by Paris Rose
“Well, at least I came to you and was honest and admitted it. I’m certain you have done things with other women that were much worse than the mistake I made with Axel. The only difference is, you’re so good at sneaking behind people’s back that you know how to get away with it. That’s the only difference.” I spoke so passionately that my blood rushed to my face.
Christoff’s jaw tightened, and he narrowed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “Gia, really? Is that what you think of me? When you look at me, is that what you see? A liar? A cheater?” Christoff’s face contorted with disgust. “Before I left for Germany, I told you how shitty it made me feel that you didn’t trust me. And now, even after we talked about it, after we had a break, and after I came back to you despite you… you hooking up with one of my best friends… my bandmate behind my back, you still continue to be suspicious of me and accuse me of being something I’m not. What nerve. Gia? Really? How could you?” Christoff was usually pretty reserved even when he was angry, but not this time. I had never seen him emote like this before. He was almost yelling. His tone made me shake uncontrollably.
“Christoff, I know that my hands are not clean, but do not play the innocent victim here. Don’t make me out to be this crazy, suspicious, jealous woman. You have a long track record of infidelity, Christoff. For as long as you’ve been in the public eye, I can’t think of one partner that you were faithful to,” I said sharply.
“You read a few articles on me before we met and suddenly you think you know my entire past. Is that how this works? And not that my past should matter, anyway, but I have had plenty of partners that I was faithful to.”
“Really, Christoff? Plenty?” I put my hands on my hips and raised my eyebrows.
“I’ve been faithful to you, so what the hell does it matter, Gia? My past is my past, and there isn’t really anything I can do to change it, so I don’t know what good you think you’re doing by throwing it in my face.”
“Well, you keep throwing the Axel thing in my face—”
“Listen to me.” Christoff said, abruptly cutting me off. “One, I don’t really want to hear you saying his name again. Two, of course I keep bringing it up because it just happened. Three, he was one of my best friends, Gia! How would you feel if I messed around with Amber?”
My eyes began to smart, and I almost vomited at the thought.
“Oh, so messing around with your best friend is off-limits, I see. I can tell by the look on your face that now you finally get how fucked up this situation makes me feel.”
I swallowed hard before speaking.
“I’ve always understood your pain, Christoff, more than you know. I feel awful for what I did. I really do. But there is one thing you don’t understand. Ax—” I bit my lip to stop from saying his name. “Your so-called best friend preyed on me. He knew what he was doing. He waited until you were out of town to come over and drink with me. He had been checking me out since the first day we met, and, as soon as you went out of town, he came over uninvited and started hitting on me. And even when I said stop, he wanted to keep going. I wouldn’t call that a friend. He got me drunk and took advantage of me in one of my weakest moments, Christoff.” My eyes began to water.
“Look, Gia, I don’t know what happened that night, and I don’t care to know the details. Is Axel an asshole for what he did? Yes, of course, but his guilt does not make you innocent. You voluntarily let him into the house, you voluntarily drank with him and… well, what are you saying, Gia? Are you saying that the hookup wasn’t voluntary? Are you saying he forced you?”
I stared at Christoff without responding. Even though what had happened with Axel had completely changed my life for the worse, I knew that it wasn’t totally Axel’s fault. I had to take responsibility.
“No, Christoff. No, that’s not what I’m saying. He didn’t force me to do anything, but he had the advantage in the situation. He knew it, and he exploited it. That’s what I’m saying.”
Christoff sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “That is the one double standard I absolutely cannot stand. For some reason, it’s okay when a woman regrets doing something with a man or she gets in trouble and is not adult enough to own up to her decisions. She can just turn around and make the situation seem like something it wasn’t, all to take the blame off of herself, even if it means painting an innocent man as a predator. It makes me physically sick.”
“Well, what makes me sick is when guys exploit their power and their privilege, and they don’t suffer any consequences. The finger is always pointed at the woman and what she did wrong, and the boys just circle the wagons.”
“Gia, I don’t know why you’re making this into that type of conversation. You know if someone hurt you—anyone, my friend, a stranger, the CEO of my record label, anyone at all—I would kill them. I mean I would literally end their life, no questions asked. But that’s why it’s absolutely imperative that you tell me the truth about these things and don’t color and shade things to take the blame off of yourself. I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I misinterpret something you say and overreact and get us both into trouble. So please just think before you speak.”
“Christoff, did you hurt Axel?” I walked across the kitchen and sat next to him. “Is that why you’ve been acting so strangely? No… Christoff?” I shook my head back and forth to clear my thoughts. “What did you do?”
Christoff looked down and covered his face with his hands. He drew a deep breath and shook his head back and forth.
“No, I didn’t hurt Axel, although I probably should have. I went to his place and threatened him. He was pretty shaken up, but I barely touched him. My visit with Axel is not the issue, but I did end up pissing someone else off. But I swear to you, Gia, the situation is nothing what it looks like. I just need to lay low for a few weeks until everything blows over.”
“Christoff, there is a lot you aren’t telling me. What’s going on?” I was deeply concerned.
“At this point, I don’t want to involve you, Gia, but I can tell you that I really need your trust. I know it’s a lot to ask right now. But please trust me. I need you to believe in me, and I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”
My lip quivered. I was so confused that I wanted to cry, but I got the sense that Christoff needed me to be strong. I nodded my head.
“Yeah, I think so,” I said quietly.
“I love you, Gia, and, despite everything that’s going on right now, I really want to be with you. I care about you in a way that I have never cared about another woman, or anyone for that matter. Yes, I still make mistakes, but I am not the same person I was before we met. Whether you believe me or not, I’m being honest when I tell you that being with you has made me a better person. You do think I’m a good person, Gia? Don’t you?”
I grabbed Christoff’s hand and squeezed. Whatever mess he was in seemed to be eroding his self-confidence.
“Yes, Christoff. I think you are an amazing person. I’m sorry I haven’t been as trusting as you would like me to be. I guess it’s my own insecurities and now my own guilt eating away at me. I really want us to pull through this, Christoff. I’m sorry I hurt you by not trusting you. And I will forever be sorry for what I did to make you not trust me. I adore you, Christoff, and I just want us to be happy together again. I want that more than anything.”
“I want that, too.” Christoff rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb.
We gazed into each other’s eyes in silence. He looked completely worn out and beaten down, but I could still see his affection for me in his deep blue eyes.
“Hey, we should take a trip together, somewhere quiet and low key where we can just forget all of the chaos here in L.A. and just connect with each other,” he said.
“Yeah, I would like that.”
“How about we go out to rural Wisconsin? I remember you said you like it out there. Let’s rent out their nicest cabin and just veg out in the woods and try to reconnect with each other.”
“Day after tomorrow.”
“Awesome.” I kissed him on the cheek. I was hoping this trip would restore our relationship to how it was before all the madness.
***
The journey to Wisconsin was smooth and easy. The flight seemed to be the only aspect of our lives that wasn’t turbulent. We landed at Dane County Regional Airport and rented a car and drove out to the country. Our cabin was buried deep in the woods. The autumn leaves were mixed with warm shades of orange and yellow. As I walked toward our cabin hand in hand with Christoff, I felt like I had stepped into one of the beautiful American landscape pictures I used to admire at the art museum as a little girl. It was unseasonably warm, but the air still smelled like autumn and the breeze was crisp. It was quiet, except for the birdsong and the wind blowing through the trees.
“It’s beautiful here, Christoff. Thank you for choosing such an amazing location. I really appreciate you bringing me here.”
“Of course, Gia. You deserve it. I think this is just what we need.” Christoff grabbed the key from his pocket, unlocked the door, and gestured for me to walk in. The cabin was cozy and homey. There was a cute sofa in front of a flat-screen TV, and there was a beautiful kitchen with a breakfast bar and stainless-steel appliances to the left of the living space. I walked past the kitchen and into the bedroom. A king-sized bed with four wooden bedposts that looked hand carved dominated the room. There was a sliding glass door that led out to the back patio. The view at the back of the cabin was even more majestic than the front walk-up. There was a peaceful lake framed by cattails, marsh grass, and oak trees. This was so different than L.A. I felt a wave of calm wash over me as Christoff put his arm around me from behind. He rested his hand on my stomach as I admired Mother Nature’s masterpiece from the window.
“I’m so lucky to have you, Gia,” Christoff whispered in my ear before kissing me on the cheek. The sound of his melodic baritone voice always made me feel warm and giddy inside. I leaned back and pressed against his warm, fit body.
“I’m so happy to be yours.”
“It makes me feel really good to hear you say that. Thank you.” Christoff squeezed me. “I want to take you out on the lake. Let’s get a canoe and paddle around the property, so you can really admire everything.”
“Oh, that sounds so romantic!” I gushed as I turned and embraced Christoff. “But wait, I don’t know how to work a canoe,” I added sincerely. Christoff burst into a fit of laughter.
“I forgot I have a city girl on my hands. Don’t worry. I will do the paddling. All you have to do it sit back and enjoy yourself. How’s that sound?”
“That sounds amazing. I love how you take care of me, Christoff. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure, Gia, and I mean that. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy.” Christoff kissed me on the forehead. “Come on—let’s get out there before the sun goes down and it gets too cold.” Christoff grabbed my hand and led me out the back-patio door. I was excited to see that there was a hot tub out back.
Christoff led me to the edge of the lake and held my hand as I got into the canoe. He pushed the canoe out into the water, hopped in across from me, and began to paddle deeper into the center of the lake. I was speechless as I admired the man across from me. He was so strong inside and out, and he always allowed me to feel protected and provided for. I never had to want for anything, and I knew that, no matter what happened, I always had someone to lean on. Even though we had our problems, Christoff always went out of his way to make things right. We gazed at each other in silence as our canoe glided through the water. There was an electricity in Christoff’s gaze that pulsed through my entire body. I felt like we were seeing each other for the first time. Despite everything we’d been through, we still had that spark. I let my shoe fall off into the bottom of the canoe, and I playfully ran my toes up Christoff’s legs. He smiled and raised his eyebrows. I loved the way his eyes lit up when he looked at me.
“You’re so cute, Gia,” he uttered softly.
“Likewise.” I tossed my hair over my shoulder and gazed out at the beautiful scene before me.
From our angle at the center of the lake, our cabin looked picturesque, framed by the forest. I felt like I was floating through a dream. The love of my life was gazing at me with such love and reverence, and we were surrounded by Mother Nature in all of her glory. I couldn’t have asked for more. I wanted to bask in this moment forever. The clouds drifted over the sun, causing silhouettes of the leaves to dance upon us in an intriguing pattern. The air started to feel cool and damp on my skin. Christoff gazed up at the sky as he continued to paddle.
“I think it’s going to rain. That’s a bummer. We just got out here. I really wanted you to see the property.”
“It’s okay, Christoff. I’m just really happy to be here. Maybe the rain will hold off for a few.” A loud crash of thunder cut off the end of my sentence. “Or maybe not.” I looked up as dark clouds swirled above me. A cool gust of wind tousled my hair. I desperately wished I had something to keep my hair dry, but I knew it was too late to save it. “Uh-oh, I actually think it’s going to storm.”
“Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll get us back before it gets too bad.” All at once the sky opened up and cold wet drops splattered against my skin. I looked at Christoff, and drops of rain rolled down the side of his face. “Or not,” he added, laughing.
The rain pounded the floor of the canoe to an intoxicating rhythm. It seemed that the more Christoff paddled, the harder the rain cascaded down. I giggled in delight as I admired the way Christoff’s form-fitting white shirt clung to his broad chest and his narrow waist as he paddled backwards to get us back to shore. His biceps flexed, and he grunted as he pushed against the wind.
“You’re so strong, Christoff. This storm is kind of wild. I hate to sound like a damsel in distress, but I don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here.”
“You know I’ll always be here to protect my baby.”
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Gia. By the way, you look pretty hot when you’re wet.”
I laughed. I felt like a wet rat with my hair sticking to my face and my makeup running, but Christoff’s compliment turned me on. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I must say, you look pretty sexy yourself.”
“Really?” Christoff raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, really.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“What do you want me to do about it?”
Christoff tossed his hair out of his eyes as he paddled to the edge of the dock.
“Just you wait.” He tied up the canoe before extending his hand to me and helping me out onto the dock. I always enjoyed having my hand in his. He looked like a hero in a chick flick as he towered over me, dripping wet. He pulled me into his arms. I enjoyed the way the warmth of his body contrasted with the cold torrents of rain against my skin. I melted into his touch as his hands caressed my lower back. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him. I felt so at home in his embrace. I softly ran my nose up the crook of his neck. He smelled so good to me. His fingers traveled down the side of my face before resting underneath my chin. He stepped back and lifted my head so that I was looking into his eyes. I felt my knees go weak under his penetrating gaze. A loud crash of thunder made my heart race as he brought his lips to mine. I got chills as I enjoyed the feeling of his tongue massaging mine. I ran my fingers through his hair as he pulled me deeper into his kiss. My body trembled with exhilaration. I let out a ragged breath as he pressed into me. The pouring rain caused our bodies to stick together. I ran my hands across his back. I loved his muscular physique.
I gasped as his hands slid down my lower back and cupped my ass. He lifted my leg around his waist and rubbed his hardness against me. It felt so good. Despite the chilly winds and the cool rain saturating my skin, I felt warm and sensual. My womanh
ood was throbbing with anticipation. I moaned as Christoff’s mouth traveled to my neck. He bit and sucked on my skin as if he was devouring a delicious treat. I reached under his shirt and used my fingertips to graze the skin on his back. I enjoyed the way his body reacted, so I dug my nails into him even harder. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled my head back so that my neck and chest were fully exposed. I enjoyed the tension pulsing through my scalp. It made my whole body tingle. He buried his face in my bosom and lightly raked his teeth against my skin. I held my breath as his hands glided up my torso and kneaded my breasts with firm deep strokes.
His touch made me feel so alive. I exhaled audibly as he scooped me up, and I wrapped both my legs around him. I squeezed his perfectly chiseled body between my thighs as our lips met, and we exchanged hot, passionate kisses. He carried me down the dock, up the walkway, and onto the porch. He stopped suddenly and pinned me between the hard, wooden door and his warm fit body. I spread my legs wide as he thrust himself against me. His fingers pressed against my thighs as he pulled me toward him, while keeping me suspended in the air between his massive chest and the door. My breath hitched in my throat as his hand traveled up my dress and played with the perimeter of my panties. I squirmed with delight as the warmth of his fingertips teased the most delicate parts of my womanhood.
“I’ve been craving this for far too long,” he said through heavy breaths as he moved my panties to the side and pushed his finger inside of me. I instinctively thrust against his touch.
“It’s all for you, Christoff,” I whispered in his ear as I allowed myself to get lost in him. I moaned as he pressed deep inside of me with two fingers. I was so wet for him. “I’m ready for you. It’s time to take what’s yours,” I purred in his ear before kissing his neck.
“You make me so hot for you, Gia.” Christoff grunted as he held me to him with one arm and powered through the door with the other. In what seemed like just a few steps, he had me inside of the cabin and down on the bed. He peeled his soaking wet shirt off of his body before tearing out of his jeans and boxer briefs. I propped myself up on my elbows and admired his stunning physique. His biceps were massive, and the broadness of his shoulders and chest accentuated the tightness of his waist. His thighs were well developed and perfectly toned. His body looked like fine art. I couldn’t wait to have him on top of me. I could see the passion in his eyes as he gazed down at me and pulled my dress over my head. He leaned in and kissed me on the lips, then on the neck, before unhooking my bra and licking between my breasts. His tongue circled one of my nipples as I wriggled out of my underwear. The warmth of his mouth felt so good after coming in from the cold dampness outside. I ran my fingers through his hair as he brought his lips back to mine. My body trembled as he rubbed the head of his cock against my clit while he continued to kiss me. I ached for him to put it inside of me. His mouth traveled to my neck as he pressed into my slick opening. I stretched to accommodate him. A wave of heat washed over me as he thrust into me with slow, deep strokes. He grunted as I raised my hips and pushed back against his thrusts. I was so happy to have him inside of me. I massaged his ass and pulled him in deeper.
