by Kimmy Love
“OK, you’re right! I misspoke. I take it back,” he said, realizing she was more sensitive about the area than he had realized. Dee just didn’t like knowing that the person she was dating didn’t like the city she was from.
As they walked next to each other, she purposely bumped her hand into his, but only ever so lightly so that he didn’t think it was intentional. No matter what he thought, he got the hint and grabbed her hand. He looked at her and gave a sweet smile, Dee smiling back. Holding hands and walking down the street was something couples did, so what did this mean for these two? They still hadn’t shared a bed, but they definitely shared moments of passion. They hadn’t seen anyone out other than a few people that looked like they were also walking home. They started to get to a more residential area, giving them a chance to view some of the beautiful houses that used to stand tall along the streets, brightly painted with structural details you couldn’t find anywhere else.
It was around 40 degrees out and Dee remembered what it was like when it was only starting to get cold. Now she was grateful for that temperature, but at one point when it hit that low in October, she was putting mittens on Keisha. It was strange how easily their bodies could adjust to the temperatures. Every year she managed to feel hot in 70-degree weather one season while thinking that it was getting cold when it got that low in other seasons. She could adjust easily to the temperature, making her feel better about adjusting to this new situation.
The houses around them were beautiful. In one of the broken-down houses, there were children’s pictures on the windows, Dee wondering what happened to the kids that drew them to put on the windows in the first place. Many people that lost their homes from inability to pay or a fire became homeless. It broke Dee’s heart to think that might have happened to some of the people that used to live in the broken-down houses around them.
“It’s so sad,” he said, looking at the beautiful architecture, wondering what it used to be like. “How many families lived here? Where did everyone go?”
“I know,” Dee said, feeling closer to Ricardo knowing that they were thinking about the same things as they walked around the city together.
“I love old houses like these. All the porches and detail in the woodwork around the windows. It’s really amazing to think about how much detail went into crafting each home,” he explained.
“I always dreamt of this one actually,” she said as they approached an old, massive house. It had a pointed roof that Dee remembered thinking was a castle when she was young. They would drive by often, Dee always wondering what it looked like inside.
“It’s gorgeous,” he said, both of them staring at it outside of the wrought iron fence. There were rounded windows on either side of a massive wrap-around porch. The windows were broken, and the railing was all torn up, weeds overtaking the yard. Dee could still see the gorgeous colors splashing over the house, the sun shining through the large windows.
It had been abandoned for over a decade, though Dee could clearly see the for-sale sign still propped up in the front. She wanted to get enough money one day to buy it for her and Keisha, sad that it was so decrepit but still relieved that no one had purchased it. “I feel like this is my home,” she told him.
“Let’s go inside!” he told her, grabbing her hand.
“Are you crazy?” She laughed back. He grabbed her hand and pulled her through the fence, the front gate broken open. “There are probably squatters! It’s too dangerous!”
He pulled her onto the porch, her stomach filling with anxiety. He was laughing, Dee wondering if he was always that fearless or just feeling bold because of the wine. She had never seen the house that close before. There were so many times she would drive by, wondering what the story was inside. She wanted to run away as fast as she could, but she let him pull her arm through the front door. It was just hanging open, someone clearly breaking in that way as well.
There was a little moonlight and a spotlight from the street that lit up the front windows, allowing Dee to get an idea of what the house was like when it was freshly built. There were gorgeous details in the crown molding and doorways, unique wallpaper plastered to the walls as well. She saw a chandelier in the dining room that was absolutely beautiful. Her heart ached thinking of the neglected home sitting there alone for so many years.
“This place actually isn’t that bad. The floors look nice and it’s not the worst thing I ever smelled.” He laughed. Dee was holding her nose and laughed back as she walked through the house.
She entered the kitchen cautiously, a massive open area with a gorgeous window leading to the backyard. She thought about what it would be like to cook a meal for her family in a kitchen like that. Appliances were gone and most of the cabinet doors were broken, but she would love to be able to fix it up herself, putting unique thought and detail into every corner of the kitchen.
She peeked out the back window and saw that there was even a little treehouse built into a massive tree overlooking the backyard. She’d certainly have anxiety about letting Keisha climb a tree like that, but what little kid wouldn’t want a secret place like that to call their own?
It looked as though there was an apartment above the garage as well. Dee started to get lost in her fantasy when she felt Ricardo come up from behind her. He kissed her neck slowly.
“You look good in this kitchen,” he told her, nuzzling his face into her neck.
“It’s amazing isn’t it?” she asked, filled with bliss. They heard a loud thud upstairs and hurried out, laughing all the way. It seemed like it dropped ten degrees since they were inside, and Dee didn’t want to be anywhere else other than wrapped in Ricardo’s warm arms.
“Do you think it was a ghost or a squatter?” Ricardo asked, hugging Dee tightly as they walked away from the house.
“Maybe a raccoon,” she said, both of them laughing. Ricardo pulled out his phone and managed to call them a cab, Dee relieved to get warm again. She was exhausted from the wine, or maybe it was the fantasizing, and couldn’t wait to get home to her little girl. She felt good after their night out, hoping Ricardo felt the same.
Chapter7
Dee woke up and immediately felt the need to vomit, a familiar feeling. She hated the feeling she would get in the back of her head and in her mouth when she felt the need to throw up. She thought about just drinking some water and going back to sleep, hoping that she just woke up strange. As she lay back down flat in bed, she realized that throwing up was probably going to be her only option. She tried to keep her eyes closed, focusing on anything in the world except throwing up. She counted in her head, tried thinking about anything else, but every time her brain would try to switch, she saw the bottom of a toilet behind her eyelids.
She ran to the bathroom and threw up the contents of dinner the night before. She only had a glass or two of wine, so it wasn’t like the alcohol was affecting her. She wasn’t the smallest girl in the world, so she could handle her alcohol. She didn’t remember the last time she threw up from drinking, so she knew it couldn’t be that. Sometimes shellfish would make her stomach upset, and she did have quite a bit of that. She figured, or at least hoped, that the lobster tails might be what’s causing her upset stomach.
She was relieved that Ricardo wasn’t in the other room to hear her throw up. He had been feeling inspired once they got home from the restaurant, so instead of spending the night together like Dee had hoped, he locked himself in his office to work on the upcoming shoot more. They shared a wonderful night together, so she was hoping that they might be able to seal the deal that night, reaffirming that they were slowly becoming a legitimate couple. Dee didn’t get that desire met, however, and ended up sleeping alone. She was happy about it now, however, thankful that Ricardo couldn’t hear her emptying her stomach in the toilet.
She did have some seafood, and every once in a while, dairy would make her stomach upset. Usually that came out the other end, however. The last time she remembered throwing up like that was when she ex
perienced morning sickness with Keisha. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she felt even sicker, throwing up harder into the toilet. That couldn’t be possible, right? She wasn’t on birth control and they had made love a few times without protection. Dee thought he did a decent job at pulling out, however, and started to get worried that maybe he wasn’t as good as she thought.
Dee was starting to get a little paranoid. She remembered the morning sickness when she was pregnant with Keisha, and part of her knew exactly what that meant. She finished throwing up, pretty sure she had gotten everything out that she’d ever eaten in her life. It didn’t feel like there was anything left for her to vomit.
As she picked herself up off the floor, she remembered she still needed to get Keisha ready just as she heard the door knock. She walked to Keisha’s room, hoping that someone else would answer the front door. There were usually a few maids, the chefs, and at least Anastasia around to help answer the door when the buzzer went off. She kept hearing it happen, realizing that she would probably have to answer. As she cracked open Keisha’s door, she saw she was still sound asleep and ran downstairs in her bathrobe.
“Well, isn’t this just the shit?” Janet said as Dee opened the door.
“Mom, what are you doing here?” Dee asked, confused as to how her mom found out where she lived. “How did you know I was here?”
“You don’t think your mama has her ways?” Janet asked.
“I’m sorry I’m just surprised. I wasn’t expecting to see you,” Dee explained.
“I texted you, but I didn’t get a response. I just wanted to know if you could help out with Roman’s birthday party.”
“Oh, that’s right. Yeah, of course, I can help however you want,” Dee told her mom.
“I see you probably do have a lot of help to offer, don’t you?” Janet asked, walking into the apartment and observing the space. “Looks like you won the lottery didn’t you baby?”
Keisha didn’t get a text from her mother. She knew she was there just to check the place out. Janet had a problem being happy for her children, instead letting the ugly green monster get in the way.
“It’s a job Mom,” Dee explained. She would still have to start working, at some point.
“Mhm,” Janet said. “Well aren’t you going to offer your mom a drink?”
“I’ll put on some coffee,” Dee told her. She walked her mom to the counter, realizing she didn’t really know where anything in the kitchen was as she didn’t have to know. She had woken up to meals every day, never wondering where her next food would come from.
She opened the fridge, seeing a pitcher of cold brew coffee sitting on the top shelf. It wasn’t the time for cold brew but having it pre-made was nice. She poured her and her mother two glasses on ice and turned around to see her mom lighting up a cigarette.
“Do you mind? Really?” Dee asked her mom, wanting to kick her out right then. Luckily Keisha was still asleep upstairs.
“Oh, loosen up it’s an old building,” Janet told her daughter. Dee suddenly realized that none of the workers were there because it was Saturday. That meant Jonathon wouldn’t be coming, Dee potentially not having an opportunity to run out to get a pregnancy test.
Even though she was a little annoyed her mother was there, she still saw this as an opportunity to run out to the store to get a test. She only had a few more days off before Ricardo wanted to start shooting, and she certainly didn’t want to spend them terrified that she was pregnant. It would be best to just get a test ASAP.
“Listen, I need to run out for a minute, can you just stay with her for a quick second?” Dee asked her mother with scared eyes.
“You going to leave me here all alone with my grandbaby?” she asked. “What’s wrong with y’all?”
“I’m sick, I need to get something for my stomach. I had shellfish last night,” Dee told her mom.
“Oh, did you now? Well child that must have been nice,” her mom said, taking a puff from her cigarette.
“It was. Can you just watch her please? There’s a convenience store around the corner,” Dee begged her mother. “She’ll probably just be asleep the whole time you can check things out.”
“All right go on get out of here,” Janet told her daughter.
Dee ran upstairs to change, scared about what it meant to have to sneak out to get a pregnancy test. She looked at Ricardo’s office and bedroom door as she ran to her room. Both doors were closed, so she didn’t really know where he could be.
She didn’t want to have to use her mother as a babysitter, but she didn’t really have any other option for when it came to who was going to watch Keisha. “Mom put that out!” Dee shouted as she ran back down the stairs. Her stomach felt fine now, the coffee helping to settle the bubbles.
She didn’t know which pregnancy test to get at the store, so she ended up getting a few different kinds. She forgot her purse at home and only had Ricardo’s card in her pocket from the night before. He had forgotten it in the bill book and Dee took it, forgetting to give it back to him. She figured he wouldn’t notice a $20 purchase on a card that had thousands. She checked out as quick as possible, doing her best to not make eye contact with the cashier. She left so fast she didn’t even get a receipt.
When she got home, it was particularly quiet. She didn’t see anyone around, figuring Keisha was still sleeping as it was only 8:30 A.M. She slowly walked up the stairs, setting the pregnancy tests in her room, figuring she’d find her mom before she’d take the next step closer to her fate with the test results.
She walked out of her room and heard laughing from Ricardo’s office. She tiptoed down, stopping outside the door to listen to what they were talking about. She could smell the smoke pouring out of the room, Ricardo probably happy he found a smoking partner. She could hear her mom’s smoker laugh pouring out of the room as well.
“So, I’ve finally figured it out,” she heard Ricardo say to her mother. “I was having trouble figuring out how to photograph this line. The fall collection is so dark and lacking color. When I saw Dee on the beach in the Bahamas, I saw so much life and color reflected through her hair and her eyes. It was inspiring. I can see you in her, you definitely look like family!”
“I don’t really understand this fancy art stuff. They just look like clothes to me,” her mother said back. Dee worried she’d say something to really embarrass her.
“Don’t you see, it’s not about the clothes lacking color. It’s about finding the color in the world around you. The earth is full of color, let’s put that on the spot right now. Let’s give the colors of the planet the spotlight. They are just clothes. But they’re clothes that are helping the environment, and keeping people alive, I want to show that through the colors on different people. I’ll have plum, turquoise, yellow, orange, blues, all over to match the simplistic tone of the garments,” he tried to explain to Janet. Ricardo was so full of passion when he talked, it was something that inspired Dee. She enjoyed law because you had to have a strict argument and a way to easily dictate that. Ricardo was very in touch with his feelings and Dee thought the same about herself, making her only feel closer to him.
“Boy you’re talking crazy,” Janet said. “Where’s that accent from?”
Dee knew it was time to interrupt the conversation. “Hey Mom! I’m back! Thanks for taking care of Keisha!”
“Welcome home,” Ricardo said happily. Dee could see he was definitely on an upswing in his mood.
“That was quick. I didn’t even get to say hi to the baby,” Janet told her.
“That’s fine, you’ll see her tomorrow! It’ll be great!” Keisha said, putting her arms around her mother to encourage her to leave. She didn’t want the smoke to linger around the house anymore, especially if she was actually pregnant. Dee was also incredibly anxious to take the pregnancy test.
Dee finally managed to get her mom out of the apartment and back into her room. Keisha was sleeping in pretty late recently, and Dee worried that she’d be h
ard to get on a schedule when it would come time for preschool to start. Dee hated taking pregnancy tests. The anxiety that came along with the waiting was just way too much for her to handle.
She sat on the toilet while she closed her eyes, trying to find a peaceful moment while she waited for the lines to appear. After what felt like hours, she opened her eyes, only to see that there still weren’t any indications of her pregnancy. She stood up and walked around a bit, feeling too energized from the rush of anxiety through her body to sit still.
After what felt like another twelve hours, she looked at the test again. This time, it was positive. Dee decided to take two more tests, both turning out to be positive. Dee had an indescribable emotion as reality set in. Keisha was the greatest thing to ever happen to her, so of course part of her was excited. On the other hand, her mother and the rest of her family didn’t even know that she had more than a professional relationship with Ricardo. She had only told them about the modeling side, something that Dee wasn’t even completely interested in.
She walked out of her room and peeked her head in on Keisha. She was still sleeping, which made sense since it had been less than an hour since Dee was even up and puking. It felt like years had passed since then, however, her life completely changing with the result of her positive pregnancy test.
Dee walked downstairs to see Ricardo sitting on the couch, drinking a hot cup of coffee that he had made with the French press. Dee would have to take note of where that all was, but for the time being, she had other priorities she needed to focus on.
“Meeting your mother was so inspiring!” Ricardo told Dee passionately.
“I’m glad you like her,” Dee responded. “Sorry she came over unannounced. My nephew’s birthday party is tomorrow, and she wanted to know if I could help out with it. You can come if you want.”
“I would love to come, but I just have a few more things to do to prep for the shoot,” Ricardo said as he looked down at his newspaper.
