Something There In Between

by S. Ferguson

  “Maybe.” He makes himself at home walking further into the apartment and sitting on my small sectional. “Lunch should be here in 10. I ordered Chinese…hope that’s okay.”

  “I love how your idea of bringing lunch is ordering delivery while you walk here,” I sass him before sitting next to him.

  “So, what’s up? This whole visitation initiated by B Girl has me nervous.” He turns to face me and his face goes completely serious. “Are you breaking up with me? Is that was this is about?” He raises his voice a few octaves and begins flailing his arms in the air. “I knew it, you are, aren’t you? You’re dumping me.”

  I want to tell him to stop, that he’s being ridiculous, but I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. Tears are forming in my eyes as I gasp for oxygen. When I finally stop, he’s staring at me. His face is serious again, but softer.

  “That’s the first time I’ve really heard you laugh. Like really laugh, not a chuckle or a smile. It’s beautiful.” His eyes are tender, and I find myself looking away to hide the blush tinting my cheeks.

  “So, I don’t have a TV. We probably should have met at your house.” I change the subject, hoping he’ll let it go.

  “Well, we can play a game. Do you have any board games?” Declan takes my hint and lets it go.

  I take a look around the apartment biting my bottom lip and thinking hard. I know I have some cards and Monopoly, but that was always something Alex and I played together.

  You can do this Bree. New life. New you. Change is good.

  “I have monopoly. I know it’s a long game, but we could always change the rules or something to make it go faster, if you want.” I pray to God that my vulnerability isn’t showing in my eyes when I ask him.

  Declan’s eyes are still soft when he gives me a small smile. “I’ve got all night, B Girl.”

  It doesn’t take us long to get into the game and, before we know it, we’re having to stop for the food delivery.

  I quickly realize that Declan is super competitive. I never win, I don’t expect to, but I have to admit taunting him is pretty entertaining.

  After he throws yet another fit for missing the Free Parking Spot, and the subsequent $500, I can’t help but tease him.

  “So, I see we’re a little competitive.”

  “If you aren’t prepared to lose every friend you have while playing Monopoly, you’re not prepared to play,” Declan says, without skipping a beat.

  We finish the game, I don’t know how much time has passed, but the sun has gone down.

  The kitchen light casts an almost eerie glow onto the living room floor where we’re lying next to the game.

  Declan won, of course.

  “This was nice,” Declan says. I feel sad for a moment, thinking he’s leaving, but instead he rolls to his side, facing me.

  I mimic his move so we’re facing each other, side by side.

  I clear my throat nervously before speaking. “I don’t know why you enjoy hanging out, but I like it. It makes me feel… it makes me feel like I’m worth something.” I’m unable to meet his eyes.

  Deciding this moment is far too intimate I stand up, walking towards the living room’s lamp. More light should dissolve the intimate mood. But Declan is already up behind me, stalking toward me.

  “You are worth it, babe. You are so worth it,” Declan moves closer and closer to me. I back up until my back hits the solid wall behind me.

  It reminded me of that moment we had in the kitchen, all those weeks ago, just he and I, face to face, our breath mingling in the small space between us.

  He leans into me, our bodies flush together, and I can feel every inch of him. Every single hard inch.

  His hands cup my face, tilting my head to look up into his eyes. I can see desire in them, but more than that I see something else. Something I’m scared to name. His thumbs gently rub away the tears I didn’t even realize were cascading down my cheeks.

  “You’re worth more than I could ever give you. I’ll never be able to give you what you deserve, what you’re worth, but I’m selfish enough to spend my life trying. I care about you enough to show you what you mean to me. Every. Single. Day.” He punctuates his statement with a kiss to my forehead.

  His head lowers and I close my eyes, expecting to feel his lips on mine. Instead, I feel a gentle kiss on my left cheek. “You’re so strong,” he whispers before he kisses my right cheek. “I know you’re tired. Let me carry this burden with you. Let me in. Please, Bree.” He barely whispers the last word before his mouth is on mine.

  After a gentle brush of his lips against mine, he pulls away and I almost whimper at the loss, then his mouth is on mine again.

  More insistent this time, his tongue traces my bottom lip, seeking entrance. An embarrassingly long moan tears from my throat when I feel his tongue slide against mine. Instead of going to its usual blank state, my mind explodes.

  Emotions run through my entire body, bright colors burst behind my eyes. Need, unlike anything I have ever felt, shoots through me and, before I can even think, I grab the back of his neck and pull him closer to me.

  I open wider, gladly savoring his taste as his tongue dances with mine. His hands drop to my butt, gripping me tightly and pulling up. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist and feel his heavy erection pushing into me where I want it the most…where I need it…where I need him.

  He slams my back into the wall, careful to protect my head with the back of his hand, and grinding into me.

  I pull my mouth away to moan deeply, and he lowers his mouth to my neck, licking, sucking, biting.

  He’s probably leaving marks, but I can’t find it in myself to care. Something in me craves the idea of Declan marking me…of belonging to him.

  I clutch the back of his head, pulling him even closer. Suddenly, we’re moving and I cling to him tightly, rubbing my chest against his, feeling his pectoral muscles push against my hardened nipples.

  I can’t get close enough to him; my movement becomes frantic as I writhe against him. Before I realize it, we’re at my bed, and his scent surrounds me as he sets me down and takes a step back.

  “Take your fucking clothes off,” he growls before he all but rips his shirt over his head. I am momentarily stunned.

  I’ve seen him shirtless before now, but never knowing I was going to get to touch him in this way. I am so touching him this time.

  His chest is defined, and has a light smattering of chest hair. He’s covered in tattoos, and there is a treasure trail of dark hair leading straight into his jeans.

  I must have pulled his hair loose when we were kissing because it’s wild and free, falling to his shoulders. He looks like a conquering warlord about to ravage his conquest. I can’t help but think, yes please.

  His chest is moving rapidly as he gives me a hard look before reaching for the fly of his jeans.

  The movement snaps me out of my stupor, and I yank my shirt over my head, before toeing off my converse and unzipping my jeans. I wiggle out of them and reach for my underwear, but Declan’s hands grab mine, stopping them. I look up, and he is naked, gloriously naked.

  His body is long and solid muscle. His legs resemble tree trunks, and he has that V on his hips like a giant, beautiful arrow pointing to his cock. Before I can get a good look, he bends over me, but I see enough to know it’s as beautiful as the rest of him.

  I’m also pretty sure I saw the glint of silver on his cock. I wonder why I didn’t notice that before?

  “This is going to be slow. This is going to be about you, about me. This is a beginning,” Declan whispers against my mouth.

  I’m nothing but nerves. I’ve done this so many times, with so many people, but something about this moment, something about Declan, makes this feel like I’ve never been here before. Maybe I haven’t. I take a deep shuddering breath as he lowers his mouth to mine.

  His lips move against mine, and I feel his tongue slide into my mouth, tangling with mine. His hand moves to my breast, squ
eezing gently. He grabs my nipple with his thumb and forefinger, and pinches lightly. I gasp into his mouth, and he growls in response to the noise.

  Movement catches my eye, and I realize Declan is jerking himself off again.

  Everything in my lower body clenches again, as I watch his hand slowly move up and down what appears to be fucking huge cock. It’s uncut, the head showing on every down-stroke, looking red and a little angry with drops of pearly pre-cum at the slit.

  I don’t miss the silver hoop through the head either. I can see veins wrapped around what has to be a good nine inches, that are as thick as my wrist. There is no way in hell that thing is going to fit.

  “That isn't going to fit,” I blurt out before I can catch myself.

  He doesn’t respond, just smirks and moves so he is further on top of me.

  “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this,” he whispers, looking into my eyes and kissing me tenderly.

  I feel tears gather in my eyes again, and I close them quickly trying to get rid of them.

  “Don’t hide from me, please,” he says softly. I bite my bottom lip hard, and slowly open my eyes. His gaze is so full of what looks a lot like… love.

  This must be what love looks like, I think to myself, reaching up and slowly cupping his cheek.

  He nuzzles into my hand, and gives me another gentle kiss. “I know you deserve something more tender, but I’ve changed my mind. I can’t do slow right now. I need this too bad. I want this too much. I promise we’ll go slow next round.” He leans back slightly, reaching between us.

  I feel his talented fingers rubbing my clit briefly before he slowly inserts two fingers again, sliding in and out of me, scissoring them.

  “Making sure it’ll fit,” he winks at me.

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

  Then, his hand is gone. I hear the subtle sounds of him putting a condom on. Declan moves until he is resting over me, most of his weight on his left arm as he grabs the base of his cock and guides it toward my body.

  I feel the large round head of his cock pushing into me at an agonizingly slow pace.

  “So fucking hot. So fucking tight,” he gasps when he’s about halfway in. I can feel it stretching me, a slight burn, but it's not unpleasant. Mostly, I just feel full. So full. Full of Declan… in my heart, in my head, and in my body. He’s consuming me from the inside out.

  He pulls out, and then pushes back in firmly, this time bottoming out inside me. We both moan as he hits my cervix.

  I have heard girls before talk about this being painful but it only seems to push me closer to my orgasm. There isn’t a single nerve ending, a single inch of my body he isn’t touching, as he lowers his body over mine.

  He is still keeping most of his weight on his forearms, but the feeling of him on top of me is intoxicating.

  He slowly thrusts in and out a few times, letting me adjust to his size. He kisses me deeply, his tongue so far in my mouth and his cock so deep inside me, I can’t tell where I end and he begins.

  After a while, he increases the speed of his thrusts. I moan louder, wrapping my legs around his lower back, pulling him closer to me until he’s slamming in and out of me, hitting some spot deep inside me that has me seeing stars.

  I moan his name, clawing his back, and reach my hands down to his ass, grabbing his firm cheeks and squeezing them. Right when I’m about to come, he suddenly withdraws.

  I growl my disappointment, but he just laughs and grabs my hips, rolling me onto my stomach and lifting my hips, placing a pillow under them. He releases his grip on me, and suddenly his mouth is on me. I feel his tongue lick me from my entrance to that forbidden area just above it.

  My head shoots off the pillow. “What the fuck are you doing?” I shriek.

  “I asked you before how you felt about ass play,” I can hear his smirk, as he pulls his head from between my legs.

  “Negative ghost rider,” I say, trying to roll back over, but Declan’s hands hold my hips, making me stay still.

  “Anyone ever been in this tight little ass before?” Declan asks, moving so he is crouched over me.

  I breathe out a sigh of relief he’s leaving that entrance alone.

  “No, and no one is going to,” I try to say, but it comes out more as a moan as he slides back into me.

  “I’ll let you stick to your guns today,” he says, before pulling out completely, then slamming home.

  My eyes roll to the back of my head, and I give several embarrassingly loud moans. I’ve never been terribly vocal during sex but, for some reason, every time Declan gets his hands on me, I can’t keep my mouth shut.

  He moves into me over and over again, setting a steady rhythm. He raises himself a little higher on his knees, and it hits a magical spot deep inside me with his piercing.

  My eyes squeeze shut and I scream, full blown scream, as fireworks burst behind my eyelids. My legs shake so much I lose my balance and fall flat on the bed.

  If it weren’t for the pillow he put underneath my hips, he would have slipped out of me, but the angle it creates is just enough.

  Declan growls and follows me down, continuing to thrust. “Fuck, you’re squeezing my dick so hard I can’t hold back.” He groans, and his thrusts get more and more erratic.

  I feel him expand even more inside me as he finished. He moans right in my ear before sucking on the skin where my neck and shoulder meet.

  “Fuck. I wanna live inside you,” Declan hisses and starts thrusting again.

  Apparently, he doesn’t need much time to recover. He pulls out of me, placing a hand on my lower back to keep me in place.

  I hear him switch out the condom and then he’s back inside me, slower this time, more gentle.

  “This is heaven,” he says.

  I don’t want to believe him, but I do. I close my eyes and relish the sensation of his thickness moving in and out of me.

  I don’t know if this is really heaven, but for the next few hours, Declan shows me just how close to heaven on earth we can get.

  20

  Bree

  Ze is standing in front of me, holding the focus mitts, and I’m trying my best to keep my breathing regulated.

  I manage to give a mean right hook, and Ze has to put his right foot back to keep his balance. I’m pretty proud of that one.

  I haven’t seen Declan outside of work again, but we’ve been texting almost non-stop. Sometimes he gets flirty, but mostly we just talk.

  It's so odd to me, a guy that isn’t interested in more than just me. He doesn’t ever pressure me, or demand I come over.

  I did finally realize he was following me every night. I’ve been getting better about spending less and less time on my bench, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to skip sitting out there at night. I feel like I’m doing the best I ever have, even if the pain is still there. I’m still me; that isn’t going to change. I can’t undo that much damage.

  Ze seems to disagree. We’ve given up on working out, and have been arguing for almost fifteen minutes about Alex.

  “You keep acting like this guy had no choice but to leave you. I don’t see it that way. I see that you’re the reason you both even got off the street. Ron took you in, not that asshole. He just allowed him because of you,” Ze says, crossing his arms in front of me.

  Why is he constantly trying to prove Alex is the bad guy?

  “That’s ridiculous. We both worked for Ron. I was a scrawny, underage girl when I met Ron. He took a risk even letting me inside the bar, much less having me work there. I wasn’t even strong enough to work for the first week,” I argue.

  “Of course you weren’t because that boy wasn’t taking proper care of you. This is a conversation you need to have with Ron. I don’t know why it didn’t happen when he met you, but I’m gonna tell you right now everything he did, that was for you.” Ze’s face is nothing but certainty.

  I’m so confused. Why does this even matter now, so many years later?

  Un
bidden, my mind flashes back to the night I met Ron.

  4 Years Ago

  I was hungry, so insanely hungry. I thought I knew hunger, but nothing in my life before then could even compare to the pain in my stomach, the desperation my mind was feeling. I was getting weaker and weaker.

  Alex was probably doing a little better than me; he had eaten the last of our food this morning while I was still sleeping. He had needed to because he was going out looking for work. At least, that was his explanation when I woke up disappointed and crying.

  He had left that morning right after I woke up, and had come back just after sunset. I was still in the same spot: a large box in an alley behind a grocery store. Part of what made this a good location was the amount of food in the dumpsters. Funny how expired food can become a commodity.

  The only big issue was when the garbage and recycling trucks came on Thursdays. We had to make sure we weren’t in the box when they came.

  More than one fellow homeless person had told us they would just grab the boxes and smash them in the back of the truck, whether you were in them or not.

  “I got you a job,” Alex said, yanking me up by my arm. He looked at my face and frowned. “Couldn’t you have cleaned up or something? You’re gonna need to be pretty for this job.”

  I wanted to ask him how I was supposed to clean up when we lived in a box. I didn’t even have water to drink, much less any to wash with, but I kept my mouth shut.

  Alex was clearly stressed, and he didn’t need me making it harder on him.

  He licked his thumb and rubbed it on my face, “That’s going to have to do. They said they had a place we can crash if it works out tonight.”

  He started walking back out of the alley toward the sidewalk, and I jogged to catch up. I was only 5’4”, so I always struggled to keep up with his much taller frame.

  “Hurry the fuck up!” he barked, turning corners so sharply I twisted my ankle trying to pivot fast enough.