“I am.” Ashleigh tossed the remote on the couch and poked at her dinner. “I feel challenged, and I haven’t felt that for a while. I’ve got the fever.”
“How does Erica feel about all the time you’re spending away from home?”
Ashleigh shrugged. “She works late every night, she’s here less than I am.”
“I don’t know if I remember y’all ever spending this much time apart. You’re going on two weeks of barely seeing each other. What’s up?”
Ashleigh dropped her fork into her half-eaten salad. “You tell me. If she’s talking at all, it’s to Kaitlyn because it’s sure not to me.”
“You need to get her to open up.”
“I’ve tried,” Ashleigh said angrily. “I’m getting to the point that I don’t care what her deal is.”
Drew pulled the cookie she was about to devour away from her opened mouth. “You don’t mean that, Ash.”
Ashleigh didn’t say anything to assuage the shocked expression from Drew’s face. She wanted to be angry, to feel something besides the dull ache that had been growing stronger as of late. Especially at night when she knew that Erica was still awake as she lay beside her. In the past, she could have reached for her and Erica would have slid easily into her arms and succumbed to her caresses. She’d been rebuffed so many times lately that she didn’t dare try anymore. Sure she could force Erica to talk to her. To tell her what was going on inside her head, but she wasn’t sure she truly wanted to know. She was better off wondering than having it confirmed that she was no longer what Erica wanted.
“I think it’s time,” Vicki said with a broad grin. Jaclyn nodded emphatically while Alex cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at them.
“Time for what?” Ashleigh asked as they all stood staring at her.
“They think you should perform at the club.” Alex wiped the neck of her guitar with a towel, then at the sweat on her face. She shot Vicki a stern look before turning her attention back to Ashleigh. “Don’t let anyone pressure you into it if you’re not ready.”
“I haven’t considered…I mean, I’m okay with playing here…” Ashleigh’s voice trailed off. Wasn’t this really what she was working toward? The final test? Could she walk out on that stage and…
“Four songs,” Jaclyn blurted out. “Just four, that’s just enough to get her feet wet.”
“Chantal,” Alex said with a warning tone.
Everyone had a say, but the buck stopped with the leader of the band. Chantal tapped a drumstick against her thigh as she regarded the group. “She’s ready, Alex, but you’re right. It’s her decision.”
“Now you can buy those leather pants we looked at the other day,” Vicki said with a contagious excitement that spread quickly to Jaclyn. The two of them began chattering about boots and outfits while Ashleigh stared off into space.
Alex shook her head at Chantal and rolled her eyes. “Like I said, Ash, don’t let anyone push you. Take your time and think about it.”
“What are you so worried about?” Jaclyn draped an arm around Ashleigh’s shoulders and looked at Alex.
Alex set her jaw and looked at Vicki as though she were waiting for her to say something. Then she turned and met Ashleigh’s eyes. “It’s been a long time and…” Alex exhaled loudly and unstrapped her guitar. “It’s your decision.” She turned on one heel and called a “good night” over her shoulder.
Jaclyn put a hand on her hip and huffed. “She’s so moody lately.”
“I’m hungry,” Chantal said as she rubbed her stomach. “Do we have brownie mix?”
Vicki looked down at her watch and frowned. “Not at nine o’clock at night.”
Chantal sauntered to the door and turned to look at Vicki. “I didn’t ask you what time it was. I asked if we had brownie mix.”
“In the pantry,” Vicki said with resignation.
“You have milk?” Jaclyn asked as she followed Chantal out the door. “If not, I’ll make a run.”
“We have milk, but I don’t want to hear any whining out of the two of you when you wake tomorrow with the brownies on your thighs.” Vicki shook her head ruefully when Jaclyn laughed and closed the door behind her. “They’ll make those damn brownies and eat half the pan. Of course, I won’t be able to resist either, and I’ll eat the rest, so come help me.”
Ashleigh grabbed Vicki’s arm as she took a step toward the door. “Why doesn’t Alex want me to sing at the club with y’all?”
Something akin to guilt flashed across Vicki’s face. “It’s not that she doesn’t want you to.” Vicki’s gaze darted around, looking everywhere but at Ashleigh. “She’s afraid that I’m pushing you too hard and you’ll…leave again.”
“She thinks I’ll crack under the pressure?” Ashleigh said as anger swept over her. “I did not crack the last time. I was disillusioned and disgusted, but I never cracked.”
“I never said cracked, and neither did Alex,” Vicki said. “Alex just doesn’t want me to run you off with my pushiness.” Vicki winced. “Am I being too pushy?”
“I need you to push me,” Ashleigh said as she took a seat. “I want to do this. If I can make myself get back on that stage, I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something.”
“I can do that, but you’re gonna have to tell me when I’m pushing too hard.” Vicki grinned. “Though Alex will probably beat you to it.”
Ashleigh took a deep breath and let it out in a burst. “Jaclyn is right. Four songs is doable.”
“Yes!” Vicki pumped her fist and pulled Ashleigh into a hug. “We won’t even announce it ahead of time, so there’ll be no expectation. If you chicken out, no one will know but us, and we’ll never let you live it down.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Ashleigh stood alone in the shadows regretting that she’d ever agreed to take the stage. She paced in a circle, focusing on the lineup of songs in an attempt to keep from hyperventilating. Concentrate on your breathing. Vicki’s mantra floated through her brain. She stopped and inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “I can do this,” she said aloud. “I’ve done it hundreds of times before, tonight is no different.” But it was. If she went onto that stage and her voice failed, she would never live down the humiliation. Erica and two of her closest friends were in the audience. Failure wasn’t an option.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise for you this evening.” Ashleigh felt chills race up her spine as Vicki began the intro. “For the first time in twenty years, all the original members of Versal are here tonight. Please join me in welcoming Ashleigh Prather!”
On cue, Ashleigh walked onto the stage and approached the mic. The lights were blinding and obscured much of the audience from her sight, but the applause was thunderous. She could barely hear herself through the earpiece as she belted out the first verse of “Love’s Someday,” feeling as though her heart was in her throat. Then she closed her eyes and felt herself slipping into the persona that allowed her to do what she needed to.
Erica watched in fascination as the metamorphosis occurred. She’d never been successful in getting Ashleigh to dance with her the few times they’d ventured into a nightclub, but now Ashleigh moved with the music in a way that was surprising and provocative. The woman before her was in command of the stage, and the audience was completely under her control. Once again, Erica was reminded that there were sides to Ashleigh that she’d never been allowed to see.
“Hey,” Kaitlyn said as she waved her hand in front of Erica’s face. “She’s great, isn’t she?”
Kaitlyn was drowned out by the crowd. Erica nodded and looked back at the stage. Ashleigh’s hips gyrated with the music. Her voice was smooth and strong against the heavily synthesized music accentuated by Alex’s guitar. Alex—she watched her with equal interest. She and Ashleigh appeared to be in sync with their every move. There was an undeniable chemistry between the two of them, and it gnawed at her already churning stomach.
After the encore, the band stood center stage. Hand in hand, they bo
wed before their cheering audience. Erica noted with chagrin that Alex held Ashleigh’s hand when the rest of the band broke apart and exited the stage. Overhead lights came on and flooded the bar with light, and the crowd reluctantly filtered out. Bouncers ushered the remaining fans out the door, then released the chain blocking the stairwell and gestured for Erica, Drew, and Kaitlyn to go up. As they entered the room where the band had taken refuge, Erica felt herself being pulled into a smaller dressing room. Ashleigh was all over her in an instant. Her kisses were savage and bruising as her hands worked their way into Erica’s clothes.
“Wait, stop.” Erica pushed Ashleigh away and held her at arm’s length. Ashleigh’s pupils were dilated as her hands still grasped at her. “What are you doing, Ash?”
“By now, it should be obvious,” Ashleigh said with an expression that Erica had never seen before. She brushed Erica’s hands from her shoulders and pinned them to the wall above her head and leaned in again for another kiss.
“I don’t want to do this,” Erica said angrily as she turned her face away. “I’m not some…groupie that you can bed backstage.”
Ashleigh released her and stepped back. Her expression went from stunned to hurt to anger in a matter of seconds. “Where’s your sense of adventure?”
“Waiting at home in our bed,” Erica said angrily as she adjusted her clothes.
“We’ll both be too tired then.” Ashleigh moved to the door and grabbed the handle angrily.
“Hey,” Erica said softly. “I’m sorry…you just took me by surprise.”
“That was the intent.” Ashleigh opened the door and walked into a room where the after-party was getting into full swing.
Erica took a second to regroup and slipped into the room that was now filled with wall-to-wall bodies. Ashleigh had disappeared into the crowd, and Erica roamed, looking for a familiar face. How unfortunate it was that the only person she recognized was Alex, who stood leaning against the wall with a drink in her hand. Two women appeared to be talking to her, but Alex’s gaze was fixed on something across the room. Erica knew if she followed her line of vision, she would find Ashleigh.
“Where’ve you been?” Kaitlyn said into her ear over the din of the crowd.
Erica turned and tried to smile. “Looking for you. You getting tired?” she asked, hoping that Kaitlyn would say yes.
“Exhausted, but Drew caught a second wind.” Kaitlyn pointed to the corner of the room. Erica caught glimpses through the crowd of Drew dancing between Vicki and Chantal. “My feet hurt, my sweat-soaked bra is chaffing me, and I think I pulled a groin muscle dancing tonight.”
“You find Ashleigh and tell her you’re ready to go, and I’ll do the same with Drew. They won’t argue that way.” Erica knew it was manipulative, but she would’ve resorted to just about anything to get out of there.
“You were really great tonight, Ash,” Kaitlyn whispered as Drew slept with her head on her shoulder in the backseat.
Ashleigh turned and smiled at Kaitlyn. “Thanks,” she whispered back.
“Are you exhausted?” Kaitlyn asked.
“Now that the high of the evening has worn off, I could curl up into a ball on the side of the road and sleep like a dead woman,” Ashleigh said with a yawn. “I hope I can stay awake through a shower.”
Erica didn’t participate as Ashleigh and Kaitlyn talked about the evening. She fought to reconcile herself with Ashleigh’s two distinct personalities. The woman sitting next to her now with her legs crossed and her hands folded between her knees was the woman she’d spent the last five years with. The woman who had performed on stage, who exuded sexuality, and had nearly torn her clothes off backstage was someone she’d never met. Though arousing on some level, it was foreign—and somewhat intimidating.
Once Kaitlyn and Drew were dropped off, Erica and Ashleigh rode in silence to their own home. “Are you hungry?” Ashleigh asked as they let themselves in the back door.
“No, just tired.”
“I’m going to hit the shower then.” Ashleigh headed for the stairs.
Erica watched her go in bewilderment. Ashleigh would have cooked her anything she wanted if she had said yes, all the while dressed in a pair of black leather pants and boots with the white shirt still clinging snugly to her body. It all seemed out of place. How could she be a fallen pop star who had just reclaimed her place on stage one minute and be the domesticated partner she knew in the next?
When Erica did climb into bed, Ashleigh was already asleep. She watched the slow rise and fall of Ashleigh’s bare chest as she lay flat on her back with an arm tucked behind her head, the covers pooled at her waist. As Erica lay propped on one elbow, she gazed down at Ashleigh, tempted to reach out and touch her until she noticed the half moon-shaped birthmark next to her navel. Her thoughts took her back to the night that seemed so long ago when she’d seen that mark and knew that it was Ashleigh in the music video. The sting of betrayal cooled her desire.
Erica laid back and reached over to switch off the bedside lamp casting the room into darkness. Hoping and wanting things to be as they were wasn’t going to happen. Change had come, and whether she wanted to or not, she’d have to learn to cope with it. She could admit that to herself in quiet times like this, but it didn’t stop her from wanting to fight it at every turn.
“We should talk about last night,” Erica said as Ashleigh walked into the kitchen and went straight to the coffeepot. Erica stared down at her cold uneaten breakfast. She’d been dreading the confrontation that she knew was inevitable.
Ashleigh didn’t turn and look at her. When she spoke, her tone was curt. “I apologize. I was high on endorphins last night, and I can assure you it won’t happen again.”
“I’m not like that. I realize that you may be accustomed to having sex next to a room full of people, but I’m—” The rest froze on Erica’s lips as Ashleigh spun around and glared at her. “That came out wrong. I just meant that I’m not comfortable—”
“I know what you meant,” Ashleigh said coldly. “And as I said, it won’t happen again.”
Erica took a deep breath and let it out slowly before asking, “What do you have planned for today?”
“Don’t you have to work?” Ashleigh turned again and added cream and sugar to her coffee.
“Yes, but I thought you might want to do something. I could work later or tomorrow even.” Erica watched as Ashleigh moved to the back door and stared out the window while sipping her coffee. This would not blow over without a full-blown argument. Erica felt her own anger rising as she wondered what right Ashleigh had to be angry with her.
“Let me get this straight. You’re still mad about last night because I didn’t want to have sex?” Erica pushed her plate away.
Ashleigh set her coffee cup on the counter and turned to face Erica. “I am mad, but not about the sex…or lack thereof. You haven’t told me once what you thought about the show. Not one word about how I did.”
Erica rolled her eyes and regretted it that same second as Ashleigh’s face grew redder. “I said I was proud of you.”
“You did say that when Vicki prompted you, but other than that, nothing. I’m not expecting you to gush all over me, but I do wish you would wipe that disapproving look off your face.”
Erica was momentarily at a loss for words. “You were great last night. I’m just…a bit overwhelmed by it all, I guess.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
Ashleigh stood over her now, staring down, trembling with obvious rage. In all the years they’d been together, Erica had never seen her that angry. “You were just someone else on stage last night. It surprised me.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Maybe it is. It’s like living with two different people. You’ve never danced with me, but last night, you moved across that stage like it was second nature. What else do you keep from me?” Erica asked with a wave of her hand.
“You’re right. I am different on stage. I have to b
e, it’s part of the job. Surely, you can relate. You’re someone else when you’re at the office. Why is it so inexcusable for me?”
Erica moved to her feet abruptly and sent the chair sliding across the kitchen floor. “You know who I am at the office, and you know me here. You’ve never allowed me to see the other side of you, and…I’m not sure I like it. I don’t know the woman who slammed me up against the wall last night and groped me like some teenage boy.”
“I shouldn’t have done that,” Ashleigh said with what sounded like remorse. “I wanted you. I always want you, always desire you. But you can’t say the same about me, can you?”
Later on, Erica would look back on this moment and regret that she didn’t lie. “I’ve tried to deal with this the best way I know how, but I can’t. Sometimes…most of the time lately, you feel like a stranger to me.”
Ashleigh backed across the kitchen and leaned against the counter. “For five years, we’ve shared a bed, shared everything, and you don’t know me?”
“Not everything, Ash.” Erica swallowed hard. It was difficult to admit how unraveled she felt, but it was now or never. “I understand about not wanting to tell anyone about your past, but you should’ve told me at least. And now I’m supposed to take it all in stride as you delve back into a life that I have never been privy to.”
“I’ve apologized for not telling you nearly every day. I was wrong, and I admit it, but what is wrong with me doing something I enjoy? Does it cause conflict with your schedule? No, because you’re always working. If I weren’t hanging out with the band, I’d be sitting here alone each night waiting for you to come home. The bottom line is, that’s exactly how you want it. You live your life, you achieve your goals, and I wait here for you to return. For what? To keep your dinner warm?”
“You know that’s not true,” Erica said as she tried to formulate a viable argument.
Ashleigh angrily wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’re right,” she said calmly. “I guess I’m not the person you’ve always known because she would give up everything to be exactly what you want. But this woman is no longer willing to do that. I won’t beg you to love me.”
Love's Someday Page 14
