Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  “Is it warm enough?”

  Theoron tasted both mugs and nodded.

  “Take the bigger one in to Lash then,” I said. “The other one is for you.”

  Taking them both carefully, Theoron walked out of the kitchen. I heard him say, “From Mom,” to Lash, and then Lash’s hiss of thanks.

  When Theoron didn’t come back, I surmised he was sitting with Lash, though I didn’t hear them talking. Well, that would make Danial pop a gasket...

  The cellar door opened. I heard Theo greet Theoron, though he said nothing to Lash. He came into the kitchen, giving me a sunny smile.

  “Good Morning,” I said.

  Theo gave my cheek a kiss. “I knew I smelled bacon,” he said, inhaling deeply.

  “I made the whole package,” I said. “How many eggs?”

  “Five,” Theo said hungrily. “I ate too much popcorn last night. I need to have a good breakfast.”

  “I’m making waffles,” I said, even though it was obvious. “Elle should be in shortly.”

  “I tried talking to her last night,” Theo murmured. “She got angry, and so did I. It didn’t end well. I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. She went to bed angry.”

  “She got up angry,” I said, turning over some sausage. “But I talked to her this morning. I think things will be a little better now.”

  “What did you tell her?” Theo said, coming over to stand behind me, and rubbing my shoulders.

  “I’ll tell you later,” I said quietly, motioning that we should zip it, because everyone was sure to be hearing what we were saying.

  Theo nodded. “So are you ready to go home after breakfast?”

  I put down my fork, and put my arms around him, kissing him thoroughly as an answer.

  He broke it off, his blue-grey eyes surprised. “Does that mean yes?”

  I loved his eyes better than anyone else’s, even Devlin’s. “It means yes,” I said, nodding.

  “You seem different this morning,” he said happily. “Like your old self.”

  “Maybe,” I whispered. “Or maybe I just finally remembered who I really am.”

  Titus had been right. It had just taken longer than a night for the bond to solidify between us. Maybe because I’d already been pregnant by then with Devlin’s child, maybe because I’d been so close to dying. But I’d had enough of lovers plural, and waking up in different beds. I wanted only one man, the one standing before me. I reached out then gently, and held Theo’s cheek in my hand.

  “And who are you?” Theo murmured.

  “I’m yours,” I said emotionally. “I always will be.”

  “Mom?” Elle said hesitantly, walking into the kitchen.

  I dropped my hand from Theo’s face, as we both turned quickly to the kitchen door to Elle. I noticed Lash was behind her, dressed, watching us intently from the dining room, sipping from his mug.

  “Do you want some help?” Elle said, offering a tentative smile.

  “Yes,” I said, giving her a grateful smile. “You can start bringing in the food.”

  “What is Theoron eating?” Elle said, smelling the air. “It smells good.”

  “He’s having some liquefied steak,” I said. “Would you like some—?”

  Theo growled, surmising rightly that I’d made Lash breakfast.

  “Will you go and get Danial and Devlin?” I asked him. “They should both be awake reading.”

  “Will do,” Theo said curtly, his eyes still watching Lash.

  “Theo,” I said pointedly.

  Theo shot me an irritated look, and went to wake the vampires, studiously not looking at Lash as he went past him.

  Sigh. Well, at least they weren’t fighting.

  Theoron ran back in the kitchen, followed by Lash. “Can I have some more?” Theoron said hopefully.

  I looked at Lash. “Do you want more, too? I can split it again like I did the first time.”

  “I always want more,” Lash hissed meaningfully.

  I flushed as Elle cast Lash an angry look, a soft growl filling the air.

  I went to the fridge, and unwrapped another steak. “Why are you only polite when we’re alone?” I said cheerily, my eyes shooting daggers at Lash as I prepared the meat juice.

  “I’m sorry,” he hissed, nodding once. “I should not have said that to you here in front of the children. I’ll be in the dining room.” He turned and left.

  Apparently, he had manners after all. Elle looked as surprised as I was, but didn’t comment.

  “Here,” I said, handing the mugs to Theoron. “You know what to do.”

  * * * *

  As I was cleaning up after breakfast with Elle’s help, Theo put his arms around me from behind. “Great job, Sar.”

  “Thanks,” I said tiredly, handing Elle a clean dish to wipe.

  “We can leave anytime you want to,” Theo whispered. “I’m off for today, and you have that appointment tomorrow with Dr. Camlyn.”

  “Sounds good,” I agreed. “We can—”

  “Doesn’t sound good to me,” a melodious voice said coldly.

  Theo, Elle and I looked up, startled. Devlin stood there in the doorway, his hands gripping the doorframe above his head. He was smiling, his eyes tinged with red. Abruptly, he let go of the door and glided toward me, beginning to sing. The full effect of his voice enfolded us as we stood motionless, enraptured.

  “Oh can’t you see, you belong to me? How my poor heart aches, with every step you take...” As Dev reached the word “take”, he put his arms around me, pulling me close.

  “It’s too early in the morning to be ripping off Police songs,” I said sarcastically.

  “I’m not singing them idly,” Devlin replied. He bared his fangs in a smile. “I mean them, Love.”

  “Let her go,” Theo growled. “Sar’s tired and I’m taking her home.”

  “You leave,” Devlin growled back. “I’ll say when she—”

  “Stop it!” I shouted suddenly, hysteria lacing my words. “Dev, I’m going home with Theo after breakfast. Now leave us in peace!”

  Devlin opened his mouth, and I put my hand over it. “I’m pregnant, I’m tired, and I’m sore,” I said firmly. “I need to rest. All I would be doing if I stayed would be sleeping.”

  Devlin reached up and gently removed my hand. “But we could sleep together. I told you before how much that means to me.”

  “Not today,” I said firmly. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

  “Very well,” Devlin said gruffly. “Wednesday.” He turned and strode out of the kitchen.

  “Mom,” Elle wheedled. “You said during breakfast about the sleepover—”

  Parenting, the job that never ended. “June,” I said firmly. “And this time, pick only a couple of good friends, Elle.”

  “Violet and Susan,” she said quickly. “They’re my best friends.”

  Violet, I remembered; I’d liked her. “Is Susan in your dance class?”

  “She’s in the advanced class. She’s cool.”

  “Then that sounds fine,” I said, trying to be cheerful. “Pick a Friday or Saturday, but give me notice, so I can work it out with Devlin and Danial.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” Elle said happily, then left the kitchen.

  “What about you?” I asked Theoron. “Did you get enough to eat?”

  “Yes,” Theoron said earnestly, smiling up at me. “I heard Lash said he wanted more. I told him he could have most of mine, too, but he said for me to drink it.”

  “That was thoughtful of you,” I said to Theoron, resisting my urge to scream. “Why don’t you go and watch some TV?”

  “Okay,” he said, hugging me. “Thanks for breakfast, both of them.”

  I pulled the unraveling edges of myself back together, and smiled down at him. “You’re welcome.”

  Theoron ran out of the kitchen.

  “Why does Devlin always have to be so over the top?” Theo said irritably, putting plates away.

  Danial walked in and w
ent to the oven, setting it to self-clean. “I don’t know,” he replied wearily. “Jealousy doesn’t explain the mood swings he’s always had, either.” He turned to me. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

  “No,” I said, giving the kitchen a quick summation glance. “There weren’t that many dishes with you and Dev not eating.”

  Danial nodded, then cracked a smile. “We’re low maintenance in some ways.” He gave me a hug. “If you get to the point you want to work from home, just let me know. I can have my tech guy set you up, so you can do the e-mail.”

  I hugged him back. “It’s not you I need a break from,” I whispered meaningfully.

  “I’m know,” he said softly. “Take care.”

  * * * *

  Theo put his hand in mine as we walked, the dogs bounding around us, sniffing. “Janice and Ivan certainly seemed happy.”

  I nodded. Janice had become lovely overnight, the glow of fresh love suffusing her face, making her eyes sparkle. Ivan was also looking much better. He was no longer the ghost he had become after his brother’s and Suri’s deaths. “It’s good to see them in love.” I squeezed Theo’s hand. “It’s also good to see some signs of spring. It’s good to see some ground, not just unending whiteness.” I glanced at him. “How about a movie later? There’s that new remake out—”

  He made a face. “I don’t like the ending. There’s no justice.”

  Darkly, I thought to myself that was realistic. Sometimes the wronged didn’t find justice, even after a long hard road, being brave, and fighting like hell.

  “We need a feel good movie instead,” he continued. “Something like—”

  I suddenly stopped walking and faced him. “Thank you.”

  He took in the tears in my eyes, and quickly hugged me. “For what?”

  “For staying. For not reconsidering, and deciding that dealing with Devlin is too much.”

  “Stop, Sar,” Theo said firmly. “I promised you, remember? Devlin is too much for me to take most of the time. Seeing Lash is worse. But I‘m not ever leaving you, especially not like this. I’ll still be here beside you, years from now—”

  “Hold me,” I said jaggedly, as my control quickly slipped and I began to cry. “I’m a mess, I feel like I’m falling apart.”

  Theo held me in his strong arms and stroked my hair. “Things will be okay,” he said softly. “Believe me.”

  I wanted to believe him, yet I felt deep in my heart he was wrong.

  Chapter Six

  The next morning when we arrived at Dr. Camlyn’s, Lash and Devlin were there waiting for us.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling with effort. “Come to see your child?”

  “Of course,” Devlin purred lovingly. “I haven’t been to any of these appointments with you since we found out. I should have been here for them all. I apologize for that. You were right yesterday in your criticism. I’m going to be a father soon, and I need to be more serious about that role. It matters to me that I show you that, Oathed One.”

  How could he be so annoying one moment, and so tender the next? Dealing with him had been so much easier when I hated him.

  “Come with us then,” Theo said curtly.

  “Lead the way,” Devlin retorted, unmoving, his warm expression crystallizing.

  Irritated, I strode past them into exam room one. “Let’s get this over with.”

  A few minutes later, we were all watching the monitor, trying to make sense of the images. “I see two tiny blobs, I think,” Devlin said finally. “Which one of them is mine?”

  “We can’t be sure,” Stephen said patiently. “We won’t know for certain even later on without doing a blood test, unless Theo’s child is in cougar form—”

  “Can we make sure Sar doesn’t have to deliver naturally if that happens?” Theo interrupted.

  “Yes,” Devlin added, his eyes cutting to Theo. “If my child is born as Danial’s was, Sar’s going to be hurt like she was last time. Let’s plan to do a C section.”

  “It’s not that simple—” Stephen started.

  “It is that simple,” Devlin said firmly. “Sar doesn’t want any more children after these. If possible, she would like sterilization surgery right after the births; if not, as soon after as it can be done. I’m giving my permission for that right now, and I speak for Danial as well—”

  Theo looked so stricken I wanted to crawl under the table. Good going, Dev.

  “Camlyn,” Devlin continued, looking pointedly at Stephen. “This is also a chance for you to rectify your mistake.”

  Stephen looked at him warily. “What mistake?”

  “Your papers on Sar’s recovery put her in danger,” Devlin said. “Those papers exposed the fact that she was healing. If you hadn’t published them, Perseus and the others would have left her alone, thinking her barren.”

  Stephen shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t know—”

  Devlin glided over to stand in front of Stephen. “But you do now,” he hissed. “You are going to report that this pregnancy scarred her so badly that you removed her womb. That she can’t have any more children, as there’s nothing to heal. You are also going to make sure surgically, so she and Theo can’t have any accidents that would show that statement to be a lie.”

  Stephen glanced at me. “Sar, is this what you want?”

  “I want not to be pursued anymore,” I said wearily. “This is the only way.”

  “He’s right,” Theo growled. “I wish there were another way, but he’s right. And it’s what she wants. Do it.”

  “I might be able to do it a week or so after she gives birth,” Stephen said slowly. “Or directly after the birth, if everything else is normal...”

  Like that would happen. This birth was probably going to be as abnormal as it got.

  “Good,” Devlin said curtly. “So everything is fine, then? Sar’s healthy?”

  Stephen looked back at me. “Have you been spotting at all?”

  “Yes,” I said, feeling very self conscious and wishing everyone else would leave the room. Why the hell was Lash in here anyway?

  “I would like to do a pelvic exam, just to check,” Stephen said. “You’ll need to get undressed.”

  “I’ll wait outside,” Lash hissed quickly, and left, shutting the door behind him softly.

  I was so grateful, I almost cried out with relief as I slipped off my jeans and underwear.

  The next few minutes felt like an eternity.

  “You can get dressed,” Stephen said finally, discarding his gloves. He faced Theo and Devlin, his expression formal. “Sar’s been spotting because of rough intercourse. I’d advise all of you to abstain from that from now on.”

  “Then why are you looking straight at me?” Devlin said defensively.

  “Because it was likely you,” Stephen replied. “You don’t need me to tell you your own physical realities at your age, Devlin.”

  Theo’s eyes widened like saucers.

  “Stop,” I said wearily. “I consented.”

  “Sar, you consent again, and your cervix may give way,” Stephen said. “You’ll lose the babies if that happens.”

  Shocked, I turned worried eyes to Devlin.

  “I’m telling you I wasn’t rough—” Devlin growled at Stephen, his golden eyes angry.

  “It doesn’t matter if you were or weren’t,” Stephen said, holding Devlin’s gaze. “This is probably what usually happens when you and she have sex. I’m just advising that it can’t happen again while she’s pregnant, Devlin.”

  “You’re saying I can’t be with her until she has the children?” Devlin said, horrified.

  “Yes,” Stephen said. “You’re hitting her cervix, weakening it by repeatedly bruising the muscle.”

  Theo’s eyes almost popped out of his head.

  “We’ll abstain,” I said loudly, flushing dark red.

  “Yes, of course,” Devlin said softly. “I don’t want to risk my child.”

  Stephen nodded. “Good. As none of yo
u spoke about The Lust, I’m assuming Sar’s had no more episodes?”

  I kept my mouth shut, unwilling to tell him it was lasting longer this time than it had before.

  “That’s right,” Theo said, taking my hand a squeezing it. “That was rough on her. I’m glad it’s over.”

  “Then you’re doing very well,” Stephen said, giving me a smile. “Set up an appointment for two weeks.” He left.

  “Okay,” I said, slipping into my jeans.

  “I’m sorry,” Devlin said, leaning over the table as I put my shoes on. “You never said that I hurt you, Love.”

  “You didn’t,” I reassured, giving him a soft look. “I enjoyed what we did. I’m glad we got a chance to do it before we heard we shouldn’t.”

  Theo abruptly leaned in between us, his yellow eyes inches away from Devlin’s. “You both fucked her at once last night, didn’t you? What kind of sick mind—?”

  “It was Sar’s fantasy, Theo,” Devlin purred, holding Theo’s eyes. “Though I admit freely that it was mine and Danial’s as well. You should be careful of your words.”

  Theo turned to me, appalled. “I’ll be waiting for you in the truck. Take your time coming out, Sar.” He left, shutting the door behind him with a slam.

  Devlin was holding me in an instant. “Are you sure I didn’t hurt you?” he said hesitantly. “I have had some women tell me—”

  I didn’t want to hear whatever he was going to say. “This isn’t the time for hearing about other women,” I said grumpily, putting my finger to his lips.

  “Then just tell me last night was as wonderful for you as it was for me,” Devlin whispered, nuzzling my neck.

  “You felt wonderful to me, both of you.” I leaned back into him, the realities of what they had made me feel leaving me tongue-tied. “I….I…”

  “What?” Devlin said, looking down at me. “Say it. No one can hear us now except for Lash.”

  “No one else is like you are,” I admitted.

  “Are you saying I’m the best?” Devlin said, engrossed.

  I just smiled at him teasingly and went to leave. Devlin pushed the door closed and held it shut. I pulled on the handle, then gave him a roll of my eyes. Devlin grabbed me at my waist, sat me back on the table, and then leaned over on me, pinning me with his weight.