assist you,” Freddie says, and they both grin at me.

  “Okay, we’re not standing around here all night,” the rock star grunts, and wheels Joel through the house and out into the garden. Outside is definitely different to being in the house. There are people everywhere, women dressed in bikinis, and scraps of cloth I assume are classed as dresses. The pool is glistening under the lights and looks magical. It’s all a dream.

  Joel is stopped by a large table and I don’t recognise anyone, not that I should, I’ve never been here before, but if they were famous, I would’ve seen them on the telly or the internet.

  “Everyone, this is Joel and his sister, be nice to them or fuck off out of here,” the rock star shouts over the music and I want to jump in the pool and sink to the bottom and hide.

  His eyes fall on mine and he tilts his head towards the house. I debate whether to leave Joel. River sits beside him, and they fall straight into a conversation, so I follow the rock star into the kitchen. He doesn’t stop and passes through the hall and heads up the stairs. No one is around up here, and I feel bad for wearing my shoes on the white carpet, not that they’re dirty, but still.

  If Joel and I lived here I would make people shower before they came in, let alone take their shoes off. He opens a door and my breath is taken away by the humungous bed. I swear it’s nearly as big as my bedroom back home. My suitcases are by the wardrobes and Joel’s medication bag is on the bed.

  “This will be your room until we leave for New York. Joel’s room is next door and Maggie’s is next to his.”

  Maggie? She must be the nurse, who upon hearing her name walks into the room.

  “I’ll leave you two to get to know each other, it’s quieter up here for you to talk,” he says, walking across the room to leave and then stops, “Oh, I wouldn’t unpack everything, we leave in a couple of days.”

  “I should get back to Joel.”

  Tilting his head, his eyes scrunch slightly as he stares at me.

  “He’ll be okay with me while you talk. I’m fully aware of the severity of his illness, so when I say this, I mean it genuinely, loosen up and let him enjoy this.”

  My mouth falls open, why does he think he can talk to me like this?

  “I don’t have the first clue what life is really like for you, so when I say this, I mean it genuinely, don’t assume because you throw your money around to help him, you’re doing what’s best for him. To you he is a sick fan who you know nothing about, to me, he is my brother and all I have left, please don’t tell me to loosen up.”

  He walks back into the middle of the room and looks over to Maggie who hasn’t said a word or moved since she came in.

  “She’ll meet you downstairs.”

  She closes the door behind her and all of a sudden, the room feels small with the rock star’s presence filling every inch.

  “I don’t know him like you do, and I’m well aware my money can’t make him better…” he pauses and strides over to the balcony doors. He throws them open and lets the music and chatter in from the garden.

  “Come and look.”

  My strides aren’t as long as his but I’m soon standing next to him and overlooking the party under the stars.

  This is their life, they’re used to this, to me this is a scene from
a movie or a boxset on Netflix.

  “Look at him,” he says, pointing to the table where we left him at.

  Joel is in his element, laughing and waving his hands around animatedly as he speaks with Baz.

  “This is what he flew thousands of miles for, Alice. He won’t get to grow up to decide what path he takes in life, give him some space to choose his path now. This is what he wants.”

  A lump knots in my throat and I lose the fight to swallow it. It sits there, and tears burn in my eyes. I won’t cry though, not in front of the rock star.

  “Put it this way, do you want him unhappy in and out of hospital or do you want him enjoying his life. He’s been given the chance to go out how he chooses, not many people get this opportunity.”

  “I want him to be happy,” I manage to say around the lump in my throat.

  “You never know, you may have fun yourself.”

  I highly doubt it, fun doesn’t exist anymore. How can it when such cruelty exists?

  Chapter Three

  The sound of a man’s deep laughter wakes me, and I roll over and stretch. A light breeze sets off goose bumps down my arms and I lean over and reach for my watch.

  Noon.

  What the hell.

  I jump out of bed and run next door to Joel’s room. He should’ve had his pills and breakfast hours ago. I’ve never missed his medication, not once, and on our first morning here I’m messing up. I’ve been a bitch about reminding everyone how poorly he is and here I am sleeping in and leaving him on his own.

  Only, his room is empty, his bed is made, and he isn’t in the bathroom. It’s okay, he’ll be here somewhere. Heading back to my room, I crash into a rock-hard body and Freddie is chuckling to himself, holding me at my shoulders.

  His skin is warm against mine and his hands feel huge in comparison to my small build.

  “Whoa, what’s the rush?” he asks, still holding onto me.

  “I was looking for my brother.”

  “He’s having lunch out by the pool,” he says, releasing me.

  He steps back and it’s not to put some space between us. He blatantly checks me out, all the way from my bare legs up to my eyes. I couldn’t be bothered to dig around for my shorts and top last night, I stripped down to my underwear and strap top and climbed into bed. Big mistake.