One Last Kiss Goodbye (Hidden Hearts #2)

by N. J. Nielsen

  "Are you planning on telling him now?" Micah asked softly.

  "I don't know." Kayne answered, even as he nodded yes.

  "I don't think you should. Jacen needs time to heal, not just jump straight into a new relationship with his lifelong crush," Micah said.

  "Micah, it's not your choice," Sammy said. "Jacen should know Kayne has feelings for him. He should be given the choice as to whether he wants to reciprocate them or not. You can't decide for him. Neither of you are little kids and Jacen doesn't need you defending him from the big bad world."

  Both Micah and Kayne turned and stared at Sammy, who was blushing profusely. "I meant, aside from the whole George thing, he doesn't need protecting, and you said it yourself, Micah. Kayne has owned Jacen's heart for a very long time. I personally think Jacen should be told the truth. He's twenty-two, and I think he's old enough to know in his own mind what he wants."

  "I just don't need anyone forcing their own wants onto Jacen," Micah grumbled.

  "I would never do something so callous to Jacen." Looking straight into his best friend's eyes, he continued. "I know Jacen has been through enough right now. I would never make him choose anything at this moment in time. You know me. I'm not…I want to be his forever, not just his Mr Right-now. I don't want to be his rebound guy, and I know he would never want to be mine. Our lives are probably too fucked up for this to work," he said, almost conceding defeat. "Okay, I promise to keep my thoughts to myself. But I'll only keep this particular promise until Jacen is strong enough to choose for himself. I gave him up once before. I won't do it again."

  "And if he doesn't choose you?" Micah asked.

  Swallowing hard, he answered. "If Jacen doesn't want me in his life, I'll walk away and not bother him again." It would kill him, but he would do it if it was truly what Jacen wanted.

  "As far as I'm concerned, you're both bloody idiots. We all know Jacen would never walk away from Kayne. From what you've told me, Jacen has been in love with Kayne since he was eleven. At your dad's birthday last year it was obvious to me his feelings hadn't changed."

  "He has? They haven't?" Kayne was dumbfounded. How had he not known this? At fifteen he'd thought maybe Jacen had some kind of feelings for him, but he'd never suspected to be told this.

  "Don't tell me you didn't know," Micah said in disbelief. "The kid practically had to wear a bib every time you were near because he drooled so much."

  Shaking his head, Kayne thought hard for a moment. "I kind of suspected something the month before he went to the awards thing with your dad. He told me at Lissa's party—the one where we got smashed off our faces, remember? He told me then he wanted to kiss me, and I wouldn't let him, but then just as I was going to give in, you came along and dragged him home."

  "So instead, you kissed him the night of the awards dinner."

  Kayne nodded. "Partly I wanted to know what it felt like to finally kiss him like I craved, but I also wanted something to hold onto to remember him by. You know, kinda one last kiss goodbye. Your dad asked me to let Jacen go, so I did. I guess he didn't want Jacen being with someone he considered to be beneath his son."

  "Dad didn't consider you beneath Jacen. He just didn't want Jacen to get his heart broken when you turned him away for a woman. Everyone thought you were straight. And you kind of confirmed it when you married Teag."

  "She was the biggest mistake of my life. Then before I knew it, she was pregnant with Macen. I couldn't leave then. I was trapped. I couldn't leave my son." Sadness washed through him as he registered how much happiness he had lost, but there was still a huge part of him that would never regret his time with her because of Macen.

  "Man, you really are a sap." All the heat had left Micah's voice as he got up, walked around the bed, and placed his hand on Kayne's shoulder. "What the hell am I meant to do with you, huh?"

  "Help me convince your brother that I'm worth taking the chance on? I tried talking to him last night but it kinda fizzled out."

  Sammy asked, "Um, Kayne, have you ever been with another man before? Or will Jacen be your first?"

  Kayne blushed. He couldn't believe he was about to admit this. "Once I tried, but it felt like I was cheating so I couldn't go through with it."

  "On Teag? If you didn't love her, why would you even care?" Micah said and Sammy called him an idiot.

  "Not on Teagan." Sammy jumped in before Micah could talk again. "He felt like he was cheating on Jacen. I'm right, aren't I?"

  Nodding in agreement, Kayne added. "Jace is the only guy I've ever wanted. I didn't want to cheat on him."

  Micah snorted. "You're not making sense. Jacen was with another guy for crying out loud. How would it be cheating on him?"

  "It just was." Kayne answered adamantly. In his heart he knew that if he'd have had sex with the faceless guy, it would have been cheating, because Jacen already owned his heart, even if he didn't know it yet.

  "Kind of stupid, if you ask me." Micah scoffed.

  "Micah Ives, you take that back. I think it was the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Your brother deserves true loyalty like Kayne showed him."

  Kayne bit his lip to keep from chuckling as Sammy frowned at Micah.

  "Sorry," Micah mumbled, before adding with a grin. "It was a noble and sweet thing you did, saving your virgin arse for my brother to ravish."

  "God, you are a wanker sometimes." Sammy huffed.

  Kayne thought it was kind of funny. Then the panic set in. Will Jacen really want to fuck me? And will I freak out if the answer is yes? Crap, he'd never thought of being on the bottom. In all his dreams he had been the one making love to Jacen and buried balls deep inside the beautiful man's body.

  "Will it hurt?"

  "Will what hurt?" Sammy asked.

  "Having sex, when he"—he took a deep shuddering breath—"when he makes love to me?"

  A big smile broke out on both Sammy's and Micah's faces, but it was Sammy who finally answered. "At first there'll be a bit of pain, but the pleasure following is so worth it. If it's done right, he'll have you begging for more."

  Micah squeezed his shoulder. "Listen to Sammy. He had me begging for more from the very first time. He was my first, and he'll be my last. I'm lucky I hit the jackpot first time around."

  Kayne could see the love in his best friend's eyes and again he wanted what Micah had. Not Sammy, but he wanted the same feeling, only with Jacen being the caretaker of his love. Hopefully Jacen would give him the chance to prove himself worth the effort.

  Sammy sat on the edge of his seat, reaching out to gently take Jacen's free hand in his and changed the subject. "So did the doctor say what kind of care Jace will need when he comes home?"

  "There's nothing actually wrong with him. With everything happening in such a short amount of time, he hasn't had a chance to digest everything, and this was his body's way of telling him to take a time out. They said Jace could go through numerous mini meltdowns until either George is caught or Jace feels safe. I'm supposed to give him all the support he needs. The doc said he'll need stability and normalcy even more now, so since I'm living with him, it'll be me he looks to for these things. Just be prepared for the chance I'll be the person who is his coping mechanism."

  "Are you going to be able to handle it?" Micah asked in concern.

  "I'll do whatever it takes. There's no way I'm going to let Jace suffer through this alone," Kayne said.

  "You won't be alone. You'll have all of us there to help in any way we can," Sammy said. "Jace is our family too."

  Nodding, Kayne asked, "Did you get the house all closed up?"

  "Yeah, your parents took Mace home with them. Dad and Nancy stayed at the house with Squirt in case whoever it was comes back. Dad wants to thump the bastard's head in. Actually, I think Nancy is more than willing to hold the prick while Dad hits him."

  Sammy added. "In the morning Nancy said she'll call the insurance company. I found the policy in his desk. I didn't have a clue that he was buying the place. I was looki
ng for the real estate number so the owners could organise fixing things up. After the insurance people come and check the place out, she'll organise for the cleaners to come through. If they can't get all the glass out of the carpet, he may be up for new flooring. We'll just have to wait to see what happens."

  Kayne leant in as he lifted Jacen's hand and brought it to his lips. Kissing it gently, he lifted his head and spoke. "I hope last night doesn't set him back too much. He'll hate himself if he has to delay getting the shop organised. He was so excited about it last night when he was telling me his plans."

  "I think Jace is stronger than you think. Once he has his eyes open and sees you sitting here with him, he'll be all right," Micah stated.

  "When we first got here, the staff thought I was the one who'd bashed him. I think they were planning on having me arrested until Travis came and explained. They saw his battered body and just assumed I'd hurt him."

  "Once he's awake, they'll see how wrong they are. They'll see how much he cares about you."

  Kayne sat back in his chair and listened as Sammy and Micah talked. Deep down he knew they were only trying to take his mind off of everything, and he was truly grateful for them doing it, but for the love of God, he wished they would go home so he could have some peace and quiet. There was still so much he had to think about before Jacen opened his eyes.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Strange noises and smells surrounded Jacen as he fought his way out of the darkness. He had the vague impression he shouldn't be wherever he currently was. Why he shouldn't be here, he didn't know. It was more just a gut feeling. Something was touching his hand. It felt nice and soothing, and he wanted more of it. Struggling to make his brain focus on the here and now, Jacen thought of the single most important thing in his life—Kayne. If he focused on Kayne, then everything else in his life would be okay, and somehow magically it would all fall into place.

  The touch on his hand turned into a gentle squeeze as he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Kayne sitting there with a worried look on his face. Frowning, he asked, "Where are we? Where's Macen? What's wrong?"

  Visible relief washed over Kayne's features. "Mace is fine. How are you feeling?" Kayne asked as he reached out and pressed the nurse's call button. It was then Jacen realised he was the one in the hospital bed.

  "Why am I in the hospital?"

  Kayne reached for his hand again. "After the house was vandalised, you kind of had a nervous breakdown and went into shock. We had to call an ambulance to come and get you. They decided you needed to be hospitalised, so here we are."

  "Have you been with me this whole time?" When Kayne nodded, Jacen asked, "If you've been here with me, who has Macen? Or is he here too?"

  "Dad took him the night we came here. Dad said Mace could stay at their place until we go home."

  The thought of the destruction to his new home made Jacen's stomach hurt. "How bad is the house? I want the truth. Don't sugar-coat anything." Jacen really didn't want to know, but he needed to hear it all the same. He needed to work out what his next steps were going to be.

  "Luckily, it was only smashed windows. So the good part is there's no structural damage. The bad part is the windows need replacing and the floor coverings will probably need replacing in all the rooms with broken windows. Micah told me the glass shredded the carpet in places. Your dad has the glazier out at the house today. Nancy said she would have the carpet ripped up and dumped, and leave the decision of which floor covering to replace it with for you to decide on later."

  Biting his lip Jacen asked, "What do you think we should do?"

  "Well, with Macen and Squirt in the house, I think wooden floors or lino would be the go. Easier to clean up the spills at least."

  Jacen liked the fact Kayne talked as if he and Macen were staying with him permanently. He wished he could make it a reality instead of a just for now solution. "Did George do this to me?"

  "Travis said the police are working on the same assumption, but as yet there's nothing leading back to him. Mind you, they still can't find him." Kayne rubbed his face. "To me it seems a long way to come just to torment you some more. He always seemed like a little too self-centred to go to all the energy of buying tickets to fly here—or even drive—just to smash your windows then run away."

  "You're right. He wouldn't have wanted to spend his money on plane tickets." Jacen realised Kayne had hit the nail on the head. This honestly didn't feel like something George would do. "George would have bombarded me with phone calls if he was still interested in harassing me. I dated him for few years…I know the guy inside and out, and this just isn't his style."

  "Do you have anyone else with a grudge against you that I should know about?" Kayne asked.

  Jacen lay there staring at the ceiling for a moment. There was only one other person he could think of who would want to cause him hurt of any kind. He didn't want to, but he had to ask. "Kayne, could Teagan have been involved? Could she have gotten someone to do this for her?"

  His gut clenched at the look of utter pain washing over Kayne's features. For a moment he wished he had kept his mouth shut. "I'm not accusing her of anything. It was just a thought, really. You said she would have a problem if she found out you were living in the same house as me." He sighed. It just didn't make sense. "I'm an idiot. It can't be her. You only moved in yesterday, so how would she have known? It isn't possible unless she has someone watching you."

  The pressure on his hand tightened just a fraction, just enough to make him stop talking and listen to Kayne.

  "Jace, you've been in hospital for two days. So technically, we've been living together for three days." Worry filled his eyes. "I don't know if Teag had anything to do with this or not, but I'll tell the police, just in case. They need to have all the information and this is another avenue for them to look at. Honestly, this feels exactly like something Teag would do. She hates you enough to cause the damage."

  Confusion filled him. "Why? What have I ever done to her? I didn't even live in the same state as her for the past seven years. I just don't get why she has it in for me. Maybe she's pissed at you and is taking it out on me."

  A strained chuckle burst out of Kayne. "Oh she is definitely pissed at me. I have no doubts at all."

  "So if it's her and she's pissed at you, then why is she taking it out on me?" Anger was filling Jacen, and his heart felt like it was going to explode at any moment.

  "Shh, relax… If you don't, they'll sedate you again," Kayne whispered, just as the nurse entered the room.

  Kayne never relinquished his hand while the nurse checked him over. He wanted to ask why Kayne was holding his hand, yet he didn't want to break the spell, and he definitely didn't want Kayne letting go. At the moment their joined hands were the only thing tethering him to his closely failing sanity.

  Patiently answering the nurse's questions, Jacen was waiting for her to leave again so he could talk more with Kayne. Kayne, on the other hand, stood up and pulled his cell from his pocket.

  "Just let me make some calls and I'll be right back," Kayne said as he headed out of the room.

  Jacen fought his panic at the thought of Kayne leaving him there alone. He knew he couldn't chain Kayne to his side. The man still had work to do, and a family to support. He didn't need to be here babysitting Jacen twenty-four-seven.

  After the nurse finally left, promising him the doctor would be along shortly to give him the once-over and clear him to go home, Jacen lay on the bed wondering what was taking Kayne so damn long. It felt like Kayne had been gone for hours. Maybe he needed to go see Macen. Or maybe he was at Jacen's at this moment, packing up their possessions and getting out of his house before someone else tried to harm them.

  He wasn't surprised, just a little disappointed, when Micah and Sammy, not Kayne, walked through the door.

  "Did you see Kayne outside?" he asked as they sat in the chairs on either side of his bed.

  "Nah, he called and said he had some things to ta
ke care of. He asked if we could come sit with you for a while," Sammy said as he patted his leg.

  It felt like a lead ball was sitting in the middle of his chest, and he was finding it harder to breathe. "Is he moving out of my house?"

  "No," Micah said. "He said something about going to see Travis. He didn't say what about though."

  Relief flooded Jacen at his brother's words. "Okay, he must be going to tell them about Teagan."

  "What about Teag?" Sammy asked.

  "I don't think it was George who trashed my house. It just isn't his style. The only other person who might have a grudge against me is her. Kayne told me the day he moved in she would have a problem with him living in my house. Probably doesn't want her son raised near a gay man."

  Neither Sammy nor Micah looked him in the eye. They knew something. "What's going on? Do you know why she hates me so much? What could I have possibly done to piss her off so much she needed to vandalise my home?"

  "She knows you're in love with Kayne," Micah blurted out, and Jacen felt his face heat.

  "That was a long time ago. I was only a kid back then. I'd never try and hit on a straight guy. And Kayne's as straight as they come." He was rambling, and he knew it. He just couldn't seem to stop himself.

  "Jace"—Micah sighed—"it is obvious to those of us who know and love you. We can see you're still in love with the man. Your face has always been so easy to read. You're like an open book."

  "I'm not in love with him, just infatuated because he was my first crush."

  "Jace…"

  "I'm not. I learned my lesson at fifteen. Loving Kayne Henderson is not within my reach. He can't give me what I need."

  "But you still love him?" Sammy asked. "You said as much to Micah when he suggested Kayne move in with you."