The Good Daughter: A Memoir of My Mother's Hidden Life
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When Kobra was released from the hospital the following week, it was again Sara who came for her. This time Sara took Kobra to the countryside where she had made her home. In the mornings Sara’s son brought Kobra pots of samanoo—the thick germinated wheat paste that is the hard-won delicacy of every Iranian spring. Kobra ate bowl after bowl of samanoo, devouring it with such hunger that it seemed it was the strength of the earth she was taking into herself.
Then she began to tell her stories. She spoke of her childhood, of Sohrab and their marriage. She spoke of Lili, Sara, and of me, too, but most of all she spoke about her own mother. Pargol had died some thirty years earlier, but remembering her last years locked in a room, warbling to herself in a language of her own invention, Kobra held her hands up to her face and cried like a small child.
“If I wanted to write my life story,” Kobra would tell her grandchildren the day before she died, “there wouldn’t be enough paper in the world to write it on!”
The call, like all bad news from Iran, came for Lili in the middle of the night.
“Kobra died in my skirts,” Sara told her. “We sprinkled rose essence on her grave for you, maman-joon.”
In Iran it’s thought that the dead must be buried quickly or else their souls will roam between heaven and earth. But a timely burial is a mercy of another kind: it marks the borders between the living and the dead and between memory and forgetting. “Earth brings forgetfulness,” Iranians say, collecting a pinch of soil from a loved one’s grave and touching it to their skin to quiet their grief.
For Lili, who had not buried her father or her husband and now would not bury her mother, Kobra’s death would be just another proof of how distance disfigures both love and loss. When Kobra died, Lili’s grief fell around and through her, unrelentingly. Yet Sara had buried Kobra for Lili—lovingly, devotedly—and in this she’d finally find her peace.
Where there is too much distance and too many leave-takings, there are no returns, or none in which we can fully believe. Still, one love always entangles itself in another, grows unrecognizable, and survives.
Reading Group Guide
Discussion Questions
Jasmin introduces “the Good Daughter” in the prologue. Who is she and in what ways does Lili allude to her when Jasmin is growing up? How does Jasmin’s notion of “the Good Daughter” change as she gets older?
Why do you think Lili’s first tape for Jasmin relays the story of her own mother Kobra’s childhood, adolescence, and marriage? In what ways do Kobra’s and Lili’s lives as girls and then as women differ, and in what ways are they alike? How might you compare your experiences with your grandmother’s or mother’s?
As a young bride, Kobra is reluctant to speak with anyone about the abuse she suffers. “Burn and accommodate,” she imagines she would be told. What does this phrase mean and what does it suggest about attitudes toward domestic abuse and marital discord in mid-century Iran?
When Lili discovers the nature of her husband’s mental illness, it’s through a French word, sadisme. Why do you think his condition is expressed in this way? What does it suggest about his family and about attitudes toward mental disease at this period in Iranian history?
Divorce in 1950s Iran was exceedingly rare. What makes it possible for Lili to divorce Kazem?
Lili’s family warns her, “don’t even speak your daughter’s name” after her divorce. Why are they so adamant that she cut off ties to Sara? What influence does this pledge of secrecy seem to have on Lili, both then and later? Have you ever carried a heavy secret with you?
What effect does Sohrab’s death have on Lili, Sara, and Kobra’s lives, respectively? What aspects of their lives become more difficult and which become easier in the wake of Sohrab’s death?
Much of The Good Daughter is devoted to stories of Jasmin’s mother and grandmother, but Jasmin includes her own memories of Iran and America as well. Would your understanding of the book be different if Jasmin had chosen not to include her own story?
Why is Jasmin called a “two-veined” child? Who is the mysterious girl who plays with her at her grandmother’s hair salon and why do you think Lili and Kobra keep her identity a secret from Jasmin? Do you agree with their choice?
What and who are the other major influences on Jasmin during high school and college? What factors does she cite in the emergence of her identity as an Iranian American woman? What can you point to in your own life as having had such an impact?
After she finally learns of her mother’s first marriage and divorce, how does Jasmin’s relationship with Lili evolve? How does her understanding of Iran and of her Iranian identity change? Can you think of an event or piece of information that rocked you on a similar level?
Is this book a memoir or a biography? An homage to a mother from her daughter or a mother’s story for her daughter? Is it a reclamation or a disavowal of the past? How else might you describe the stories this book shares?
Jasmin writes, “Just as some memories linger in spite of our longing to forget them, some loves will take in just about any soil.” What do the characters long to forget in The Good Daughter, and which loves eventually take in new and unexpected places? Have you experienced the truth of this statement with anything in your own life?
Are there stories in your family that were hidden and then revealed or discovered later? How did learning those secrets help you understand your own life?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JASMIN DARZNIK was born in Tehran, Iran. A former attorney, she received her PhD in English from Princeton University. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, and San Francisco Chronicle. She has received awards and fellowships from the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, the Steinbeck Fellows Program, the San Francisco Foundation, and others. A professor of English and creative writing at Washington and Lee University, she has also taught Iranian literature at the University of Virginia. The Good Daughter: A Memoir of My Mother’s Hidden Life is her first book and will be published in twelve countries.
Praise for
The Good Daughter
“In lilting and beautiful prose, Darznik tells her mother’s story… a story of resilience amid the difficulties of adapting to a new country, and of the importance of the family you live with and the one you left behind.”
—San Diego Union-Tribune
“Richly detailed… An eye-opening account that disturbs with its depiction of women in Iranian society, but warms the heart in its portrayal of their gritty endurance.”
—Kirkus Reviews
“A riveting story of three generations of Iranian women.”
—Vogue.com
“A fascinating tale… begs us to explore the wealth of experience we have to gain from our own parents just by asking them about their lives before we became their whole lives.”
—Bust Magazine
“Through her eloquent evocation of Lili’s complicated life, Darznik has paid a moving tribute to her mother, and to an unknown sister—her mother’s loss.”
—Cleveland Plain Dealer
“Distinguishes itself from the plethora of recent Iranian American memoirs… THE GOOD DAUGHTER, which tells how some[Iranian women] had to contort themselves and their families to simply survive, is a testament to their resilience.”
—MS Magazine
“A beautifully recounted homage to her mother’s life and struggles.”
—Booklist
“Brilliant… deeply affecting… illuminates the complexity of Iranian women’s lives as few books have ever done.”
—Anita Amirrezvani, author of The Blood of Flowers
“A beautiful book.”
—Diane Rehm, host of The Diane Rehm Show
“Darznik’s ear for language and poetic imagery produce a deft memoir… a brilliant literary offering, replete with all the complexities of life, love, and relationships… a beautifully layered book, imbued with the binding love of mothers for their children.”
—Baltimore Times
“Darznik recovers the lives of three generations of Iranians… each moves further toward unique individuality than her predecessor.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Darznik knows how to spin a readable tale that unfolds with a novel’s drama… She has told her mother’s story, and has done so splendidly. That alone should be enough to elevate her to Good Daughter status.”
—Richmond Times-Dispatch
“[A] fascinating and often heartbreaking look at life in Iran.”
—Orange County Register
“Beautifully and lyrically written… mesmerizing and uplifting… this memoir will encourage you to look around at the people in your life and wonder whether there are parts to their stories you may be missing.”
—North County Times (CA)
“Intricate, fierce, and genuine… a bold and unflinching exploration of faith and family.”
—Gina B. Nahai, author of Caspian Rain
“Haunting.”
—Examiner.com
“Darznik’s details bring Iran to life in ways that no history book could match. This tale of extended family is a must-read for anyone who wishes to look with open eyes at other cultures. The book’s insight into the spirit of women and their struggles in life will not soon be forgotten.”
—Roanoke Times
“Riveting… will leave you shocked and inspired.”
—BookReporter.com
“A wrenching and unforgettable tale… a moving testimony to the half-sister [Darznik] has never known.”
—BookPage
Contents
Front Cover Image
Welcome
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prologue
One: Avenue Moniriyeh
Two: Aroos (The Bride)
Three: The Opium Dream
Four: In Sohrab’s House
Five: Exile
Six: Zahirodolleh Alley
Seven: Damad Farangi (Foreign Groom)
Eight: Peacock Throne
Nine: Revolution
Ten: The Good Daughter
Reading Group Guide
About the Author
Praise for The Good Daughter
Copyright
Copyright
Portions of this book first appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, San Francisco Chronicle, ZYZZYVA, and Cimarron Review.
Certain names have been changed throughout this book to protect the person’s privacy and/or anonymity.
Copyright © 2011 by Jasmin Darznik
Reading Group Guide Copyright © 2011 by Hachette Book Group
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
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Second e-book edition: November 2011
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ISBN 978-0-446-55864-8