by Smith, Mary
I had to thank the Hockey Gods that they keep hockey players so busy. The moment we got off the plane in Chicago I explained to Lucas that I was ill and needed to go home. He had an early skate so there was not much resistance there.
Since that moment, I had done everything in my powers to avoid him the past few weeks. I was lucky that he had been out of town at away games. When he would call or text, I kept the conversations short. Then when he was in town this past week, his schedule was full of appearances.
Now it has been almost a month since we came back from Canada and I hadn’t heard from him in a week. I had shed a lot of tears missing Lucas, wanting him, not able to love him. That night in the restaurant was the worst. I guess I should have jumped up and down and declared my love for him, but I couldn’t. The last time I loved someone was Jake. I knew in my heart and head that Lucas could never be Jake, but I could not get what happened out of my head.
I dived into work to avoid thinking of the upcoming hearing for Jake or my lack of communication with Lucas. I just need to weed him out of my life and he will be better off. He didn’t need me, the crazy person, in his life. I had too much baggage and after seeing how perfect his family was, I couldn’t do that.
Yes, I am a coward, but this is a must.
I hadn’t been that big of a coward since watching Lucas’ games. He was number one in the league right now, amazing on the ice. It seemed like nothing could stop him right now. He lo
oked so happy every time he was on camera.
Yes, this is right for me to do.
My phone buzzed with a text:
Lucas: We need to talk 6 pm my house no excuse
“Sara!” Rachel yelled. I jumped and dropped my phone on my desk. She slammed my office door and stalked right over to me. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rachel never cussed like that unless she was really mad.
“You scared me to death.” I placed my head over my chest. My heart was about to beat out of my chest.
“I should beat you to death, you idiot.” She put her hands on her hips, her voice almost deadly.
“Stop calling me names and what did I do?” She might be little, but she scared me to death.
“You broke up with Lucas. No, wait, you didn’t. You just stopped talking, calling, or texting him, right? Because that was the mature way to handle someone telling them they love you.” Her blue eyes bore into me. I couldn’t look at her. I glanced down to see Lucas’ text staring back at me.
“Look, Rach-”
“Save it.” Rachel threw her hand up to stop me. “I don’t want to hear a single word of the Poor-Pity-Me Sara anymore. Unless you have something constructive and reasonable to tell me about why you pushed away the greatest guy to grace your life then I don’t want to hear your bullshit.”
“Rachel!” I gasped. In all the years I had known her she never talked to me like that.
“No, I am tired of it. You are twenty-six years old and a lawyer. You have accomplished a lot in life and you are a good person, but I am sick of it. So what if you have crappy parents? You have done just fine without them. Jake almost killed you but you ended up surviving. You need to think about how close to death you were and how lucky you are now to have a second chance in life. So what are you going to do with it? Oh yeah, you got a great guy who loves you. He took you to Canada and showed you off to his family. What did he want in return? Oh, that’s right, your love and respect and you are too much of a chicken shit to give it back.” Rachel’s face was bright red with anger. I had never heard her like this before. It was like someone else was standing in front of me. Regardless, I didn’t want to hear it.
How dare she talk to me like that? My adrenaline began to pump and I couldn’t handle her words anymore.
“Shut up!” I yelled back at her so forcefully that I almost scared myself. “Do you know how scared I am that I love Lucas? Do you know that I cry every single night because I am not close to him? He is better off with someone else because all I have around me is bad luck.”
Rachel threw her hands up. “There it is again, Poor-Pity-Sara. You are not bad luck. That is just stupid. Bad things happen to people, it happens to everyone. You need to learn from it and make yourself stronger.”
“I am scared alright,” I almost screamed at the top of my lungs at her. “I am scared that I love him so much. I am scared of his perfect family and that I will never fit in. I am scared that if I tell Lucas about Jake and what happened that he will think it is my fault and leave me. You don’t understand because you are so strong and never scared.”
“Are you kidding? Jake hurting you was not your fault and I am scared to death all the time. I am scared that I will die young, like my parents. I am scared that I will end up alone, with a hundred cats, yelling at the local neighborhood kids to stay off my lawn. I am scared that I am really in love with Max. On top of all that, I am scared that my best friend is making the biggest mistake of her life.”
Tears were streaming down Rachel’s face and even though I was taken aback by her yelling, I was shocked to hear her confession. She had been my friend since childhood and she never showed one ounce of fear, but to hear her confessions put things into perspective. We stood there staring at each other, both of us letting silent tears fall. I was the first one to break the silence.
“So, Max, huh? Is that why I constantly see you smiling while you text like a teenage girl?” Rachel smiled, wiped her tears and sat down next to my desk.
She shrugged. “Yeah.”
“When did this happen?” I sat down in my office chair.
“Well, that night in Pittsburgh, when I left you, he was waiting for me in the lobby. We talked for a bit and exchanged numbers. I didn’t really think anything of it. We texted a few time and flirted, but it was nothing. Remember that night when we went to the game and he and I left together?” I nodded. “Well, he drove me home and gave me the greatest kiss ever. It wasn’t until he had the three days off that something really happened. Now he has been showering me with gifts and contacting me all the time.” She looked down at her hands. “I love it. I love the attention. I love the attention from him. On top of that, he really listens to me. He remembers the littlest things I say. It’s nice.” I was completely in shock that my friend had just made another confession to me. I was also surprised that she was in love. Rachel didn’t fall in love. She was a compulsive flirt, but never in love.
“Is Max the reason you know so much about what is happening with Lucas and I?” She nodded. I hadn’t told her a lot of what was happening. It was the first time in my life that I kept something from her.
“Lucas texted me,” I handed my phone to her. Rachel looked at it and handed it back.
“What are you going to do?”
“Well,” I sighed. “I wasn’t going to go, but some five foot five supermodel just chewed my butt off and made me see that I was wrong.” Rachel’s confessions just hit me. I did love Lucas and I needed to tell him the truth about my life.
“But, what if he wants to tell me that he doesn’t want me anymore?” I could hear the tears coming again. My best friend got up and walked over to me and wrapped me up in her tiny arms.
“He probably won’t because I am sure he has to have some type of personality disorder.” We both laughed. “But you have to take the risk.”
She held me as I cried.
My hands were shaking when I rang the doorbell to Lucas’ house, two stories with an attached garage. He lived just outside the city in a beautiful home. I had been here a couple times before and I loved it. It felt homey and perfect.
I smoothed my skirt down. I wasn’t sure what to wear when I knew Lucas was just going to tell me to leave. So, I just came straight from work. I heard the door unlock and the door opened. He looked amazing, wearing a pair of relaxed jeans, a very tight white t-shirt, and no shoes. We didn’t say anything, probably because I was unable to speak as I stared at every ripple and muscle when he crossed his arms.
“I f
igured you wouldn’t come.” His voice was laced with anger and I wanted to shrink away from him.
“I almost didn’t,” I said honestly. I was staring at my heels and the ground. I couldn’t look at him because all I wanted to do was jump into his arms and tell him I loved him. But I knew that was not going to happen.
“Come in.” He stepped back and I walked through into his living room. Like his family home in Canada, it was simple. He had crisp white walls, a large mounted TV, a black couch, and a coffee table. There was nothing on the walls.
I walked over to the couch and sat down, emotions going crazy when he sat down next to me. He wouldn’t look at me, but instead stared at the black screen of the TV. The hum of the quietness rang in my ears.
“Why won’t you let me in?” He spoke first and I almost jumped. “These past couple weeks have been killing me. Why won’t you let me in?” He looked at me and for the first time his eyes had tears in them.
“Lucas,” I started, but he cut me off.
“No, I don’t want to hear any excuses. All I want you to know is that I love you. I do. I want to be part of your life, good and bad, though I can’t do that if you won’t let me in. I have tried hard not to push the issue, but I know that you are hiding something big. I see the scars. I know it’s bad, but I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. So, I am going to make this real simple. If you want me to be part of your life, and I mean your whole life, then come to my bedroom and we will talk. However, if you want to keep me out, then walk out that front door. I won’t contact you anymore, but I can’t keep doing this.” Lucas eyes bore into me as the tears fell from my face. He got up without another word and walked out of the living room, up the stairs. I heard his bedroom door close.
I sat there. I wanted to run upstairs and jump into his arms. However, at the same time, I wanted to run out the front door, call a cab and hide under the covers of my bedroom.
I stood up, smoothed out my skirt and took the first step that would change my life.
Chapter 26 – Lucas
This past month had been the worst in my life. Since coming back from Canada, Sara had pushed me further away. With each conversation on the phone, she became more and more distant. I didn’t know what to do, so I called Ava and asked for her advice.
“Don’t contact her until she contacts you. If after one week there is no contact then, meet her somewhere and make her decide if she wants you or not.”
“Will that work?” I asked her sadly.
“At least you will have your answer.” Ava was right.
I took her advice and did just that. It was hard; I wanted to run, find her, and protect her from whatever bad was happening in her life. It was Max that would listen to me whine like a little girl and I couldn’t thank him enough for that. I knew that Rachel and he had gotten closer, but I hoped that he wouldn’t tell her how bad I was doing with this situation.
When Sara knocked on my door, I was surprised. I almost thought she wouldn’t come. The last time I remembered feeling this bad was when I was in high school and there was a Father-Son skate and I was alone.
This was different, though. Sara was the love of my life and she was someone that I didn’t want to lose. Nonetheless, I couldn’t force her to be with me. I had to let her go if she didn’t want to be with me.
I sat on my bed with my head in my hands. I was saying a silent prayer that she would come to me, but if not, that I would be strong and let her go. My tears were on the verge of falling and I was not going to let that happen. I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath.
I have to be strong, either way.
Then I heard my bedroom door open. I shot up into a standing position as Sara crossed the threshold.
“Sara,” I breathed in relief.
“Wait.” She held up her hands. “Let me speak first.” I nodded.
Maybe this is her goodbye.
“Please, just listen.” I nodded again at her. “I don’t know how well I will get through this, but I will try my best.” She walked over to my chair in the corner and sat down. I sat on the edge of the bed.
“It was three years ago. Rachel and I just graduated law school and landed jobs at a big law firm in the city. I can’t even begin to describe how excited we were. Rachel was working with the partner because she was way smarter than I was. I was working with the other associates and trying to move ahead. There was a large case that one of the partners was working on and needed extra help. Rachel suggested me and I was called up.” Tears began to stream down her face, but she kept talking.
“His name was Jake Black. He was incredible. He was an outstanding win record and had a bad boy look about him. Looking back on it now, I should have just ran in the other direction. There were a lot of rumors about him, but I was getting the attention I wanted so I didn’t listen to it. We worked on this case night and day for months. After we won, we all went out and celebrated. Jake and I became close that night and soon we were inseparable. Things moved fast. He was getting a divorce from his first wife so we couldn’t move in together right away. Once the divorce was final, we did live together, even though Rachel begged me not too. His first wife and he didn’t end on good terms, but I wouldn’t listen. I thought I was in love and I thought I found the security that I always wanted. It was about a year in that I realized how much Jake liked to drink and his temper was getting worst. He shoved me a few times but I overlooked it because he was drinking so much.”
My blood began to boil because I had an idea where this conversation was heading and I was not going to be happy about it. I still had not said anything, yet.
“About another year in, Jake was getting worst. One night he lost a really easy case. He had drank a lot and one thing lead to another and…,” she stopped and began sobbing. I couldn’t help myself; I got up and wrapped her in my arms. I picked her up and sat in the chair, putting her on my lap. She buried herself in my chest and just sobbed. After a few minutes she began again, still clinging to my shirt.
“He hit me, a lot. He broke my jaw and my wrist. He badly bruised my face bad. The worst was,” she stopped and took a deep breath, “when he stabbed me and then he stuffed me in our crawl-space.”
I was on the verge of hunting this guy down and killing him myself.
“All those scars?” I finally asked.
“On my jaw and wrist are from surgeries. On my stomach was from where he stabbed me.” She looked up at me. Her beautiful green eyes were full of sadness and I just wanted to protect her. I held her tighter and rocked back and forth with her.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked after several minutes of silence.
“The truth is, I still feel like I did something wrong from that night to make him flip out on me. I thought if I told you than you would leave me.”
“Are you kidding me, Sara?” She shook her head. “You did nothing wrong. It was that asshole.” Sara nodded, but I don’t think she was fully convinced.
“Lucas, the other reason is, I am scared about loving you. That is why I haven’t said it. I have horrible parents. You come from this loving home and I don’t think I fit in.” Tears were still streaming down her face.
“Sara, do you know how upset my family is right now because we were not talking? I thought my mom and Ava were going to come down here to help me get you back. Trust me, they never do that, ever.” I laughed and she smiled. “As far as loving me, you don’t have to be scared. I am here and I not going anywhere now.” I picked her up when I stood up and sat her on the chair. I walked to my bathroom, grabbed some tissues and a glass of water.
“Lucas, do you think I could have a moment?” She nodded toward the bathroom. I nodded and stepped out, then headed downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. That was a lot to process in a short time. I still wanted to kill this guy more than anything in the world. Sara, so sweet and caring, should not be scared of him. I vowed to make sure that she was never hurt by him again. She deserved better.
I had jus
t finished my beer when I felt her arms come around my middle and laid her head on my back.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, beautiful.” I felt her smile on my back. I turned around and looked at her. My jaw fell open. Her hair was down, her make-up was gone, and she had changed. She was wearing one of my dress shirts that I had hung in the bathroom. Even though her eyes were puffy, she was beautiful. She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stairs. I quickly set down my beer bottle and followed her. She took me all the way to the bedroom and gently pushed me on the bed.
“Sara.” I was going to try and stop her, but she put her hand over my mouth.
“Don’t say anything.” She removed her hand and kissed me, the most passionate kiss she had ever given me.
I ran my fingertips up her thighs. Her skin was soft and wonderful to the touch. When I reached the top of her thighs, I realized that she was not wearing any underwear. Knowing that made me the hardest I had ever been. I gently grazed the folds between her legs. She jerked and smiled against my lips.
“I have missed you,” she said. Her green eyes stared at me as she stood up and backed away from my fingers between her legs. I smirked as I watched her bite her lip and began to unbutton my dress shirt she was wearing.
As she finished, she let it fall to the floor. She stood in front of me and she looked so beautiful. There was nothing I wanted more at this very moment. She pulled my shirt over my head and tossed it to the side, then reached for my belt buckle. I stood up as my pants fell to the ground. She pulled my boxers down and without even a second’s hesitation put her mouth on my cock. I ran my fingers through her hair, gripping the back of her neck and I went deeper into her mouth. She moved faster, her tongue working me like nothing ever before.
I didn’t know how long I would last and craved being, inside her after so long apart. She pulled me out of her mouth and I knew I was close to exploding, so I scooted back on the bed and lay down. Sara climbed on top and straddled me, easing herself down and moaning.
