by Nicola Haken
“I said no,” I snapped firmly. “And I also think it’s time you looked for your own place.”
Mason’s back abruptly stiffened. His face paled and his jaw dropped slightly open.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll look into it tomorrow.”
“It is what I want. This was only supposed to be temporary, remember?”
“Sure,” he nodded, his voice wavering. “I’m sorry I’ve upset you,” he added, standing from the chair. My lips parted to say something, but when I realised I didn’t have a fucking clue what I should say, they closed again. Mason gave me one last glance, his eyebrows narrowing as if he were in pain. Then he nodded once and turned for his room, leaving me alone with tears stinging the back of my eyes and my fist itching to punch myself in my worthless fucking face.
Fuck.
**********
“Ah, that explains the press outside,” I said to Sawyer when I found him sitting in Ivan’s office. “Thought they’d have gotten bored by now. I mean, I’m pretty sure the whole damn world knows you co-own a porn studio now. What else are they expecting to find?”
“Probably hoping to catch me filming a scene or somethin’,” he said, laughing.
“Where’s Jake?”
“Grocery shopping.”
“I thought you went yesterday?”
“I did, but apparently it’s not my forte and I forgot a bunch of stuff from the list.”
“Aw, you guys make lists? That’s kinda cute.”
“No, Jake makes lists. If it were up to me I’d just order in three meals a day, but he likes playing housewife. And don’t you dare tell him I said that.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I chuckled.
“So how come you’re here anyway?”
“Think I left a shirt here. My Diesel one. Black. White stitching. You seen it? I wanted to wear it tonight.”
“Sorry, dude.” He shook his head. “What’s happening tonight?”
“Hitting a few bars with Matt.”
“I think you’re a good influence on him. He’s calmed down a lot lately.”
“I’m sure that’s more to do with losing his rock star status than me,” I disagreed, raising my eyebrow. Seriously, how the fuck could I have been a calming influence on anyone? “Anyway, I’m gonna find my shirt and head off. Catch you later.”
“Sure. Take care, twink.” Sawyer winked at me and I shook my head.
“One day, when you’re least expecting it, I’m gonna punch you in the face for calling me that,” I joked before turning around and leaving the room.
I searched the dressing room and the bathroom and came out empty handed. I was sure I’d left it here however so I started working my way through the sets. If I was honest, deep down I knew it wouldn’t be in the bathroom set, the set where Mason was filming with Gio, but still something drew me to that room and so I walked in, hovering by the doorway and watching them go at it.
Mason was knelt down on the cold tiles, chowing down on Gio’s cock when I entered the room, with Mark crouched down by his knees, pointing his lens towards the action. When Mason’s eyes caught mine they lingered for a few intense seconds before he forced himself to refocus on what he was doing and sickly waves darted straight to the pit of my stomach. Trying to swallow the choking lump in my throat, I turned quickly, unexpectedly knocking into Sawyer before stalking out of the room.
I heard Sawyer’s footsteps following behind me so I picked up my pace, heading straight for the exit doors.
“Ry, wait up!” he called after me.
“Gotta go,” I let out breathlessly. “Shirt’s not here.”
“I said wait, Ryder.” Huffing like a petulant child, I turned to face him. “So that’s what’s wrong with you? You like Mason?”
“There’s nothing wrong with me!”
“You’ve been off a few weeks now, dude, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”
“Bullshit. I’m fine.”
“Look, Ryder,” he began, his face turning serious. “I owe a lot to you. You were honest with me when I needed it most. You helped me see things in a whole new light and you gave me the courage I needed to accept who I was. Now it’s my turn. I’ve never seen you look at anyone like I’ve just seen you look at Mason. You were jealous. Admit it.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“You’ve been in this game a while now. It’s just a job, you know that. Why are-”
“I said I’m not fucking jealous!”
“Relationships still work in this business, you know.”
“Fuck that. I’m not interested in a relationship with Mason or with anybody. Thanks for the concern, mate, but I need to head off,” I spat, frustrated. “Catch you tomorrow.”
Sawyer started to reply but I was out the door before he could finish. Fuck his advice, fuck this situation and fuck Mason fucking George. As I ran down to my car my stomach twisted, making me breathless. I didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with me but what I did know was that the sooner Mason moved out of my place the better.
Chapter Seven
~Mason~
Lying on my back with my head leant against the bath and propping myself up on my elbows, Gio crawled in between my legs and took my cock in his mouth. My hard-on was softening so I closed my eyes, forcing myself to concentrate on what he was doing to me, but it was no good. All I could think about was the look on Ryder’s face when our eyes locked together, seconds before he stormed off the set.
“Sorry, guys, I need a time out,” I announced, sliding myself out from beneath Gio.
“You okay?” Gio asked, wiping the corner of his mouth on the back of his hand.
“Just not feeling too great,” I half-lied. “Headache, that’s all.”
“Are you gonna be okay to finish the scene?” Ivan asked, concern flooding his face.
“Sure. I just need a break. Gimme ten minutes?”
“Of course. No problem, kid.”
After pulling my pants back on I headed to the bathroom – the real bathroom with actual working plumbing. Standing in front of the mirror I splashed my face with cold water from the faucet, letting it drip down my heated neck and onto my chest. What the fuck is his problem? If Ryder honestly didn’t give a shit then why did he look so…hurt? Was it because I packed my stuff and brought it here with me this morning, even though he’d asked me to leave? Was it even hurt? Maybe disappointment. Perhaps even disgust. Whatever it was only confirmed the fact that he wanted me gone, and right now, I agreed the sooner the better.
After splashing some more water on my face I shook my head, attempting to literally shake away thoughts of Ryder. Then, taking a deep breath, I worked my hand into the waistband of my pants I’d pulled on minutes before and grabbed hold of my cock, squeezing it roughly in an effort to bring my erection back to life. Settling with a semi, I blew out a breath through pursed lips and made my way back to the set, determined to finish my scene with Gio before finding somewhere to live.
**********
“Great scene, boys,” Ivan praised, coming out from behind his camera. I gave him a brief nod in response before gathering my clothes from the floor and making my way over to the door.
“Hey, wait up!” Gio called, catching up with me. “You okay? You weren’t really into that.”
“Sorry, man. Just got a lot on my mind right now.”
“Wanna share?” I shrugged my shoulders, unsure what to say. “Let’s get cleaned up and grab a coffee.”
“I dunno. I got stuff to sort out.”
“Then sort it after.”
“Sure,” I agreed, forcing a weak smile. “Meet you out here in thirty minutes?”
“Great.”
Gio clapped my shoulder and disappeared down the hall. I turned in the opposite direction, heading for the shower and hoping to wash away the sickly feeling in my stomach.
Reluctantly, after my shower I followed Gio to the coffee house around the corner. I sat back on the dark leather couch with one ankle p
ropped up on my knee, sipping the caramel latte Gio ordered for me.
“What’s going on with you, huh? You’re not in any trouble, right?”
“No, no. Nothing like that,” I assured him. “Hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Anything.”
“You and Sam? How does that work?”
“Want me to draw you a diagram?” he winked.
“I’ll pass,” I said, smiling. “I mean the whole relationship thing. Doesn’t he get jealous watching you on screen?”
“It’s work,” he shrugged. “Nothing more than an act. He understands. Sam did porn for two years until recently.”
“So he doesn’t mind you being with other guys?”
“I’m not with anyone but him. The guys I fuck on camera? I don’t date them. I don’t wake up with them, I don’t whisper secrets in their ear. They don’t get what’s in here,” Gio said, tapping against his heart with a straightened finger.
“Do you love him?” I asked, before backtracking immediately. “Sorry. That’s none of my business.”
“I said you could ask me anything, remember? And yeah. yeah I do.”
“So do you think it’s easier because he was in the industry too?”
“I can’t answer that. I’ve seen relationships fall apart in this industry and I’ve seen them grow stronger. I don’t think it has anything to do with the job you do or the industry you’re in. Everyone’s mind works differently. Some people need their partner to commit to them completely, body and soul, whereas others, like Sam and I, are content knowing who’s coming home to who each night.”
“But it’s only the porn, right? Or are you guys in some kind of open relationship?”
“Oh hell no. I couldn’t share him with anyone and neither could he. You know yourself, there are no feelings involved on screen. It’s really nothing more than an elaborated jerk off. You shoot your load and get on with the rest of your day. It’s meaningless. A physical act, nothing more.”
I nodded, understanding only a little. I admired his outlook, and especially the strength of his relationship with Sam, yet I couldn’t help wonder if I would feel the same seeing someone I loved on screen with another guy. A loud sigh escaped my throat when I realized how much of a hypocrite that made me. I worked in porn. I did understand that it was basically a meaningless and mechanical affair but I also still dreamed of a day when I only shared that part of myself with one person – a person who shared the same with only me too.
Maybe Ryder was right. Maybe I was idealistic at heart. Not that it mattered; circumstance had snatched those dreams away from me.
“What’s this about, Mason? Have you met someone?”
“No,” I protested quickly. “Well… kind of. Maybe. Ah fuck, I don’t even know. He doesn’t feel the same so none of this shit even matters.”
“Is he in the industry?”
“No,” I lied. The last thing I needed was for him to start taking guesses.
“I’m sorry, man. It can be difficult for some people to understand. Some people can’t disassociate sex with love.”
“Yeah.” And I’m pretty sure I might be one of those people right now.
“Look, I have to get going. I’m meeting Sam in an hour. I’ll see you at Double X for the event though?”
“Sure. And thanks, G.”
“Anytime. Take care, Mase.”
“You too.”
Someone had left today’s newspaper on the table next to me, so after ordering another latte I grabbed it and started looking for somewhere to live. An hour and four phone calls later, none of them were available for me to move straight in without a viewing or references. Slamming the newspaper closed, I put my head in my hands and sighed heavily, not knowing what the fuck I was going to do next.
My eyes startled open when I heard a loud shriek. Looking towards the entrance of the coffee house I saw Matt standing in the doorway, working his charm on a growing group of girls. I laughed to myself, watching him lap up every drop of attention. He signed a couple of things, posed for a few photos and then came barreling over to my table.
“Hey, man, we need to get out of here. Those chicks are only gonna get worse,” he announced, grinning wildly. “I think a couple of them are already on the phone to their friends.”
“Sure,” I agreed, gulping down the last of my latte and picking my backpack up from the floor.
“What’s with the bag?” Matt asked curiously, tucking his dark-blond hair behind his ear.
“I’ll explain later.”
Raising a enquiring eyebrow, Matt led us out of the coffee house, stopping a few times along the way to kiss a few girls on the cheek. When we reached his car, more girls were surrounding it, but instead of being frustrated Matt stopped yet again to chat with them all.
“Don’t you miss your privacy?” I asked when we finally got into his car.
“Not often. Those fans are the reason I get to live the life I do. I owe everything to them.” Matt brought his impressive engine to life with a soft purr and I wondered where he was taking us.
“Wow. I think that’s the sincerest thing I’ve ever heard you say.”
“I’m not a total douchebag, despite what Sawyer tells you,” he teased. “So again, what’s with the bag?”
“I need a new place to stay,” I shrugged. “Not having much luck so far.”
“What’s happened? You had a fight with Ry?”
“Kind of. If I’m honest I don’t really know what the fuck happened.”
“You pissed him off?”
“I told him I liked him,” I admitted, regretting that entire conversation.
“As in, like him like him?”
“Yeah.”
“Oooooh,” he said, drawing out the word. “So why did that make him mad at you?”
“I have no idea. Think I just pushed him too far.”
“Too far?”
Dropping my head, I sighed. I didn’t have the right, nor did I want, to delve any further into Ryder’s life, especially seeing as I didn’t actually know much about it.
“Think he’s just got a lot going on right now.” Like the fact he may or may not have been… raped.
“I’m sure you guys’ll work it out. You rim raiders are known for being dramatic,” he joked, exhaling a laugh. “ Like, fucking hell, how long was Sawyer being a pussy about loving Jake for? I swear you guys live for the fucking drama.”
“Oh yeah, we love it. Nothing beats a good bout of angst.”
“You can stay at my place until Ryder pulls his head outta his ass.”
“No really, you don’t have to do that.”
“Where else you gonna go?”
“Um, I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“Then you’re staying with me.”
“Well, if you’re sure, thanks, Matt. But only until I find a place of my own. I’ll be out of your hair real soon, I promise.”
“Don’t worry about it, man. My place is big enough for like fifty people.”
What was I thinking? Living with Matt would be interesting I guessed, and I was sure I was about to see more naked women in the couple of nights I planned on staying there than I’d ever seen in my entire life.
“I really appreciate it. Thank you.”
“You should still try and talk things out with Ry. You’re good friends. You two just seem to ‘click’, you know?”
“Yeah.” I thought so too, not so long ago. “I think he just needs some space for a few days.”
“He’s such a fuckin’ chick at times.”
“Christ, don’t let him hear you say that.”
“Yeah, he might hit me with his purse.”
“You’re such a dick,” I laughed.
“I pride myself on it.”
In that moment Matt pulled onto the long, private road that led to his luxury house. I couldn’t help but sigh as we drove through the canopy of trees lining the curved road. When I first came to LA with nothing, I didn’t expect things to be
easy, however I did expect to be able to work hard enough to fend for myself. Yet now here I was, being taken in and pitied for the second time.
“Okay,” Matt said when we stepped out of the car. “Choose any room when you go inside. You know which one’s mine, right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. He took me on a tour the first time I came here after bringing his drunk ass home. “I’m guessing I want to choose the one farthest away?” I teased, winking.
“You wanna know something depressing?” he asked. I nodded, raising a dubious eyebrow. “I haven’t fucked a chick in almost three weeks. Three fucking weeks.”
“Why?” I pressed, my jaw dropping slightly open in utter disbelief.
“Must be gettin’ old,” he answered, laughing without humor. “Guess I’m kinda…I dunno, bored.”
“Wait. You’re bored of women? Did I hear that right?”
“I’m bored of the effort it takes chasin’ ‘em, and the effort it takes getting’ rid of ‘em the next day.”
“So what have you been doing with your time?” I asked, still slightly flabbergasted as he punched various numbers on the keypad by the door.
“Hangin’ out with Alex, sleeping, reading…”
“Reading? ‘Kay now I know you’re fooling around.”
“Seriously where did this idea that I’m a total dumbass come from? I could’ve gone to college!”
“Could have?”
“Well, I guess it might have helped if I’d passed my SAT’s…”
“You mind if I take my stuff upstairs?” I asked once I’d finished laughing, solemnly looking down at the single backpack that contained my whole life.
“Sure. This place is yours too as long as you’re here. No need to ask, dude. Oh and Alex is coming over later. That okay with you?”
“Sure, man. It’s your house.” I turned slightly, planning to head on upstairs to find a room, but curiosity got the better of me. “What’s the deal with you and Alex?”
“The deal?”
“You guys don’t have much in common, yet you seem to have gotten pretty close.”
