Keep You Safe

by Rona Halsall

  ‘So how did it go with the solicitor?’ She walked into the room and sat down next to Natalie.

  ‘I’m in court tomorrow.’ Natalie’s voice sounded far away. She stared at Katya, not really seeing her. After the revelations of the morning and the conversation with her mother, she had to accept the inevitable; prison was going to be her home for a couple of years. She imagined endless days in this scary, soulless place, while Harry grew from a baby into a walking, talking little person. Without her. All those development milestones that she would never witness, never be able to delight in or remember. And his memories of her would fade to nothing. She felt hollow, a shell, so fragile that the merest knock would shatter her into tiny pieces.

  Katya frowned. ‘Well, you can’t wear those.’

  Natalie looked down at her baggy T-shirt and grimy joggers, caught a whiff of body odour. She realised how sticky and grubby she felt, her scalp itching to be washed. She sighed. What does it matter? There was nothing she could do to change her fate; she just had to turn up, a mere witness to the proceedings.

  ‘Well, they’ll have to do. I haven’t got anything else.’ She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs.

  Katya wrinkled her nose. ‘You need a shower.’

  Natalie nodded, chewed on her bottom lip. She’d made do with the wash basin up to now, but there were limits as to what you could do with a flannel. And washing her hair was impossible because bending over the sink made her feel dizzy. It all seemed like too much effort. Natalie dropped her head onto her knees. It was hard to function at this time of day. Hard to have the energy to breathe. Another hour or so until it was time for her meds. The longest hour.

  ‘It’s important to look smart. Look like you care. It’ll change how the judge thinks of you. Maybe get you a shorter sentence.’

  Natalie looked up and frowned. ‘You think so?’

  ‘Judges are only people, you know.’ Katya wagged a finger at her. ‘We all make up our minds about people on appearance.’

  Natalie thought about it for a moment, a spark of hope igniting in her heart. There were lots of things she could nothing about, but this… this was something she did have control over. And what if Katya was right? I’ve got to try, haven’t I? For Harry’s sake. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, swayed as dizziness flashed over her.

  ‘Tell you what—’ Katya put a hand on Natalie’s arm ‘—I know you’re still a bit wobbly. I’ll go and ask for some clothes for you, shall I?’

  ‘Would you?’

  ‘Now, let’s see… size sixteen?’ Katya’s eyes narrowed. ‘Eighteen, maybe?’

  Natalie sighed. ‘Probably.’ It wasn’t something she liked to think about.

  ‘Okay, I’ll see what I can get. There’s not always much choice. Black, I think, for court. White shirt, maybe? Something light anyway. And shoes? Shall I see if I can get something that isn’t trainers?’

  Natalie nodded. A headache thumped at the base of her skull. ‘Yeah, that would be great, thanks.’

  Katya smiled at her. ‘Right, then. Won’t be long. Then I’ll come with you down to the showers, if you like. Stand guard. Make sure you’re safe. Okay?’

  ‘Thanks, Katya.’ Natalie winced as her stomach griped. ‘You’re a star.’

  Katya smiled. ‘It’s what buddies are for, isn’t it?’ Then she was gone, leaving Natalie alone with her thoughts.

  Natalie realised that Katya was the only real buddy she had. Her life, as she knew it, was over. Just like that. And there was nothing she could do about it. She closed her eyes while pain crept out, like a rodent, to chew on her joints.

  An hour or so later, when she’d cleaned herself up, she felt a little better.

  ‘My solicitor wants me to plead guilty.’

  Katya stopped teasing the knots out of Natalie’s wet hair. Apparently, she knew a lot of people who had been convicted of crimes that they didn’t do. It had been the subject of a long conversation just yesterday. And it had happened to Katya’s brother, Lech, although Natalie hadn’t liked to ask for details because there’d been tears in Katya’s eyes.

  Now, Katya gave Natalie a fierce hug. Then she pushed away, held her at arm’s length, hands grasping her shoulders. She looked like a wildcat, eyes burning.

  ‘What you have to remember is that the justice system is not about justice. It’s about the police finding someone to blame for the crime so their clear-up rates look good. It doesn’t have to be the right person. And pleading guilty doesn’t mean that you are guilty, does it?’

  Natalie was hypnotised by Katya’s passion and she clung on to every word.

  ‘Sometimes you just have to know when you’re beat. Lose the battle to win the war, you know? Make the sentence as small as you can.’ Katya nodded. ‘And then… then you plan your revenge.’

  Revenge? It wasn’t something that Natalie had thought about. When all was said and done, it was becoming increasingly apparent that this was her fault. Some little fantasy that she’d acted out under the influence of the drugs that Tom had been giving her. Everyone she cared about seemed convinced. The police were convinced. There was evidence, her solicitor had said, and even if she didn’t remember transferring the money out of her client’s account, she must have done. Another thing to add to the long list of things she didn’t remember doing.

  Later, when Katya had gone and the meds started to work their magic, a plan began to take shape. One that planted a seed of hope in her heart. It was time for her to fight her corner instead of rolling over in defeat. Harry was more important than that. She had to try, or she’d never forgive herself for what might have been. If she pleaded not guilty, then her case would go to trial and she’d have time to get someone to gather evidence of her own. Prove that this was a mistake, a simple clerical error that had collided with a little holiday she’d planned with Harry, to a place she’d always wanted to visit. Nothing more sinister than that. It was hard not being able to speak to Tom, but loyalty was one of his strengths and she knew that whatever mess she might have got them into, he would be working his hardest to sort it out.

  She stopped herself, and turned that idea over in her mind so that she could study it a bit more closely, scowling when the realisation hit home. Tom couldn’t help her even if he wanted to. He’d been giving her prescription medicine that he must have bought from an illegal source somewhere, because her doctor sure as hell hadn’t given it to her. If she took this to trial, then all that would have to come out. Instead of her being a criminal, he would be. She screamed her anger at the ceiling. He’d done this, not her. If he hadn’t given her those drugs then she wouldn’t have been so out of it, wouldn’t have made the mistake in the first place. She covered her face with her hands. It was all such a mess, filling her head until it felt like it would explode.

  Eventually, her thoughts began to settle. Once she’d been to court, she’d talk to the advisors in the prison, she decided, see what they could do for her. Maybe they could help to untangle this in a way that would allow her to go back to her life. She needed a new solicitor, that was for sure. One that would do a proper job. Get the police wondering about the evidence and whether it could be interpreted in another way. And when they realised their mistake, they’d have to release her. Hopefully, it would be sorted in a matter of weeks. Definitely not two years.

  That night, she actually slept and woke feeling more positive than she had since her ordeal began.

  Natalie walked into the court building with her head held high, more presentable in her white T-shirt and black pin-striped suit, even if it was a bit eighties with the big lapels and padded shoulders. The trainers let her down a bit, but at least they weren’t white and there was only a flash of luminous pink on the navy background.

  ‘Ah, Natalie,’ her solicitor said, spotting her in the huddle of people waiting to be processed. ‘Good news, you’re on second, so there’ll only be a quarter of an hour or so to wait once we get started.’

 
Natalie’s heart started racing. Quarter of an hour? Fifteen minutes. She wiped clammy hands on her trousers.

  Her solicitor led her to a quiet spot. ‘Let’s just run over the order of events,’ she said. ‘Very simple today. They’ll want to verify your identity, then the charges will be read out and you’ll be asked for your plea.’

  ‘I can’t…’ Natalie started to say, but she was silenced by her solicitor’s raised hand.

  ‘Just let me stop you there,’ she said, eyes narrowed. ‘I’ve got something to tell you. And you really need to listen.’

  Natalie swallowed, nodded.

  ‘Some CCTV footage has come to light.’

  ‘What CCTV?’

  ‘Outside your office.’

  Natalie was puzzled. ‘We don’t have any cameras.’

  ‘No, but the office next door does. And your door is right next to theirs, so it shows up clearly on their footage.’

  Natalie frowned. ‘So?’

  ‘So, it shows that on the day that the money was transferred from your client’s account, at seven twenty in the morning, you unlocked the office door and entered. The money was transferred thirteen minutes later. And nine minutes after that, you were seen leaving again, locking the door behind you.’

  ‘But…’ Natalie shook her head, eyes wide. ‘No! I didn’t do that. I didn’t. And anyway, it can’t be right. I never go to work that early.’

  Her solicitor frowned at her. ‘Sorry, Natalie, but I’ve seen the footage and there’s really no mistaking it. The person is you. Your hair, tracksuit, trainers, everything. Then you were seen arriving again, an hour and a half later, different outfit, after everyone else had come in to work.’

  ‘That’s not right! Ask my husband. We have breakfast together every—’

  ‘He says you went jogging, trying to get rid of some weight.’ Her solicitor stared at her, waiting.

  Natalie’s legs struggled to keep her upright. Was this another of the things that had happened that she didn’t remember? Why would I be in the office that early? She rubbed her temples with the heels of her hands. Going to the office in a tracksuit? Never. Jogging? No, that hadn’t happened either.

  She stared at the floor. It didn’t really matter now. The evidence was there and it sounded like the police believed it. Her solicitor believed it. A jury would believe it.

  Her solicitor was watching her, arms folded across her chest, eyes narrowed, as if she knew what Natalie had been thinking. ‘Let me remind you—’ her voice was snippy and sharp ‘—that judges don’t take kindly to people wasting police time, or taxpayers’ money, going to trial when there’s overwhelming evidence.’

  Their eyes locked and Natalie withered inside as her words hit home.

  ‘Natalie Rose Wilson!’ The shout of her name made them both turn. Her solicitor placed a guiding hand on Natalie’s back and steered her towards the courtroom, while Natalie’s heart thrashed in her chest, pressure building in her head.

  The judge went through the formalities, then the charges were read out to her.

  ‘What do you plead?’

  The room was silent. Someone coughed, feet shuffled, clothes rustled. She looked at her solicitor and remembered what she’d said about deductions from her sentence. How the evidence against her was overwhelming. It all ticked through her mind, a convincing checklist. Natalie felt unbearably hot. Who’s going to believe a drug addict?

  Katya’s words threaded their way into her thoughts. Know when you’re beat. The justice system isn’t about justice. She swallowed and looked at the judge.

  ‘Guilty,’ she said, almost choking on the word as she forced it out of her mouth, hands clutching the edge of the dock. It was the sensible thing to do, wasn’t it? Or have I just made the worst mistake of my life?

  It was all over so quickly, and she felt lightheaded, disorientated, as a man led her out of the court, leaving her in the corridor with her solicitor.

  ‘Sentencing will be in four weeks.’ Her solicitor slung her bag over her shoulder. ‘Just a formality, but we’ll see what we can put together in terms of mitigating circumstances before then. Make sure we get the shortest sentence we can.’ She gave Natalie an empty smile. ‘I’ll see you next week. Okay?’

  Natalie hoped the woman might have died a horrible death before then, but she nodded, and watched her walk down the hallway, the fury of injustice pumping through her veins.

  That evening, Katya came to see her, suggesting a game of cards to take her mind off things.

  ‘I’ve been thinking,’ Katya said, as she dealt their hands. Natalie looked up. ‘You know how you laid it all out for me, what’s happened to you. I’ve been thinking that your husband set you up.’

  Natalie stared at her. Now that it had been said, she couldn’t ignore the possibility anymore. It had occurred to her when she was first arrested, but she’d talked the idea out of her mind as being fanciful, because if it was true she wouldn’t be going home. And that was a truth she couldn’t bear. But now? Now she had to face the facts, however much they may hurt.

  ‘It’s gotta be about money.’

  ‘But he’s got loads of money. His family is literally dripping with the stuff. Houses all over the world. A shipping empire. To be honest, I don’t even know what half his dad’s businesses are. We’re talking multi-millions, here.’

  Katya looked up, a curious gleam in her eyes. ‘Whoa. That rich?’

  ‘Oh yes.’ There was bitterness in Natalie’s voice. ‘But money’s a curse sometimes, isn’t it? Tom was sent to boarding school when he was seven, while his parents travelled around the world running their businesses. Don’t get me wrong, nice enough people. Perfect manners. But they’re not close. Tom was always trying to prove himself.’ She sighed. ‘He would never ask for help. Always trying to show his dad that he was just as good as him. Better, even.’

  Natalie put her cards down, unable to concentrate on the game. Her eyes met Katya’s intense gaze.

  ‘But you have money? You and Tom?’

  ‘Well…’ Natalie stopped to think about it. She remembered Tom being snippy about her spending in recent months. Did Harry really need all those clothes? Why did she need to change the car? Couldn’t she do the cleaning herself instead of employing someone? ‘You know,’ she said, slowly, ‘I thought we did, but I don’t suppose I ever knew the full picture. Perhaps we didn’t have as much as I thought.’

  ‘What? You don’t know?’ Katya’s voice had risen an octave, her brow crumpled into a frown. ‘How does that work when you’re married?’

  Natalie sighed, her hands picking at the bedspread. ‘I didn’t like to ask. My mum drilled it into me that you don’t ask people about money.’

  Katya laughed. ‘Yeah, but it’s different when you’re married, isn’t it? Everything gets shared then. Fuck, I wouldn’t marry anyone until I’d seen all their bank statements. Made sure they could look after me properly.’

  Natalie’s cheeks burned. It all sounded so stupid now. Naive. ‘My salary went into a joint account that we used for household bills. I dealt with all that. And Tom looked after the business finances. Paid for holidays and treats out of his own bank account. Put money into investments for us. That’s how we shared things out.’ She shrugged. ‘It worked. I always had more money than I needed and Tom was… well, he was generous. Always buying me things.’

  ‘So, you didn’t know how the business was doing?’

  ‘Well, I saw the annual accounts. So, I know that six months ago we had the best part of a million in reserves.’

  Katya’s eyes widened. She tossed her cards down, looked around, put a finger to her lips. ‘Sshh,’ she said, her voice a harsh whisper. ‘For fuck’s sake! Keep your voice down. You don’t know who might be listening. Christ! You can’t go shouting about stuff like that in here. Haven’t you understood anything I’ve said to you about these people?’

  Natalie bit her lip. Katya shuffled across the bed so she was next to Natalie, her face just inches away
.

  ‘So, I’m not understanding this,’ she whispered. ‘The business has a mill in the bank. You pay all the bills. Maybe it isn’t about money.’

  ‘No, no, I think it is.’ Natalie squeezed her eyes shut, picturing the scenario that had painted itself in her mind. ‘You see, when I was on maternity leave, I had to keep asking for money to cover the housekeeping because there wasn’t enough in the account. When I checked, Tom had been putting business lunches and a whole load of other expenses through there, which was a bit odd. Then, when I spoke to him about it, he made me feel awful for asking. So… that makes me think he was short of money himself and…’ Natalie stopped, working through her train of thought again, making sure it rang true.

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘And the only reason for that would be…’

  Why didn’t I see it? All those late nights. The tension that had crept onto his forehead. That hunted look in his eyes. She’d thought it was pressure of work, with her being out of the office and Tom having to take the strain. The struggle to accommodate the needs of a new baby in their lives. But what if it wasn’t?

  ‘Would be what?’ Katya said, her hand rubbing Natalie’s shoulder.

  ‘If he’d started gambling again.’ There, she’d said it and the moment she did, she knew she was right.

  Katya gave Natalie’s shoulder a squeeze. ‘Ah. He had a problem?’

  She sighed. ‘I thought we’d sorted it out. When we met, he said I was an antidote to the casino.’ She gave a hollow laugh. It sounded ridiculous now, but it had charmed her at the time. ‘He said, because he had me in his life, he didn’t need to go there anymore. He could flash me around instead. He loved me getting all dolled up, taking me to fancy restaurants, down to London for shows.’ Natalie closed her eyes and could see Tom’s face, alight with pride as he introduced her to friends and contacts.

  When she spoke again, her voice sounded far away, as distant as the memories.

  ‘When we set up the business, he started getting his buzz from making money rather than winning it. It was still gambling in a way, but with clients’ money instead of his own. And I made sure I did thorough research, lowered the odds of us making a mistake.’