One Last Kiss Goodbye (Hidden Hearts #2)

by N. J. Nielsen

  When Jacen seemed to excuse himself from his table and headed toward the door leading to a small outdoor area, Kayne knew he had to act. It was now or never—be a man or stay in hiding forever. Hesitancy stilled him for only a second before he stood and made an excuse about needing to use the bathroom so he could follow Jacen.

  He needed to clear his head, then he could willingly sit through another two hours in the same room playing the happy couple. There were moments during the evening when he was sure Jacen had been watching him, but every time he tried to catch him, the guy was looking elsewhere. Kayne was also getting annoyed with the attention from Teagan, and he wished he could tell her to take a hike.

  Kayne found Jacen leaning back against a brick wall, studying the sky overhead. Four years had been a long time to hide his growing feelings toward Jacen. He'd tried to always keep himself in check when around Jacen, but with each passing day it was getting harder and harder to do. Micah would probably rip him a new one if he ever found out Kayne wanted to have a relationship with his brother. He didn't think their friendship would survive him lusting after Jacen. He'd always hoped it wasn't true; Micah was very protective of his younger brother.

  As he approached Jacen, Kayne wasn't sure the guy heard him. The door opened again. It was probably just someone ducking out for a cigarette. He checked to make sure they were alone then he cleared his throat. A shiver ran the length of his spine as Jacen slowly turned to face him. The boy was just so beautiful—and so out of his reach that it wasn't funny.

  When Jacen didn't speak, Kayne finally voiced what had been playing on his mind for most of the night. "So, Micah rang and he told me you're leaving. He said you've been accepted into some fancy-shmancy uni down south. Why didn't you say anything? I thought we were friends." Kayne leaned toward him, trying to get as close as he could without actually touching.

  "We are friends. I was going to tell you closer to when I was going. Dad finally said when school is done, I'm allowed to move to Victoria. I've been accepted into the University of Melbourne."

  Inhaling, Kayne could smell Jacen's subtle aftershave and he stepped back when he felt his cock starting to fill. No need to make a fool of himself right here and now. Just because Jacen was gay, it didn't mean he wanted someone like Kayne in his life. Kayne knew Jacen was made for better things and he was too good for Kayne. Kayne would only bring him down, which was another reason he'd never acted upon his attraction.

  "Melbourne's a very long way away. What could possibly make you want to go so far away from your family?" Kayne gave in to his desire and lifted a hand, ghosting the back of his finger across Jacen's cheek. Jacen shivered and took a step away from him at the slight touch.

  "I have my reasons," Jacen said. He seemed to be getting a little uncomfortable at the conversation, or maybe it was because Kayne was standing so close.

  If Jacen dropped his eyes, he would see the hard-on Kayne was sporting, but Jacen kept total eye contact above Kayne's shoulders. Kayne knew he should let it go and walk back into the dinner, but for some strange reason, he just kept right on talking—saying things that were better left unsaid.

  "Not guy trouble, is it?"

  Shaking his head, Jacen answered. "There would actually have to be a guy in my life for there to be guy trouble."

  Standing there, Kayne gazed at him for a long time, watching as Jacen grew somewhat restless. His staring at Jacen was probably coming off as a little creepy, but he was trying to figure out the real reason Jacen was so willing to leave town. If Jacen had wanted to get away from Gatton, why was this the first time he was hearing about it, and why had Micah been so upset on the phone when he had filled Kayne in on the situation. He hoped the brothers hadn't had a falling out of any kind.

  In the darkness Jacen tilted his head back and looked Kayne dead in the eye. Jacen truly did have beautiful eyes. They were simply stunning. Kayne had masturbated many times to the one picture he had of Jacen in his possession. He was surprised he hadn't worn patches off the paper from holding it so much.

  "Is it because of me?" Kayne's words made Jacen flinch away from him. Worry filled Kayne. Maybe he'd come on a little too strong or joked a little too much.

  "What? Why would you ask me something like that?" Jacen's face paled drastically.

  Kayne hoped like hell the reaction wasn't because Jacen wanted nothing more to do with him. Kayne had always tried never to be so obvious in his looking. Had Jacen somehow worked it all out? Had Micah? Is this what this was all about? Hell, he only stayed with Teagan so no one would ever guess who he truly wanted to be with.

  Tilting his head, Kayne stared at Jacen for a moment before speaking. If this was the last time he was going to be alone with Jacen, he wanted to get some things off his chest. "A while back, we were all at Lissa Cooper's birthday party. I think it was the night we got smashed off our faces by drinking the spiked juice. You told me how you hadn't yet kissed a boy and asked if I'd be your first, as you had always wondered what it would be like to kiss me." Kayne smiled as he leaned a little closer. "I told you if you kept it a secret—just between me and you—then I would."

  "What happened?" Jacen was starting to look a little distressed, likely upset that he didn't remember the incident.

  "Actually nothing. Micah came and dragged you from the party. He said he had to get you home before your dad found out we were drunk and kicked both your arses." He wasn't sure if he saw relief or sadness on Jacen's face, but he couldn't let it go. He had to find out for sure, or have at least one memory to last him while Jacen was away.

  The second Jacen closed his eyes, Kayne swooped in and covered Jacen's lips with his own. His heart went into overdrive as the sweet taste hit his senses. Kayne silently prayed Jacen didn't shove him away for being so stupid. Lissa Cooper's party was one of the reasons he very rarely touched alcohol. If Micah hadn't turned up when he had, Kayne would've attempted to drag Jacen off to one of the bedrooms and tried to seduce him far beyond than just the simple kiss Jacen had asked for.

  He jumped a little in surprise when Jacen gripped his shirt and started kissing back. The feeling of Jacen's tongue running across his lower lip seeking entrance made his heart lurch uncontrollably, and he didn't hesitate to open his mouth and allow Jacen access. Kayne fought not to wrap his arms around Jacen, but failed miserably, praying it wouldn't ruin everything. If he did anything to spoil the moment, Jacen would run. Kayne knew he would seriously be pushing his luck if he tried to take this further than a kiss, though he couldn't stop smiling inwardly as Jacen moaned when Kayne pressed against him. The warmth of Jacen's mouth on his own was delicious, addictive, and so damn nice. This was his first real kiss—well, the first kiss he'd always dreamed of having. Kissing Jacen was nothing at all like kissing Teagan, and he didn't want this kiss to end.

  Kayne pulled away long enough to take a deep breath before claiming Jacen's lips once more, and right then Kayne realised in his heart this was just one last kiss goodbye. Shuddering, he leant farther into Jacen. He wanted to make sure that when Jacen left, he remembered fully what it was like to be wrapped up in Kayne's arms. He also knew he was making a memory to last himself for the rest of his life.

  Jacen wasn't his and he probably never would be—a fact of life—and he just had to face it.

  The truth was he wanted to tell Jacen not to go, because he loved him. In the end he knew he would let him leave because he didn't have it in him to hold the boy back from the man he was destined to become. He and Micah had often said that Jacen was the best of all of them. He'd actually amount to something in life. He had ambition. All the words he couldn't say got pushed into the very depths of his heart where he could lock them away from everyone.

  Their gazes locked for a long time when they finally ended the kiss before Kayne finally found the courage to say something. He took a deep breath—albeit a little shakily—and said, "I'm going to miss you when you're gone. Don't be a stranger, and remember to call once in a while." As he moved back a fe
w steps, he didn't get to say anymore before Jacen turned and fled. Kayne thought he'd seen tears in Jacen's eyes, but he couldn't be sure.

  "I love you, Jacen Ives." Kayne whispered softly into the darkness as he leant against the very same wall where he'd found Jacen.

  Kayne shook his head, realising how bloody stupid he'd just been. What would he do if Jacen went home and told Micah everything? Slamming his foot back against the wall, he swore angrily as he wondered if he'd just lost both people he'd cared the most about. If he didn't have Micah in his life as his best friend, how would he be able to keep track of what was going on in Jacen's life—and didn't that just make him feel like a perverted stalker?

  A noise off to his side had Kayne on alert. He stood up and hoped it was Jacen returning to tell him he hadn't screwed up their friendship. Instead he found Desmond Ives standing there. Crap! He hoped Jacen's father hadn't witnessed what he'd done. "Can I help you?" he asked a little warily.

  "I know Jacen was just out here with you. I don't know what happened, but I wanted to let you know that I don't want you doing anything to screw my boy up any more than he already is."

  What the hell was Desmond talking about? "What did he tell you?"

  "Nothing, but I could tell by his face he was upset about something. He just told me he wasn't feeling well and he was heading home."

  Kayne sighed and scrubbed his hand across his eyes. "We were just talking about how he's going to uni in Melbourne. I told him not to be a stranger and make sure he called every once in a while."

  He wasn't even going to mention the kiss. It was something between him and Jacen. No one else had any right to know what had happened.

  Kayne watched as Jacen's dad turned and walked away. He still needed a moment to himself as he tried to gather his courage to walk back inside and pretend he just hadn't stabbed himself in the heart with his own foolish actions. His lips tingled with just the memory of the kiss playing over in his mind. In some crazy way, kissing Jacen was probably the best thing to happen to him in a long time. Pasting on a smile, he headed back into the banquet hall.

  When he'd made it back to his seat at the table, Teagan was staring at him frostily and he knew he'd been gone for far too long. She most likely thought he'd been off somewhere chatting up some girl or other. He and Teagan were nothing alike. She had their whole future mapped out, from where they would live to even the number of children they would have, whereas he, on the other hand, would be happy to continue working in his father's company for the rest of his life. He liked working with his hands. He always had. Teagan hated the fact that he did manual labour. For the last few months she'd been trying to convince him to go to uni and better himself so they could get out of Gatton and move to the city.

  He'd tried explaining to her how he didn't want to move to the city—how he liked living where he did. His dreams were to buy a little house in one of the suburbs and live the quiet life while he earned a decent wage by working for his father. He didn't need the flash and sizzle Teagan seemed to want. He was mostly happy with his lot in life. He just couldn't figure out how to get her to see his point of view.

  The longer she remained silent, the more he started to worry. He could see by the tic in her jaw that she was pissed off with him. Maybe if he was lucky she'd break up with him and find some other schmuck who fit into her perfectly planned out world, but with the way his life was going, he wouldn't be so lucky.

  Sighing, he leant back in his chair and waited for whatever she wanted to get off of her chest. If he waited patiently, maybe she'd be calmer, because he knew if he tried to leave, she would make a scene right here, and there was no way in hell he was going to be an embarrassment to his father amongst all his peers. He should have dumped Teagan a long time ago. The only thing stopping him was the fact Teagan was the daughter of someone his father did a lot of business with and he didn't want to have the added guilt if his and Teagan's fathers had a falling out because of them.

  Once more Teagan turned her icy gaze on him. She leant closer and spoke clearly so he couldn't later pretend she hadn't said what she did. "I saw you. I followed you outside and I saw you with that pervert. I know what you've done and if you don't want the rest of the world finding out, you will do exactly what I want. You owe me for cheating on me with such a filthy little freak, and I won't ever let you forget what you've done to me." Her words froze him to the core.

  He had options—sure he did. The only problem was Kayne knew he was going to do exactly what she said. Well, at least until they were finished with school. Afterward he didn't care who the hell she told. By then Jacen would be away from her clutches and she wouldn't be able to hurt him like she would if Kayne got up and left her right now.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Four Weeks Ago

  "Hello, you've reached Jace's phone. I'm busy right now, and you know the drill. So leave me a message and I'll get back to you."

  Jacen listened as his answering machine picked up. The message hadn't been a lie. He really was busy. Well, kind of. He had a business plan to write up and put into action, two years after five long years of university—first learning all things educational, he'd then switched to a bachelor in business when he'd decided to start up his own clothing design business. Most of his classes he'd be able to do externally, which suited him fine.

  "Jace, pick up the goddamn phone, right now. You know how much I hate talking to these things." His brother's voice sounded panicked, which was nothing unusual these days.

  Reaching across the arm of the couch he lifted the handset and brought it to his ear. "I'm here, Micah. What did you want?"

  "Thank God you're there. Are you busy? Can you come home? Sammy is driving me nuts with all the organising. Come home and put me out of my misery. Or at least come home and take some of the pressure off me. You're better at this stuff than I am."

  "Slow down. What's happening? You sound like you're about to burst a blood vessel, or you're about to have a nervous breakdown. Start from the beginning and talk in whole sentences." Jacen loved teasing his brother like this, knowing full well Micah was happier working construction—or deconstruction, as the case was—than helping Sammy plan any sort of party-type event. In the last couple of months Micah had often rung in a tizz about Sammy going overboard about something. Luckily he knew how much his brother loved his husband.

  "The wedding! Remember? In ten weeks Dad and Nancy are finally tying the knot, or has their big day slipped your mind completely? Sammy's organising the seating and meals. So the reason I'm really supposed to be calling is to find out if you are still coming to the wedding, and are you bringing George?" The last word was emphasised.

  Sighing deeply, Jace knew how much his brother hated his partner and was surprised Micah hadn't called him the douchebag like he normally did. The truth was that the feeling was entirely mutual as far as George was concerned. There wasn't a passing day where George didn't demean Jacen by saying, "Now you're acting just like your damn brother." But as degrading as George was to him, he was better than having no one at all. Ultimately Jacen willingly put up with the treatment George gave him, just so he wasn't alone.

  Was he an idiot for doing so? Yes!

  Was he planning on doing anything about it? Well, right now he was still thinking about what to do next.

  After all this time, Jacen was too afraid to admit to himself—let alone anyone else—how he'd never managed to get over the first guy he'd fallen in love with. Not that his secret love had gotten him anywhere. Kayne must have been drunker than a skunk the night they'd kissed at the awards dinner they were both attending, because he and Teagan had soon married and even had a baby boy nine months after Jacen had left Queensland. According to Micah, the little boy had the most adorable big blue eyes that grabbed at your heart the moment you looked into them.

  When Kayne and Teagan's marriage had been announced, Jacen felt like he had been kicked in the balls, as well as having his heart ripped out and shredded to pieces. The funny thi
ng was, the night Kayne's bomb had been dropped on him, Jacen had gone out to drown his sorrows and had met George at the uni bar, where he was celebrating with some friends.

  At the time it seemed like fate. Now it just seemed like a damn chore.

  "Yes, George and I will be there. I think we're leaving Friday before and coming back on the Sunday."

  "Can't you at least stay for longer? We haven't seen each other since Dad's fiftieth," Micah complained.

  "George needs to be back to start work on the Monday."

  "Then let George go home alone. Dad's getting married, for Christ's sake. This is supposed to be a time for families to pull together. I know damn well you haven't started on the whole opening-your-own-clothing store yet. I wish you'd come home and consider starting something around this area. Toowoomba isn't far away, and neither is Ipswich or Brisbane. It'd be nice to actually see your face for a change and not just get to talk to you over the phone. It seems like each time we talk he's pulling you farther away from us—your family. I miss you. We all miss you." The last came out as a whine.

  Sighing, Jacen removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. This was one conversation he and Micah had had on a number of occasions in the past. "Okay, I'll think about it. I'll talk to George and get back to you."

  "Hey, little brother, do me a favour and check between your legs because I think someone stole your balls."

  Even though he believed Micah was joking, Jacen could hear the truth behind the snarky words, though it didn't stop him from retaliating. "Dumbarse!"

  "Wanker!"

  "I'll call you back soon. I promise. Just let me figure some shit out first, okay?"

  "I'll be waiting. Call my cell as I'm heading out to help Kayne for a bit."

  "Will do." Jacen ended the call knowing full well Micah expected him to call back today—within the next couple of hours. He had learned long ago not to mention or comment on Kayne when talking to Micah, and if his name came up, to change the subject as quickly as possible. If they never talked about Kayne, Micah wouldn't realise just how much Jacen still loved his best friend.