Trust Me (Beggar's Choice #2)

by Lily Morton

  “That was romantic. I’ve always wanted to see them but never had the time when we’ve been here before. Did you like it?”

  “It was beautiful,” I say softly. “I’ll definitely remember it when this is all over.”

  I feel Sid stiffen next to me and when Mabe turns to answer a question from Seth he leans in talking low so that the others can’t hear us. “When what’s over?” he asks harshly.

  I look at him unsure what this is and then shrug. “The tour? Us? Both of them I suppose. They’re both going to come to an end.” I’m trying for a casual voice because I know anything more will make him shy away but he stiffens.

  “Really? You’re very casual all of a sudden,” he hisses.

  I look at him blindsided but finally settle for an offhand tone that costs me dear. “Not casual so much as realistic. You do remember telling me that this thing between us can’t come to anything don’t you Sid?”

  “Oh, I remember. I just thought that you had a longer attention span. I’ve not even got in your knickers yet but it sounds like you can’t wait for me to move on.” His chest is rising and falling rapidly and he looks furious. I open my mouth to reassure him but unfortunately I don’t do it fast enough because he goes for the jugular. “You were singing a different tune earlier when I had a job keeping your hands out of my pants, but you know what Nell it doesn’t matter. You jog on babe, because at the end of the day you’re just one woman out of many. I know several women in Amsterdam alone that’ll take a lot less work than you, and they’ll drop their knickers at the first phone call without needing any sweet talking.”

  I’m struck dumb as he actually gets out his phone and starts scrolling through his contacts, while I sit feeling like he’s just punched me. I’ve got a feeling that I’ve just hurt him in some way but what was I supposed to say? I’m just following the guidelines that he laid down and he shits all over me as his reply.

  Suddenly I’m very angry and I stand up abruptly. “Excuse me,” I say to Mabe who moves her chair looking at me questioningly, but I ignore her look and taking my bag I walk out of the room. Following the signs for the toilets I let myself into the first one and rest my hands on the sink, looking at my reflection. My face is white and my lips pale while my eyes are huge and dark. Shaking my head I blow out a breath and try to calm myself.

  The door opens suddenly and I move back to let the other person through but gasp when I see Sid. “What are you doing in here?” I gasp but he says nothing. Instead he slams the door closed, propping his foot against it to stop anyone entering, and then he pulls me sharply to him and slams his lips down on mine. I pull his hair trying to get him away from me. I’m so angry that I want to hit him but I settle for biting his lip hard. He pulls back wincing but then he smiles almost admiringly.

  “Bitch,” he says in a guttural voice and then I don’t know what happens but we slam into each other and go wild. Our hands pull at each other while I’m groaning and he’s grunting, and the anger has transformed into this mad, insane need to climb him and have him inside me. Pulling the skirt of my dress up he almost throws me onto the surface by the sink, and then pushes in between my legs curling them around him so that his cock hits me straight on. “Yeah fuck,” he mutters. “Nell baby. My baby.” He pushes his hand up my thigh and finding my knickers he shoves them to one side and runs his finger through my wetness. Pulling back he looks at me, panting hard while he puts his fingers in his mouth and sucks, closing his eyes briefly, and then he lowers his hand to his fly tearing at the zip. I wriggle on the surface pulling my knickers down and he moves towards me only to have the door which he’s forgotten to prop shut, swing inwards and smack him on the back.

  An old woman appears looking rather perturbed and obviously thinking that she might have got the wrong room until she sees me frozen in embarrassment, practically sitting in the sink, while Sid stands there holding his jeans up with one strong hand. The silence stretches for what seems like a couple of days until finally she closes her eyes and says something sharp in Dutch. Backing out of the toilet she leaves us in what feels like suspended animation until I remember myself and jump down, hopping about trying to get my knickers on again while he zips himself back up, wincing painfully as he tucks his erection away. “Fuck,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I feel like I’m fucking fifteen and I’ve just been caught by my grandma.”

  “What do you think she said?” I say, trying not to giggle.

  “She said that I should be ashamed of myself and wasn’t there somewhere more sanitary that I could take my young lady. She followed it up by saying that we young men are all randy fools led by our penises.”

  I lose the fight against laughter and break into a fit of giggles while he smiles at me, our animosity temporarily forgotten. “Wait, you speak Dutch?” He’d spoken a little today but I thought it just stretched to him ordering food.

  He shakes his head but humours me. “Dutch, German, some Spanish and a little bit of French. Nell stop.” He puts out his hand to stop me from leaving the room and I still. “Earlier on …” He pauses, and I look straight ahead, instantly feeling the pain again which I’d forgotten. “I’m sorry,” he says harshly. He takes my head between his hands gently and looks deep into my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I didn’t mean any of that.”

  “What, the bit about knowing women that would be less work and put out instantly, or the bit where you were going to ring them up?” I ask coldly.

  “I wasn’t.” His eyes are fierce. “I wouldn’t.” He hesitates. “I couldn’t.”

  “Why?” I whisper.

  “I don’t see anyone else Nell. All I see, all I want, is you.”

  “You can’t threaten me with things like that Sid. Why did you say it?”

  “I don’t know,” he says but his eyes shift and I know that he’s concealing something. I also know that I won’t get anything from him unless he lets me.

  “You can’t do that Sid. If you’re angry with me tell me so that we can talk, or obviously do what we just did because that works for us too.” He smirks but it fades when I get close and say firmly. “But if you ever do that again, threatening me with other women, then I really will go and I won’t come back.”

  He closes his eyes briefly as if that thought pains him, and then he nods and kisses my forehead. “Come on, the food will be ready.”

  We escape fairly lightly when we get back to the table as the food has arrived. Well I say fairly lightly but that’s if you don’t count Bram banging his hands on the table and proclaiming loudly, “That’s what I’m talking about. Fucking two women in the toilets - that’s rock and roll Sid. Even if one of your partners in ménage was an old aged pensioner, we want you to know that we’re not judging you.”

  For the rest of the meal Sid completely ignores his customary distance from me and openly runs his hand through my hair or kisses my neck. I see Mabe smile at us a few times but Charlie just looks at him blank faced as if he’s examining him.

  Finally, when the meal is finished and the boys have signed autographs, we emerge from the restaurant blinking in the cold air. I shiver despite the fact that I’m wearing the coat that Sid bought me, and he throws his arm around me drawing me into his warmth. “How far is it to the tattoo place?” I ask through chattering teeth.

  “A couple of streets away,” Bram says pulling the collar up on his coat and looking more like a model than a rock star. He leads the way because Sid patently doesn’t remember how to get there, and I look around in interest at Amsterdam at night. With the juxtaposition of the noisy bars, the bright lights and the old gabled houses it’s like an elegant old lady sharing space with a tramp.

  Finally, we pitch up outside a brightly graffitied tattoo parlour where Bram rings the doorbell and for good measure pounds on the door. Suddenly it swings open letting rich light fall out onto us. “Fuck off Bram,” I hear a deep voice mutter. “Give a man a chance.”

  “A chance to do what?” asks Bram.

 
“Me,” purrs a feline voice, and a beautiful redhead squeezes past the shadow of the man. “Later lover,” she shouts and he raises a hand in farewell cupping her bum as she moves past him.

  “You old dog,” Bram says admiringly.

  “Takes one to know one,” the deep voice says. “Well come the fuck in the lot of you,” and we pile in, blinking in the light. I look around curiously. It’s a huge place, open plan with about ten cubicles, and the walls are full of very arty shots of tattoos on large canvasses. The Prodigy’s ‘Firestarter’ is blaring from the stereo but the place is deserted.

  I turn around and blink at the owner because he is absolutely gorgeous, big and built with jet black hair and dark chocolate brown eyes. His muscled arms are covered in tattoos and when he smiles his teeth are even and white. He currently has Sid in an affectionate headlock ruffling his hair like he’s his little brother, which I suppose may feel like it because this must be Charlie’s best friend. “Fuck man,” he booms with a broad East London accent. “It’s good to see you mate. You’re looking fucking well and Charlie says you fucked off that whore Leah and got yourself a brand new bird.” I blush bright red. Silence falls and he grimaces. “Tell me that’s true because this is going to be one fucking awkward session if you’ve brought Leah with you.”

  Sid shakes his head and looks at Charlie. “You’ve got a fucking mouth bigger than the Channel Tunnel, Charlie.”

  “I can’t help it,” Charlie says indignantly. “He’s just got this way of getting things out of me.”

  “Is it called asking you a question Charlie, because honestly that’s all it takes sometimes? He hardly needs to break out the thumbscrews.”

  Charlie smirks and the giant hugs Sid again. “It’s good to see you clean man. I don’t think the place could survive another visit like last time.” Everyone laughs but I see Sid’s ears redden.

  “What happened?” I ask, curiosity winning over shyness.

  The big man comes towards me. “Last time he was here he was so stoned he fell over and took out two chairs before falling through the curtain into the piercing room, where he landed on a bird getting her clit pierced.”

  Bram breaks into laughter. “Right between her legs,” he shouts and goes to fist bump Sid who just stares at him. “What?” Bram asks in an injured voice. “Don’t leave me hanging.”

  “Well hello beautiful.” The big man draws my attention back to him and I swear his voice is like fucking treacle. It’s so deep and rich. “Who’s this?” he asks and Sid’s grin fades.

  “Mine,” he says in a loud voice.

  I am open mouthed at this and gape at him before saying, “Oh my God Sid!”

  “What?” he asks in a puzzled voice.

  “You can’t go round saying things like that.”

  “I can and I will.” He prowls over and draws me to his side with a challenging look at the man. “This is Finn. He is a total whore who doesn’t respect women, so totally not your type of person Nell, what with all your feminist leanings.”

  There’s a roar of laughter and I say indignantly. “It was one time Sid. All I said was that I could carry my own bags.” Sid kisses my head, but although he’s laughing there’s something serious about the way that he’s eyeballing Finn, who in turn just examines him curiously before turning to Charlie and nodding as if in confirmation at something. Charlie smiles and then pulls him into a hug and the awkward moment is lost.

  We settle down to discuss tattoos. There’s only Bram and I that are getting tattooed so Finn takes him off first while I look at some pictures. Seth has decided that he’s getting some sort of piercing and is looking at some books. I lean over and then gasp and start laughing. “Oh my God!”

  He laughs out loud and turns the book to me. “Fancy a read Nell?”

  “Fucking hell there are actual penises in that book,” I squeak and he, Sid and Charlie laugh out loud. I laugh again when I examine the pictures. “This is like match.com for penises,” I finally say meditatively and they all turn to stare at me. “You know, all these pretty little pictures of penises lined up. All we need is a little bit of description about them like this one has a good sense of humour, likes dogs etc.” There’s silence for a second and then the men burst out laughing and Sid hugs me and kisses my hair while snorting out loud.

  “Will Lucy approve?” Charlie asks Seth and he shrugs.

  “Probably not, she doesn’t approve of much.”

  “It’s supposed to heighten sexual pleasure.” I read from an article in the book that I’ve now commandeered. “I say go for it babe.” He laughs and blows a kiss at me and looking up I see Sid staring at me. “What?” I ask in a low voice, but he just kisses my nose.

  “I’ve never met a woman like you before,” he says quietly.

  “What - beautiful, witty and sexually a queen amongst women?” I laugh, making a snooty face to make him laugh and then point back at the book. “Ooh that’s a pretty one.” He snorts and looks away.

  “No thanks. Looking at other men’s junk isn’t really my thing.”

  “Your loss,” I smirk and he takes the book off me and pretends to hit me with it.

  “I just meant that you’re so easy going and funny. You get on with the boys like you’ve always been with us, rather than making drama and causing scenes and trying to make me jealous all the time.”

  I look at him searchingly. “Wow Sid you really know how to pick them,” but he just smiles and shrugs.

  Seth is taken off by a very pretty but belligerent looking woman to get his piercing, and finally Bram appears, shrugging his jacket back on. “What did you get?” I ask eagerly.

  “Mind your own business,” he says, tapping me on the nose.

  “No really, what did you get?” Mabe asks curiously.

  “I’m not telling.” He looks slightly shifty.

  “I’ll see it when you’re on stage,” I say comfortingly.

  “Fucking hope not,” Finn says and lets out a boom of laughter. Bram ignores our questioning and moves away to pay, and Finn turns to me. “Now for the highlight of my evening,” he says charmingly. “Please tell me that you want a tattoo in the same place as Bram.” Sid instantly stiffens and I hear Bram shout ‘fuck off’.

  I smile but I’m feeling quite nervous now. “I don’t think Bram and I want the same thing.”

  “Come on then babe. Come into my parlour.” I’m amazed that as I get up he runs his hand caressingly down my neck. “Beautiful skin,” he says in a low voice. “I’m looking forward to putting my mark on this.” There’s an explosion of movement next to us and Sid is suddenly in Finn’s face, all signs of their previous friendliness gone.

  “Fuck off,” he says in a low menacing voice. “I know what message you’re sending me and I hear it loud and clear, but you’re not involving her ever.” Finn is silent and Sid leans forward. “Do you understand me?” he asks in a harsh voice.

  I see Finn look over his shoulder at Charlie who stands up holding his hand out to Finn. “It was a long time ago. Don’t do this mate.”

  The atmosphere has shifted and I hesitate, not sure that I want to proceed, but Finn suddenly relaxes. “It wasn’t you,” he says to Sid. “I know that and I’d never do it back to you. Surely you know that by now. I was just messing with you.”

  Sid suddenly looks almost ashamed. “If I could go back,” he starts and then shrugs. “I wouldn’t do it, but you know what I was like then Finn. I was so fucked up and I know it’s no excuse but it is the reason. Just know that I would never do that to you now.”

  The two men look at each other and suddenly the atmosphere changes and Finn pulls Sid into a tight hug. “Understood,” he mutters.

  I bend down to get my bag and whisper to Mabe. “What the fuck?”

  She darts a look at Charlie. “Sid fucked Finn’s girlfriend,” she whispers.

  “Oh shit!”

  “It was ages ago and he forgave him for it, but obviously there was still a little bit of ill feeling.” She low
ers her voice even more. “I don’t even think they were exclusive but it breaks the man code so …” She shrugs.

  I look up and Sid is staring at me almost as if waiting for me to judge him, and I remember what he said about regretting things and hurting people. The difference is that I know him now, not then, and what I know is good, so I smile cheerfully and moving to him I throw my arm around his waist and lean into him. “I’m a bit nervous,” I say in a normal voice. “Will you come in with me?”

  For a second I see his head tip back and he breathes out a long breath and then he bends his head and gives me a hard, close mouthed kiss. “Let’s get my girl tatted up.”

  Ten

  We emerge into the darkness of Amsterdam on our own, the others having moved on to another bar. We’d been invited but Sid had made our excuses without even looking at me. He’d been as distant while I got my tattoo, as he’d been when I first met him. All conversation was met with a vague answer and despite holding on tight to me, the only real sign of emotion had been when I’d had to raise my skirt and unroll my hold up down my leg, when his eyes had dilated and he’d taken a sharp breath. Other than that he’d been cool, even when I’d asked for a tulip on my foot and said it was because I wanted a memory of the Keukenhof Gardens.

  We stand outside and the light within blinks out, leaving us in the soupy darkness between street lights. I put out my foot considering it. I can’t see it but I love my tattoo. It’s a beautiful, big, pink and white striped, blowsy tulip on my left foot whose stem and leaves curve around my ankle. “You haven’t said much about my tattoo…Jesus Christ!” The latter is because he turns to me and grabbing my hand he pulls me into the dark alley that runs by the side of the shop. Backing me into the wall he presses into me, grabs my head and his mouth falls on me and I’m instantly lost, instantly drenched. He wastes no time parting my lips and thrusting his tongue inside and I moan, sending out my own to tangle with his. We kiss wildly and I feel a cool breeze as he inches up my dress and runs his rough, calloused fingertips over the bare skin of my thighs.