Trust Me (Beggar's Choice #2)

by Lily Morton

  “But I’ve got a temper too. Look at all the times I’ve used my fists on Mabe’s behalf. I couldn’t bear it if I turned them on her or our kids.”

  “That’s the point Charlie. Yes, you have a temper and have been known to punch blokes that might have hurt Mabe, but you’ve never punched her.”

  “What about when I hit her on the head?” he whispers and I know we’re at the heart of the issue and I lean forward urgently because I have to get through to him on this.

  “That was an argument between you and John, and Mabe got in the way. She never blamed you for it. You blamed yourself and that should give you a clue about yourself because you were utterly devastated that you’d accidently hurt her. You could never do it deliberately. Everything you’ve ever done has been to protect her. Charlie you don’t have an anger problem, you have an over protective problem.”

  He looks at me in amazement and I’m relieved to see that the confusion and worry that has been in his face since Mabe announced the pregnancy is starting to clear. “Charlie we lived in a house of violence but we weren’t part of it. That was dad. He is not me and he’s not you either. We’re our own people. We are what we’ve made of ourselves and what you’ve been doing is letting him win. Anyway, I know that you’ll be a good dad.”

  “How?”

  “Because you practically raised me, and despite intense provocation you have never once lost your temper and hurt me. Anyway this kid will be part Mabe. No way in hell you’d hurt anything of hers.”

  He reaches out and draws me into a tight hug. “Thank you Sid,” he whispers and for a second I relish the fact that I, Sid, have solved one of Charlie’s problems. It’s a euphoric feeling after years of being the one that shit while he swept it up. He punches me on the shoulder and we separate and then he gets up and stretches, looking suddenly younger. “Well mate I actually have a woman so I’d best be off to her.” I smile and he turns to go but then turns back again. “What about you and Nell?” he asks and I groan.

  “Fuck knows Charlie, because I don’t.”

  “It’s actually very ironic. All those years you were a ‘one man, skank’. Sorry, ‘one man, woman’, and we prayed for you to fuck around on her. Now you’ve actually found a woman that we all love and you’re fucking her about.”

  I wince. “I don’t want to hurt her, that’s the problem. If she’d been anyone else I’d have fucked her weeks ago and got her out of my system. She’s just different and I don’t know why.”

  He studies me intently and for a second he looks like he wants to say something, but then he seems to have second thoughts and shrugs. “You want her and she wants you. God knows why but I suppose we must just thank the lord for throwing a mentally defective young woman at you, rather than questioning your luck.”

  I cover my eyes and laugh. “Fuck off!” I shout to the ceiling and he laughs.

  “I’m going.” He pauses. “I want you to know that I’m really struggling at the moment. I really, really want to warn you not to fuck this up because that woman is made for you. I really want to tell you not to push her away. I really want to tell you that you’re worthy of her and that it’s not frightening to fall in love. It’s the best thing ever. I really want to do that.”

  “I appreciate your restraint Charlie. Not to tell me all those things must have taken a herculean amount of strength,” I say wryly and he laughs, punching me lightly on my shoulder again.

  “I’m glad you see the effort. Hopefully you’ll take note of my many unspoken thoughts.” Then he’s gone, pacing lightly up the steps and I’m alone again and I know it can’t be real but I swear I can still smell Nell’s perfume on me. I exhale weakly and roll my head against the back of the sofa. “Fuck!”

  Nine

  The next few days fly by to my surprise, and before I know it we’re heading into Amsterdam which excites me because I’ve never been here before. We’re playing in an old theatre in the centre but tomorrow we have that rarest of things – a day off.

  It’s late evening when I shut the lid of the Mac after checking my emails and dealing with mum’s latest request for money, which as per normal didn’t come with any sort of enquiry as to how I am and what’s happening in my life. I sit for a second breathing steadily until the hurt feeling goes away, and then I get up and stretch before making my way over to the living area where the boys are stretched out and lounging around.

  Living with them on the bus has been surprisingly easy. They’re all very laidback and they treat me as if I were a little sister. Well, all of them apart from Sid, but that’s a different story. As if catching my thought blue eyes lock onto me as I walk towards them. He’s sitting with a bulging file of papers which Scott delivered a few hours ago. I think they’re receipts or something but he’s been absorbed in them for a few hours. However, his concentration is most definitely on me now as I saunter towards him, and a sexy smile plays on his lips which I’ve got to admit just makes me want to jump him.

  We’ve spent a lot of time together over the last few days, sitting chatting or running together, sometimes with Charlie and other times on our own. When we’re in restaurants he sits close to me and he touches me a lot, but that’s it. Apart from these odd touches which always seem to be beyond his control to stop as he usually looks irritated with himself when it happens, he’s been the epitome of control. He’s waiting for me to snap and I have to say that I think it’s coming soon.

  I know so much more about him now than I did before. It’s trivial stuff like his favourite band is Pink Floyd, his favourite colour is blue, he loves bacon sandwiches and has an irrational hatred of personalised number plates. However, it’s joining the dots around him, and being with him and seeing his humour and his kindness, even his odd sexy bad mood, makes me want him more than I did before. The others have definitely noticed but they’ve ignored it apart from a few smiles. I think they approve but to my relief they act as if nothing is happening.

  I drop into the seat next to him and he obligingly shoves the papers onto the floor. Wolf Alice’s ‘Giant Peach’ is playing on the stereo, and looking around I see Seth and Bram lying on the floor playing against each other on the X Box. Adam is tapping away on his laptop and Charlie is reading a battered copy of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ which Mabe had picked up at a service station a few days ago. “Picking up some tips?” I say to him lightly and he snorts.

  “I don’t need to be given ideas. I’m the King of the Bedroom.”

  Mabe sniggers from where she’s rifling through a drawer under one of the settees. “I don’t think so,” she says. “When I asked you to tell me what to do in the bedroom a few months ago you said that the surfaces needed a good dusting and could I do a load of washing.” A roar of laughter greets this and Charlie huffs indignantly, swatting her lightly on the backside.

  “It was a joke and you know it. If I wanted to boss you around I would. You’d make a shit submissive anyway - I can’t even get what I want for dinner.” Bram sits back laughing his head off and I smile before becoming aware that Sid is studying me intently. He reaches out and draws a long finger down my arm smirking as goose bumps rise up at his touch.

  “Have you ever been to Amsterdam?” he asks.

  “No never, have you?”

  “Lots of times yes, but usually when stoned. I’m looking forward to seeing it with you fresh.”

  Overhearing the word Amsterdam Bram sits up. “What’s everyone doing tomorrow?” he asks excitedly.

  “You look like a little kid,” Seth scoffs.

  “Dude we’ve been on this bus for far too long. If I don’t get inside a woman soon my hand is going to fall off.”

  Everyone groans and I throw a cushion at him. “Information overload!”

  “What?” he says indignantly. “It’s true. There are no available women around. The groupies are dangerously vague about how old they are, and I’m too young and pretty for a prison sentence. Mabe and Nell are taken.”

  “I’m not,” I say flush
ing but it’s overridden by Sid.

  “You bet she’s taken, fucker,” and I blush harder. Bram looks vastly entertained by this and quite prepared to settle in for a bit of winding Sid up, but Seth kicks his foot and shakes his head and with a huff he settles back.

  Seth meanwhile stares hard at Bram. “What’s with you and all the women lately anyway?”

  Bram looks confused. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, regardless of your proclamation of enforced celibacy, I don’t think that I’ve ever seen so many women passing through your hotel room as on this tour.”

  “What the fuck Mother Superior? Have you been keeping count or something?”

  “Yes.”

  “What? Why? We’ve toured together for years, and you have actually met me before haven’t you? I like women and lots of them.”

  Seth exchanges a complicated look with Sid that Bram misses. “It just seems a bit like overkill at the moment mate, like there’s something else going on with you.”

  Bram swallows hard and for a second something that looks like a cloud passes over his face, but then he rallies. “Apart from pussy, the subject of which is obviously upsetting Sister Seth, I think I’ll get another tattoo,” he shares.

  Seth sighs and gives up for the moment, but I can’t help thinking that he’s right. There is something the matter with Bram. Underneath his ready humour I’ve seen many flashes of something darker, and he does seem to be fucking his way through Europe steadfastly, but with very little sign of enjoyment. However, he’s obviously not ready to share anything so to break the silence I lean forward. “What are you going to get?”

  “Don’t know. I might get something to represent the tour. Have you got any?”

  “No. I’ve always wanted one though.”

  “Come with me then. The bloke who does mine is brilliant. He’s Charlie’s old friend from school. He did his back piece years ago.” I know he’s good if he did that because I saw it when he took his shirt off on stage the other night. “He did Sid’s as well didn’t he Sid?”

  “He did my sleeve. I had to come back a few times for that.”

  “You say that like you caught a bus up the road,” I say turning to him, and he shrugs.

  “He is good Nell if you’re set on having one.” Then he frowns. “Is he still such a pussy hound Bram?”

  “Think so mate - he was fucking someone in the chair when I arrived last time.”

  He looks at me thoughtfully. “Well I’ll come with you then.”

  Seth scoffs. “He has got some control Sid, he’s not just going to jump on her. Although she is totally his type,” he adds, looking at me intently.

  Charlie shifts. “He totally made a pass at Mabe once. Do you remember?”

  “That was long before we got together,” she reminds him.

  “Didn’t stop him punching him though,” says Sid with bloodthirsty relish. Then he turns to me. “Just make sure to get one that means something. It’s shit when people are pissed and just get some fucking symbol.”

  “Do yours mean something?” I ask and he rolls up the sleeve on his right arm.

  “The only one that really means anything is this one.” He runs his fingers along the inside of his forearm where he has some letters done in white and grey which look stupendous against his olive skin.

  “Gradum ad tempus,” I read out loud. “What does that mean?”

  “It’s Latin for one step at a time. It’s one of the sayings that I liked best when I heard it in rehab. It’s about taking recovery a day at a time or even an hour at a time, and not thinking too far ahead.”

  I trace my fingers along the ornate letters making him shiver slightly. “I like that. Why Latin though?”

  He shifts looking embarrassed. “I wasn’t trying to be pretentious. It’s just that I wanted it as a reminder somewhere that I could see it, but I’m not the Daily Mail. I didn’t want everyone to be able to read my arm.”

  Bram snorts loudly. “You hope that’s what it says. It could actually read I was the counsellor’s bitch at rehab.” Sid laughs and then Bram looks around. “Why don’t we all have one? I booked the studio for the night.”

  “I can’t,” says Mabe. “Not being pregnant.”

  Charlie smiles. “The fact that my superior sperm has knocked up my woman means that the tattoo artist will have to look elsewhere for a woman.” He waggles his eyebrows at me, patently trying to get a rise out of Sid who has stiffened so I change the subject.

  “I’d actually just like a day sightseeing,” I announce and see him relax out of the corner of my eye.

  “I’ll take you,” he says. “Although we might get a bit lost. I’ve been here hundreds of times but I’ve usually been stoned out of my brain. Once I didn’t come back to the hotel for two days and Charlie found me in this bird’s house. I was fucked off my face and completely naked because she’d nicked all my clothes and was keeping me prisoner.” He laughs and everyone stares at him. “What? Too soon?” he asks and they all slowly nod yes.

  ***

  We’re staying in a beautiful old hotel in the centre and despite it being very late when we got here last night there had still been loads of fans waiting outside the hotel. The boys had stayed to sign autographs and take photos, and smiling at Sid I’d made my way up to my room and after unpacking I’d fallen into bed and was asleep straightaway.

  Now, I stretch in the very early morning light enjoying the luxury of a proper bed rather than my little bunk on the bus, even though that’s above Sid’s bed. The boys had announced that the bedroom on the bus was mine but I’d demurred, saying that if girlfriends were visiting then the couple could have the room, and so far Charlie and Mabe had occupied it which has been lovely because Mabe and I have been able to hang out. She’s an old hand at touring having accompanied the band before, and never makes a fuss at the long delays and waiting around that are a staple feature of life on the road.

  I slide out of bed looking around my room which I’d been too tired last night to appreciate. I’m in a suite called the King Grand Loft which is on the highest floor of the hotel and this is reflected in the fact that the ceiling is open to the rafters. The beams are a warm polished oak and they narrow down to the floor in the sitting area where there’s a couple of squashy, grey armchairs.

  The room is utterly charming with a huge half tester oak bed and flowers everywhere filling the air with a heavy scent. Despite the quaintness, all the mod cons are represented in the form of an enormous television, an expresso machine with more buttons on it than the Starship Enterprise and a massive entertainment centre. There’s even a television in the bathroom along with a claw foot bath under a big dormer window. I’m not sure what time it is but it’s very light and I pad over to the window and settle on the window seat looking down onto a sunlit canal which is quiet and slumbering with only a few boats moored.

  Just then I hear a knock and I skip to answer it knowing instantly that’s it’s Sid. Throwing open the door I smile at him eating him up with my eyes. He’s dressed in a pair of dark jeans that hang from his narrow hips with a blue and white gingham shirt layered over a white t-shirt. He’s slung on a navy bomber jacket and has a dark blue beanie pulled on over his messy hair which brings out the intense blue of his eyes. “Good morning,” I call out and he smiles before it falters slightly and he stares down at me.

  “Jesus,” he says, pushing me into the room and closing the door behind him.

  “What?”

  He gestures at my lilac lace nightie. “Fuck, sweetheart you can’t open the door looking like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Fucking edible,” he says in a dark voice and I gasp and then moan deep in my throat as almost against his will he raises his hand and lets his finger brush my very erect nipple, sending a pulse of pleasure shooting through me. He shifts and slowly cups my breast in one of his big hands, his long fingers moving restlessly, and I gasp throwing my head back as a streak of pleasure runs down to my core.
For a moment I feel his warm breath striking my lips but then his hand falls away and he steps back. I open my eyes to see him looking around the room. “Do you like it?” he asks slightly hoarsely, and I blink slightly at the abrupt volte face.

  “I love it Sid. It’s beautiful.”

  He smiles. “I thought you’d like it. We’ve stayed here before and I remember thinking how lovely this room was. We’ve got suites on the floor below but this seemed more like you.” He steps forward obviously intending to look out of the window, but buildings in Amsterdam obviously weren’t made for men that are Sid’s size and he lets out a muffled fuck as he bangs his head. I try hard not to laugh and move forward to bring his head down to me so that I can rub the mark on his forehead gently. “I know you want to laugh,” he says darkly and I can’t help but let out a massive snort.

  “For such a big heartthrob you are a total dork.” He smiles looking delighted for some reason with that insult. He opens his mouth to say I don’t know what but as if synchronised we both realise how close we are standing together and how with my arm raised it has thrust my breasts into his very firm chest. His breath comes faster and his eyes darken as he lowers his head towards me but then he swears gently and pushes me away.

  “Don’t tempt me Nell,” he says briskly. “I want to spend the day with you and see somewhere new with you. If I take you to bed we won’t roll out until tomorrow, and I can’t even say that we’ll get out then either.”

  “Don’t you want to?” I hate how needy I sound, but he looks at me in absolute amazement and then I gasp as he grabs my hand and pushes it down between us until I can feel the hard thrust of his cock. Moaning, I can’t help but run my hand down its length quickly, inwardly gulping because he feels huge. He groans and presses his hand on mine holding it still.

  “Does that feel like I don’t want to?” he asks darkly, nipping my lip savagely.

  “No.”

  “That’s right. I want to fuck you so bad that I could push you against that wall right now and see how far I could get inside you. Do you want that?”