by Nicola Haken
“Good. I’m good,” I answered, trying not to laugh at the naked lady apron covering his clothes.
“Elle’s idea of a joke,” he said, staring down at himself and answering my unspoken question.
“Hey, congrats on the studio by the way.”
“Thanks. We’re all good to go. We start working with our first band next week. They’re kinda new on the scene, but they’re seriously fucking good. Can’t wait to get started now.”
“That’s really grea-”
“KIPPERRRRRRRR!” Matt bellowed, interrupting us. When I turned at the sound of his voice I saw him standing just outside the French doors with his arms above his head. Then he made his way over to us, grabbing a beer from the round, glass garden table along the way. “How ya doin’, my man?”
“Same as I was when you saw me this morning.”
“This is my buddy Alex,” Matt added, gesturing behind him as Alex followed him outside.
“Hey,” Kip greeted, stepping forward to shake Alex’s hand. “You’re the guy from the bar right?”
“Right. You have an awesome place here.”
“Thanks. We’ve not been here long but I think it’s pretty perfect. Of course, Elle wants to change every damn thing.”
“I agree,” Matt chipped in. “You need to get mirrors on your ceilings.”
“Somehow I don’t think she’s gonna be up for that,” Kip said, laughing.
Leaving the guys to it, I headed inside to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. I stayed in there until Elle arrived and then I followed her upstairs to help her choose an outfit. I swear her wardrobe is bigger than my entire apartment, and it took her a good forty minutes to settle on something to wear.
I laid back on her four-poster bed with my hands locked behind my head while she took a shower. My eyes ended up drifting to the ceiling and I laughed to myself about Matt’s mirror comment.
“You know Matt thinks you need mirrored ceilings in here,” I quipped when she re-entered the bedroom.
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” she said, shaking her head. “Who’s that guy with him?”
“That’s Alex. A bartender from Kaleidoscope.”
“The gay bar?”
“Uh huh. Matt’s new favourite hangout apparently.”
“Does he know it’s a gay bar?”
“Yep. Apparently it’s a relief not having women hit on him every five minutes.”
“Okay, what’s going on? That doesn’t sound like Matt at all.”
“Maybe he’s finally going through puberty,” I joked. Elle had dried and changed and was just about to start doing her hair when I got up from the bed. “Want me to do that?” I offered.
“Thanks. You’ll be quicker than if I have to do it myself.”
“No problem. Do you want it flicking under or out at the ends?” I asked, picking up the comb from her dressing table as she sat down on the padded chair.
“Surprise me.”
After combing through Elle’s hair I removed the nozzle from her hairdryer, ready to blast it through.
“You really suit being dark,” I complimented. “You know what would look great on you though?” She looked up at me curiously through the mirror. “A bob,” I explained, scooping her shoulder-length hair up in my hand and hovering it next to her chin. “Maybe concave. It would show off this tattoo on the back of your neck beautifully.”
“My scissors are in that drawer,” she said, nodding in the direction of the drawer next to her knees.
“Wait, you want me to cut it?” I asked, snapping my head back in disbelief. Not because I didn’t think she trusted me to do a good job, but because Elle had never had hair above her shoulders in all the time I’d known her.
“Sure. I could do with a change.”
“And you’re sure?”
“Yes. But fuck up my scissors and I’ll fuck up you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I teased, saluting her through the mirror.
My heart rate spiked when I made the first cut. This was Elle and no one in the world was as fussy about their hair as she was. I worked slowly, taking neat sections and taking my time. We chatted mostly about Kip’s new studio and the interviews she’d been holding for potential stylists at her new salon. We also talked about her sister Kylie back home in London. I knew Elle worried about her, given that their mother was a waste of space. Right now Elle deposited money for her sister in a secret bank account once a month so their mum couldn’t bleed her dry, and apparently she planned to move Kylie over here once she left school next year and take her on as an apprentice in the salon.
Then, I’ve no idea how we got to this topic, but by the time I was ready to blow dry her new style, we were discussing the pros and cons of oil versus water-based lube.
“Sure the oil feels nicer,” she agreed. “But it takes forever to wash it out of your bits.”
“Trust me, you’re buying the wrong stuff. I’ll bring you some of mine.”
“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’ve asked Kip to, you know, give the other hole a go.”
“Jesus Christ, Elle!” I laughed, tipping my head back and trying to get rid of the image in my mind.
“Stop it! I only told you because I’m nervous.”
“Then why’d you ask him?”
“Because it looks fun,” she shrugged. “But… is it going to hurt?”
“Honest answer? Yeah, probably. But only the first couple of times and only for a minute or two until you get used to it. But then you have to do it regularly or it tightens up again.”
“Ok that just sounds gross.”
“You wanted to know.”
“You just make it sound so mechanical,” she said, blushing. “So… would I need to do anything to prepare?”
“A bath obviously, make sure you’re clean. And-”
“Of course I’d do that! I do that anyway!”
“Hey, you asked for advice and I’m giving it,” I protested, jabbing her with the end of the barrel brush I was holding. “The most important thing is to relax, and to start with fingers instead of having him dive straight in there. Trust me, that wouldn’t be comfortable. But holy fuck, Elle, once you’re used to it, it’s amazing.”
“See, that’s what I’ve heard. I feel like I’m missing out on something awesome.”
“You are!”
“Shit, I so can’t believe I’ve just discussed this with you.”
“Oh come on, we’ve discussed worse.”
“About you maybe!”
“Exactly. Discovering that you’re as much of a dirty bitch as I am makes a refreshing change,” I teased, winking at her through the mirror. “Anyway shut up and let me dry your hair before Kip sends a search party looking for you.”
Elle watched me intently through the mirror as I styled her hair, scrutinising every turn of the brush. I noticed her fingers twist around each other, itching to reach up and take over. She was a perfectionist, and once I’d finished a proud smile crawled onto my lips, because I had given her just that – perfection.
“Well?” I urged when Elle was still silent almost a minute later. “Do you like it?”
“Hmmm.”
My heart sank.
“I’m just messing with you, I bloody love it!” she enthused, teasing the strands with her fingers. “Thank you, beautiful,” she added as she stood from the chair, wrapping her arms around me.
“You’re totally gonna get laid tonight looking like that.”
“Maybe I’m not the only one. I’ve seen the way Mason’s been looking at you.”
Elle’s words knocked the wind from my lungs, forcing out a small gasp. Why the hell would she think that?
“It’s not like that,” I objected. “We’re friends. Nothing more. If anything, I think he’s pissed off with me.”
“Trust me, he’s not pissed off with you. He fancies you.”
“Fancies me? I must’ve missed the memo that said we were back in high school.”
“I’m serious. He watches you.”
“He does not watch me.”
Does he?
“You watch him too.”
“Now I know you’re talking through your fanny flaps, because I sure as shit do not watch him,” I replied. “I’m going downstairs.”
Looking back, I was more abrupt than I should’ve been, but the conversation was making me feel uncomfortable and I needed out. Lately all things Mason had been stressing me the fuck out. He either acted pissed with me or concerned about me and I didn’t know why, and the most confusing thing about that was I didn’t understand why I even gave a shit.
When I got back downstairs the place had really picked up. Lots more people had arrived, including Sawyer and Jake who were out by the barbecue talking to Kip. I decided I’d talk to them later when I’d calmed down, even though I didn’t know why I was tense in the first place. After walking through to the kitchen, greeting people with brief high fives along the way, I plucked a bottle of water out of the fridge and drained it in one.
“Hey.” Mason’s voice came from behind me and I turned around.
“I didn’t think you were coming?”
“I’m not staying long. Just came to congratulate Kip.”
“He’s outside,” I said, nodding towards the French doors.
“You’re not drinking?” he asked quizzically, spotting the empty bottle of water in my hand. Again, I didn’t know why but it riled me.
“You make out like I’m an alco-fucking-holic.”
“Whoa,” he said, raising his palms in the air. “I was just teasing, Ry. It’s a party, that’s all. People drink at parties. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“Sure, whatever. Sorry.”
“Guess I’ll just go talk to Kip and make my way home then.”
“Sure. Catch you later.”
Frowning, Mason turned and set off towards the barbecue area. Huffing, I rubbed my hands over my face. I was in a foul mood and starting to piss myself off. I forced a smile however when Elle entered the room, and followed her outside to see Kip’s reaction to her new look.
“Holy shit, you look incredible!” Kip beamed, wrapping an arm around Elle’s waist and pulling her in for a quick kiss. “When did this happen?” he tacked on, running his fingers through her hair.
“Ry cut it for me just now. Do you like it?”
“Babe, you look beautiful.”
“I agree,” Mason chipped in. “You look amazing. It really suits you.”
“Aw thank you, hon!” Elle practically sang, leaning over to give Mason a peck on the cheek.
“Well I just stopped by to say congratulations,” Mason went on, turning his attention to Kip. “But now I really need to get going again.”
“You’re not even staying for one drink?” Elle asked. Mason flashed me a brief glance, assessing my reaction before shaking his head. “Sorry, I can’t. Busy day tomorrow.” Oh yes, he was shooting with Gio tomorrow. For some reason that left a queasy feeling in my stomach, but I decided it was probably a symptom of the headache I was getting. “But hopefully you guys can make Double X next week?”
“What’s happening at Double X?” I pressed.
“Oh shit, Ivan asked me to tell you. We’re hosting there – me, you, Gio and Taylor. There’s also a meet and greet. Sorry, dude, I just forgot.”
“Well Ivan should’ve told me himself,” I spat. “I’m busy.”
“But you don’t know what day it is yet.”
“I’m still busy,” I hissed acidly.
“Well take it up with Ivan,” he retorted, growing frustrated with me.
“Congratulations again, Kip. I’ll see you guys soon.” With that, Mason left, leaving a dense and awkward atmosphere in his wake. Elle raised her eyebrow, silently questioning me. Shrugging my shoulders, I stormed off back into the kitchen, and of course she followed me.
“What was that all about?”
“No idea.”
“Why did you snap at him?”
“I didn’t.”
“Um, yes you bloody did. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Ryder. I know you better than anyone.”
“I just… I don’t know what his fucking deal is!” I shouted, instantly regretting it when people turned their heads.
“What’s he done?”
I thought about it for a second, closing my eyes and really wracking my brain. The answer I got frustrated me.
“Nothing. He’s done nothing,” I sighed, defeated. “So why is he fucking with my head?”
“You need to talk to him.”
“And say what?”
“How you’re feeling.”
“Feeling? Elle, I don’t do ‘feeling’. I don’t feel anything about him.”
“How can you stand here and say he’s fucking with your head and a breath later say you don’t feel anything? Ryder, go home. Talk to him.”
“I wouldn’t know what to say.”
“You will when you get there.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then get used to this feeling because it won’t go away on its own.”
“You’re right,” I agreed when a realisation went off like a bomb in my head. “I know what I need to say to him.” I needed to tell him it was time to move. Mason needed to find his own place and get the hell out of my hair. “Thanks, Elle.”
“Call me later?”
“Sure I will. Will you say goodbye to everyone for me? Make my excuses?”
“Course I will. Good luck, hon,” she said, patting the top of my head. I ducked from her hand, backing away.
“Not the hair,” I joked. “Don’t ever mess with the hair.”
Laughing softly, Elle shook her head. Then she gave me a brief but tight hug and I left to go and tell Mason to leave. Problem was, I had no idea how I was going to do it.
**********
Mason had arrived back at the apartment just minutes before I did, evident by the fact he still had his shoes on. Removing his shoes was always the first thing he did.
“Oh,” he commented in surprise when he saw me. “What are you doing back?”
“I wasn’t drinking because I don’t remember what I did last time to piss you off so badly.”
“Huh?”
“At the party, you asked why I wasn’t drinking. Well, that’s why.”
“Ry, I was joking. I told you I was,” he said, bending down to remove his shoes. “Wait – you think I’m pissed off with you?”
“Cut the shit, Mase. I know I’ve annoyed you somehow,” I breathed, utterly exasperated as I made my way over to the couch. I sat down, kicking my trainers off and putting my feet up on the table. Mason followed, looking at me with a puzzled expression as he sat down next to me.
“Ryder I’m not pissed with you. I don’t know why you think that.”
“Because ever since the night I rolled home drunk as a fart you’ve been acting all weird with me. Standoffish. I don’t get it. I know I’d been being a dick to you but I apologised for that, I don’t know what else I can do.”
“I’ll say it again. I. Am. Not. Pissed. With. You.” He drew out the words like he was talking to an imbecile, which only made me angrier.
“Then what the fuck is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem,” he said, seeming genuine. “I could never have a problem with you. I like you, Ry. I really like you.”
“Then why…” Oh fuck. “What do you mean, really like me?”
“I think you know what I mean. I feel drawn to you. You intrigue me, even when you’re being an ass. I know things have been awkward between us recently but I still feel I get to see a side of you that you don’t show anyone else. I also think there’s so much more to you, so much depth, and at times I find myself aching to find out what it is. What I’m saying, Ryder, is that I really, really like you.”
Well fuck me sideways three times.
“I, um, I don’t know what to say.”
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And I didn’t. My mouth became so dry my lips sealed together, preventing a single word from escaping. Then he rested his hand on my knee, and what felt like fear surged through my veins. My heart rate quickened, my skin glistened with sweat. That had to be fear, right? But why? Why did he have this effect on me? This is the exact thing that was making me so frustrated.
“Say you’ll go on a date with me?”
“A date? Me?” An involuntary smile crept onto my face at the ridiculous notion. “That’s never going to happen, Mase. I don’t date. Ever.”
“Why? Why won’t you let anyone in?”
“Oh come on, that’s taking things a bit far.”
“How so? I’m interested to know why you won’t date, why you won’t let anyone get close to you.”
“I never said I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. You’re making this out to be far more serious than it is.”
“Then go on a date with me.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be tied down. I like the life I have and I’m not going to fuck it up by having to justify myself to someone else.”
“Justify what? I’m not a stranger. I know who you are and what you do. Your life would still be the same.”
“It wouldn’t. Relationships are so…serious. Complicated. People expect trust, and monogamy, and for you to share shit. I haven’t got time for that.”
“Stop referring to me as ‘people’. I’m not ‘people’, I’m me. Of course I want you to share shit, how else am I supposed to get to know you? As for monogamy, I assume you’re referring to porn. In which case, I’m a porn model too, Ry. I might not have chosen it for the same reasons as you but I still get it. It’s a job. A job I’d never ask or expect you to quit. What you do on camera isn’t what you shared with me that night here, and I know you know that as well as I do. And trust? That needs to be earned. I’m asking for a date, Ryder. Not marriage.”
I let out a long breath in the form of a deep, confused sigh. Much to my surprise, I was almost considering the idea, until his hand that was still on my leg squeezed my knee gently and my heart leapt into my throat. I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t control the way my pulse raced or my dick swelled when he touched me and I hated that. I swore no one would ever have control over me and so I wasn’t about to give it to Mason.
