Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes

by Phoebe Robinson

  I knew that I didn’t want Tiny Reparations Books to be yet another place that made debut as well as established POC/LGBTQIA+ authors feel like they didn’t matter. That their stories and voices weren’t worthy. So, much like with my production company, Plume and I quickly got to work building the imprint of my dreams, which included having a Black woman as the editor and letting my publicists, also people of color, have a hand in shaping the PR and marketing for all the titles under Tiny Rep Books. And as I was jumping between reading book proposals, writing my own book, and developing and pitching TV shows while Hollywood slowly started to return to form, as well as leading team meetings and checking in on how my employees were doing mentally in the wake of quarantining indefinitely and the mental anguish that summer 2020 brought, it dawned on me: I’m a boss. I mean, yes, I knew I was the one in charge, who did the hiring and firing and set the tone for the company, blah, blah, blah. But all the nuances as well as the micro and macro facets of what being a boss entails: being a leader, having to manage people and their expectations, observing dynamics between coworkers, being an example of how to execute conflict resolution, understanding that weekly, I would be making hundreds of decisions regarding the big and little things, maintaining my own mental health, etc., and everything else in between? Oof, all things I didn’t truly understand how much they factored into the totality of my newfound position.

  There was so much I didn’t know and even more I didn’t know I was supposed to know, but that wasn’t because I wasn’t trying. I listened to business podcasts hosted by entrepreneurs such as Gary Vaynerchuk, read books including Kim Scott’s Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity. And I peeped profiles on executives in magazines such as Fast Company and watched interviews by successful businesspeople. Real talk: Most of these interviews and resources are garbage. For every good one—Simon Sinek’s Leaders Eat Last—there’s usually a litany of old, crusty white dudes who are eleventy years old and worth two billion dollars, delivering the same tired advice that sounds great on a magnet or looks pretty written in calligraphy on social media—“Invest in yourself,” “Build a reliable network,” “Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.” It’s perfectly serviceable yet absolutely surface-level information that’s devoid of specificity and insight into what it takes to run your own business or build an empire. What I needed and wanted was for these business luminaries to be frank about the nitty-gritty of what it’s like when you’re no longer working for “The Man,” but are “The Man.”

  Just once, I wish someone said, “Heaux, why are you suggesting bowling night for team building? They do not want to hang out with you outside of work hours.” Or, “Please understand that if you email your employees at 5:53 p.m., asking them to do last-minute work, the only reason they’re not putting in their two weeks’ notice is cuz you got them that ‘good good’ [health insurance].” A blunt “Aww, it’s so cute that you hoped to save money by stocking the office with low-budget snacks. People did not join your widdle start-up so that when they’re stressed out, they could comfort themselves with whack-ass reduced-fat Utz chips” would’ve been nice. An honest “Hey, boo. Here’s the deal: The office printer you bought will almost always NEVER be used for professional purposes. And when the print box appears on your employees’ computer screens, they will absolutely bypass the option to print in black and white. Yep, that’s right. They’re going to use up all that cyan and magenta ink printing out their StubHub tickets for Dear Evan Hansen. And you better not say shit about it” ought to be mandatory information given to all new bosses and business owners.

  And finally, I would’ve appreciated advice specifically about being a Black female boss. There’s not a whole lot of information or books on that topic, and what does exist, you really have to dig to find. Like, where’s Lean In for us? Now, it doesn’t matter whether you agreed with everything in Sheryl Sandberg’s book, there’s no denying that it broke through the zeitgeist as a solid resource women can refer to; however, the same isn’t true about BW leadership. The ones that tend to break out are books such as Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, which is great, but is more about her personal journey transforming her life over the course of a year and less concerned with getting down to brass tacks when it comes to business in the way I had hoped. Thankfully, it appears the tide is turning, and no longer is there a complete dearth of business books written by Black women as there used to be. Folks such as Minda Harts (author of The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table) and executives Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and Rhonda Joy McLean (coauthors of The Little Black Book of Success) are a part of the latest generation of business books written by BW. Thankfully, the conversation about Black women in business is becoming louder and harder to ignore. So it seems as though there’s no better time than now for me to join the conversation about being a Black lady boss. If I may have a word . . .

  Being a Black woman and a boss is the shit! I know, I. Know. Despite all evidence displaying the multitude of the Black female experience, society is, more or less, intent on boiling us down to an outdated and monolithic narrative that BW in charge is nothing more than just breaking down one civil rights barrier after another, delivering rousing speeches at the ready, and Negro spiritual humming when the going gets rough. The common perception is that being a Black woman in a leadership role equals overcoming obstacles only to encounter more trials and tribulations, and while I didn’t believe that, I still was a bit anxious about what it would be like for me since I didn’t have personal examples to use as reference points. I’ve never had a Black female high school teacher or college professor. Same goes for having a Black woman as a boss. Sadly, this is the norm, especially in entertainment.

  During my stints at film and internet companies as well as freelancing at various corporate offices, a Black woman was never in a managerial or C-suite position. Not only is the lack of Black women in leadership roles due to racial bias, it’s also a missed opportunity for businesses to tap into a more than qualified talent pool. According to the NCES, the National Center for Education Statistics, Black women are the most educated demographic in America when it comes to associate and bachelor’s degrees. Damn. Just think of all the Black women whose maximum potential is not utilized and how their different perspectives could positively impact margins. After all, Black buying power is $1.4 trillion, is projected to grow to $1.8 trillion by 2024, according to the Selig Center for Economic Growth, and is outgrowing white buying power. OH, REALLY?! Okay. Listen up, white people, you have been put on notice: If you wanna keep up with us, y’all need to start shopping more at Madewell and buying TRESemmé and Vidal Sassoon (clearly, I don’t know what kind of shampoo y’all use) in bulk because we are leading the charge and will eventually become the de facto market that’s catered to. Meaning elevator music at the dentist’s office will be Al Jarreau (HOW FUCKING OLD AM I?), tiny bottles of cocoa butter lotion will replace mints on pillows at hotels, and the nash anth, on good days, will be “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire, and on days when we’re feeling petty: “Hope She Cheats on You (With a Basketball Player)” by Marsha Ambrosius because that is specific and bitter as fuck and some days that’s how we’re all feeling.

  Anyway, what I’m getting at is Black women have so much to offer as bosses, but because of the constant negative media depiction of us, we are underpaid, disrespected, and discriminated against when we’re clearly qualified, and, as a result, we are not considered for leadership positions. And outside of Shonda Rhimes, there weren’t a whole host of examples to call on that I could use as guidance in building the kind of career I imagined for myself, which not only saddened me, but fueled me to be the Black lady boss I didn’t have in my life.

  So, for all my employees, I’m passionate, funny, thoughtful, incisive, decisive, compassionate, artsy, intense, and collaborative. I have weaknesses that I take ownership of, weaknesses that are slowly becoming strengths, and I believe that a
ll of us at Tiny Reparations and Tiny Reparations Books can create incredible TV shows and books that are not only funny but have something thoughtful to say. There’s tons of joy in it. Still, I don’t want to paint too rosy of a picture. My Blackness and gender can trip up the ignorant. For instance, are there people who underestimate my business acumen because I’m a Black woman? You betcha. Have I been underpaid because of the way I look? Absolutely. Have there been scenarios where someone around me underdelivered or was sloppy because they think Black women will accept subpar quality? Hell, yes. And am I hyperaware sometimes that I will be unfairly judged as harsh or mean or demanding if I’m not treating people with kid gloves? To say anything other than “yes” would be a lie. Although there is no true way of “preparing” for the uniqueness that is being a Black woman who is also a boss, some insider information and personal experience working for a BW would have been greatly appreciated. So, this is where this essay and I come in.

  I’m sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes that you will be a little less in the dark than I was years ago. Is some of what I’m about to tell you going to be ignorant or ignorantly presented? I think we all know the answer to that question. So thanks for signing up for this DeVry University version of Harvard Business School. Please note there are no refunds, I’m the only faculty member, my office hours are the minutes I spend waiting for my Lyft XL, and the only required reading on the class syllabus are my two previous books and Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki, who filed for bankruptcy in 2012. Aww, Rob. Like Ferris Bueller famously said, “Life moves pretty fast!” Anyway, here’s what I’ve learned from running businesses and building a mini empire for two-plus years:

  What Warren Buffett Should’ve Told Ya #1: For Some of Your Employees, This Is Just a J.O.B.

  This rule is not what any business owner wants to hear, but the sooner this reality is accepted, the more effective and successful you and your company will be. The truth is that no one on payroll, no matter how loyal, will ever, ever, ever care as much about your company as you do. Which means that yes, for some of your employees, it is JUST. A. JOB. That’s right: They’re there for the 5G Wi-Fi, cheap snacks, and because, like all of us, they have rent due on the first of the month. Similarly, there will be times when they don’t want to be there, so they’ll occasionally call out sick, kill time surfing the internet or texting friends, and, yes, leave work early to go to a dentist appointment. Call me cynical, but I don’t believe anyone goes to the dentist. Fine. Maybe Lupita Nyong’o does because her teeth are blindingly white. But for the rest of us? Uh-uh. No way. Like everyone is going to the dentist, yet we’re ALL walking around with our teef looking like Sherwin-Williams off-white paint swatches at Home Depot? I’m talking Ecru, Cappuccino White, Chantilly Lace. Suuuuuuure. Anyway, knowing that some of your employees are not emotionally invested in the success of your company can bruise the ego, but I beg you to remember: This. Is. Not. Personal. Most employees are not going to give 1,000 percent or maybe even 90 percent or 75 percent of themselves to a company, and why should they? The company does not have their DNA swirling up in its helixes, so there isn’t that unbreakable bond reminding them that, at the lowest points, it’ll be worth it. Sounds like common sense, but it’s easy to forget when you’re deep into the day-to-day.

  You have to remember that your company is not your employees’ dreams. Some are in a financial pinch and need steady income to tide them over until they can either get back on their feet or find something better. For others, you and your company are the fallback option for the dream gig they didn’t land. And finally, there are those who legit heard everything you said the job did and didn’t entail, agreed to the terms, and then when they started doing the job, made it clear that they don’t want to do said job and made it appear as though you pulled a rope-a-dope on them. This leads me to . . .

  What Warren Buffett Should’ve Told Ya #2: Every Single Person Lies During a Job Interview, So Don’t Believe Everything They Say; Instead, Listen to Your Gut

  Much like dating, in which you don’t really know the person you’re with until three months in, when the honeymoon period is over and everyone stops acting on their best behavior, you don’t really know who you hired until they’ve been working for you for a while. Take me, for example: According to all my employers when they hired me, I had the typing skills of a court stenographer, could put together PowerPoint presentations like a modern-day Don Draper, and my biggest flaw was that I worked too hard. Cut to me having that job: I typed with a maximum of four fingers (and still do!), copying and pasting an image from the internet to a document stressed me the fuck out, and every day was senioritis as I generally went on autopilot shortly after lunch. But I said what I had to say in order to get the job, so why wouldn’t the candidates do the same to you?

  I firmly believe most people aren’t lying to you out of malice. They have bills and responsibilities and, like you, they’re also adulting and, unless they are a trust fund baby, they need money to live. So it only makes sense that they’ll present the most idealized version of themselves even if it’s for a job they don’t really want. I write this not so you’ll turn into a distrustful person, rather, I want you to hone your gut instincts so that you’ll listen to your Spidey senses when a job candidate says or does something that doesn’t sit right with your spirit. I learned this unfortunate truth when I had to fire my previous personal assistant.

  Look, much like death, taxes, and leaving your house wearing foundation that doesn’t match your neck,* firing people is an unavoidable and unpleasant part of life. Sometimes it’s not working, and to delay the inevitable is a drain on resources, team morale, and the sanity of both you and your employee, who is probably aware of how they are dropping the ball. And as someone who is an empath, I tend to give people fifty chances when two or three are all that’s needed. Now on with the story of how “B” and I ended up parting ways.

  When I interviewed her, she mentioned that one day, she’d like to be a writers’ room assistant on a future Tiny Rep show and work her way up to eventually showrunning her own TV series. This path of PA → writers’ room assistant → staff writer and beyond is a well-worn path in Hollywood, and I was excited that she envisioned being at my production company long enough to work her way up the ladder. Turns out my optimism was misplaced.

  Apparently, what she meant by “one day” was “right fucking now.” Like, she hinted that she was ready for a promotion after one month on the job (lol, get a grip), made careless and sometimes costly mistakes, such as ignoring passport and visa deadlines related to business travel, and shortly after I gave her one last chance instead of firing her, she FaceTimed me because she conveniently got offered her dream gig and wanted to weigh the pros and cons of staying with me or taking the new job. Ooof, if there was ever a moment to learn that some people will misrepresent their motives to get a job, that was it. It became clear to me that B had no interest in being my assistant—it was almost immediately about the next thing. And at first, I felt that was my fault. That if being a personal assistant was somehow cooler, she would have liked it all more. No. Just no. For all you current and soon-to-be bosses, let me save you a lot of strife and headache: Providing solid employment in exchange for a salary, perks, and health insurance is not a hoodwink. It is not your responsibility to make work feel like summer camp. If someone agrees to a job offer yet is unwilling to hold up their end of the bargain because it’s not glamorous or fun every second of the workday, they’re wasting your time because you’re here for business and they clearly . . . aren’t.

  I’m aware social media convinces everyone that people in the public eye are living one endless loop of sipping margs, getting free shit that they can afford, hanging with celebs, and receiving cunniling-ling to a soundtrack of Sade and Anita Baker, but you want to know what I’m doing right now? Instead of hanging out with my boyfriend on this lovely spring day and having a picnic on the roof or brunching with a famous friend, I
’m writing this very essay with my dirty hair thrown into a messy bun, slight BO wafting up my nostrils, and rocking three-year-old underwear, which I just learned is allegedly disgusting because we’re supposed to replace our undies every six months.* To be honest, that’s what the majority of my days look like, with the addition of showers, of course. However, I believe she expected working for me to be like a curated Instagram story, and because I wasn’t going to promote her on her timetable and she wasn’t meeting famous people day in and day out, I must have duped her. I didn’t, and obviously she duped me, even though early on, deep down in my stomach, I knew she wasn’t the correct fit. See?! This is what I was referring to when I mentioned listening to your Spidey senses. I hadn’t, because that would’ve meant letting go of the fantasy I created of mentoring her. She, in little and not-so-little ways, revealed that she didn’t want that kind of relationship with me, no matter how much she made it seem she would be interested in that during the job interview.

  There will be many times when the circumstances are even more cut-and-dried as far as your candidates are concerned. So recognize it, take the dreams and fantasies out of the equation, and trust your gut. You and your business deserve more than someone half-assing it because they show up on day one with one foot out the door.