“Not a chance. It’s still sitting in the corner of his room unused. He’s upstairs, brokenhearted he can’t go to the rodeo with his father this weekend so he’s brooding.”
“Why can’t he go?”
“Because unlike the rodeo I thought you were going to, this one is in Arizona and he won’t be back for school on Monday.”
“Arizona, huh?”
Grace signed. “I swear Joe purposely plans it that way so he can skip visits. And then he leaves it to me to be the bad guy while he rides off into the sunset with another buckle bunny.”
“Sorry, sis.”
Grace’s shoulders sagged. “Never mind. I’m sick of hearing myself complain. How’s your wrist?”
“Better.”
“Then why so glum?” She reached into the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of wine, and uncorked it.
“I’m not sure.”
She poured two glasses of red wine and handed one to Gray. He took it in his hand but didn’t take a drink.
“Sure you are. Spill,” she said.
“There’s nothing,” he lied.
She gave him a disgusted look that only she was able to get away with him. “Oh, come on.”
Startled by Grace’s reaction, he frowned. “What?”
“You know what it is, but you’re avoiding it. Again.”
“Okay, oh, wise one. What am I avoiding?”
Grace took a sip of wine. “You know, Gray, not everyone has choices in life. Sometimes choices are made for them and then you have to figure out what your next step is going to be. You’ve been stuck for a long time. It’s time to get out of your own way and get out of this funk you’ve been in.”
“I wouldn’t exactly call Jen’s coma a funk.”
Her expression softened and she touched his arm. “No, it was a tragedy. For everyone. Especially Jen. But don’t make it your lifelong tragedy. You need to start living again and crawl out of that hole you’ve been in for the past two years.”
“Or?”
“What? There is no or. There is no quit. You didn’t when Jen got hurt. You were by her side nonstop. You put your whole self into her. And then when Ian came home, you added him. But Ian doesn’t need you anymore. And Jen, well, I don’t have to tell you what you already know. You’re just as stuck as you were the day you learned there was no hope for Jen. It’s easy to do. It’s easy to blame and hate. You can’t live that way, Gray. That’s not living at all. You may not like that the Hendrixes are moving Jen to Chicago with them, but…”
“It’s what’s best. I know.”
“No, you don’t. You’re one of the good guys,” she said, brushing her hand across his shoulder. “You’d hold on forever. And then what? You’ll give up your whole life for a love that is never coming back, Gray. I can’t bear it.”
“It’s not easy.”
Grace lifted her hands. “Change never is. Believe me. That much I know.”
“I don’t want her to think I’ve given up on her. That I stopped loving her.”
Grace put her wine glass down on the counter. “Listen to yourself. She’s not going to know one way or the other. I know that hurts you, but it’s true. The only one who will know is you. The accident happened. She fell asleep on a long road coming home from the rodeo and crashed her truck. That one moment changed the whole trajectory of all your lives. It’s only right that you felt like you were spinning out of control for a long time. But you need to make yourself stop spinning, Gray. It’s time.”
Irritation built up inside him. “What is it with everyone? I get out. I date.”
“Yeah, right. You know, none of us have been buying that stud act you’ve had going on,” Grace said.
He sputtered. “What stud act?”
“You are the First Date King. Don’t deny it. I don’t know anyone who’s had as many first dates as you have had in the last six months. You’re telling me you didn’t find anything redeeming in any one of those women you went out with to give them a second try?”
He shrugged.
“Look, no one is ever going to be Jen,” she said delicately. “If people were that easy to replace, no one would be special. We’d have new lovers coming in and out of our lives all the time and never give the past another thought. But that doesn’t happen when you’ve had something special.”
“Are you talking from experience?”
Grace shrugged. “Joe and I never had what you and Jen had. Or what Ian and Abby have.”
“Are you sure?”
She pointed a finger at him. “Don’t start. My trajectory is different from yours. But I opened my eyes and stopped spinning. You can, too.”
“How did you do that?”
Sadness filled his sister’s eyes. “I looked at what my life was going to be like five years from now. Ten years from now. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it. And I knew there was no way to change it except to leave. So I did. You can’t tell me that five years from now you want to be exactly where you are now.”
Gray didn’t know what he wanted. He hadn’t allowed himself to even think that far. And when he did think, the only face he saw was Nina’s. But in a few short days, she’d be gone, too. That was her trajectory. And he wasn’t a part of it.
* * *
Her finger was killing her. After packing her third box and getting at least that many cardboard paper cuts, Nina’s mood had soured. Who thought one house could fit so much…stuff?
She should have gone to the rodeo yesterday. Maybe her mood wouldn’t be as foul now. It would have been her last chance to see Gray before everything in their lives changed. The pull to see him again was stronger now than it had ever been. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced she needed to get away.
Gray had never been hers. Yes, they were friends and she’d meant it when she said she would always be his friend. But she’d always wanted more.
The knock on the door startled her. Nina sucked lightly on her wounded finger and turned around.
“Need another Band-Aid, honey?” her father asked.
“I may need stitches.”
He laughed. “You always were a hypochondriac.”
She pointed a finger. “No, that was Jen. I was the one who really did get hurt.”
That was the irony of it all. Jen had always been the careful one. She was the one who sized up every dangerous situation and weighed the best way to proceed. Nina had always been the one to jump in feet first.
Except with her heart. That was where their roles were reversed. Where Jen would jump right in when a good-looking boy caught her eye, Nina had always kept her heart guarded. Jen had many boyfriends in high school. Nina had her horse and always thought that someone special would be worth waiting for.
Nina had foolishly thought her friendship with Gray would survive a few weeks away while she got settled back at college. It was only when she returned from school to attend a rodeo in Sioux City, and saw Jen and Gray together, that she’d realized her mistake in leaving. Jen had jumped right in and taken her place.
Who could say that things might have been different if she’d stayed and followed her heart? It wasn’t fair what happened to Jen. It wasn’t fair for any of them. But then, nothing in life was fair.
“Mom and I are starting on Jen’s room. We wondered if you wanted to help us sort things out.”
She shook her head. “That’s okay. You two can have at it. I have a lot of things in here I have to put in boxes and then take to the dump.”
His eyes stretched on his forehead. “Aren’t you going to need to take these with you?”
“I’ve decided to travel light.”
Her father chuckled quietly. “Okay. Whatever that means. We’ll be in your sister’s room.”
Nina had already been through Jen’s room and taken what few items meant something to her, including a picture of Gray sitting on a fence at one of the rodeos they’d attended together. Jen wouldn’t know they were gone, and neither would her parents.
/> After carrying the three boxes she’d filled downstairs, she put the boxes in the back of her SUV. Looking up at the sky, she saw that it was getting dark. The smell of earth in the air meant they might get some rain tonight. She wanted to make sure she got all her errands done before any downpour came.
Nina pulled her cell phone out of the pocket of her jeans and pressed the power button to turn on the main screen and look at the time. If she hurried, she’d just make it to the dump before they closed.
As she drove down the winding road that was so familiar to her, she saw a For Rent sign outside one of the small houses near the high school. She’d known the boy who’d lived there while they were in high school, but she hadn’t heard of what he’d done after graduation. In fact, she’d lost touch with many of her friends in Lakeridge.
She pulled over on the shoulder of the road and let the car pass that was practically on her bumper when she slowed down to read the sign. Then she opened her Notes app and typed in the telephone number for the real estate company listing the rental, questioning why she was doing it even as she hit SAVE. She didn’t know where she was going to end up once her parents moved to Chicago. All she knew was that she wasn’t going with them.
The closer they all got to leaving, the more unsettled Nina felt in her gut.
Despite the trials they’d all faced, Nina had done well as a barrel racer these last few years, and saved her earnings. It broke her heart that she wasn’t going to be able to take her beloved horse with her until she knew where she was going. But if she were able to stay here, even for a little while, she’d be able to keep Dusty Surprise boarded with Tessa at the Rolling Rock Ranch and see him as much as she wanted until her eventual move.
She drove across town to the dump and pulled her car up to the refuse manager. He pointed to an area sectioned off by type and told her to empty her boxes accordingly. The drive to the dump took longer than emptying the contents of her past that she had no use for anymore. As she was driving home, she decided going home was the last thing she wanted to do. The unsettled feeling that enveloped her became overwhelming until she felt tears stinging her eyes. With her vision blurred, it made it hard to see the road ahead of her. It had been a long time since she’d cried about Jen, but these tears weren’t for her sister. She just didn’t know where they were coming from.
Seeing a neon sign for a small diner and gas station along the highway, Nina decided to pull off the highway to get a cup of coffee. There weren’t many cars in the parking lot when she pulled in. The smell of food coming from the exhaust fan on the roof tickled her senses. But she hadn’t had an appetite all day.
She walked up to the counter and ordered a coffee.
“Do you want anything with the coffee, ma’am?” the server asked, punching in her total.
Nina shook her head. “No, just the coffee.”
“We have some scones. Made fresh this morning.”
“I’ll stick with the coffee.”
She paid for the coffee and dropped the change the server had given her back into the ceramic mug marked TIPS.
She grabbed her coffee and walked over to the counter where the cream and sugar were self-serve. After pouring a little cream in her coffee, Nina secured the cup with the plastic lid, and was just about to leave when she heard a text come in over her cell phone. She kept the cup on the counter and pulled her cell phone out of her front pocket, intending to glance quickly at the name of the person sending the text message.
She’d assumed it was from her mother or father wondering why her errand was taking her so long. It was from Gray.
She used her thumb to tap on the text message and waited for it to come up.
I missed you at the rodeo.
A wave of anticipation ran through her. Nina hadn’t expected to hear from Gray again. She’d said everything there was to say the other day before he’d walked away from her on the trail, then at the mall. She could have gone to the rodeo in Aberdeen. In fact, she’d struggled with whether or not to skip packing and just go. Her parents wouldn’t have minded. They knew how much she loved riding Dusty Surprise.
Nina couldn’t deny she wanted to see Gray again before she left. She texted back.
Sorry I missed it. Did you ride?
She hit the send button. She immediately heard another beep and retrieved the text.
What are you doing? Can we talk?
Her heart hammered in her chest.
Packing the house. My parents are leaving in a day or two.
When a text didn’t immediately come back, she put her cell phone in her pocket and picked up her coffee. Making her way to the car, she questioned her message. It was a cop-out and she was being a coward. Again.
She pulled the door of her SUV open, heard the beep as she put her key in the ignition mingled with the sound of another text coming through her cell phone. Her heart leaped. After slamming her door shut and putting her coffee in the cup holder, she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket again and read the message.
I take this to mean a. you want to talk but you’re busy right now b. you are buried under a pile of boxes and can’t find your way out, which means you need me to rescue you immediately or c. you don’t want to talk and are blowing me off.
She giggled. She hesitated a moment before typing her message on the keyboard.
It’s not c.
She hit the send button and waited a long minute to see if Gray would reply. When he didn’t, she put the phone on the passenger seat and turned the key in the ignition, gunning the engine. Just as she was about to shift into drive, she heard the beep of a text coming through. Grabbing her cell phone, she glanced at the message.
I can be at your house in forty minutes.
She hit the button for her contacts list and dialed Gray’s cell phone number, wanting to hear his voice. After one ring, he answered.
“I’m sitting in a parking lot at a diner off the highway. Where are you?”
“In Rudolph. I just had a visit with Ian and the kids. My little nephews wiped me out, but I want to see you. Can we meet somewhere?”
Nina thought a minute. She’d like nothing better than to escape the endless packing and trips down memory lane she’d experienced all day. “My parents are leaving tomorrow if we can get the house squared away. They want to be settled in Chicago before they move Jen. There’s so much work to be done at the house. To be honest, when you texted, I thought it was my mom wondering what was taking me so long at the dump.”
“Ah, so no rescuing needed from mammoth boxes, just really busy?”
She chuckled. “Yeah. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, just wanted to see you,” he said. His voice was smooth and charming, much like she remembered him being with her before he and Jen became an item.
“I’ll be staying on for a while in the house.”
“Without furniture?”
She chuckled. “Yeah. But I’m practically never home these days if I can help it.”
“Still spending time at Tessa’s place?”
“Yeah, I hate the idea of leaving Dusty behind, even for a little while.”
“Then that settles it. Just don’t leave.”
Her mouth dropped open. “The house is being sold, Gray. Where am I going to go?” She shook her head. “Never mind. I’m sitting in a parking lot off the highway and the people going in and out of the diner are starting to stare at me.”
“So make a funny face.”
“That’s something you’d do,” she said, laughing.
“Don’t you remember that rodeo up north in Elgin we went to together?”
Of course she did. “I met you at the rig and we drove up to North Dakota together.”
“Yes, that’s the day.”
“That was the day Dusty gave me a hard time getting out of the trailer.”
“And those kids sitting on the fence were making fun because you were having such a hard time. Even though you were frustrated handling Dusty, you turned around
and gave those kids the goofiest face, making them laugh.”
She did remember. Nina also remembered how hard Gray had laughed. That had been a special day. That was the day she knew she’d fallen for Gray McKinnon.
“They didn’t expect it. I never expected you to do that,” he said, chuckling. “I can’t remember ever laughing that hard.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“Just a few years. Not so long. We had fun that day.”
The wistful sound in his voice brought Nina back, too. So much had changed since then.
“Gray, if you come out this way for some reason, you could always stop by the house.”
She knew the only reason Gray ever drove out to the Lakeridge area these days was to visit Jen at the hospital. Guilt crept under her skin. After sharing this beautiful memory with Gray, Nina didn’t want to mention her sister at all. But somehow avoiding Jen felt like Nina was being underhanded, which was ridiculous. Just because their lives had taken a different turn than they’d all expected there was no reason Nina had to continue avoiding Gray.
“I’ll take that as an invitation,” he said.
“Please do.”
Nina hung up the phone and tried to ignore the hum of emotion running through her and awakening her senses. She wasn’t sure just what she was hoping for in seeing Gray again.
She shifted the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot.
Gray had reached out to her. He’d said he’d missed her.
But that could mean anything. Maybe he was feeling as unsettled as she’d been these last few weeks. So much was changing. She had too much work at home to think about Gray McKinnon and what he was thinking. Any chance for the two of them to be anything more than friends was lost long ago.
Nina saw the highway sign for the Badlands and had an itch to take the ramp and turn around toward Rudolph. But who knew if Gray would still be in Rudolph when she got there. She could make a call easy enough and meet him somewhere.
No. If he came to visit her at the house, he would be coming as a friend, something she did miss. Hearing the story about the rodeo in Elgin made her realize just how much she missed days like that with Gray. But even after all this time, she wasn’t sure if she could just enjoy Gray’s friendship and forget all those foolish feelings that had resurfaced these last few weeks since he’d come into her life again.
His Dakota Heart Page 4
